If old people are no longer physically, mentally or financially able to look after themselves, younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

If old people are no longer physically, mentally or financially able to look after themselves, younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting them.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is clear that looking after old parents when they do not have enough physically, mentally or financially to take care themselves is the responsible of their younger generation. From my point of view, I totally agree with this statement for several reasons.
On the one hand, taking care older people when they were retirement is a better way for offsprings to show their appreciation to their parents. For example, in Viet Nam, looking after older parents has been become a natural thing for the next generations, because parents, who had the largest dedication of nurturing and taking care their children from they were born to growing up. Therefore, it is clear that offsprings should be legally responsible for supporting their parents when they are retirement as showing their respects.
On the other hand, if younger family members support their parents when they are no longer physically, mentally or financially able to look after themselves, would create for elderly valuable memories with their families. When people become old, they want to be closer with their offsprings and share their own experiences in the past, so they would become more happier if the younger family members look after them regularly. In addition, taking care about older parents helps offsprings control the mental health as well as physical health of their parents.
In conclusion, it is extremely crucial for younger generation to take care their parents when they are no longer physically, mentally or financially able to look after themselves.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "looking after old parents" -> "caring for elderly parents"
   Explanation: "Caring for elderly parents" is a more formal and precise term that better fits the academic context, avoiding the colloquial tone of "looking after."

2. "do not have enough physically, mentally or financially" -> "lack sufficient physical, mental, or financial capabilities"
   Explanation: "Lack sufficient physical, mental, or financial capabilities" is more formal and precise, avoiding the casual phrasing of "do not have enough."

3. "the responsible of their younger generation" -> "the responsibility of their younger generation"
   Explanation: "Responsibility" should be used as a noun, not "responsible," which is an adjective. This correction maintains grammatical accuracy.

4. "taking care older people when they were retirement" -> "caring for the elderly during retirement"
   Explanation: "Caring for the elderly during retirement" is grammatically correct and more formal, replacing the awkward and incorrect "taking care older people when they were retirement."

5. "offsprings" -> "offspring"
   Explanation: "Offspring" is the correct singular form, and "offsprings" is a plural form that is not commonly used in this context.

6. "has been become" -> "has become"
   Explanation: "Has become" is the correct form of the verb "become," eliminating the unnecessary "been" which is grammatically incorrect in this context.

7. "largest dedication of nurturing and taking care their children" -> "greatest dedication to nurturing and caring for their children"
   Explanation: "Greatest dedication to nurturing and caring for their children" corrects the grammatical structure and uses more formal vocabulary.

8. "offsprings should be legally responsible" -> "offspring should be legally responsible"
   Explanation: "Offspring" should be singular to match the subject, and "should be" is more formal than "should."

9. "when they are retirement" -> "during retirement"
   Explanation: "During retirement" is grammatically correct and more formal than "when they are retirement."

10. "would create for elderly valuable memories" -> "would create valuable memories for the elderly"
    Explanation: Reversing the order improves the sentence structure and clarity, aligning with formal academic style.

11. "they want to be closer with their offsprings" -> "they wish to be closer to their offspring"
    Explanation: "Wish to be closer to their offspring" is grammatically correct and more formal than "want to be closer with their offsprings."

12. "they would become more happier" -> "they would become happier"
    Explanation: "Happier" is an adjective and does not need "more" before it, correcting the grammatical error.

13. "taking care about older parents" -> "caring for older parents"
    Explanation: "Caring for" is the correct phrase, replacing the awkward and incorrect "taking care about."

14. "take care their parents" -> "care for their parents"
    Explanation: "Care for" is the correct phrase, replacing the incorrect "take care their."

15. "no longer physically, mentally or financially able to look after themselves" -> "no longer physically, mentally, or financially capable of self-care"
    Explanation: "Capable of self-care" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea, improving the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear agreement with the idea that younger family members should be responsible for supporting their elderly parents. However, it does not fully explore the extent of this agreement, which is a critical aspect of the question. The writer mentions reasons for their agreement but fails to discuss any potential counterarguments or limitations to their stance, which would have provided a more balanced view.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly address the extent of their agreement. This could involve acknowledging situations where younger family members might not be able to provide support (e.g., financial constraints, geographical distance) and discussing how these factors might influence their responsibilities. Including a brief counterargument could also strengthen the essay.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of younger family members being responsible for their elderly parents. However, the clarity wavers in places due to awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, such as "the responsible of their younger generation" and "taking care older people when they were retirement." These issues can obscure the writer’s intent and weaken the overall argument.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on improving sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity. Using straightforward language and avoiding complex constructions can help maintain a clear position. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion can reinforce the stance taken throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the appreciation younger generations should show towards their parents and the emotional benefits of familial support. However, these ideas are not thoroughly developed or supported with sufficient detail or examples. For instance, the mention of "valuable memories" is vague and could be expanded with specific scenarios or anecdotes to illustrate the point more effectively.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples or statistics that support the claims about the emotional and psychological benefits of family care for the elderly. Additionally, integrating quotes or references to cultural practices could enhance the depth of the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the responsibilities of younger family members towards their elderly parents. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the happiness of elderly parents without directly linking it back to the legal responsibility mentioned in the prompt. This can create a disconnect between the argument and the prompt.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the idea of legal responsibility and how it ties into the emotional and practical aspects of caregiving. A clear structure with topic sentences that reflect the prompt can help keep the essay on track.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but requires significant improvement in depth, clarity, and structure to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of the statement, with a logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs each address a distinct reason supporting this viewpoint. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the appreciation children should show towards their parents, while the second focuses on the emotional benefits of familial support. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, particularly between the two body paragraphs, where the connection between appreciation and creating memories is not explicitly articulated.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could use transitional phrases that link the ideas more explicitly. For example, adding a sentence at the end of the first paragraph that connects the appreciation of parents to the emotional benefits discussed in the second paragraph would strengthen the overall coherence. Additionally, outlining the main points in the introduction could provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the first paragraph contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that detract from its clarity. For instance, the phrase "taking care older people when they were retirement" should be revised for grammatical accuracy and clarity. The second paragraph also lacks a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which can lead to confusion about the paragraph’s focus.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity would enhance the effectiveness of the paragraphs. For example, revising the first paragraph to say, "Taking care of older people during their retirement is a way for offspring to show appreciation" would improve clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "would create for elderly valuable memories with their families" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity.
  • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "consequently." Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used correctly and naturally will enhance the overall flow of the essay. For instance, rephrasing the awkward sentence to "This support can create valuable memories for the elderly with their families" would improve clarity and cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, attention to logical flow, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance its effectiveness and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety in word choice. For instance, terms like "older people," "younger family members," and "taking care" are repeated without variation, which can make the writing feel monotonous. Phrases such as "looking after" and "supporting" are used multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions that could enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To elevate the lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "taking care," you could use "caring for," "nurturing," or "providing for." Additionally, using phrases like "elderly individuals" or "aging parents" instead of "older people" can diversify the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "is the responsible of their younger generation" should be "is the responsibility of their younger generation." This misuse of "responsible" instead of "responsibility" affects clarity. Similarly, "taking care older people when they were retirement" is awkward and unclear; it should be rephrased for better understanding.
  • How to improve: Focus on ensuring that the correct forms of words are used. It may be beneficial to review grammar rules regarding nouns and adjectives. For instance, practice distinguishing between "responsible" (adjective) and "responsibility" (noun). Additionally, rephrasing sentences for clarity can help; for example, "taking care of older people during their retirement" is clearer and more precise.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "offsprings" (should be "offspring"), "has been become" (should be "has become"), and "more happier" (should be "happier"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay with fresh eyes, specifically looking for spelling mistakes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help identify errors before submission. Regular practice with vocabulary lists and spelling exercises can also reinforce correct spelling habits.

By addressing these areas, the essay can improve its lexical resource score, leading to a more effective and polished argument.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("It is clear that looking after old parents…") and compound sentences ("On the one hand, taking care older people when they were retirement is a better way for offsprings to show their appreciation to their parents."). However, the use of complex sentences is limited, and some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity. For example, "taking care older people when they were retirement" lacks proper grammatical structure and should be "taking care of older people when they are in retirement."
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "When people become old, they want to be closer with their offsprings," the writer could use a complex structure: "As people age, they often desire to be closer to their offspring, sharing experiences from their past." Practicing the use of conjunctions and relative clauses can help diversify sentence construction.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "the responsible of their younger generation" should be "the responsibility of their younger generation." Additionally, the phrase "has been become" is incorrect; it should be "has become." Punctuation is also inconsistent, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion. For instance, "because parents, who had the largest dedication of nurturing and taking care their children from they were born to growing up" is overly convoluted and lacks clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, revising sentences for clarity and coherence before finalizing the essay can help catch mistakes. A good strategy is to read the essay aloud to identify awkward phrasing or grammatical errors that may not be immediately apparent in written form.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is a need for greater variety and accuracy. By incorporating more complex sentences and refining grammatical skills, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is clear that looking after elderly parents when they do not have sufficient physical, mental, or financial capabilities to take care of themselves is the responsibility of their younger generation. From my point of view, I totally agree with this statement for several reasons.

On the one hand, caring for older people during retirement is a better way for offspring to show their appreciation to their parents. For example, in Vietnam, caring for older parents has become a natural thing for the next generations, because parents have the greatest dedication to nurturing and caring for their children from the time they are born until they grow up. Therefore, it is clear that offspring should be legally responsible for supporting their parents when they are retired as a way of showing their respect.

On the other hand, if younger family members support their parents when they are no longer physically, mentally, or financially able to look after themselves, it would create valuable memories for the elderly with their families. When people become old, they wish to be closer to their offspring and share their experiences from the past, so they would become happier if the younger family members look after them regularly. In addition, caring for older parents helps offspring control the mental health as well as the physical health of their parents.

In conclusion, it is extremely crucial for the younger generation to care for their parents when they are no longer physically, mentally, or financially capable of self-care.