In companies, promotions to high positions should be given to employees inside the company, not to someone from outside or new hiring. Do you agree or disagree?

The debate over whether companies should prioritize internal promotions over external hires for high-level positions has sparked controversies. While some argue that external candidates bring fresh perspectives and expertise, I firmly believe that promoting from within offers benefits, including fairness, institutional knowledge, and sustainability

Internal promotion fosters fairness by recognizing and rewarding employees who have consistently demonstrated their value and commitment to the company. This not only fosters a sense of loyalty and motivation among employees, but also reduces the likelihood of conflicts and disaffection. For example, a study by Havard Business Review found that companies with higher internal promotions rate had lower turnover rates and higher employee satisfaction levels.

Internal promotions ensure that employees possess the necessary institutional knowledge to excel in high-level positions. They have a deep understanding of the company’s culture, system, and process, which enables them to make informed decisions, build effective relationships, and drive innovation. External candidates, on the other hand, may struggle to navigate the complexities of the company and may lack the necessary context to make meaningful contributions.

In conclusion, internal promotion offers numerous benefits that can outweigh those of external hires, including fairness, and institutional grasp which makes way for sustainability.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"sparked controversies" -> "generated controversies"
Explanation: "Sparked" is somewhat informal; "generated" maintains the same meaning while fitting better with formal language.
"I firmly believe" -> "I am convinced"
Explanation: "Firmly believe" is slightly informal; "am convinced" is a stronger and more formal expression.
"not only fosters" -> "not only fosters"
Explanation: This phrase is grammatically correct and does not require improvement.
"disaffection" -> "discontent"
Explanation: "Disaffection" is a less common term and may sound overly formal; "discontent" is more widely understood and suitable for academic writing.
"Havard Business Review" -> "Harvard Business Review"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "Havard" to "Harvard" ensures accuracy.
"higher internal promotions rate" -> "higher rate of internal promotions"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase for clarity and proper grammar.
"possess the necessary institutional knowledge" -> "possess essential institutional knowledge"
Explanation: "Necessary" is somewhat informal; "essential" is a more formal synonym.
"make informed decisions" -> "make well-informed decisions"
Explanation: Adding "well" enhances the precision and formality of the phrase.
"External candidates, on the other hand" -> "Conversely, external candidates"
Explanation: "On the other hand" is a bit informal; "Conversely" provides a more formal transition.
"may struggle to navigate" -> "might encounter challenges navigating"
Explanation: "Struggle to navigate" can be slightly informal; "might encounter challenges navigating" maintains clarity while sounding more formal.
"the complexities of the company" -> "the intricacies of the company"
Explanation: "Complexities" is slightly informal; "intricacies" is a more sophisticated synonym.
"may lack the necessary context" -> "might lack sufficient context"
Explanation: "Necessary" is slightly informal; "sufficient" is a more formal alternative.
"In conclusion," -> "To conclude,"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is a common phrase but using "To conclude" adds variety and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by expressing a clear opinion on whether companies should prioritize internal promotions over external hires for high-level positions. It acknowledges the opposing view but firmly presents the writer’s stance favoring internal promotions.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, consider providing a more nuanced discussion by exploring potential drawbacks of internal promotions or acknowledging situations where external hires might be advantageous. Additionally, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly addressed, including any sub-questions or implications.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position advocating for internal promotions, evident from the thesis statement to the concluding remarks. Each paragraph reinforces this stance with supporting arguments and examples.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity and consistency, avoid ambiguity or equivocation in language. Ensure that every paragraph and supporting point aligns with the main position, providing a cohesive argument throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas regarding the benefits of internal promotions. Each paragraph introduces a distinct argument, elaborates on it with relevant examples and evidence, and logically connects it to the thesis statement.
- How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider exploring counterarguments or alternative perspectives to provide a more comprehensive analysis. Additionally, strive for greater depth in the discussion by elaborating on the implications of internal promotions for various stakeholders or industries.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by focusing on the advantages of internal promotions and addressing the prompt’s central question. However, there is a slight deviation in the final paragraph, where the essay briefly mentions "fairness" again without further elaboration.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all content directly relates to the main argument and avoids unnecessary repetition or tangential points. In the final paragraph, expand upon the notion of fairness or provide a concise summary of the essay’s key points to reinforce relevance to the topic.

Overall, while the essay effectively argues in favor of internal promotions and demonstrates strong task response, there are opportunities for improvement in addressing opposing viewpoints, enhancing clarity and consistency, and deepening the analysis of presented ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a clear and logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that outlines the debate and the writer’s stance. Following this, each body paragraph presents a distinct argument in favor of internal promotions. The first paragraph discusses fairness, while the second addresses institutional knowledge. Finally, the conclusion restates the writer’s position and summarizes the main points effectively. The logical progression from introducing the topic to providing supporting arguments enhances the coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider incorporating transitional phrases between paragraphs to facilitate smoother transitions and strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument and is coherent in its presentation. The paragraphs are appropriately developed, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the concept of fairness in internal promotions, while the second paragraph elaborates on the importance of institutional knowledge. This paragraphing strategy aids in readability and comprehension.
- How to improve: To strengthen paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph maintains a unified theme and provides sufficient elaboration on the main point. Additionally, consider using transition words or phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the relationship between ideas and improve the flow of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include the use of pronouns ("this," "they"), conjunctions ("while," "on the other hand"), and parallel structure ("fairness," "institutional knowledge"). These cohesive devices help to establish relationships between sentences and paragraphs, reinforcing the central argument of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance cohesion, consider incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("furthermore," "in addition") and referencing cohesive devices within sentences to reinforce connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout. The writer effectively utilizes varied vocabulary to articulate their arguments. For instance, terms such as "controversies," "fosters," "institutional knowledge," "disaffection," and "sustainability" contribute to the richness of the discourse. The vocabulary enhances the clarity and depth of the writer’s ideas, allowing for nuanced arguments.
- How to improve: To further enrich the vocabulary, consider incorporating domain-specific terminology related to human resources, organizational behavior, and business management. Additionally, introducing more sophisticated transitional phrases and idiomatic expressions can elevate the lexical diversity of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For example, phrases like "institutional knowledge" precisely capture the concept of understanding a company’s culture and processes. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, the term "sustainability" could be clarified to specify how internal promotions contribute to the longevity or continuity of a company.
- How to improve: Continuously strive for precision by selecting words that precisely convey the intended nuances of meaning. Avoid overly general terms that may leave room for ambiguity. Utilize synonyms and context clues to ensure the accurate use of vocabulary in different contexts.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy, with no notable spelling errors detracting from the coherence of the writing. The writer maintains consistent spelling throughout the essay, enhancing readability and professionalism.
- How to improve: While spelling accuracy is generally strong, it is advisable to remain vigilant and proofread carefully to catch any potential errors. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools as additional safeguards to ensure flawless written communication. Additionally, expanding vocabulary through reading diverse texts can enhance spelling proficiency over time.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of lexical resources, contributing to its coherence, clarity, and persuasiveness. Continuously refining vocabulary usage and maintaining spelling accuracy will further enhance the effectiveness of the written expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and conditional structures. For instance, there are instances of complex sentences like "While some argue that external candidates bring fresh perspectives and expertise, I firmly believe that promoting from within offers benefits, including fairness, institutional knowledge, and sustainability." Additionally, the use of phrases such as "on the other hand" indicates a sophisticated grasp of sentence structure variety.
- How to improve: To further enhance sentence structure diversity, consider incorporating more advanced structures such as participial phrases, absolute phrases, and inverted sentences. This can add depth and sophistication to the essay, enhancing its overall coherence and impact.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy overall. Sentences are well-constructed, and errors are minimal. For instance, phrases like "Internal promotion fosters fairness by recognizing and rewarding employees" are grammatically correct and effectively convey the intended meaning. Punctuation marks are appropriately used to enhance clarity and organization.
- How to improve: While the essay maintains strong grammatical accuracy, there are a few areas where minor improvements can be made. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure consistency throughout the essay. Additionally, consider varying punctuation use to add variety and rhythm to the writing. For example, incorporating dashes or semicolons can help to create a more dynamic flow of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a proficient command of grammatical range and accuracy, contributing to its high band score of 8. Continuing to diversify sentence structures and refine grammar and punctuation skills will further enhance the clarity and sophistication of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The discussion surrounding whether companies should prioritize promoting internal candidates over hiring from outside has sparked controversies. While some argue that external hires bring fresh perspectives and expertise, I firmly believe that promoting from within offers benefits, including fairness, institutional knowledge, and sustainability.

Internal promotion fosters fairness by recognizing and rewarding employees who have consistently demonstrated their value and commitment to the company. This not only fosters a sense of loyalty and motivation among employees but also reduces the likelihood of conflicts and disaffection. For example, a study by Harvard Business Review found that companies with higher rates of internal promotions had lower turnover rates and higher levels of employee satisfaction.

Internal promotions ensure that employees possess the necessary institutional knowledge to excel in high-level positions. They have a deep understanding of the company’s culture, systems, and processes, which enables them to make informed decisions, build effective relationships, and drive innovation. External candidates, on the other hand, may struggle to navigate the complexities of the company and may lack the necessary context to make meaningful contributions.

In conclusion, internal promotion offers numerous benefits that can outweigh those of external hires, including fairness and institutional grasp, which pave the way for sustainability.