In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.
Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
There has been relocating waves of rural residents to big cities across many nations on a global scale. And this caused the decline in the countryside’s population. From my perspective, I believe this development has several negative effects.
It is noticeable that this change can slow down the rural economy prospects, affecting several industries such as tourism, education, and healthcare. For tourism, there would likely be a labor shortage making it challenging to renovate attractions and build more infrastructures like hotels, parks, and shopping malls. A lack of workforce including teachers, professors, doctors, and nurses can severely worsen people’ living conditions. They might neither have many optimal education options nor be guaranteed to promptly access healthcare services during urgent situations.
Furthermore, moving to cities would cause overcrowded problems in these places, resulting in workforce abundance. Several negative outcomes can be created, including lower residents’ living quality and high competition in securing jobs. People might find it struggling to afford basic needs due to a consistent surge in grocery, utilities cost, and housing price. They would likely experience worse traffic congestion especially during rush hours. Besides, there are various candidates for employers in cities, which results in competitive abundant workforce, making people an obstacle for themselves to land a decent, well-paid, long-term job.
To sum up, more and more people relocating to the metropolitan areas in many countries in the world causes the decrease in the number of residents living in the rural areas. I think this would likely be a negative change.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"There has been relocating waves of rural residents" -> "There have been waves of rural residents relocating"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for grammatical correctness and using "relocating" as a verb improves clarity and aligns with formal language conventions.
"big cities across many nations on a global scale" -> "major cities globally"
Explanation: Substituting "big" with "major" and rephrasing the sentence improves formality and conciseness.
"From my perspective, I believe this development has several negative effects." -> "In my view, this trend has various adverse effects."
Explanation: Shifting to a more formal tone by replacing "perspective" and "believe" with "view" and "trend," respectively.
"It is noticeable that this change" -> "This change is noteworthy"
Explanation: Enhancing the sentence by replacing "It is noticeable that" with a more direct and formal expression.
"making it challenging to renovate attractions" -> "posing challenges to renovating attractions"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for smoother flow and using "posing challenges to" for a more formal tone.
"They might neither have many optimal education options" -> "Residents may lack optimal educational opportunities"
Explanation: Reframing the sentence for better structure and replacing "neither" with "may lack" for a more formal tone.
"consisting of lower residents’ living quality" -> "resulting in a decline in residents’ quality of life"
Explanation: Improving the phrase "consisting of lower residents’ living quality" by using a more formal and accurate expression.
"a consistent surge in grocery, utilities cost, and housing price" -> "a consistent increase in the costs of groceries, utilities, and housing"
Explanation: Adjusting the sentence for grammatical correctness and using more precise terms.
"Besides, there are various candidates for employers in cities" -> "Additionally, cities have a diverse pool of job candidates"
Explanation: Enhancing the transition and formality by replacing "Besides" with "Additionally" and rephrasing the sentence for clarity.
"making people an obstacle for themselves" -> "creating obstacles for individuals"
Explanation: Improving the sentence structure by replacing "making people an obstacle for themselves" with a more formal and concise expression.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Quoted text: "And this caused the decline in the countryside’s population."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction effectively introduces the topic and expresses a clear position, which is positive. However, the phrase "And this caused" lacks specificity. To enhance clarity and meet the Band 7 criteria, consider specifying the causes briefly in the introduction. For example, "The mass migration of rural residents to urban areas has been a significant factor contributing to the decline in the countryside’s population."
- Improved example: "The mass migration of rural residents to urban areas has been a significant factor contributing to the decline in the countryside’s population."
Quoted text: "For tourism, there would likely be a labor shortage making it challenging to renovate attractions and build more infrastructures like hotels, parks, and shopping malls."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This paragraph effectively addresses the impact on the rural economy. However, it would benefit from providing specific examples or reasons to support the mentioned impacts. For instance, instead of stating a labor shortage, elaborate on how a lack of skilled workers might hinder the renovation of attractions or the construction of infrastructure. This would strengthen the argument and align more closely with the Band 7 criteria.
- Improved example: "The migration of skilled workers from rural areas to cities could lead to a shortage of expertise, impeding the renovation of tourist attractions. Without experienced craftsmen, the process of building hotels, parks, and shopping malls in the countryside becomes a challenging task."
Quoted text: "Furthermore, moving to cities would cause overcrowded problems in these places, resulting in workforce abundance."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While discussing the negative effects of rural-to-urban migration on cities, it’s essential to avoid overgeneralizations. The term "workforce abundance" needs clarification. Specify how this abundance might lead to negative outcomes, such as increased competition for jobs and potential impacts on living standards. This would add depth to your argument and align with Band 7 criteria.
- Improved example: "Furthermore, the influx of rural residents into cities may lead to an oversaturation of the job market, intensifying competition for employment. This heightened competition could adversely affect residents’ living standards, creating challenges in meeting basic needs due to increased costs and expenses."
Overall, the essay provides a generally clear position and addresses all parts of the task. To reach a higher band score, focus on providing more specific examples and reasons to support your ideas, avoiding overgeneralizations in your arguments.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates a reasonably coherent structure and some progression of ideas. There is an attempt to present a central topic within each paragraph, though it’s not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The writer tries to maintain coherence by presenting the negative effects of rural to urban migration, addressing various industries like tourism, education, and healthcare. However, the progression of ideas lacks finesse and may feel disjointed in certain parts. The use of cohesive devices is evident but often applied mechanically, affecting the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Paragraphing is attempted, but the logical sequencing is inconsistent. Ideas are present but could be more effectively linked for smoother progression and organization.
How to improve:
- Structural Cohesion: Ensure a more consistent and logical flow between paragraphs. Each paragraph should maintain a clear focus on the central topic to improve coherence.
- Cohesive Devices Usage: Work on using cohesive devices more effectively and naturally to connect ideas throughout the essay. Avoid mechanical use and explore a wider range of linking devices for improved coherence.
- Paragraphing Logic: Ensure logical and consistent paragraphing. Each paragraph should encapsulate a distinct idea or point related to the overall argument, contributing to the essay’s coherence and cohesion.
By focusing on enhancing the logical flow between ideas, employing cohesive devices more naturally, and refining paragraph organization, the essay’s coherence and cohesion can be significantly improved towards a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary. The writer addresses the prompt and presents a clear viewpoint with supporting ideas. However, there are instances of inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, affecting the overall fluency and precision. Some errors in spelling and word formation are present but do not impede communication significantly.
How to improve:
- Lexical Variety: Aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, especially in expressing ideas related to the economic impact, living conditions, and workforce issues.
- Word Choice and Collocation: Be mindful of word choice and collocation to enhance the precision of your expressions. Consider using more sophisticated and context-appropriate terms.
- Spelling and Word Formation: Proofread the essay to address spelling and word formation errors. This will contribute to a smoother and more professional presentation.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a good range of structures, utilizing both simple and complex sentence forms. There is evidence of complex structures, such as the use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence lengths. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication. However, there are a few instances of grammatical errors and imprecise language that prevent a higher score.
How to improve:
Grammar Precision: Pay closer attention to verb agreement and tense consistency. For example, in the sentence, "They might neither have many optimal education options nor be guaranteed to promptly access healthcare services during urgent situations," consider refining the structure for clarity and precision.
Sentence Structure Complexity: While the essay exhibits a range of structures, aim for even greater complexity by incorporating more intricate sentence forms. This can be achieved by integrating advanced grammatical structures, such as varied clause types and sentence constructions.
Word Choice and Expression: Ensure the accuracy of word choices to convey ideas more precisely. For instance, consider revising phrases like "making it challenging" to a more precise expression such as "posing a challenge."
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and a varied sentence structure, but refinement in precision and complexity will contribute to achieving a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
There has been a notable trend of rural residents moving to large cities across many nations globally, leading to a decline in the population of the countryside. From my perspective, I believe this development has several negative effects.
It is evident that this shift can impede the economic prospects of rural areas, impacting various sectors such as tourism, education, and healthcare. In the realm of tourism, there is a likelihood of a labor shortage, making it challenging to upgrade attractions and construct additional infrastructures like hotels, parks, and shopping malls. The absence of a workforce, including teachers, professors, doctors, and nurses, can significantly worsen living conditions. Residents might face limited educational opportunities and encounter delays in accessing healthcare services during urgent situations.
Moreover, the migration to cities may lead to overcrowding issues, resulting in an excess of labor in these urban areas. This can give rise to several negative outcomes, including a decrease in the quality of residents’ lives and heightened competition for employment opportunities. Affordability of basic necessities may become a struggle due to consistent increases in grocery costs, utility expenses, and housing prices. Additionally, residents may experience exacerbated traffic congestion, particularly during rush hours. Furthermore, the abundance of job seekers in cities results in a highly competitive workforce, creating obstacles for individuals seeking decent, well-paid, and long-term employment.
In conclusion, the increasing relocation of people to metropolitan areas in many countries worldwide contributes to the decrease in the rural population. I perceive this as a negative change with implications for various aspects of rural life.