In many cities, planners have located shops, schools, offices and homes in specific areas which may be widely separated from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages for the city residents ?

In the contemporary era, separating and allocating specific areas concerning functionality are more prevalent in the developing trend of urban planners. From my perspective, while I acknowledge the possible drawbacks to this tendency to some extent, I think the substantial advantages of this policy will surpass the disadvantages for the citizens.

The strict separation potentially triggers the lack of vibrant and functional diversity in the communities. As a case in point, a complex of shops, houses, offices and homes called Gigamall in VietNam, which integrate with numerous functions, green spaces and also in close proximity to public transportations, promotes social interactions and creates the hustle and bustle landscape for this area.

However, notwithstand possible drawbacks,I have a strong conviction that benefits will surpass them. The first benefit that could be gained from the policy about constructing specific areas is that making people’s lives and demands much easier and convenient. To elaborate, similarly functional zones allow residents to have access to their needs with a wide range of selections, facilitating a valuable experience for customers and a complete satisfaction of their demands. For instance, when people desire to purchase a brand new personal computer, they just need to come to the hi-tech markets, which are the points of sale of numerous technological brands. As a result, people will not be afraid of insufficient components or choices for their computers.

It is evident that the government conveniently manages the areas when they are erected for some purposes separately. To put it simply, the country’s sources such as national finance or officials will be allocated more plausible, for example, when adverse issues occur in the education systems or new notable regulations concerning curriculums, education authorities easily to transmit the information to the complex of schools or appearing to address the serious problems as soon as possible. Additionally, the construction of industrial zones in specific areas could ironically contaminate the air of residential areas, however, with the separating functions policy, environmental pollution tends to be decreased, the erection costs of those industrial zones in countrysides will be more financially reasonable for the authorities.

In conclusion, albeit with the possible drawback concerning the lack of neighborhoods' vibrant and diversity, i am convinced that the advantages of government’s policy locating schools, homes, offices and shops in specific areas are superior to the drawbacks due to the arguments aforementioned.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the contemporary era" -> "In the modern era"
Explanation: "Contemporary" can imply a sense of being up-to-date, but "modern" is more commonly used in academic contexts to refer to the current time period, enhancing the formal tone of the essay.
"separating and allocating specific areas concerning functionality" -> "separating and allocating areas with specific functional purposes"
Explanation: The phrase "concerning functionality" is vague and informal. "With specific functional purposes" is more precise and formal, clearly indicating the purpose of the separation.
"the developing trend of urban planners" -> "the emerging trend in urban planning"
Explanation: "The developing trend of urban planners" is awkward and unclear. "The emerging trend in urban planning" is more direct and academically appropriate.
"I think" -> "I believe"
Explanation: "I think" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "I believe" is more formal and suitable for an academic essay.
"the lack of vibrant and functional diversity" -> "the diminished vibrancy and functional diversity"
Explanation: "The lack of" is a bit simplistic and direct. "The diminished" provides a more nuanced and formal expression.
"notwithstand possible drawbacks" -> "despite potential drawbacks"
Explanation: "Notwithstand" is a typographical error and not a standard word. "Despite" is the correct word and is more formal.
"making people’s lives and demands much easier and convenient" -> "simplifying residents’ lives and enhancing convenience"
Explanation: "Making people’s lives and demands much easier and convenient" is redundant and informal. "Simplifying residents’ lives and enhancing convenience" is more precise and formal.
"a wide range of selections" -> "a diverse range of options"
Explanation: "Selections" is less formal and slightly vague. "Options" is more precise and commonly used in formal writing.
"a complete satisfaction of their demands" -> "complete satisfaction of their needs"
Explanation: "Demands" can imply a sense of urgency or requirement that might be too strong for the context. "Needs" is more neutral and appropriate for describing general requirements.
"the country’s sources such as national finance or officials" -> "national resources such as financial allocations or personnel"
Explanation: "The country’s sources" is vague and informal. "National resources" is more specific and formal, and "financial allocations or personnel" clarifies the types of resources.
"easily to transmit the information" -> "easily transmit the information"
Explanation: "Easily to" is grammatically incorrect. "Easily transmit" is the correct form.
"appearing to address the serious problems" -> "promptly addressing the serious problems"
Explanation: "Appearing to address" is unclear and informal. "Promptly addressing" is direct and formal, indicating immediate action.
"the construction of industrial zones in specific areas could ironically contaminate" -> "the construction of industrial zones in specific areas may inadvertently contaminate"
Explanation: "Could ironically" is awkward and unclear. "May inadvertently" is more precise and formal, indicating potential unintended consequences.
"the erection costs of those industrial zones in countrysides" -> "the construction costs of these industrial zones in rural areas"
Explanation: "Erection costs" is incorrect and informal. "Construction costs" is the correct term, and "countrysides" is less formal than "rural areas."
"i am convinced" -> "I am convinced"
Explanation: "i" should be capitalized as "I" for proper grammatical form in English.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of separating functional areas in urban planning. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, acknowledging potential drawbacks while emphasizing the advantages. However, the discussion of disadvantages is relatively brief and lacks depth. For instance, while the essay mentions the lack of vibrant diversity, it does not explore how this could impact community life or social interactions in more detail.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide a more balanced examination of both sides. This could involve elaborating on the disadvantages with specific examples or statistics that illustrate the negative effects of separation on community cohesion or accessibility. Additionally, a clearer comparison of the pros and cons could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, consistently arguing that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Phrases like "I think the substantial advantages… will surpass the disadvantages" reinforce this stance. However, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, the writer could use transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing a disadvantage, the writer could explicitly state, "Despite this drawback, the advantages…" to signal a shift back to the main argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the advantages of the policy, such as convenience and effective management of resources. However, some points are underdeveloped. For example, the mention of "hi-tech markets" as a benefit lacks a thorough explanation of why this is advantageous beyond mere convenience.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each point more thoroughly. This could involve providing additional examples or discussing the implications of the advantages presented. For instance, explaining how convenience can lead to increased economic activity or improved quality of life would provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the separation of functional areas in urban planning. However, there are moments where the discussion veers slightly off-topic, such as the mention of environmental pollution without a clear connection to the main argument about the advantages and disadvantages of separation.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This could involve revisiting the main argument at the end of each paragraph to reinforce relevance and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, but there are areas for improvement in depth, clarity, and coherence. By addressing these points, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of separating urban functions. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs each focus on specific points that support this stance. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the drawbacks of separation, while the subsequent paragraphs detail the benefits. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing drawbacks to benefits feels abrupt and could benefit from clearer linking phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," to better signal shifts in argument. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which will help the reader follow the progression of thought more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into distinct paragraphs, each addressing a different aspect of the argument. The use of paragraphs is generally effective, with each one focusing on a specific point. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced in length; for instance, the paragraph discussing the benefits is quite lengthy compared to the one addressing drawbacks, which may disrupt the overall balance of the essay.
- How to improve: Aim for a more uniform distribution of information across paragraphs. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones that each address a single idea or benefit. This will not only improve readability but also allow for more detailed exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example," "however," and "additionally," which help to connect ideas. Nonetheless, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "notwithstanding possible drawbacks" could be more effectively linked to the subsequent sentence to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in contrast," and "therefore." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas. For instance, using "this means that" or "as a result" can help clarify cause-and-effect relationships in your arguments.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "contemporary era," "vibrant and functional diversity," and "facilitating a valuable experience." These phrases show an ability to use varied vocabulary to express complex ideas. However, there are instances where word choice could be improved for clarity and impact. For example, the phrase "the developing trend of urban planners" could be more succinctly expressed as "the trend among urban planners."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and less common expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "specific areas," alternatives like "designated zones" or "zoned areas" could be used. Additionally, exploring idiomatic expressions or collocations relevant to urban planning could enrich the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are moments of imprecision that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the strict separation potentially triggers the lack of vibrant and functional diversity" could be clearer if rephrased to "strict separation may lead to a lack of vibrant and functional diversity." Additionally, the term "notwithstand" is incorrect and should be "notwithstanding."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that words are used in their correct forms and contexts. Regularly reviewing vocabulary in context and practicing paraphrasing can help. For example, instead of saying "the government conveniently manages the areas," a more precise expression could be "the government can manage these areas more effectively."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "VietNam" (should be "Vietnam"), "notwithstand" (should be "notwithstanding"), and "i" (should be "I"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular writing practice, combined with feedback from peers or instructors, can also help identify and correct spelling mistakes before submission.

By addressing these areas, the writer can improve their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the phrase "while I acknowledge the possible drawbacks to this tendency to some extent, I think the substantial advantages of this policy will surpass the disadvantages for the citizens" effectively combines contrasting ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "the first benefit that could be gained from the policy about constructing specific areas is that…" which could be varied for greater impact.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "the first benefit," the writer could use phrases like "One significant advantage is…" or "An additional benefit is…" This would create more dynamic sentence openings and improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "notwithstand possible drawbacks" should be "notwithstanding the possible drawbacks," and "the erection costs of those industrial zones in countrysides will be more financially reasonable for the authorities" contains awkward phrasing and incorrect pluralization ("countrysides" should be "countryside"). Additionally, there are missing commas, such as before "however" in "however, with the separating functions policy," which affects the readability of the sentence.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with conjunctions and prepositions. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help clarify meaning. For punctuation, the writer should review rules regarding the use of commas, especially in complex sentences and before conjunctions. A good strategy would be to read the essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, as this often highlights issues that might be overlooked in silent reading.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, attention to grammatical precision and structural variety will enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the modern era, separating and allocating specific areas based on functionality has become increasingly prevalent in the emerging trend of urban planning. From my perspective, while I acknowledge the potential drawbacks of this tendency to some extent, I believe the substantial advantages of this policy will outweigh the disadvantages for city residents.

The strict separation of different functional areas can lead to a diminished vibrancy and functional diversity within communities. For instance, a complex of shops, houses, offices, and homes called Gigamall in Vietnam, which integrates numerous functions, green spaces, and is also in close proximity to public transportation, promotes social interactions and creates a lively atmosphere in the area.

However, despite potential drawbacks, I am convinced that the benefits will surpass them. The first advantage of constructing specific areas is that it simplifies residents’ lives and enhances convenience. To elaborate, similarly functional zones allow residents to access their needs with a diverse range of options, facilitating a valuable experience for customers and ensuring the complete satisfaction of their demands. For example, when people wish to purchase a new personal computer, they can simply visit the hi-tech markets, which serve as the points of sale for numerous technological brands. As a result, individuals will not have to worry about insufficient components or choices for their computers.

It is evident that the government can manage these areas more conveniently when they are designated for specific purposes. To put it simply, national resources such as financial allocations or personnel can be distributed more effectively. For instance, when issues arise in the education system or new regulations concerning curricula are introduced, education authorities can easily transmit the information to the complex of schools, promptly addressing serious problems as soon as possible. Additionally, while the construction of industrial zones in specific areas may inadvertently contaminate the environment, the policy of separating functions tends to reduce environmental pollution. Furthermore, the construction costs of these industrial zones in rural areas will be more financially reasonable for the authorities.

In conclusion, despite the possible drawbacks concerning the lack of vibrancy and diversity in neighborhoods, I am convinced that the advantages of the government’s policy of locating schools, homes, offices, and shops in specific areas are superior to the disadvantages, as outlined in the arguments above.