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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

It is a hot topic at present if governments should invest the national budget in public services instead of aesthetic fields ranging from arts to music and theater since those fields are a waste of money. From my own perspective, I am strongly against this point of view and I will support my opinion in the paragraphs below.

Investments on aesthetics serve the demands of people who have a blazing love for arts. As a result, they can relieve their stress after binge working and improve their mental health. Looking from a wider perspective, having themselves satisfied by enjoying arts can benefit in terms of working efficiency as arts can significantly boost their creativity. To be more particular, whenever a person bumps into a challenge in their work, aesthetic products such as a picture may provide them with some ideas.

On top of that, it is a matter of fact that funding in public services such as transportation or education is must but fully focusing on it and skipping arts will not be an appropriate method to go for. This is on the grounds that a society without aesthetic elements cannot develop in the long run as the citizens will always suffer from boredom and as a consequence, lose their motivation in life. Furthermore, without the art products, a country would lose a huge source of finance since art products have always been an abundant source of money for the economy

In conclusion, I advocate the idea that the arts should be fairly treated as the public services in terms of investment due to their importance to the society. Not only that but arts can also help the public services since the products from these fields benefit the country enormously.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "It is a hot topic at present if governments should invest the national budget in public services instead of aesthetic fields ranging from arts to music and theater since those fields are a waste of money." -> "Currently, there is a significant debate about whether governments should allocate the national budget to public services rather than to aesthetic fields encompassing arts, music, and theater, as some argue that these areas are financially wasteful."
    Explanation: The suggested change replaces informal language with more formal and precise terminology, enhancing the sentence’s academic tone.

  2. "From my own perspective, I am strongly against this point of view and I will support my opinion in the paragraphs below." -> "In my perspective, I vehemently oppose this viewpoint, and I will substantiate my stance in the following paragraphs."
    Explanation: The revision maintains clarity while using more formal language, eliminating the need for contractions and emphasizing the author’s stance in a more academic manner.

  3. "Investments on aesthetics" -> "Investments in the realm of aesthetics"
    Explanation: The change replaces the informal "on" with the more formal and accurate "in the realm of," which is better suited for an academic essay.

  4. "have a blazing love for arts" -> "have a profound passion for the arts"
    Explanation: The phrase "a blazing love for arts" is informal and overly simplistic. Replacing it with "a profound passion for the arts" conveys the same idea with more suitable vocabulary.

  5. "binge working" -> "intensive work"
    Explanation: "Binge working" is informal and may not be understood in an academic context. "Intensive work" is a more appropriate choice that maintains clarity.

  6. "Looking from a wider perspective" -> "From a broader standpoint"
    Explanation: The change replaces the informal "Looking from a wider perspective" with the more formal "From a broader standpoint," enhancing the essay’s academic tone.

  7. "having themselves satisfied by enjoying arts" -> "finding satisfaction through their engagement with the arts"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and expresses the idea more precisely.

  8. "boost their creativity" -> "enhance their creativity"
    Explanation: "Boost" is a bit informal; "enhance" is a more suitable and formal alternative.

  9. "To be more particular" -> "To be more specific"
    Explanation: "To be more particular" is less formal and slightly awkward. "To be more specific" is a better choice in academic writing.

  10. "a picture may provide them with some ideas" -> "visual artwork may inspire them with ideas"
    Explanation: The suggested change provides a more formal and precise expression, specifying "visual artwork" and "inspire" instead of "a picture" and "provide."

  11. "funding in public services such as transportation or education is must" -> "investing in public services, such as transportation and education, is imperative"
    Explanation: The revision uses more formal language and eliminates the informal "is must" with "is imperative."

  12. "fully focusing on it" -> "solely concentrating on it"
    Explanation: "Fully focusing on it" is less formal, and "solely concentrating on it" is a more appropriate and precise phrase.

  13. "as the citizens will always suffer from boredom" -> "since citizens will continually experience ennui"
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses a more formal term, "ennui," in place of "boredom."

  14. "lose their motivation in life" -> "experience a decline in their life motivation"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and clearer in an academic context.

  15. "a huge source of finance" -> "a significant source of revenue"
    Explanation: "Finance" is more informal than "revenue," which is a more appropriate term in this context.

  16. "Not only that but arts can also help the public services" -> "Furthermore, the arts can also contribute to public services"
    Explanation: The suggested change provides a more formal and precise transition to the next point in the essay.

  17. "since the products from these fields benefit the country enormously." -> "as the products from these fields offer substantial benefits to the country."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more formal language and clarifies the idea that the products from the arts contribute significantly to the country’s well-being.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "It is a hot topic at present if governments should invest the national budget in public services instead of aesthetic fields ranging from arts to music and theater since those fields are a waste of money."

    • Explanation and Improvement: The introduction of the essay is somewhat vague and lacks specificity. It mentions the topic but does not clearly state your position on the issue. It would be better to provide a clear and concise thesis statement that indicates your stance on whether government investment in the arts is a waste of money and whether it should be redirected to public services. This will help set the direction for your essay and provide clarity to the reader.
    • Improved example: "In today’s discussions, there is a debate about whether governments should allocate their budget to public services or invest in the arts, including music and theater. I firmly believe that investing in the arts is not a waste of money, and in the following paragraphs, I will present my arguments to support this view."
  2. Quoted text: "Investments on aesthetics serve the demands of people who have a blazing love for arts."

    • Explanation and Improvement: This statement lacks depth and explanation. You briefly mention that investments in aesthetics serve those who love the arts, but you should expand on this point to provide a more compelling argument. Explain why the government should cater to this particular group of people and how it benefits society as a whole. Provide specific examples or scenarios to illustrate your point.
    • Improved example: "Investments in aesthetics are crucial as they cater to the needs and desires of individuals who have a deep appreciation for the arts. This group of enthusiasts not only finds solace and stress relief through artistic experiences but also contributes significantly to the cultural richness of society. For instance, museums and theaters thrive due to the support of these passionate individuals, which, in turn, benefits the community as a whole."
  3. Quoted text: "On top of that, it is a matter of fact that funding in public services such as transportation or education is a must but fully focusing on it and skipping arts will not be an appropriate method to go for."

    • Explanation and Improvement: While you make a valid point that funding for public services like transportation and education is essential, the argument here lacks depth. You should provide more concrete reasons and examples to support the claim that fully focusing on public services and neglecting the arts is inappropriate. Explain how a balance between the two is crucial for a well-rounded society.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, it is undeniable that funding for essential public services such as transportation and education is imperative for societal development. However, it would be shortsighted to advocate for complete neglect of the arts. Striking a balance between investing in public services and supporting the arts is the key to fostering a thriving and culturally enriched society. For instance, a community with robust public transportation systems and well-funded schools can further enhance its appeal by offering access to various artistic and cultural experiences."

Overall, your essay addresses the task, presents a clear position, and provides relevant ideas. However, it could benefit from more in-depth development of your arguments with specific examples and a clearer thesis statement in the introduction.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion but does not meet the Band 9 or Band 8 descriptors. Here’s how it aligns with the Band 7 descriptor:

  1. Logical Organization: The essay logically organizes information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. Each paragraph focuses on a different aspect of the argument, providing a clear central topic within each paragraph.

  2. Cohesive Devices: The essay uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately. There is a good use of transitional phrases and linking words, which helps in maintaining coherence. However, there are some instances of overuse or repetition of phrases like "arts can" in the third paragraph.

  3. Paragraphing: Paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately. Each paragraph contains a distinct idea or argument.

While the essay exhibits coherence and cohesion at the Band 7 level, it does not fully meet the Band 8 criteria because there are some instances of overuse of certain phrases. However, it manages to logically organize ideas and use cohesive devices effectively to maintain a clear progression in the response.

How to improve:
To reach a higher band score, the essay could benefit from diversifying its vocabulary to avoid repetitive phrases. Additionally, paying more attention to sentence variety and structure could further enhance cohesion. Ensure that the essay consistently maintains a clear focus on the central topic and avoids any instances of overuse or redundancy in language.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
This essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary and utilizes some less common lexical items effectively. The writer expresses ideas in a clear and organized manner, showcasing some awareness of style and collocation. The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the task and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. Although there are a few minor errors in word choice and collocation, they do not significantly hinder comprehension. Examples of less common vocabulary include "blazing love," "boost their creativity," "abundant source of money," and "fully focusing."

The essay maintains a coherent argument throughout, explaining the importance of government investment in the arts, even when public services are also crucial. It provides examples and reasoning to support the viewpoint.

How to improve:
To improve and reach a higher band score, the writer could aim for even greater precision in word choice and collocation. Avoiding occasional inaccuracies and minor errors in vocabulary usage would enhance the lexical resource. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence structures to further enrich the vocabulary and style, making it even more persuasive and sophisticated.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
This essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including simple and some complex sentence forms. While there are instances of sentence complexity, they are not consistently applied throughout the essay. The majority of sentences are error-free, and there is good control of grammar and punctuation. However, some errors do occur, and they occasionally affect the clarity of communication. For example, "Investments on aesthetics serve the demands of people" could be improved by saying "Investments in aesthetics serve the needs of people." Additionally, there is a lack of precision in some sentence structures.

How to improve:

  1. Enhance sentence complexity and variety by incorporating more complex structures consistently throughout the essay.
  2. Pay attention to word choice and precision to avoid minor errors and improve clarity.
  3. Review and proofread the essay to correct any grammatical or punctuation errors that may affect overall communication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The current debate revolves around whether governments should allocate the national budget to public services or invest it in aesthetic fields like arts, music, and theater, with some arguing that these areas are a waste of financial resources. In my perspective, I strongly disagree with this viewpoint, and I will explain my stance in the following paragraphs.

Investments in the realm of aesthetics cater to the needs of individuals who have a deep passion for the arts. Consequently, they can alleviate their stress after long hours of work and enhance their mental well-being. From a broader standpoint, finding satisfaction through their engagement with the arts can have a positive impact on their work efficiency, as the arts significantly boost their creativity. To be more specific, visual artwork may inspire them with ideas when they encounter challenges in their work.

Furthermore, it is undeniable that funding for public services such as transportation and education is essential. However, solely concentrating on these areas and neglecting the arts is not an appropriate approach. This is because a society without aesthetic elements cannot thrive in the long run, as its citizens will continually experience boredom and, as a result, witness a decline in their life motivation. Additionally, the arts can be a significant source of revenue for the country’s economy.

Moreover, the arts can also contribute to public services, as the products from these fields offer substantial benefits to the country.

In conclusion, I advocate for fair treatment of the arts in terms of investment, considering their importance to society. Furthermore, arts can complement public services, as the products from these fields contribute significantly to the country’s well-being and financial prosperity.

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