Government should invest in teaching science subjects rather than other subjects for country development and progress. To what extent do you agree or not agree?
Government should invest in teaching science subjects rather than other subjects for country development and progress. To what extent do you agree or not agree?
Many people nowadays argue that instead of raising education resources on social subjects such as history or geography, the authority should encourage the prevalence of science lessons for industrialization and economic growth. From my perspective, I believe that both areas of study have their own benefits and the government should treat them equally.
Firstly, geophysics has a tremendous contribution to some major industries which increase the country’s economic output overall. The development of social media helps promote people’s lives and address them across geographical distances, thanks to science research and technology advancement. Thus, obtaining more employment in the physical industry not only garners the expansion of financial systems but also tackles government issues in infrastructure and healthcare by architects and microbiologists. For example, during the Covid-19 disease, scientists were the group who played the key role in analyzing people’s immune systems to develop new vaccinations to cope with the threat to worldwide health. As a result, the originator nation of Covid-19 medicine gained both reputation and sustainable industrial expansion due to virus remedy competition.
However, the lack of experience in cultural study restricted the historical awareness, which led to traditional disruption. With the alleviation of humanities lessons, students will have limited historical understanding and become dismissive of the sacrifices of previous generations. Critically, with exoticism being widely favored by teenagers, as well as generating the brain-drain phenomenon, the domestic economy might face insufficient workforces. Therefore, arranging knowledge equitably assists children in boosting comprehensive thinking in both emotions and intelligence, resulting in the holistic promotion of societal systems such as medical care and the arts sector.
In conclusion, although the science subjects are relatively significant in nation development, I hold the view that social lessons should also be noticeable as they are both innovative and ethically grounded.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Many people nowadays" -> "Many individuals currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is more precise and formal than "nowadays," which can sound colloquial and less specific in academic writing. -
"the authority" -> "the authorities"
Explanation: "Authorities" is the correct plural form when referring to government agencies or institutions, enhancing the formality and accuracy of the statement. -
"the prevalence of science lessons" -> "the emphasis on science education"
Explanation: "Emphasis on science education" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of prioritizing science in educational resources. -
"geophysics" -> "geography"
Explanation: The correct term is "geography," not "geophysics," which refers to the scientific study of the Earth’s physical structure and composition. -
"has a tremendous contribution" -> "makes a significant contribution"
Explanation: "Makes a significant contribution" is more academically appropriate and avoids the hyperbole of "tremendous," which can be seen as overly dramatic in formal writing. -
"increase the country’s economic output overall" -> "enhance the country’s overall economic output"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise and formal verb than "increase," and "overall" is correctly used to describe the scope of the impact. -
"obtaining more employment" -> "creating more employment opportunities"
Explanation: "Creating more employment opportunities" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea of generating jobs. -
"tackles government issues" -> "addresses government challenges"
Explanation: "Addresses government challenges" is a more formal and precise term than "tackles government issues," which can sound informal and vague. -
"architects and microbiologists" -> "architects and scientists"
Explanation: "Scientists" is a broader term that encompasses microbiologists and other relevant fields, making the statement more inclusive and formal. -
"originator nation of Covid-19 medicine" -> "country of origin of Covid-19 vaccines"
Explanation: "Country of origin of Covid-19 vaccines" is more specific and accurate, as it correctly refers to the origin of vaccines rather than medicine in general. -
"virus remedy competition" -> "vaccine development competition"
Explanation: "Vaccine development competition" is a more precise and scientifically accurate term than "virus remedy competition," which is vague and incorrect. -
"lack of experience in cultural study" -> "insufficient cultural education"
Explanation: "Insufficient cultural education" is a more formal and precise way to describe the lack of cultural knowledge. -
"restricted the historical awareness" -> "limited historical understanding"
Explanation: "Limited historical understanding" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "restricted the historical awareness." -
"become dismissive of the sacrifices of previous generations" -> "develop a diminished appreciation for the sacrifices of previous generations"
Explanation: "Develop a diminished appreciation" is a more formal and precise way to describe the loss of respect for historical sacrifices. -
"exoticism being widely favored by teenagers" -> "the growing popularity of exoticism among teenagers"
Explanation: "The growing popularity of exoticism among teenagers" is a clearer and more formal expression. -
"brain-drain phenomenon" -> "brain drain phenomenon"
Explanation: "Brain drain" is a commonly accepted term in academic and professional contexts, and it should not be hyphenated. -
"arranging knowledge equitably" -> "providing equitable access to knowledge"
Explanation: "Providing equitable access to knowledge" is a more precise and formal way to describe the distribution of knowledge fairly. -
"boosting comprehensive thinking in both emotions and intelligence" -> "enhancing comprehensive thinking that encompasses both emotional and intellectual development"
Explanation: "Enhancing comprehensive thinking that encompasses both emotional and intellectual development" is a more formal and academically precise phrase.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both science and social subjects, which is essential for a balanced response. The writer acknowledges the importance of science for industrialization and economic growth while also emphasizing the value of social studies for cultural awareness and historical understanding. However, the essay could have more explicitly stated the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt, as it mainly presents a balanced view without a clear stance.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly articulate their position at the beginning and reiterate it in the conclusion. For example, explicitly stating whether they agree more with the investment in science or social subjects would clarify their stance and strengthen the argument.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, indicating that both science and social subjects are important. However, the lack of a definitive stance throughout the essay can lead to confusion about the writer’s primary argument. The introduction suggests a balanced view, but the conclusion could be interpreted as leaning slightly towards science, which creates ambiguity.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a consistent position by clearly stating their main argument in the introduction and ensuring that each paragraph supports this position. Using phrases like "I strongly believe that…" or "While I recognize the importance of science, I argue that…" can help clarify their stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the role of geophysics in economic growth and the importance of cultural studies for historical awareness. However, some points could be better developed. For instance, the discussion on the impact of social subjects on historical awareness is somewhat vague and could benefit from more specific examples or evidence.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide more concrete examples and elaborate on their points. For instance, when discussing the impact of social studies, they could include specific historical events or figures that illustrate the importance of understanding history in contemporary society.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of both science and social subjects. However, some sentences, particularly in the first body paragraph, could be seen as slightly off-topic, such as the mention of social media, which may not directly relate to the core argument about education investment.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. They could benefit from outlining their main arguments before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to answering the question. Additionally, avoiding tangential points that do not directly support their argument will help keep the essay concise and relevant.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, but clarity in position, development of ideas, and focus on the prompt could be improved to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that acknowledges both sides of the debate regarding the investment in science versus social subjects. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized around distinct points. For instance, the first body paragraph focuses on the benefits of science, while the second addresses the importance of social studies. However, the logical flow could be enhanced; some ideas, such as the connection between science and economic growth, could be more clearly linked to the overall argument about the need for balance between the two fields.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, ensure that each point made in the paragraphs builds on the previous one, creating a more cohesive narrative. For example, after discussing the benefits of science, explicitly relate those benefits back to the importance of social studies in a concluding sentence of the paragraph.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which helps in maintaining clarity. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas, as the shift from discussing cultural studies to the implications for the economy feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph transitions by using linking phrases or sentences that guide the reader from one idea to the next. For instance, after discussing the importance of historical awareness, a transitional phrase like "This lack of understanding can have broader implications for the economy" could help bridge the ideas more smoothly.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "However," and "In conclusion," which help to structure the argument. There are also instances of referencing and substitution, such as "the authority" and "scientists." However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are moments where the connections between sentences could be strengthened.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, using "Moreover," "On the other hand," or "In addition" can enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, consider using more complex cohesive devices, such as conjunctions or relative clauses, to create more nuanced connections between sentences. For instance, instead of simply stating "the government should treat them equally," you could elaborate with "which would ensure that students receive a well-rounded education that prepares them for diverse challenges."
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "industrialization," "geophysics," "microbiologists," and "holistic promotion." These words reflect an understanding of the topic and contribute to the overall argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "government" and "students" could be replaced with synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "government," alternatives like "authorities" or "administration" could be employed. Additionally, using more specific terms related to the fields discussed (e.g., "biotechnology" instead of "science") would enrich the vocabulary.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "economic output" and "cultural study," which accurately convey the intended meaning. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "the authority should encourage the prevalence of science lessons," where "encourage the prevalence" could be more clearly stated as "prioritize science education."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on clarity in word choice. For example, instead of saying "the authority should encourage the prevalence of science lessons," a more precise phrase could be "the government should prioritize science education." Additionally, ensure that terms accurately reflect the concepts being discussed, as seen in the phrase "the originator nation of Covid-19 medicine," which could be simplified to "the country that developed the Covid-19 vaccine."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors such as "alleviation" (which should be "elimination" in this context) and "exoticism," which may not be the best choice of word. However, there are no glaring spelling mistakes that detract from the overall readability.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify any overlooked errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and practicing them can enhance overall spelling proficiency.
In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 7 for Lexical Resource, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and maintaining high spelling standards, the essay could potentially reach a higher band score in future assessments.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "the authority should encourage the prevalence of science lessons for industrialization and economic growth" showcases an effective use of a complex structure. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a reliance on similar structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "the government should" or "students will." This can detract from the overall fluency and engagement of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "the government should" or "students will," they could use participial phrases or adverbial clauses, such as "By investing in both fields, the government can…" or "While students benefit from science education, they also gain from understanding history." Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences can enhance the flow and readability of the essay.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few noticeable errors. For example, the phrase "the authority should encourage the prevalence of science lessons" could be more clearly stated as "the authorities should prioritize science education." There are also some awkward constructions, such as "the originator nation of Covid-19 medicine," which could be simplified to "the country that developed the Covid-19 vaccine." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are areas where commas could improve clarity, such as before "which led to traditional disruption" in the second paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on simplifying complex phrases and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help identify common errors. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will aid in improving clarity. Reading the essay aloud can also help the writer catch awkward phrasing and punctuation issues that may not be immediately apparent when reading silently.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
Many people nowadays argue that instead of raising educational resources for social subjects such as history or geography, the authorities should encourage the prevalence of science lessons for industrialization and economic growth. From my perspective, I believe that both areas of study have their own benefits, and the government should treat them equally.
Firstly, geophysics makes a significant contribution to some major industries, which enhance the country’s overall economic output. The development of social media helps promote people’s lives and connects them across geographical distances, thanks to scientific research and technological advancement. Thus, obtaining more employment in the physical industry not only garners the expansion of financial systems but also addresses government challenges in infrastructure and healthcare by architects and microbiologists. For example, during the Covid-19 pandemic, scientists were the group who played the key role in analyzing people’s immune systems to develop new vaccinations to cope with the threat to worldwide health. As a result, the country of origin of Covid-19 vaccines gained both reputation and sustainable industrial expansion due to vaccine development competition.
However, the lack of emphasis on cultural education restricts historical awareness, which leads to traditional disruption. With the reduction of humanities lessons, students will have limited historical understanding and develop a diminished appreciation for the sacrifices of previous generations. Critically, with the growing popularity of exoticism among teenagers, as well as generating the brain drain phenomenon, the domestic economy might face insufficient workforces. Therefore, providing equitable access to knowledge assists children in enhancing comprehensive thinking that encompasses both emotional and intellectual development, resulting in the holistic promotion of societal systems such as medical care and the arts sector.
In conclusion, although science subjects are relatively significant in national development, I hold the view that social lessons should also be emphasized, as they are both innovative and ethically grounded.