humans influence environment
humans influence environment
In recent years, the issue of the environment has become increasingly popular in the general topic. People reckon that humans influence the environment. The essay aims to discuss some major disadvantages of the topic.
It is important to highlight that human impact has a bad negative impact on the environment. The first serious effect is gas emissions from factories and vehicles leading to global warming. Besides, an additional remarkable negative of this trend is that, as the human population increases. We are also producing ever greater quantities of waste. Even, contaminates the earth, river ocean
These are some main solutions to reducing environmental pollution. Humans can use renewable energy from solar, wind or water power. Besides, shoppers can use reusable bags to limit waste. Finally, introduce laws to limit emissions
In conclusion, the key takeaway message from this essay is that humans need to protect the environment and create a good living environment.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"the issue of the environment" -> "environmental issues"
Explanation: "Environmental issues" is a more concise and formal way to refer to problems related to the environment, aligning better with academic style. -
"People reckon" -> "Many believe"
Explanation: "People reckon" is informal and vague; "Many believe" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing. -
"The essay aims to discuss some major disadvantages of the topic." -> "This essay will explore the significant drawbacks of this topic."
Explanation: "This essay will explore" is more assertive and formal than "The essay aims to discuss," and "significant drawbacks" is a more precise term than "major disadvantages." -
"human impact has a bad negative impact" -> "human impact has a detrimental effect"
Explanation: "Bad negative impact" is redundant and informal; "detrimental effect" is a more precise and formal expression. -
"gas emissions from factories and vehicles leading to global warming" -> "emissions from industrial and vehicular activities contributing to global warming"
Explanation: "Industrial and vehicular activities" is a more specific and formal way to describe the sources of emissions, and "contributing to" is more precise than "leading to." -
"an additional remarkable negative of this trend is that, as the human population increases" -> "another significant consequence of this trend is the increasing human population"
Explanation: "Another significant consequence" is more formal and precise than "an additional remarkable negative," and rephrasing the sentence clarifies the relationship between population growth and consequences. -
"We are also producing ever greater quantities of waste. Even, contaminates the earth, river ocean" -> "We are also generating increasingly large amounts of waste, which contaminates the earth, rivers, and oceans"
Explanation: "Generating increasingly large amounts of waste" is more formal and precise than "producing ever greater quantities." Also, "rivers, and oceans" should be separated by commas for proper punctuation. -
"These are some main solutions to reducing environmental pollution." -> "These are key strategies for reducing environmental pollution."
Explanation: "Key strategies" is more specific and formal than "main solutions," and "for reducing" is more direct and clear than "to reducing." -
"Humans can use renewable energy from solar, wind or water power." -> "Humans can utilize renewable energy sources such as solar, wind, and water power."
Explanation: "Utilize" is more formal than "use," and specifying "sources such as" enhances clarity and formality. -
"shoppers can use reusable bags to limit waste." -> "consumers can employ reusable bags to minimize waste."
Explanation: "Employ" is more formal than "use," and "minimize" is a more precise term than "limit" in this context. -
"Finally, introduce laws to limit emissions" -> "Furthermore, implementing laws to regulate emissions"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Finally," and "regulate" is more specific than "limit" in the context of laws governing emissions. -
"the key takeaway message from this essay is that humans need to protect the environment and create a good living environment." -> "the primary takeaway from this essay is that humans must protect the environment and foster a sustainable living environment."
Explanation: "Primary takeaway" is more formal than "key takeaway message," and "must" is more forceful than "need." "Foster a sustainable living environment" is a more precise and formal way to describe creating a livable environment.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt regarding human influence on the environment but does so in a limited manner. It primarily focuses on the negative impacts of human activities, such as gas emissions and waste production. However, it fails to explore the broader implications of human influence, including potential positive effects or solutions in detail. The discussion of solutions is also quite brief and lacks depth.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should include a balanced view of both negative and positive influences humans have on the environment. Expanding on the discussion of solutions with specific examples and elaborating on how these solutions can be implemented would enhance the response.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position that human influence is predominantly negative. However, the position is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The introduction suggests a discussion of disadvantages but does not clearly articulate a thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed. The conclusion reiterates the need for protection but does not summarize the arguments made.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the essay should start with a strong thesis statement that outlines the main arguments. Each paragraph should then relate back to this thesis, ensuring that the position is clear throughout. The conclusion should summarize the key points discussed and reinforce the main argument.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped. For instance, the mention of gas emissions and waste production lacks detailed explanation or examples that could illustrate the severity of these issues. The solutions provided are also very brief and do not include any supporting evidence or elaboration on their effectiveness.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the essay should include specific examples and data to back up claims. Each point made should be elaborated upon, explaining why it is significant and how it relates to the overall argument. Additionally, discussing the potential impact of proposed solutions would strengthen the essay.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic regarding human influence on the environment. However, there are moments where the focus is lost, particularly when transitioning from discussing negative impacts to solutions without a clear connection. The phrase "Even, contaminates the earth, river ocean" is unclear and disrupts the flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the essay should have clear transitions between points. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that clearly relates to the main argument. Ensuring clarity in language and structure will help keep the discussion on track.
Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for a more balanced exploration of the topic, develop ideas more thoroughly, maintain a clear position throughout, and ensure that all parts of the prompt are adequately addressed.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the organization of ideas within the body lacks clarity. For instance, the transition from discussing the negative impacts of human activity to proposing solutions is abrupt. The first body paragraph focuses on the negative impacts, but the second paragraph introduces solutions without a clear link or transition, which can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader from one idea to the next. For example, after discussing the negative impacts, a sentence like "To combat these issues, several solutions can be implemented" would create a smoother transition to the solutions section. Additionally, grouping similar ideas together and ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea can improve overall coherence.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness is undermined by a lack of clear topic sentences and supporting details. The first paragraph introduces the topic, but the second paragraph does not have a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point about the negative impacts of human activity. The third paragraph lists solutions but lacks development and detail, making it feel underdeveloped.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For example, the second paragraph could begin with "One of the most significant negative impacts of human activity on the environment is…" This would clarify the focus of the paragraph. Additionally, providing specific examples or elaborating on the solutions in the third paragraph would strengthen the argument and enhance paragraph effectiveness.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "besides" and "finally," but their usage is somewhat limited and repetitive. The phrase "besides" isused twice in close proximity, which can detract from the overall cohesiveness of the text. Additionally, there are instances where cohesive devices are missing, leading to abrupt shifts between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "on the other hand." This will help create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Moreover, ensuring that each cohesive device is used appropriately and not overused will enhance the overall flow of the essay.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some appropriate terms such as "gas emissions," "global warming," and "renewable energy." However, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "negative impact" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which limits the lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "negative impact," alternatives like "adverse effect," "detrimental influence," or "harmful consequence" could be used. Additionally, using more specific terms related to environmental issues (e.g., "carbon footprint," "ecological degradation") would demonstrate a broader lexical resource.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices in the essay are imprecise or awkward. For instance, the phrase "bad negative impact" is redundant; "negative impact" alone suffices. Additionally, the sentence "Even, contaminates the earth, river ocean" is unclear and grammatically incorrect, which obscures the intended meaning. The use of "remarkable negative" is also vague and does not convey a clear idea.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and conciseness. For example, instead of saying "bad negative impact," simply stating "negative impact" would be more effective. The writer should also ensure that sentences are grammatically correct and clearly convey their intended meaning. Revising awkward phrases for clarity, such as rephrasing "Even, contaminates the earth, river ocean" to "This pollution contaminates the earth, rivers, and oceans," would enhance precision.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "contaminates" (which is correct but used in an incorrect context), and "river ocean," which should be "rivers and oceans." Additionally, the phrase "the general topic" is vague and does not contribute meaningfully to the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spelling and grammar checking tools. Practicing spelling of commonly used words in environmental discussions and ensuring that phrases are correctly structured will also help. Furthermore, the writer should familiarize themselves with common collocations in English, such as "rivers and oceans," to avoid awkward constructions.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and includes some relevant vocabulary, improvements can be made in the range, precision, and spelling of the vocabulary used. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their lexical resource in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the sentence "The first serious effect is gas emissions from factories and vehicles leading to global warming" effectively combines a main clause with a participial phrase. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are quite simple or repetitive. For example, phrases like "an additional remarkable negative of this trend is that" could be restructured for more complexity and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of sentence structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences that incorporate subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "We are also producing ever greater quantities of waste," the writer could say, "As the human population continues to grow, we are producing ever greater quantities of waste, which further exacerbates environmental issues." Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings and using different conjunctions can help create a more engaging flow.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "bad negative impact" is redundant; "negative impact" alone suffices. Another issue is the incomplete sentence "as the human population increases," which lacks a main clause. Furthermore, the sentence "Even, contaminates the earth, river ocean" is grammatically incorrect and unclear, as it lacks a subject and proper conjunctions. Punctuation errors, such as the unnecessary comma after "Even," also disrupt the flow.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on constructing complete sentences and avoiding redundancy. It would be beneficial to review subject-verb agreement and ensure that each sentence has a clear subject and predicate. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly with commas and conjunctions, will enhance clarity. For instance, revising "Even, contaminates the earth, river ocean" to "This waste even contaminates the earth, rivers, and oceans" would correct the grammatical issues and improve readability.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and attempts to address the prompt, there are significant areas for improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent years, the issue of environmental concerns has gained significant attention in public discourse. Many believe that humans influence the environment in various ways. This essay will explore the significant drawbacks of this topic.
It is important to highlight that human impact has a detrimental effect on the environment. The first serious consequence is the emissions from industrial and vehicular activities contributing to global warming. Furthermore, another significant consequence of this trend is the increasing human population. We are also generating increasingly large amounts of waste, which contaminates the earth, rivers, and oceans.
These are key strategies for reducing environmental pollution. Humans can utilize renewable energy sources such as solar, wind, and water power. Additionally, consumers can employ reusable bags to minimize waste. Finally, implementing laws to regulate emissions can also play a crucial role in addressing this issue.
In conclusion, the primary takeaway from this essay is that humans must protect the environment and foster a sustainable living environment.