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he two charts below outline the statistically most desirable countries in terms of quality of life and reasons for migration in 2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

he two charts below outline the statistically most desirable countries in terms of quality of life and reasons for migration in 2020.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The presented pie chart illustrates the global purposes of migration in 2020 while the remaining chart compares the ranking of life quality in different developed countries.
Overall, it is evident that the majority of migrants moved abroad for better occupational opportunities, and least likely to do so purely for adventure. Among the places of destinations, Australia and Sweden outweighed their counterparts in terms of their fulfilment of residential life, which was in stark contrast with the UK, whose figure ranked the lowest.
Regarding the reasons for overseas migration, employment opportunities was the most favoured one, incentivizing significant 48% of emmigrants into leaving the country. Followed strictly was familial reunification with nearly a quarter, at 24%, which was higher than the motives of better academy and better lifestyle, reaching 15% and 11%, respectively. Lastly, exploration occupied the least proportion of 3%.
On the other hand, considering the chart of most desirable countries, Sweden and Australia shared the highest scores of life quality, accounting for up to 9.1 out of 10. Slightly lower down were the figure for Canada and the USA, whose residential life contentment were subsequently 8.5, and slightly lower, 8.1, which was ten units apart from the two highest. The last two lowest were Switzerland with 7.5 and the UK with 7.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "the remaining chart compares the ranking of life quality" -> "the accompanying chart compares the quality of life rankings"
    Explanation: "Accompanying" is more precise than "remaining," and "quality of life rankings" is a more standard phrase in academic writing.

  2. "the majority of migrants moved abroad for better occupational opportunities" -> "the majority of migrants relocated internationally for improved employment opportunities"
    Explanation: "Relocated internationally" is more formal than "moved abroad," and "improved employment opportunities" is clearer and more precise than "better occupational opportunities."

  3. "least likely to do so purely for adventure" -> "least likely to migrate solely for recreational purposes"
    Explanation: "Migrate solely for recreational purposes" is more formal and precise than "do so purely for adventure," which is too informal and vague.

  4. "Australia and Sweden outweighed their counterparts" -> "Australia and Sweden surpassed their counterparts"
    Explanation: "Surpassed" is a more appropriate and formal term than "outweighed," which can imply a quantitative measure rather than a qualitative comparison.

  5. "whose figure ranked the lowest" -> "which ranked the lowest"
    Explanation: "Which ranked the lowest" is more concise and avoids unnecessary complexity.

  6. "employment opportunities was the most favoured one" -> "employment opportunities were the most favored"
    Explanation: "Were" agrees with the plural subject "employment opportunities," and "favored" is the correct spelling in American English (or "favoured" in British English, but consistency is key).

  7. "incentivizing significant 48% of emmigrants into leaving the country" -> "incentivizing a significant 48% of emigrants to leave the country"
    Explanation: "A significant" is more grammatically correct, and "emigrants" is the correct spelling. "To leave" is more natural than "into leaving."

  8. "Followed strictly was familial reunification" -> "Familial reunification followed closely"
    Explanation: "Followed closely" is a more natural phrasing than "followed strictly," which sounds awkward.

  9. "better academy and better lifestyle" -> "improved educational opportunities and enhanced lifestyle"
    Explanation: "Improved educational opportunities" is more precise than "better academy," and "enhanced lifestyle" is a more formal alternative to "better lifestyle."

  10. "exploration occupied the least proportion of 3%" -> "exploration constituted the smallest proportion at 3%"
    Explanation: "Constituted" is a more formal term than "occupied," and "smallest proportion" is clearer than "least proportion."

  11. "considering the chart of most desirable countries" -> "regarding the chart of the most desirable countries"
    Explanation: "Regarding" is more formal than "considering," and adding "the" clarifies the subject.

  12. "shared the highest scores of life quality" -> "achieved the highest quality of life scores"
    Explanation: "Achieved" is a more precise verb than "shared," and "quality of life scores" is a standard phrase in academic contexts.

  13. "Slightly lower down were the figure for Canada and the USA" -> "Slightly lower were the figures for Canada and the USA"
    Explanation: "Figures" should be plural to match the subjects, and "lower" is sufficient without "down."

  14. "whose residential life contentment were subsequently 8.5, and slightly lower, 8.1" -> "with residential life satisfaction scores of 8.5 and 8.1, respectively"
    Explanation: "Residential life satisfaction scores" is more precise, and "respectively" clarifies the relationship between the scores and the countries.

  15. "which was ten units apart from the two highest" -> "which was ten points lower than the two highest"
    Explanation: "Points lower" is clearer and more commonly used in academic contexts than "units apart."

  16. "The last two lowest were Switzerland with 7.5 and the UK with 7." -> "The two lowest were Switzerland, with a score of 7.5, and the UK, with a score of 7."
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the structure and maintains parallelism in the phrasing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main features of both charts. It presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "Australia and Sweden outweighed their counterparts in terms of their fulfilment of residential life," but the chart shows that both countries have the same score. Additionally, the essay states that "the UK, whose figure ranked the lowest," but the chart shows that Switzerland has the lowest score.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate information and by avoiding irrelevant details. The writer should also focus on making comparisons between the two charts, as instructed in the prompt. For example, the writer could compare the reasons for migration with the quality of life in different countries.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, demonstrating a clear overall progression. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the body paragraphs logically follow the prompts. However, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, such as the repetitive use of phrases like "on the other hand" and "regarding." While the essay uses cohesive devices, some transitions may feel forced or lack variety. Additionally, paragraphing is present but could be improved for better clarity and logical flow.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should aim to use a wider range of cohesive devices and vary their sentence structures. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas flow smoothly from one to the next would also strengthen the overall organization. Additionally, refining the use of transitions and ensuring that they enhance rather than disrupt the flow of ideas will contribute to a higher score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "incentivizing" and "residential life," but there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and some awkward phrasing. For example, "the majority of migrants moved abroad for better occupational opportunities" could be simplified to "most migrants moved abroad for better job opportunities." Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "emmigrants" instead of "emigrants" and "the figure ranked the lowest" which could be more clearly expressed. These errors do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and sophistication expected at higher band levels.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring precise word choice. Practicing the use of less common lexical items in context can help improve fluency and flexibility. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy will aid in reducing errors that may distract the reader. Finally, varying sentence structures and avoiding repetition can contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While it conveys the main ideas and comparisons effectively, there are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, "incentivizing significant 48% of emmigrants into leaving the country" contains a grammatical error and awkward structure. Additionally, phrases like "whose figure ranked the lowest" could be more clearly articulated. Overall, while the communication is generally effective, the errors do affect the overall fluency and accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: Review and correct grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and article usage (e.g., "the most favoured one" should be "the most favored reason").
  2. Sentence Structure: Aim for more varied and complex sentence structures while ensuring clarity. This can be achieved by practicing the use of subordinate clauses and conjunctions.
  3. Proofreading: After writing, take time to proofread the essay to catch and correct any errors that may detract from the overall quality.
  4. Vocabulary Range: Enhance vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition, which can help in conveying the message more effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

The presented pie chart illustrates the global purposes of migration in 2020, while the accompanying chart compares the ranking of life quality in different developed countries. Overall, it is evident that the majority of migrants moved abroad for better occupational opportunities, while the least likely reason for migration was purely for adventure. Among the destinations, Australia and Sweden excelled in terms of residential life satisfaction, which starkly contrasted with the UK, which ranked the lowest.

Regarding the reasons for overseas migration, employment opportunities were the most favored, incentivizing a significant 48% of emigrants to leave their home countries. Following closely was familial reunification, accounting for nearly a quarter at 24%, which was higher than the motives of seeking better education and a better lifestyle, reaching 15% and 11%, respectively. Lastly, exploration occupied the smallest proportion at 3%.

On the other hand, considering the chart of the most desirable countries, Sweden and Australia shared the highest scores for life quality, each accounting for up to 9.1 out of 10. Slightly lower were Canada and the USA, with residential life satisfaction scores of 8.5 and 8.1, respectively, which were ten units apart from the two highest. The last two lowest scores were Switzerland at 7.5 and the UK at 7.

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