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Human activities have negative effects on plant and animal species. Some people think it is too late to do anything about this problem. Others believe that effective measures can be taken to improve this situation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Human activities have negative effects on plant and animal species. Some people think it is too late to do anything about this problem. Others believe that effective measures can be taken to improve this situation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Plants and animals are currently at risk of extinction due to the negative impacts of human actions. It is believed that people find more difficulties in restoring the environment because it is too late. I firmly support the idea that the government will come up with the right solutions to improve this situation.
There are several reasons explain why it is late for humanity to restore the environment to its original state. First of all, human activities have led to the destruction and fragmentation of natural habitats. Deforestation and illegal exploitation of forest resources have species. This lead to the total extinction of some animal species. Secondly, climate change, driven by human activities, is altering ecosystems and threatening species with changing temparature and weather patterns. For instance, the appearance of factories, which consuming large amounts of toxic gases into the air and water causes mass fish deaths and air pollution.
However, I believe that we can partly improve the loss with some practical measures. Firstly, government should enact laws to ban illegal acts that pose a threat to natural habitats. Moreover, those whose commit acts of destroying environmental resourses will be severely punished to deter them from daring to repeat the offense next time. In addition, governments can invest in the establishment of protected areas, create volunteer associations to clean up trash in parks or public stations.
To sum up, those who don't want to do anything to improve the environment, however, I suppose that using some practical methods can help situation become better.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Plants and animals are currently at risk of extinction due to the negative impacts of human actions. It is believed that people find more difficulties in restoring the environment because it is too late."
    -> "Plants and animals are currently facing the risk of extinction due to the adverse impacts of human actions. It is widely recognized that people encounter greater challenges in restoring the environment because it may be too late."
    Explanation: Replacing "at risk" with "facing the risk" and "negative impacts" with "adverse impacts" elevates the formality of the language. The phrase "It is believed that people find more difficulties" is replaced with "It is widely recognized that people encounter greater challenges," making the statement more authoritative and academic.

  2. "I firmly support the idea that the government will come up with the right solutions to improve this situation."
    -> "I strongly endorse the notion that the government will formulate effective solutions to ameliorate this situation."
    Explanation: Substituting "firmly support" with "strongly endorse" and "come up with" with "formulate" enhances the academic tone of the sentence. Using "ameliorate" instead of "improve" adds a more sophisticated touch to the language.

  3. "There are several reasons explain why it is late for humanity to restore the environment to its original state."
    -> "There are several reasons that explain why it is belated for humanity to restore the environment to its original state."
    Explanation: Adding "that" after "reasons" improves grammatical correctness. Replacing "late" with "belated" maintains formality, and adjusting the structure improves clarity.

  4. "This lead to the total extinction of some animal species."
    -> "This has led to the complete extinction of some animal species."
    Explanation: Correcting the verb form to "has led" ensures grammatical accuracy, and using "complete extinction" adds precision to the description.

  5. "Secondly, climate change, driven by human activities, is altering ecosystems and threatening species with changing temparature and weather patterns."
    -> "Secondly, climate change, propelled by human activities, is reshaping ecosystems and jeopardizing species through fluctuating temperature and weather patterns."
    Explanation: Replacing "altering" with "reshaping," "threatening" with "jeopardizing," and "temparature" with "temperature" enhances the precision and formality of the language.

  6. "For instance, the appearance of factories, which consuming large amounts of toxic gases into the air and water causes mass fish deaths and air pollution."
    -> "For instance, the operation of factories, which release substantial amounts of toxic gases into the air and water, results in mass fish deaths and air pollution."
    Explanation: Replacing "appearance" with "operation" clarifies the context, and restructuring the sentence for better coherence improves readability. Also, adjusting "consuming" to "release" ensures accuracy.

  7. "Moreover, those whose commit acts of destroying environmental resourses will be severely punished to deter them from daring to repeat the offense next time."
    -> "Moreover, those who commit acts of destroying environmental resources will face severe penalties to deter them from daring to repeat the offense."
    Explanation: Correcting "whose" to "who" ensures grammatical accuracy. Replacing "will be severely punished" with "will face severe penalties" adds formality, and adjusting the structure improves clarity.

  8. "To sum up, those who don’t want to do anything to improve the environment, however, I suppose that using some practical methods can help situation become better."
    -> "In conclusion, for those unwilling to take action to improve the environment, I posit that implementing practical methods can contribute to a positive change in the situation."
    Explanation: Replacing "To sum up" with "In conclusion" is a more formal transition. Changing "don’t want to do anything" to "unwilling to take action" adds formality, and "I suppose that" is replaced with "I posit that" for a more authoritative tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views as required. It acknowledges the belief that it is too late to restore the environment due to human activities, and it also expresses support for the idea that effective measures can still be taken.
    • How to improve: While the essay does touch on both views, there is room for improvement in providing a more thorough analysis of each perspective. Expanding on the reasons supporting the view that it is too late and discussing potential counterarguments would enhance the completeness of the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position, expressing support for the belief that the government will find solutions to improve the environmental situation.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the essay could provide a brief preview of the main reasons supporting the chosen stance in the introduction.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the reasons it is considered too late to restore the environment and suggests measures to improve the situation. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and examples lack detail.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on the reasons why it is perceived as too late, providing specific examples and statistics. Similarly, when proposing solutions, offer more detailed explanations and examples to enhance the depth of the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the negative effects of human activities on plants and animals and presenting views on whether it is too late to address the issue.
    • How to improve: Some sentences are slightly unclear or contain grammatical errors, which can be distracting. Clarity in expression and careful proofreading will help maintain focus on the topic.

Overall, the essay shows a good understanding of the prompt and effectively communicates the writer’s position. To improve, focus on providing a more detailed analysis of each perspective, enhancing the depth of supporting ideas, and ensuring clarity in expression.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, starting with an introduction that presents the two views on the issue. However, the flow of ideas in the body paragraphs could be improved. The first paragraph discusses why it is too late to restore the environment, while the second paragraph shifts to the author’s belief in the government’s ability to find solutions. This organizational shift can be confusing for the reader.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a smooth transition between ideas and maintain a clear focus on the chosen perspective. Consider restructuring the body paragraphs to provide a more cohesive argument. For example, discuss the challenges of restoring the environment in one paragraph and then transition to potential solutions in the next.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure could be more effective. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, providing clarity and coherence. However, some paragraphs in the essay cover multiple points, making it challenging for the reader to follow the author’s line of reasoning.
    • How to improve: Aim for a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea. Follow this with supporting details or examples. Ensure that each paragraph is well-organized and contributes to the overall argument. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices to some extent, such as transitions like "firstly" and "secondly." However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and effectiveness of these devices. Some sentences lack clear connections, affecting the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices, including conjunctions (e.g., furthermore, consequently), pronouns (e.g., this, these), and synonyms. Ensure that each sentence flows logically from the previous one, creating a smooth and connected narrative. Pay attention to the use of cohesive devices not only within paragraphs but also between them to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization of ideas, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more effective and cohesive piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Some topic-related terms such as "extinction," "deforestation," and "climate change" are used effectively. However, the overall vocabulary is somewhat limited, with repetition of certain words like "environment" and "species."
    • How to improve: To enhance the score in this criterion, consider incorporating a broader range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely. Synonyms and varied expressions for key terms can contribute to a richer and more nuanced language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally communicates ideas clearly, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be more precise. For example, the phrase "find more difficulties" might be refined to "encounter greater challenges," and "appearance of factories" could be replaced with "emission from industrial facilities."
    • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Consult a thesaurus for alternative words or phrases, ensuring that each term used contributes to the clarity and accuracy of your expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, but there are a few errors, such as "temparature" (temperature) and "resourses" (resources).
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling, especially for commonly misspelled words. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools, and consider proofreading the essay carefully before submission to catch and correct such errors.

This essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, but improvements in vocabulary variety, precision, and careful proofreading for spelling accuracy can contribute to a more polished and higher-scoring essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, with some attempts at using connecting phrases (e.g., "Firstly," "Moreover"). However, the overall variety could be improved, and the complexity of sentences might be enhanced for a more sophisticated presentation.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences by using varied sentence lengths, introducing relative clauses, and experimenting with different sentence beginnings. For instance, instead of relying solely on simple sentences, try combining ideas using compound or complex structures.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates adequate grammatical accuracy, with few errors that slightly impact comprehension. For instance, the phrase "There are several reasons explain why" should be corrected to "There are several reasons that explain why." Additionally, there are some minor issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "Those who don’t want to do anything" could be refined to "Those who do not want to do anything."
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and the use of articles. Proofreading for these specific issues will enhance the grammatical accuracy of your writing. For example, in the sentence mentioned above, ensuring that subject and verb align in terms of number and using the appropriate form of "to do" will improve precision.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, there is room for improvement in both sentence structure variety and grammatical accuracy. Focusing on these aspects will contribute to a more refined and cohesive essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Plants and animals currently face the risk of extinction due to the adverse impacts of human actions. It is widely recognized that people encounter greater challenges in restoring the environment because it may be too late. I strongly endorse the notion that the government will formulate effective solutions to ameliorate this situation.

There are several reasons that explain why it is belated for humanity to restore the environment to its original state. Firstly, human activities have led to the destruction and fragmentation of natural habitats. Deforestation and the illegal exploitation of forest resources have resulted in the total extinction of some animal species. Secondly, climate change, propelled by human activities, is reshaping ecosystems and jeopardizing species through fluctuating temperature and weather patterns. For instance, the operation of factories, which release substantial amounts of toxic gases into the air and water, results in mass fish deaths and air pollution.

However, I believe that we can partly improve the loss with some practical measures. Firstly, the government should enact laws to ban illegal acts that pose a threat to natural habitats. Moreover, those who commit acts of destroying environmental resources will face severe penalties to deter them from daring to repeat the offense. In addition, governments can invest in the establishment of protected areas and create volunteer associations to clean up trash in parks or public spaces.

In conclusion, for those unwilling to take action to improve the environment, I posit that implementing practical methods can contribute to a positive change in the situation.

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