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Governments need to spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students rather than support professional sports and art events. Do you agree or disagree?

Governments need to spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students rather than support professional sports and art events. Do you agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate about whether governments should prioritize funding the growth of sports and arts among school students over providing financial assistance to professional sports and art events. I disagree with this statement, as I believe that both youth and professional talents deserve equal support.

One reason to support professional sports and art events is their significant economic impact. These events generate substantial revenues for host countries, leading to economic growth. For example, the recent World Cup held in Qatar attracted millions of fans from around the world, who paid an exorbitant amount on flights and match tickets just to support their favorite teams and players. Similarly, concerts like the recent Blackpink show in Hanoi witnessed sold-out tickets within minutes. These events bring a sudden increase in tourism, restaurant patronage, and hotel bookings, benefiting various sectors beyond sports and art.

On the other hand, encouraging school students' participation in sports and art ensures a sustainable pipeline of talent. This long-term investment contributes to the growth and success of the sports and art sectors. For instance, the Vietnamese government funds summer sports camps for children from underprivileged backgrounds. This program offers free weekly training sessions with retired professional players. Additionally, talented young players may have the opportunity to participate in competitive matches and receive scholarships if they decide to pursue a sports career after high school graduation. If the government halted such programs, it would hinder the discovery and nurturing of promising talents.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that both professional and youth talents in sports and art should receive adequate government funding. Supporting professional events acknowledges their economic impact and promotes international engagement, while investing in youth ensures the development of a sustainable talent pool.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "ongoing debate about whether" -> "continuing discourse on whether"
    Explanation: Replacing "ongoing debate about whether" with "continuing discourse on whether" elevates the language by using a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic style.

  2. "I disagree with this statement" -> "I dissent from this proposition"
    Explanation: Substituting "I disagree with this statement" with "I dissent from this proposition" enhances the formality of the language and introduces a more sophisticated term while maintaining the author’s stance.

  3. "their significant economic impact" -> "their substantial economic repercussions"
    Explanation: Changing "their significant economic impact" to "their substantial economic repercussions" introduces a more refined term, contributing to the academic tone of the essay.

  4. "exorbitant amount on flights and match tickets" -> "considerable sums on airfare and match tickets"
    Explanation: Replacing "exorbitant amount on flights and match tickets" with "considerable sums on airfare and match tickets" maintains clarity while using a more formal and appropriate phrase for academic writing.

  5. "witnessed sold-out tickets within minutes" -> "experienced rapid sell-outs within minutes"
    Explanation: Substituting "witnessed sold-out tickets within minutes" with "experienced rapid sell-outs within minutes" employs a more formal expression, aligning with academic style.

  6. "benefiting various sectors beyond sports and art" -> "yielding benefits across diverse sectors beyond sports and art"
    Explanation: Changing "benefiting various sectors beyond sports and art" to "yielding benefits across diverse sectors beyond sports and art" adds formality and precision to the language.

  7. "encouraging school students’ participation" -> "fostering the participation of school students"
    Explanation: Replacing "encouraging school students’ participation" with "fostering the participation of school students" maintains the meaning while using a more formal and academically appropriate phrase.

  8. "summer sports camps for children" -> "summer sports camps for youngsters"
    Explanation: Substituting "summer sports camps for children" with "summer sports camps for youngsters" introduces a more refined term, aligning with academic language.

  9. "This program offers free weekly training sessions" -> "This initiative provides complimentary weekly training sessions"
    Explanation: Changing "This program offers free weekly training sessions" to "This initiative provides complimentary weekly training sessions" enhances the formality of the language without sacrificing clarity.

  10. "If the government halted such programs" -> "Should the government discontinue such initiatives"
    Explanation: Replacing "If the government halted such programs" with "Should the government discontinue such initiatives" introduces a more formal and conditional expression, aligning with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all aspects of the prompt. It discusses both sides of the argument, presenting a well-rounded perspective. The introduction clearly states the disagreement with the prompt, and the subsequent paragraphs elaborate on the economic impact of professional events and the importance of nurturing youth talent.
    • How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, consider explicitly addressing the opposing viewpoint in a separate paragraph. This will demonstrate a deeper engagement with the complexity of the issue.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance throughout. The introduction clearly states disagreement, and each subsequent paragraph reinforces this position. Examples are effectively used to support the argument.
    • How to improve: Continue to strengthen the connection between examples and the main argument. Ensure that each example directly contributes to reinforcing the stated position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas and supports them with relevant examples. The economic impact of professional events and the long-term benefits of investing in youth talent are well-elaborated. Each idea is extended and logically connected to the overall argument.
    • How to improve: Consider incorporating additional examples or data to further enhance the depth and richness of the essay. This will add more persuasive power to the presented ideas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the central theme of government spending on sports and art. However, there are moments where the focus slightly shifts, such as when discussing the economic impact of events. While related, these deviations should be limited to maintain a strong focus on the prompt.
    • How to improve: Exercise caution to ensure that all examples and explanations are directly tied to the main topic. Connect each point explicitly back to the government’s role in funding sports and art for school students versus professional events.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively develops a clear and consistent argument. To improve, consider addressing the opposing viewpoint more explicitly, strengthening the link between examples and the main argument, adding depth through additional examples or data, and maintaining a more stringent focus on the central theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear thesis statement expressing disagreement with the prompt. Each body paragraph presents a distinct argument, with the economic impact of professional events discussed first and the sustainable talent pipeline for youth talents discussed second. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new ideas.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs. While there is a logical progression of ideas, smoother transitions can improve the overall coherence. For instance, use transition phrases such as "Furthermore" or "In contrast" to guide the reader through the essay’s flow.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured, providing a clear framework for the essay.
    • How to improve: Maintain consistency in paragraph length to ensure a balanced visual structure. The second body paragraph is slightly longer than the others, which may impact visual cohesion. Consider dividing it into two smaller paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct aspect of the economic impact and the international engagement of professional events.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices, including transitional words and phrases ("on the other hand," "for example," "in conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence by guiding the reader through the essay’s structure.
    • How to improve: While the essay incorporates cohesive devices effectively, consider expanding the use of more advanced transitions and parallel structures. For instance, utilize advanced transition phrases like "Moreover" or "Conversely" to add sophistication to the essay’s flow. Additionally, ensure parallelism in sentence structures for a smoother reading experience. For example, maintain consistency in the structure of sentences presenting examples or supporting evidence.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong coherence and cohesion level, and improvements in transition usage and paragraph length consistency can further enhance its overall organizational effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating diverse terms such as "significant economic impact," "exorbitant," "sustainable pipeline of talent," and "underprivileged backgrounds." However, there is room for improvement in the variety of transitional words and phrases, which can enhance coherence and fluidity.
    • How to improve: To further enhance your vocabulary range, consider incorporating a wider variety of transitional expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "on the other hand" and "similarly," experiment with alternatives like "conversely," "in contrast," or "likewise" to add nuance to your argument.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision in vocabulary usage is generally strong. For instance, the phrases "sustainable pipeline of talent" and "significant economic impact" convey your ideas with clarity. However, there are instances where more specific or nuanced vocabulary could be employed. For example, the term "significant economic impact" could be specified further, perhaps by using terms like "boost to local economies" or "stimulation of various industries."
    • How to improve: To refine your precision, analyze each key term in your essay and consider whether a more specific synonym or related term could provide greater clarity or depth to your expression. This could involve consulting a thesaurus or exploring alternative phrasing that conveys your intended meaning more precisely.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor errors, such as missing articles or incorrect prepositions, can be identified. For instance, "paid an exorbitant amount on flights" could be improved to "paid an exorbitant amount for flights."
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider dedicating additional time to proofreading your work, paying particular attention to common prepositions and articles. Utilize spelling and grammar tools available in word processing software to catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or instructors can provide valuable insights into areas that may require improvement.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, there are instances of complex sentences, such as "Similarly, concerts like the recent Blackpink show in Hanoi witnessed sold-out tickets within minutes." This complexity adds richness to the essay’s overall structure.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more conditional sentences, rhetorical questions, or parallel structures. This will add depth to your writing and engage the reader in a more dynamic way.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are a few instances that could be refined for greater precision. For example, in the sentence, "For example, the recent World Cup held in Qatar attracted millions of fans," consider rephrasing as "For example, the recent World Cup hosted in Qatar attracted millions of fans." This adjustment ensures clarity and accuracy.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to prepositions, articles, and subject-verb agreement. Proofreading with a focus on these elements will help eliminate minor grammatical inaccuracies and further polish your writing.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally well-handled throughout the essay. However, there are a few areas that could benefit from improvement. For instance, in the sentence, "This long-term investment contributes to the growth and success of the sports and art sectors," consider adding a comma after "investment" to improve readability and signal a natural pause.
    • How to improve: Review the use of commas, semicolons, and colons. Ensure that each punctuation mark serves its intended purpose, contributing to the clarity and flow of your sentences. Practice incorporating a variety of punctuation marks to add nuance and structure to your writing.

Overall, your essay exhibits strong grammatical range and accuracy, and the recommended improvements aim to elevate it to an even higher level of precision and sophistication. Keep up the good work, and continue refining your language skills to enhance the overall impact of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a continuing discourse on whether governments should allocate funds primarily to nurture sports and arts among school students rather than providing financial support to professional sports and art events. I respectfully dissent from this proposition, as I believe that both young and professional talents merit equal backing.

One compelling reason to support professional sports and art events is their substantial economic repercussions. These events generate considerable sums for host countries, leading to economic growth. For instance, the recent World Cup held in Qatar attracted millions of fans from around the world. These fans spent significant amounts on airfare and match tickets to support their favorite teams and players. Similarly, concerts like the recent Blackpink show in Hanoi experienced rapid sell-outs within minutes. Such events result in a sudden increase in tourism, restaurant patronage, and hotel bookings, yielding benefits across diverse sectors beyond sports and art.

Concurrently, fostering the participation of school students in sports and art ensures a sustainable pipeline of talent. This initiative, exemplified by the Vietnamese government’s support for summer sports camps for youngsters, provides complimentary weekly training sessions conducted by retired professional players. This program not only encourages participation but also offers talented young players opportunities to engage in competitive matches and potentially receive scholarships if they decide to pursue a career in sports or arts after high school graduation. Discontinuing such initiatives would impede the discovery and nurturing of promising talents.

In conclusion, I maintain that both professional and youth talents in sports and art should receive adequate government funding. Supporting professional events acknowledges their economic impact and promotes international engagement, while investing in youth ensures the development of a sustainable talent pool. Should the government discontinue such initiatives, it may undermine the holistic growth of the sports and art sectors.

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