in many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

It is argued that in most of countries, moving to urban areas is more common that lead to the decrease of population in the countryside. In my opinion, this problem has its both positive and negative side.
On the one hand, moving from countryside to cities helps a lot of individuals in having chances to change their life through education and working opportunities, which is a massive shortage of rural areas. Moreover, the increase of population will provide entrepreneurs and businesses various amount of human resources to employ in the future, which is worth to consider.
On the other hand, leaving countryside to move to modern cities still has some problems, such as lack of farmers for agriculture or many places can be abandoned after few years if numbers of people move to urban is faster and bigger. Also, the overrated citizens can lead to the competition in all aspects of society, employing chances, insurances or traffic jams can be obvious examples.
In conclusion, both sides of this issue can be happened, and I partly agree with both negative and positive development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is argued that in most of countries" -> "It is argued that in many countries"
Explanation: "In most of countries" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "In many countries" is more natural and correct in formal academic writing.
"moving to urban areas is more common that lead to" -> "moving to urban areas is more common, which leads to"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. Adding a comma and changing "that" to "which" corrects the grammatical structure and improves readability.
"this problem has its both positive and negative side" -> "this issue has both positive and negative aspects"
Explanation: "Side" is an informal term and "aspects" is more precise and formal, fitting better in academic writing.
"moving from countryside to cities helps a lot of individuals" -> "moving from rural areas to cities benefits many individuals"
Explanation: "A lot of" is informal and vague; "many" is more precise and formal. "Rural areas" is a more formal term than "countryside."
"which is a massive shortage of rural areas" -> "which is a significant shortage of resources in rural areas"
Explanation: "Massive shortage" is an exaggeration and "resources" is more specific than "areas," providing clarity and precision.
"the increase of population will provide entrepreneurs and businesses various amount of human resources" -> "the increased population will offer entrepreneurs and businesses a diverse range of human resources"
Explanation: "Increase" should be "increased" for grammatical correctness. "A diverse range of" is more formal and precise than "various amount of."
"which is worth to consider" -> "which is worth considering"
Explanation: "Worth to consider" is grammatically incorrect. "Worth considering" is the correct form.
"leaving countryside to move to modern cities still has some problems" -> "leaving rural areas to move to urban centers still presents some challenges"
Explanation: "Countryside" is less formal than "rural areas," and "urban centers" is more precise than "modern cities." "Presents" is more formal than "has."
"lack of farmers for agriculture or many places can be abandoned" -> "a shortage of farmers for agriculture or the abandonment of many areas"
Explanation: "Lack of" is vague; "shortage of" is more specific. "Abandonment of many areas" is clearer and more formal than "many places can be abandoned."
"if numbers of people move to urban is faster and bigger" -> "if the number of people moving to urban areas increases rapidly and significantly"
Explanation: "Numbers of people" is awkward and incorrect; "the number of people" is grammatically correct. "Increases rapidly and significantly" is more precise and formal than "faster and bigger."
"the overrated citizens" -> "the overpopulation of cities"
Explanation: "Overrated citizens" is incorrect and unclear. "The overpopulation of cities" is a clear and accurate description of the issue.
"employing chances, insurances or traffic jams can be obvious examples" -> "employment opportunities, insurance, and traffic congestion are obvious examples"
Explanation: "Employing chances" is awkward and incorrect; "employment opportunities" is correct. "Insurance" should be singular, and "traffic congestion" is a more precise term than "traffic jams."
"both sides of this issue can be happened" -> "both sides of this issue can occur"
Explanation: "Can be happened" is grammatically incorrect. "Can occur" is the correct form.
"and I partly agree with both negative and positive development" -> "and I partially agree with both the negative and positive aspects"
Explanation: "Partly" is less formal than "partially," and "aspects" is more precise than "development" in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration. However, it lacks a clear stance on whether this trend is ultimately positive or negative, which is crucial for fully answering the question. The phrase "this problem has its both positive and negative side" indicates indecision and does not provide a definitive answer.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and consistently support that viewpoint throughout the essay. For example, they could choose to argue primarily for one side while acknowledging the other, which would provide a more focused response to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain a clear position. Phrases like "I partly agree with both negative and positive development" suggest ambiguity. This lack of clarity can confuse readers about the writer’s true stance.
- How to improve: The writer should adopt a more assertive position. They could revise the introduction to express a clear opinion—either that the trend is positive or negative—and then use the body paragraphs to support that view with specific examples and reasoning.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay presents some ideas, they are not sufficiently developed or supported. For instance, the mention of "lack of farmers for agriculture" is a valid point, but it is not elaborated upon. The idea of "overrated citizens" is vague and lacks concrete examples or explanations.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should provide specific examples and elaborate on their points. For instance, they could discuss how the migration impacts local economies, community structures, or cultural identities in both rural and urban settings. This would help to substantiate their claims and make the argument more compelling.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, but some points are not directly relevant to the prompt. For example, the mention of "traffic jams" as a consequence of urbanization is somewhat tangential and does not directly relate to the core question of whether the migration is a positive or negative development.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that every point made directly ties back to the main question. They can achieve this by regularly referring back to the prompt in each paragraph and ensuring that all examples and arguments are relevant to the discussion of rural-to-urban migration’s impact.

Overall, the essay needs to be expanded to meet the word count requirement and to provide a more thorough exploration of the topic. By clarifying their position, developing their ideas more fully, and ensuring relevance to the prompt, the writer can significantly improve their score in the Task Response category.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the issue, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of urban migration to the drawbacks is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph effectively outlines the advantages, but the second paragraph could benefit from a clearer connection to the first, perhaps by summarizing the benefits before introducing the drawbacks.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second paragraph, such as "Conversely" or "On the flip side," to signal a shift in focus. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, helping the reader to follow the argument more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with distinct sections for the introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first body paragraph is relatively strong, but the second paragraph lacks depth and could be split into two separate paragraphs for clarity—one focusing on the negative impacts on agriculture and the other on urban challenges.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea and supporting details. For example, in the second body paragraph, consider separating the discussion of agricultural labor shortages from the issues of urban competition. This will allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and enhance clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate contrasting points. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disconnected. For instance, phrases like "which is worth to consider" could be better integrated into the flow of the argument, as they currently feel somewhat tacked on.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Nevertheless," to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help to create a smoother flow and reduce repetition.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly with terms related to urbanization and its effects, such as "opportunities," "entrepreneurs," and "agriculture." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks the sophistication expected at a higher band score. For instance, the phrase "moving from countryside to cities" could be varied with synonyms like "migration" or "urban migration."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "move" or "moving," alternatives like "relocate," "shift," or "transition" could be employed. Additionally, using more specific vocabulary related to the topic, such as "urban sprawl" or "rural depopulation," would elevate the essay’s lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "massive shortage of rural areas" is unclear; it would be more precise to say "a significant lack of job opportunities in rural areas." Similarly, "overrated citizens" is an awkward phrase and does not convey the intended meaning effectively.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects their intended meaning. They could replace vague terms with more specific language. For instance, instead of "overrated citizens," a more appropriate phrase could be "overpopulation in urban areas." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help in selecting the most accurate words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "that lead" (should be "that leads") and "few years if numbers of people move to urban is faster and bigger" (should be "if the number of people moving to urban areas is faster and larger"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling common vocabulary can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading more extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Engaging in targeted vocabulary exercises and thorough proofreading will significantly enhance the quality of future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("In my opinion, this problem has its both positive and negative side.") and compound sentences ("On the one hand, moving from countryside to cities helps a lot of individuals in having chances to change their life through education and working opportunities."). However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear sentence constructions. For example, "which is worth to consider" is not a standard expression in English and could confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "which is worth to consider," you could rephrase it as "which should be seriously considered." Additionally, using conditional sentences (e.g., "If more people move to cities, it may lead to…") could add depth and complexity to your arguments.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: There are several grammatical inaccuracies throughout the essay. For example, "in most of countries" should be "in most countries," and "that lead to the decrease of population" should be "that leads to a decrease in population." Additionally, the phrase "the increase of population will provide entrepreneurs and businesses various amount of human resources" contains a subject-verb agreement error and awkward phrasing; it should be "various amounts of human resources." Punctuation is generally correct, but some sentences could benefit from clearer separation to enhance readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement and article usage. Practicing exercises that focus on these areas can be beneficial. Moreover, proofreading your work can help catch errors before submission. Reading your essay aloud can also assist in identifying awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes, allowing for necessary revisions.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and structure, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate your score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that in many countries around the world, moving to urban areas is more common, which leads to a decrease in the population in the countryside. In my opinion, this issue has both positive and negative aspects.

On the one hand, moving from rural areas to cities benefits many individuals by providing opportunities for education and employment, which are significantly lacking in rural regions. Moreover, the increased population will offer entrepreneurs and businesses a diverse range of human resources to employ in the future, which is worth considering.

On the other hand, leaving rural areas to move to urban centers still presents some challenges, such as a shortage of farmers for agriculture or the abandonment of many areas. If the number of people moving to urban areas increases rapidly and significantly, this can lead to the overpopulation of cities. Employment opportunities, insurance, and traffic congestion are obvious examples of the problems that can arise from this situation.

In conclusion, both sides of this issue can occur, and I partially agree with both the negative and positive aspects of this development.