Imposing stricter punishments for traffic offences is the only way to improve road safety. Do you agree or disagree?

Since there are an increasing multitude of dire road traffic accidents annually, governments worldwide are endeavoring to implement an effective intervention. While it is couched that severe punishment is the only act that helps enhance the situation, I suggest that other solutions be considered, such as educating pupils to follow traffic laws from a young age.

Given the fact that strictly punishing people who plead guilty to traffic offences provides such a spontaneous and direct effect, applying an elaborated legislation for national traffic is opted for by several countries as one of the most effective solutions. A prime illustration of this point is, if an automobile driver merged onto the pavement in rush hour traffic and consequently wreaked havoc on the pedestrians, that driver would have to be fined with a large sum of money, according to traffic laws in Vietnam. Usually an enormous financial loss can instill in offenders a greater onus for executing the laws for fear of being fined heavily one more time. Additionally, in developing countries where traffic laws are not as strictly enforced as in developed countries, the number of modern commuter traffic accidents reported in a recent and prestigious survey is much higher than that figure of the developed ones, taking Vietnam and America for instance. Such a desirable outcome is it that the governments have recourse to inflicting severe punishments.

However, alleviating the root of the problem would rather outweigh the punishment remedy, in other words, education is the long-term counterpart that is worthier investing in. Specifically, compulsory school curriculum should comprise traffic laws and the devastating results of traffic accidents without complying with the laws on the ground that righteous education at a young age effortlessly instills in the future generation a sense of obeying the societary rules, incorporating traffic laws. Furthermore, the issuing driving license process should oblige learners to grasp better comprehension of the traffic safety realm. In Vietnam, for example, learners rarely have to strive for motor driving licenses owing to the simplistic requirement, which is conducive to insufficiency of traffic safety when they officially drive. Had the motor license examination added mandatory traffic ethics and safety lessons as well as challenging assessments, the number of responsible traffic participants would rise on an unprecedented scale.

Conclusively, dire punishment is likened to painkillers in this case, which engenders both positive effects as it can immediately hinder neglecting traffic laws yet also negative sides as it can not assure that more people will not commit traffic offenses repeatedly. Only by educating and raising people’s awareness can people deeply acknowledge the magnitude of road safety. Therefore, governments should take both short and long term methods into action.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"an increasing multitude of dire road traffic accidents" -> "a growing number of severe road traffic accidents"
Explanation: "An increasing multitude" is redundant and less precise. "A growing number" is more straightforward and academically appropriate. Additionally, "severe" is a more precise term than "dire" in this context, focusing on the severity of the accidents rather than their nature.
"endeavoring to implement" -> "endeavoring to implement"
Explanation: The phrase "endeavoring to implement" is correct and formal, but it could be simplified to "endeavoring to implement" to maintain a consistent verb tense throughout the sentence.
"couched that" -> "asserted that"
Explanation: "Couched that" is an unusual and less common phrase. "Asserted that" is more direct and commonly used in academic writing, making it clearer and more formal.
"severe punishment is the only act" -> "severe punishment is the sole measure"
Explanation: "Act" is vague and can be misinterpreted. "Measure" is more specific and appropriate in this context, indicating a deliberate action taken to address the issue.
"educating pupils to follow traffic laws from a young age" -> "educating students to adhere to traffic laws from an early age"
Explanation: "Pupils" is less formal and typically refers to students in primary school. "Students" is more inclusive and appropriate for a broader age range. "Adhere to" is more precise than "follow," and "from an early age" is a more formal expression than "from a young age."
"merged onto the pavement" -> "merged onto the sidewalk"
Explanation: "Pavement" typically refers to the road surface, not the sidewalk. "Sidewalk" is the correct term for the pedestrian path alongside roads.
"would have to be fined with a large sum of money" -> "would be fined a substantial amount"
Explanation: "Fined with a large sum of money" is awkward and informal. "Fined a substantial amount" is more direct and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"instill in offenders a greater onus" -> "instill in offenders a greater sense of responsibility"
Explanation: "Onus" is a less common term that may be unfamiliar to some readers. "Sense of responsibility" is clearer and more widely understood, enhancing readability and formality.
"the number of modern commuter traffic accidents reported" -> "the number of modern commuter traffic accidents documented"
Explanation: "Reported" implies that the information is based on reports, which may not be the case. "Documented" suggests that the information is based on actual records or data, which is more precise and formal.
"the punishment remedy" -> "the punitive measure"
Explanation: "Remedy" is not typically used in this context. "Punitive measure" is the correct term for a measure intended to punish or penalize, aligning better with the academic style.
"worthier investing in" -> "more worthwhile to invest in"
Explanation: "Worthier" is not a standard comparative form of "worth." "More worthwhile" is the correct comparative form, and "to invest in" is grammatically correct in this context.
"comprising traffic laws and the devastating results of traffic accidents" -> "including traffic laws and the consequences of traffic accidents"
Explanation: "Comprising" is typically used for a list of items that make up a whole, whereas "including" is more appropriate for adding items to a broader category. "Consequences" is a more formal and precise term than "devastating results," which can be seen as overly dramatic.
"righteous education" -> "proper education"
Explanation: "Righteous" is an emotionally charged word that is not typically used in formal academic writing. "Proper" is neutral and maintains a formal tone.
"societary rules" -> "social rules"
Explanation: "Societary" is not a standard term. "Social" is the correct adjective for referring to rules related to society.
"effortlessly instills" -> "easily instills"
Explanation: "Effortlessly" implies a lack of effort, which may not be the intended meaning. "Easily" is more neutral and appropriate for describing the process of instilling knowledge.
"insufficiency of traffic safety" -> "insufficiency in traffic safety"
Explanation: "Insufficiency of" is grammatically incorrect. "Insufficiency in" is the correct prepositional phrase for describing a lack within a field or area.
"engenders both positive effects as it can immediately hinder neglecting traffic laws yet also negative sides as it can not assure"

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that stricter punishments are the only solution to improving road safety. The writer acknowledges the potential effectiveness of severe punishments but argues for the importance of education as a complementary solution. This dual approach shows a nuanced understanding of the issue. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer could include a brief section outlining the arguments in favor of stricter punishments before refuting them. This would demonstrate a broader engagement with the topic and enhance the overall depth of the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea that stricter punishments are the sole solution. The writer consistently supports the argument for education as a more effective long-term strategy. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be clearer, particularly in the transition between discussing punishment and education, which may lead to slight confusion about the primary stance.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity and consistency, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that reiterates the main argument. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, particularly regarding the role of education in improving road safety. The use of examples, such as the situation in Vietnam, effectively supports the argument. However, some points could be elaborated further. For instance, while the essay mentions that education should be part of the school curriculum, it could benefit from more specific examples of successful educational programs in other countries.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and statistics that illustrate the effectiveness of educational initiatives in improving road safety. This could include referencing successful case studies or research findings.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of road safety and the effectiveness of punishments versus education. However, there are instances where the discussion of punishment becomes somewhat convoluted, particularly in the explanation of the consequences of traffic offenses. This could distract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should avoid overly complex sentences that may lead to ambiguity. Simplifying the language and ensuring that each point directly relates back to the main argument will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, a more structured approach, with clear distinctions between the discussion of punishment and education, would enhance coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of the topic and presents a well-reasoned argument, there are areas for improvement in clarity, depth of examples, and structural coherence. By addressing these aspects, the writer can elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that stricter punishments are the only solution to improve road safety. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are structured to present both sides of the argument. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the effectiveness of punishments to the importance of education feels somewhat abrupt. While the points are relevant, they could be better connected to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "In contrast") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as the effectiveness of punishments and the importance of education. However, some paragraphs could be more concise. For example, the second paragraph is quite lengthy and contains multiple ideas that could be broken down into smaller, more focused paragraphs.
- How to improve: Aim to keep paragraphs focused on a single main idea. If a paragraph contains multiple points, consider splitting it into two. This will not only improve readability but also allow for deeper exploration of each point. For instance, the discussion on the effectiveness of punishments could be divided into two paragraphs: one focusing on the immediate effects and another on the long-term implications.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "additionally," and "for example." These devices help to connect ideas and provide clarity. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "Such a desirable outcome is it that the governments have recourse to inflicting severe punishments" is somewhat convoluted and could benefit from clearer phrasing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, using "therefore," "consequently," and "in addition" can help create a more nuanced flow. Additionally, reviewing sentences for clarity and conciseness can enhance coherence. For instance, rephrasing complex sentences into simpler structures can improve readability and understanding.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, there are opportunities for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve a higher level of clarity and effectiveness in presenting its arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms like "intervention," "elaborated legislation," and "societary rules." However, some phrases, such as "plead guilty" and "wreaked havoc," while effective, could be more varied. The use of "dire" and "multitude" adds sophistication, but the repetition of certain terms (e.g., "traffic laws") could be mitigated with synonyms or paraphrasing.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "traffic laws," you could use "regulations" or "traffic regulations." Additionally, integrating more idiomatic expressions or collocations could elevate the language further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the issuing driving license process" could be more clearly stated as "the process of issuing a driving license." Additionally, "alleviating the root of the problem would rather outweigh the punishment remedy" is somewhat awkward and could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and conciseness in vocabulary choices. Rephrase complex sentences to ensure that the intended meaning is clear. For example, instead of "the issuing driving license process should oblige learners to grasp better comprehension of the traffic safety realm," consider "the process of obtaining a driving license should require learners to have a thorough understanding of traffic safety."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors. However, the term "societary" is less common and may not be recognized by all readers; "societal" would be a more standard choice. Overall, the spelling of more common vocabulary is correct, contributing positively to the overall impression.
- How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, consider maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly. Additionally, proofreading the essay for less familiar terms can help ensure that all vocabulary is correctly spelled.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in variety, precision, and spelling. By incorporating more synonyms, simplifying complex phrases, and ensuring the accuracy of less common terms, the overall lexical resource can be enhanced, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Given the fact that strictly punishing people who plead guilty to traffic offences provides such a spontaneous and direct effect…" showcase the writer’s ability to convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "Had the motor license examination added mandatory traffic ethics and safety lessons…", adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the issuing driving license process should oblige learners to grasp better comprehension," which could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with "However," try beginning with an adverbial phrase or a subordinate clause to create more dynamic sentence openings. Additionally, simplifying overly complex phrases will improve clarity and readability.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the number of modern commuter traffic accidents reported in a recent and prestigious survey is much higher than that figure of the developed ones" could be more clearly expressed as "the number of modern commuter traffic accidents reported in a recent prestigious survey is much higher than that reported in developed countries." Punctuation is generally well-handled, but there are moments where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which engenders both positive effects" in the concluding paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on clarity and conciseness. Review sentences for potential rephrasing to avoid awkward constructions. Pay attention to punctuation, particularly with complex sentences, to ensure that clauses are clearly separated. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reading high-quality writing can also help reinforce correct usage.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By continuing to diversify sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can further enhance their writing quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

Since there is a growing number of severe road traffic accidents annually, governments worldwide are endeavoring to implement effective interventions. While it is asserted that severe punishment is the sole measure that can help enhance the situation, I suggest that other solutions should also be considered, such as educating students to adhere to traffic laws from an early age.

Given that strictly punishing individuals who plead guilty to traffic offences provides a spontaneous and direct effect, many countries opt for elaborated legislation on national traffic as one of the most effective solutions. A prime illustration of this point is that if an automobile driver merges onto the sidewalk during rush hour traffic and consequently wreaks havoc on pedestrians, that driver would be fined a substantial amount, according to traffic laws in Vietnam. Typically, a significant financial loss can instill in offenders a greater sense of responsibility for adhering to the laws, driven by the fear of being heavily fined again. Additionally, in developing countries where traffic laws are not as strictly enforced as in developed nations, the number of modern commuter traffic accidents documented in recent prestigious surveys is much higher than that in developed countries, taking Vietnam and America as examples. This highlights the effectiveness of governments resorting to severe punishments.

However, addressing the root of the problem would outweigh the punitive measure; in other words, education is the long-term solution that is more worthwhile to invest in. Specifically, the compulsory school curriculum should include traffic laws and the devastating consequences of traffic accidents. Proper education at a young age easily instills in the future generation a sense of adhering to social rules, including traffic laws. Furthermore, the process of issuing driving licenses should require learners to gain a better understanding of traffic safety. In Vietnam, for example, learners rarely have to strive for motor driving licenses due to simplistic requirements, which contributes to the insufficiency in traffic safety when they officially drive. Had the motor license examination incorporated mandatory traffic ethics and safety lessons, along with challenging assessments, the number of responsible traffic participants would rise on an unprecedented scale.

In conclusion, severe punishment is akin to painkillers in this context; while it engenders positive effects by immediately deterring neglect of traffic laws, it also has negative aspects, as it cannot ensure that individuals will not repeatedly commit traffic offences. Only by educating and raising awareness can people truly understand the importance of road safety. Therefore, governments should implement both short-term and long-term strategies.