he average prices per kilometre of clothing imported into the European Union from six different countries in 1993 and 2003 are shown in the bar chart below.

The bar graph presents data on the average prices per kilometer of clothing transported from six different countries to the European Union from 1993 to 2003. Overall, the figure for Argentina registered the highest prices throughout. Furthermore, the average prices in Argentina and Japan saw a downswing while that in China, India, and Bangladesh saw a significant increase.
In 1993, Argentina was the most expensive country to import clothing from, with an average price of 28 pounds per kilometer, after which the average price per kilometer experienced a slight decrease to around 26 pounds in 2003. The same trend could be observed in the figure for Japan while the average price to import clothing from this country declined from 15 pounds in 1993 to around 13 pounds in 2003. Furthermore, the average cost per kilometer in Brazil remains unchanged throughout.
Regarding the other countries, the average price to import clothing in China was around 10 pounds per kilometer before it remarkably increased to 17 pounds per kilometer in 2003. In 1993, the price paid for imported clothing in India(10 pounds per kilometer) and Bangladesh(3 pounds per kilometer) all increased considerably with 12 pounds per kilometer in India and 6 pounds in Bangladesh in 2003.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar graph presents" -> "The bar graph illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is more precise and academically appropriate than "presents" in the context of presenting data, emphasizing the visual representation of the information.
"average prices per kilometer of clothing transported" -> "average costs per kilometer for clothing transportation"
Explanation: "Costs" is a more specific term than "prices" in this context, as it directly relates to the expenditure involved in transporting clothing. Additionally, "for clothing transportation" clarifies the activity being measured.
"the figure for Argentina registered the highest prices throughout" -> "the data for Argentina consistently showed the highest costs"
Explanation: "Consistently showed" is more precise than "registered," which can imply a one-time event. "Data" is also more specific than "figure," which is somewhat vague.
"the average prices in Argentina and Japan saw a downswing" -> "the average costs in Argentina and Japan experienced a decline"
Explanation: "Experienced a decline" is a more formal and precise term than "saw a downswing," which is somewhat colloquial.
"saw a significant increase" -> "experienced a substantial increase"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more formal than "saw," and "substantial" is a more academic synonym for "significant."
"the average price to import clothing from this country" -> "the average cost of importing clothing from this country"
Explanation: "Cost of importing" is more specific and formal than "price to import," which is less commonly used in academic writing.
"remains unchanged throughout" -> "remained constant throughout"
Explanation: "Remained constant" is a more formal expression than "remains unchanged," which is slightly less formal.
"remarkably increased" -> "markedly increased"
Explanation: "Markedly" is a more formal adverb than "remarkably," which can sound slightly informal.
"paid for imported clothing in India(10 pounds per kilometer) and Bangladesh(3 pounds per kilometer)" -> "costs for importing clothing in India and Bangladesh were 10 pounds and 3 pounds per kilometer, respectively"
Explanation: This revision clarifies that the costs are for importing clothing, and the use of "respectively" correctly pairs the country with its corresponding cost.
"all increased considerably with 12 pounds per kilometer in India and 6 pounds in Bangladesh in 2003" -> "increased significantly to 12 pounds per kilometer in India and 6 pounds per kilometer in Bangladesh in 2003"
Explanation: "Significantly" is more formal than "considerably," and specifying the unit of measurement (pounds per kilometer) for both countries maintains consistency and clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng:

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. The writer effectively organizes the data by discussing the countries in a logical sequence. However, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, particularly in the use of cohesive devices, which may lead to some awkward phrasing. For example, the transition between discussing Argentina and Japan could be smoother. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, the structure could be improved for better clarity and flow.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively, ensuring that transitions between ideas and paragraphs are seamless. Additionally, improving paragraph structure by clearly defining the central topic in each paragraph and maintaining a consistent focus would help in achieving a higher band score. Lastly, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity can also contribute to a more polished essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, allowing for basic communication of the data presented. It attempts to use less common vocabulary (e.g., "downswing," "remarkably increased") but does so with some inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. There are noticeable errors in word formation and punctuation (e.g., "India(10 pounds" should be "India (10 pounds") that may cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, while the vocabulary used is appropriate, it lacks the precision and sophistication required for a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary with greater accuracy, particularly focusing on correct collocations and avoiding awkward phrasing. Additionally, improving spelling and punctuation will help to ensure clarity and prevent any potential confusion for the reader. Engaging with more complex vocabulary and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to convey information clearly, there are several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation that occasionally hinder communication. For instance, phrases like "the average price to import clothing in India(10 pounds per kilometer)" lack proper spacing and punctuation. Additionally, some sentences could be structured more effectively to enhance clarity and coherence. Overall, the essay communicates the main ideas but is marred by frequent errors that affect readability.

How to improve:

Enhance Sentence Structure: Aim to use a greater variety of complex sentence structures while ensuring they are grammatically correct. This can be achieved by practicing the use of subordinate clauses and conjunctions.
Proofreading: Before finalizing the essay, take time to proofread for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. This can help catch issues like missing spaces and incorrect punctuation.
Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary to describe trends and data, which can help convey ideas more precisely and reduce repetitive phrasing.
Practice Clarity: Focus on clarity in sentence construction. Ensure that each sentence conveys a clear idea without ambiguity, which can be achieved by breaking down overly complex sentences into simpler ones when necessary.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar graph presents data on the average prices per kilometer of clothing transported from six different countries to the European Union from 1993 to 2003. Overall, Argentina registered the highest prices throughout the period. Furthermore, the average prices in Argentina and Japan experienced a decline, while those in China, India, and Bangladesh saw a significant increase.

In 1993, Argentina was the most expensive country to import clothing from, with an average price of 28 pounds per kilometer. This figure experienced a slight decrease to around 26 pounds in 2003. A similar trend was observed in Japan, where the average price for importing clothing declined from 15 pounds in 1993 to approximately 13 pounds in 2003. Additionally, the average cost per kilometer in Brazil remained unchanged throughout the period.

Regarding the other countries, the average price for importing clothing from China was around 10 pounds per kilometer in 1993, which remarkably increased to 17 pounds per kilometer in 2003. In 1993, the price for imported clothing in India was 10 pounds per kilometer, and in Bangladesh, it was 3 pounds per kilometer. By 2003, these figures had increased considerably to 12 pounds per kilometer in India and 6 pounds in Bangladesh.