If a product is good and meets customer needs then people will buy it and advertising is unnecessary. Agree or disagree

Whether individuals will spend money on items that are good and satisfactory and advertisements will become redundant in the trade process. In my opinion, it would be wrong to underestimate the advertisements because I hold the belief that they play an important role in promoting the awareness of individuals about products.

On the one hand, unnecessary advertisements hold water in certain circumstances. First and foremost, advertisements don’t need for some products that only rely on word-of-mouth recommendations to boost their sales. For instance, many universities attract the attention of students through modern facilities and high teaching quality while for a project in its early phase, advertisements are essential to establish a trustworthy reputation. Additionally, the lack of advertising only exists when individuals need to buy compulsive products. Facilities for health being a compelling example that people always choose the good options to use so, there is no need for advertisements since the use of advertisements could backfire.

On the other hand, despite several arguments above, I am of the opinion that advertisements are more beneficial. One main reason for this idea is that advertising products help customers become aware of products that are hitting the market. To illustrate, the number of businesses encounter difficulty to increase their revenue and profits because the lack of advertisements leads to unconnect with customer. Another major is that devoting relatively with funding to boost advertising is aggressive expansion to promote customer’s loyalty. Therefore, companies can develop customer product loyalty through mobile advertisements by its importance for carrying out personalization with marketing effort.

In conclusion, while there are many cases where advertisements are not important such as education and medical, I strongly believe that plenty of businesses find the importance of advertising in connecting to customers and promoting customer’s loyalty.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Whether individuals will spend money on items that are good and satisfactory and advertisements will become redundant in the trade process."
-> "Whether individuals will invest in high-quality products and whether advertisements will become obsolete in the trading process."
Explanation: The original sentence uses informal language ("items that are good and satisfactory") and a structure that is not typically academic. "Invest in high-quality products" is more formal and precise, and "obsolete in the trading process" is clearer than "redundant in the trade process."
"In my opinion, it would be wrong to underestimate the advertisements because I hold the belief that they play an important role in promoting the awareness of individuals about products."
-> "In my view, underestimating the significance of advertisements would be misguided, as they play a crucial role in enhancing consumer awareness of products."
Explanation: "In my view" is a more formal phrase than "In my opinion." "Misguided" is a stronger and more academic word than "wrong." "Enhancing consumer awareness" is clearer and more precise than "promoting the awareness of individuals."
"On the one hand, unnecessary advertisements hold water in certain circumstances."
-> "On one hand, superfluous advertisements are justified in certain contexts."
Explanation: "Hold water" is a bit informal; "are justified" is more appropriate. Removing "unnecessary" clarifies the context without redundancy.
"First and foremost, advertisements don’t need for some products that only rely on word-of-mouth recommendations to boost their sales."
-> "Firstly, advertisements are unnecessary for products that rely solely on word-of-mouth recommendations to drive sales."
Explanation: "Don’t need for" is awkward; "are unnecessary for" is clearer. "First and foremost" can be replaced with "Firstly" for a more concise and formal expression.
"Facilities for health being a compelling example that people always choose the good options to use so, there is no need for advertisements since the use of advertisements could backfire."
-> "Healthcare facilities provide a compelling example where people consistently choose optimal options, thus obviating the necessity for advertisements, as their use could potentially have adverse effects."
Explanation: "Facilities for health" can be clarified to "healthcare facilities." "Choose the good options to use" can be refined to "choose optimal options." "Backfire" is replaced with "have adverse effects," which is more formal and specific.
"despite several arguments above"
-> "notwithstanding the aforementioned arguments"
Explanation: "Despite" is slightly informal; "notwithstanding" is a more formal equivalent.
"One main reason for this idea is that advertising products help customers become aware of products that are hitting the market."
-> "One primary rationale for this stance is that advertising facilitates customer awareness of newly launched products."
Explanation: "Main reason for this idea" can be replaced with "primary rationale for this stance" for a more academic tone. "Help customers become aware" can be changed to "facilitates customer awareness," which is more precise.
"Another major is that devoting relatively with funding to boost advertising is aggressive expansion to promote customer’s loyalty."
-> "Another significant factor is that allocating substantial funds to enhance advertising constitutes proactive expansion aimed at fostering customer loyalty."
Explanation: "Another major" is replaced with "Another significant factor." "Devoting relatively with funding" is unclear; "allocating substantial funds" is clearer. "Aggressive expansion" can be refined to "proactive expansion," which is more neutral and formal.
"while there are many cases where advertisements are not important such as education and medical,"
-> "while there are scenarios where advertisements are less critical, such as in education and healthcare,"
Explanation: "Not important" is less precise than "less critical." "Scenarios" is more formal than "cases."
"plenty of businesses find the importance of advertising in connecting to customers and promoting customer’s loyalty."
-> "many businesses recognize the importance of advertising in engaging with customers and fostering customer loyalty."
Explanation: "Plenty of businesses find" is colloquial; "many businesses recognize" is more formal. "Connecting to customers" can be replaced with "engaging with customers," which is clearer.

These improvements aim to enhance the academic style and clarity of the essay by replacing informal or imprecise language with more suitable alternatives.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument presented in the prompt. It discusses the significance of advertising in some scenarios while acknowledging instances where it may not be necessary.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored and that all points made directly contribute to addressing the question. Providing more specific examples and elaborating on how advertising impacts consumer behavior could strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, arguing that advertising is important despite some exceptions. The position is consistently supported and reiterated in each paragraph.
- How to improve: To further improve clarity, ensure that the thesis statement explicitly states the position taken on the issue. Additionally, reinforce the position by integrating it more seamlessly into each argument presented.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, but some points lack depth and development. For example, while it mentions the importance of advertising for businesses, it could provide more detailed examples or evidence to support this claim.
- How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, extend arguments by providing specific examples, statistical data, or real-world scenarios to illustrate key points. Additionally, ensure that each idea is fully developed and connected to the main argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but occasionally veers into tangential discussions, such as the role of advertisements in education and healthcare. While these points are related to the broader discussion of advertising’s necessity, they somewhat detract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, avoid introducing new topics or examples that are only loosely connected to the main argument. Instead, prioritize discussing how advertising impacts consumer behavior and purchasing decisions.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive arguments, supporting ideas with evidence, and staying focused on the main topic. Integrating these suggestions can help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction where the writer presents their stance on the issue. The body paragraphs are divided into two main sections, each presenting a different viewpoint supported by examples and reasoning. The conclusion provides a brief summary of the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be improved for better coherence. For example, the transition between the two main points in the body paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall logical progression of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid confusion and improve clarity for the reader.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument and contains a topic sentence that introduces the main idea. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development and clearer structure. For instance, the second paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs to differentiate between the examples provided for when advertisements are unnecessary and when they are essential.
- How to improve: Review the organization of each paragraph to ensure that it presents a cohesive argument. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence. Examples include transition words like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help signal shifts between different arguments. Additionally, pronouns such as "this idea" and "another major" are used to reference previously mentioned points, contributing to the overall cohesion of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and strategic placement of cohesive devices to further enhance coherence.
- How to improve: Consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, adverbs, and parallel structures to strengthen the connections between ideas. Pay attention to the placement of these devices to ensure they facilitate smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, vary the types of cohesive devices used to maintain reader engagement and interest throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some variety in word choice throughout. Examples include "redundant," "compulsive," "backfire," "encounter difficulty," and "aggressive expansion." However, there is room for improvement in the diversity of vocabulary usage. Some phrases are repeated ("advertisements are essential," "advertisements are important"), and there is a reliance on common phrases ("hold water," "hit the market") that could be substituted with more nuanced language.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more synonyms and avoiding repetition. Instead of using common phrases, try to express ideas in a more unique and precise manner. For instance, instead of "hit the market," you could say "introduced to the market," or instead of "hold water," you could use "are valid" or "are applicable."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "advertisements are essential to establish a trustworthy reputation" could be more specific. Instead of "essential," you might use "crucial" or "vital" to convey the importance more precisely. Similarly, the phrase "devoting relatively with funding" could be clarified for better precision.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting words that accurately convey your intended meaning. Consider using a thesaurus to find more precise synonyms for common words. Additionally, clarify ambiguous phrases to ensure the reader fully understands your point. For instance, instead of "devoting relatively with funding," you might say "allocating sufficient funding."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "relatively with funding" (should be "relatively little funding") and "unconnect" (should be "disconnect"). These errors do not significantly detract from the readability of the essay but should be addressed for improved clarity.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work carefully before submission. Use spell-checking tools and double-check the spelling of unfamiliar words. Additionally, pay attention to common spelling patterns and practice regularly to reinforce correct spelling habits.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at utilizing a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound-complex sentences. For example, "Whether individuals will spend money on items that are good and satisfactory and advertisements will become redundant in the trade process" presents a complex sentence structure with multiple clauses. However, there is a tendency towards some repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of introductory phrases and clauses ("On the one hand," "On the other hand"). While these structures are grammatically correct, more diversity in sentence structure could enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of sentence structures, consider incorporating different types of sentences, such as exclamatory or imperative sentences, and varying the placement of clauses within sentences. Additionally, aim to use transitions and connectors more effectively to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and punctuation, with few errors detracting from clarity. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies throughout the essay. For instance, in the sentence, "Whether individuals will spend money on items that are good and satisfactory and advertisements will become redundant in the trade process," the lack of parallel structure in "good and satisfactory" could be improved for clarity. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases and inconsistent capitalization.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to parallel structure, ensuring consistency in the structure of phrases and clauses. Review common punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage after introductory elements and in compound sentences. Consider utilizing grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify and correct errors effectively. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help catch any overlooked mistakes and enhance overall clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

Whether individuals will invest in high-quality products and whether advertisements will become obsolete in the trading process. In my view, underestimating the significance of advertisements would be misguided, as they play a crucial role in enhancing consumer awareness of products.

On one hand, superfluous advertisements are justified in certain contexts. Firstly, advertisements are unnecessary for products that rely solely on word-of-mouth recommendations to drive sales. Healthcare facilities provide a compelling example where people consistently choose optimal options, thus obviating the necessity for advertisements, as their use could potentially have adverse effects.

Nevertheless, notwithstanding the aforementioned arguments, one primary rationale for this stance is that advertising facilitates customer awareness of newly launched products. Another significant factor is that allocating substantial funds to enhance advertising constitutes proactive expansion aimed at fostering customer loyalty.

While there are scenarios where advertisements are less critical, such as in education and healthcare, many businesses recognize the importance of advertising in engaging with customers and fostering customer loyalty.