Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people say that it is too late to do something, while others think that actions can be taken to improve the situation. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Since the development of industrialization and modernization, human activities have posed potential risks on plants and animals. Some people argue that the time is too late to start a protection while other groups think that the situation can be improved by taking actions. In this essay, I prefer we should take actions instead of neglecting our duties toward animals and these two views will be elucidated in this essay.

On the one hand, the opinion that preserving biological species is meaningless as it is too late to rescue and revive extinct animals, plants. Precisely, due to the large scales of destruction that have already devastated the habitats, we can hardly restore these ecosystems to their original state. Consequently, numerous species lose nature to survive and thrive, which lead them to the brink of extinction. For example, deforestation , climate change, soil erosion, contaminated water…has contributed to hazardous effects toward living species, which are difficult to reverse.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Since the development of industrialization and modernization" -> "Since the advent of industrialization and modernization"
Explanation: Replacing "development" with "advent" provides a more precise and formal term to describe the onset of industrialization and modernization, aligning with academic language.
"Some people argue that the time is too late to start a protection while other groups think that the situation can be improved by taking actions." -> "Some argue that it is too late to initiate protection, while others believe that the situation can be ameliorated through proactive measures."
Explanation: The phrase "start a protection" is awkward and informal. "Initiate protection" is more suitable. Additionally, "taking actions" can be replaced with "proactive measures" for a more formal tone.
"I prefer we should take actions" -> "I advocate for proactive measures"
Explanation: "Prefer we should take actions" is somewhat redundant and lacks precision. "Advocate for proactive measures" conveys the same idea more succinctly and in a more formal tone.
"these two views will be elucidated in this essay" -> "this essay will elucidate these two perspectives"
Explanation: "Views" can be replaced with "perspectives" for variety. Additionally, restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality improves the academic tone.
"Preserving biological species is meaningless as it is too late to rescue and revive extinct animals, plants." -> "Preserving biological species may seem futile given the irreversibility of extinction in many cases."
Explanation: "Meaningless" is too strong and subjective for academic writing. "Futile" is a more appropriate term. Also, rephrasing the sentence for clarity and academic tone enhances the expression.
"Precisely, due to the large scales of destruction that have already devastated the habitats" -> "Indeed, the extensive destruction that has already ravaged habitats"
Explanation: "Precisely" is too colloquial for academic writing. "Indeed" is a suitable alternative. Additionally, rephrasing for clarity and formality strengthens the sentence.
"Consequently, numerous species lose nature to survive and thrive, which lead them to the brink of extinction." -> "Consequently, numerous species lose their natural habitats, endangering their survival and pushing them to the brink of extinction."
Explanation: "Lose nature to survive and thrive" is unclear and informal. "Lose their natural habitats, endangering their survival" provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
"For example, deforestation , climate change, soil erosion, contaminated water…has contributed to hazardous effects toward living species, which are difficult to reverse." -> "For instance, deforestation, climate change, soil erosion, and contaminated water have contributed to deleterious effects on living species, which are challenging to mitigate."
Explanation: "Hazardous effects" can be replaced with "deleterious effects" for precision and formality. Additionally, "difficult to reverse" can be replaced with "challenging to mitigate" for a more nuanced expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Here is your detailed feedback on each checklist item, given the final Band Score of 5:

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The prompt asks the writer to discuss both views regarding the negative impact of human activity on plants and animals and to provide their own opinion. The essay briefly acknowledges both views and indicates a preference for action, but it doesn’t fully develop or discuss the opposing view. It primarily focuses on the side that believes it is too late to take action without exploring reasons or examples to support this claim. The essay ends abruptly, indicating that the word count is likely low, impacting the overall task response.
- How to improve: To more comprehensively address all elements of the question, consider adding more detailed arguments and examples supporting each view. Discuss why some people think it’s too late to take action, and provide clear examples that reinforce this position. Similarly, elaborate on your opinion with specific suggestions on what actions can be taken to improve the situation. Extending the essay with a thorough discussion and supporting examples will help meet the requirements for answering all parts of the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s position in favor of taking action to mitigate the negative impact on plants and animals is stated early, and it’s clear where the writer stands. However, the development of this position could be clearer and more consistent throughout the essay. There is no concluding paragraph or restatement of the position, leaving the reader with an incomplete understanding of the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: Maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay by restating your viewpoint at key points and using language that emphasizes your stance. Consider adding a concluding paragraph to reinforce your opinion and summarize the key points. This will help solidify the clarity and consistency of your position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not provide enough detailed information to effectively support the ideas presented. Although the potential risks to plants and animals are mentioned, the explanation is brief and lacks specific examples or data to back it up. The essay does not extend beyond a basic explanation of the negative impacts.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation, extension, and support of ideas, include more detailed examples, statistics, or case studies that demonstrate the negative impacts on plants and animals. Additionally, elaborate on specific actions that can be taken to address these issues, providing evidence to support the feasibility of these solutions. Consider adding a section discussing successful conservation efforts or initiatives that support your opinion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but could benefit from further focus and coherence. There is some vagueness in the wording, and the abrupt ending may lead to confusion about the central message. The use of incomplete lists ("deforestation, climate change, soil erosion, contaminated water…") can also cause distraction.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, ensure that all content in the essay directly relates to the prompt. Avoid incomplete lists and explain the significance of each point mentioned. Extend the essay to include a conclusion or additional paragraphs to improve coherence and provide a complete response to the topic. This will help avoid abrupt endings and ensure that the reader stays engaged with the main idea.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the essay should focus on developing ideas with clear examples, maintaining a consistent position throughout, and fully addressing all parts of the question. Consider extending the essay to include additional paragraphs and a conclusion that reinforce your position.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay begins by introducing the topic and presenting both viewpoints on whether it’s too late to address the negative impact of human activity on plants and animals. It then proceeds to discuss the first viewpoint, providing reasons and examples to support it. However, the transition to the opposing viewpoint could be smoother to enhance the logical flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs. Use linking words or phrases to connect ideas between the two viewpoints. For example, after discussing the first viewpoint, the essay could use phrases like "However, an opposing perspective suggests…" to signal the shift to the next viewpoint.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity and coherence. However, the paragraphing could be improved for better structure and effectiveness. The first paragraph introduces the topic and thesis statement, while the second paragraph elaborates on one viewpoint.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down the essay into more paragraphs to further develop each viewpoint and provide additional support for arguments. For instance, the discussion on why some believe it’s too late to protect species could be expanded into multiple paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect such as deforestation, climate change, and contamination.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. For instance, phrases like "on the one hand" help to signal the introduction of a new viewpoint. Additionally, the use of examples such as deforestation and climate change enhances coherence by providing concrete illustrations of the argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance cohesion, incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases. For instance, use pronouns like "these" or "those" to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, and employ transitional phrases like "furthermore" or "in addition" to link related points within paragraphs. This will create a smoother flow of ideas and strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, covering various aspects of the topic. It includes terms like "industrialization," "modernization," "preserving," "biological species," "extinct," "habitats," "ecosystems," "brink of extinction," "deforestation," "climate change," "soil erosion," and "contaminated water." These terms effectively convey the writer’s ideas and enrich the discussion.
- How to improve: While the vocabulary usage is strong overall, incorporating more specialized terminology related to environmental science or conservation could enhance the depth of analysis. Additionally, ensuring the correct usage and contextual appropriateness of advanced vocabulary will further strengthen the lexical richness of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, terms like "extinct," "deforestation," and "climate change" are used accurately to describe specific environmental phenomena. However, there are instances where the usage could be more precise. For example, the phrase "Preserving biological species is meaningless" might benefit from a more nuanced term than "meaningless" to accurately capture the complexity of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive for greater specificity in vocabulary selection. Instead of generic terms, opt for words that precisely convey the intended meaning within the context of the essay. Consulting a thesaurus or conducting additional research on synonyms can help diversify and refine your vocabulary choices.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits generally accurate spelling throughout, with no major spelling errors noted in the excerpt provided. Words like "industrialization," "modernization," "preserving," "extinct," and others are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: Maintaining a high level of spelling accuracy is crucial for conveying your ideas clearly and maintaining credibility. To continue improving spelling skills, consider utilizing spell-checking tools, proofreading your work carefully, and actively learning and practicing spelling rules and conventions. Additionally, reading widely can expose you to a diverse range of words and their correct spellings, aiding in retention and application.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, contributing to readability and coherence. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further to enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, and passive voice constructions. Additionally, vary the lengths of sentences to create a more dynamic rhythm in the writing. For instance, instead of relying solely on simple sentences, try combining ideas using subordinating conjunctions or appositive phrases.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are some instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout the essay. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("preserving biological species is meaningless as it is too late") and missing punctuation marks ("For example, deforestation , climate change…").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it’s essential to review and practice grammar rules, particularly focusing on subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper comma usage. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help catch and correct such errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or tutors to identify recurring grammatical issues and work on addressing them systematically.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in using a variety of sentence structures and maintaining grammatical accuracy, there is still room for improvement in both areas. By incorporating more diverse sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the essay can further enhance its clarity, coherence, and overall effectiveness.

Bài sửa mẫu

“Since the advent of industrialization and modernization, human activities have posed significant risks to plants and animals. Some people believe it is too late to start conservation efforts, while others think the situation can be improved by taking action. In my opinion, we should take action rather than neglect our duties toward wildlife, and this essay will explore both perspectives.

On one hand, some people think that it’s pointless to try to save biological species because it’s too late to rescue and revive those that are already extinct. Due to large-scale destruction that has ravaged habitats, it’s almost impossible to restore these ecosystems to their original state. As a result, many species lose their natural environments and are pushed to the brink of extinction. For example, deforestation, climate change, soil erosion, and water pollution have all contributed to significant harm to living species, making it difficult to reverse the damage.”