In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Recently, it is commonly believed that habitants from the countryside are going to urban areas, leading to a plunge in the number of residents there. In my perspective, this trend could have both positive and negative consequences.
Primarily, people should recognize the fact that there are many advantages of the transition of individuals from rural to urban. Undoubtedly, this transition benefits the labor market. It is obvious that with the large number of additional employees, employers have chances to choose suitable candidates more easily, for both low or high requirements. For example, residents from the countryside are available for simple work such as washing dishes in restaurants, or cleaning houses, which are usually hard to get paid in their origin places. Furthermore, one justification should not be ignored here is that rural people ask lower salaries. This means that companies can save more money on human resources. For instance, restaurants can hide 3 to 4 small town men or women to wash dishes with the money equally to 1 city man or woman.
On the other hand, traveling to the city has some disadvantages. It is important to remember that the blooming population is continuously happening in many cities, and governments are trying to limit the immigration to balance the population distribution. In other words, moving to urban areas increases the burden on cities’ infrastructure, along with decreasing the living conditions of citizens, while rural areas have less people living despite full equipped facilities. Besides, the older and youngsters, who can not move to cities with family, are left in their own houses. This could make tremendous impacts on their health and education. A good case in point would be that statistics improve an increasing data of students leaving school early because of the lack of their parents’ care, who leave them to move to cities.
In conclusion, it is my belief that reducing the rural population for seeking new opportunities in cities will have both beneficial and detrimental effects.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "habitants" -> "inhabitants"
   Explanation: "Inhabitants" is a more formal and precise term for referring to people living in a particular place, aligning better with academic style.

2. "plunge" -> "decline"
   Explanation: "Decline" is a more formal synonym for "plunge," which better suits the academic tone of the essay.

3. "Primarily" -> "Firstly"
   Explanation: "Firstly" is a more formal transition word commonly used in academic writing to introduce the first point.

4. "recognize the fact that" -> "acknowledge"
   Explanation: "Acknowledge" is a more concise and formal alternative to "recognize the fact that," maintaining the academic tone of the sentence.

5. "Undoubtedly" -> "Certainly"
   Explanation: "Certainly" is a more sophisticated alternative to "Undoubtedly," enhancing the formal tone of the sentence.

6. "This means that" -> "Consequently,"
   Explanation: "Consequently," is a more formal transition that logically connects the cause and effect relationship between rural people asking lower salaries and companies saving more money on human resources.

7. "hide" -> "employ"
   Explanation: "Employ" is a more appropriate term in this context, indicating the act of hiring individuals for specific tasks, thus enhancing clarity and formality.

8. "traveling to the city" -> "migration to urban areas"
   Explanation: "Migration to urban areas" is a more formal and precise term for the process described, aligning better with academic language.

9. "blooming" -> "growing"
   Explanation: "Growing" is a more formal synonym for "blooming," maintaining the academic tone of the essay.

10. "In other words" -> "To clarify,"
    Explanation: "To clarify," is a more formal transition phrase, enhancing the clarity and cohesion of the argument.

11. "along with" -> "while also"
    Explanation: "While also" is a more formal alternative to "along with," maintaining the academic style and improving sentence structure.

12. "lack of their parents’ care" -> "absence of parental care"
    Explanation: "Absence of parental care" is a more formal and precise phrase for describing the situation, aligning better with academic language.

13. "tremendous impacts" -> "significant implications"
    Explanation: "Significant implications" is a more formal and precise term for conveying the effects described, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration, as prompted. It discusses the benefits such as labor market improvements and cost savings for companies due to lower rural wages. Additionally, it highlights drawbacks like the strain on urban infrastructure and the negative impact on those left behind in rural areas, particularly concerning health and education.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the response, consider providing more nuanced analysis and specific examples for each aspect discussed. This could involve delving deeper into the societal implications of rural depopulation and urban overcrowding, as well as offering solutions or alternative perspectives.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that the phenomenon of rural depopulation leading to urban migration has both positive and negative implications. This position is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, where the writer asserts their belief in the dual nature of the trend.
  • How to improve: While clarity is generally maintained, ensure that each paragraph consistently reinforces this central argument. This can be achieved by explicitly connecting each point made to the overarching perspective on the issue.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, providing examples to support both the positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration. For instance, it offers specific scenarios illustrating benefits for the labor market and challenges for urban infrastructure and societal well-being.
  • How to improve: To enhance idea development, strive for greater depth in the analysis of each point. Rather than just outlining advantages and disadvantages, elaborate on the broader implications and potential long-term consequences of these trends. Additionally, consider incorporating more diverse examples to enrich the discussion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay remains focused on the topic of rural depopulation and its implications, with each paragraph contributing to the central theme. However, there are instances where the discussion slightly deviates, such as the brief mention of governments limiting immigration, which may not directly relate to the primary focus.
  • How to improve: To ensure tighter adherence to the topic, carefully evaluate the relevance of each point and example to the central argument. Trim any tangential information that does not directly contribute to the discussion of rural-to-urban migration and its effects.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for refinement in terms of depth of analysis, consistency of position, and relevance of supporting details. By incorporating these suggestions, the essay can further enhance its clarity, coherence, and overall effectiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s perspective. Then, it proceeds to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of rural-to-urban migration in separate paragraphs, providing examples to support each point. Finally, a conclusion summarizes the writer’s stance. While the essay maintains a logical progression of ideas, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence.
  • How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that there is a clear transition between paragraphs. Consider using linking words and phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "On the other hand," "In conclusion") to guide the reader through the essay’s structure more effectively.
• Use Paragraphs:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into three paragraphs: introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph serves its purpose effectively, with the introduction providing context, the body presenting arguments, and the conclusion summarizing the writer’s viewpoint. However, the body paragraph could be further subdivided to enhance clarity and organization, particularly when discussing the advantages and disadvantages of rural-to-urban migration.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking down the body paragraph into smaller paragraphs, each addressing a specific advantage or disadvantage of rural-to-urban migration. This will make the essay easier to follow and improve coherence.
• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this trend," "one justification"), conjunctions ("primarily," "furthermore," "on the other hand," "in conclusion"), and repetition ("moving to urban areas"). These devices help connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used and ensuring they are used consistently throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used, including transitional phrases (e.g., "In addition," "Moreover"), synonyms for repetition, and parallel structure to create coherence. Additionally, pay attention to consistency in their usage to maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of vocabulary, incorporating both general and more specialized terms. For instance, terms like "habitants," "transition," "immigration," "infrastructure," and "equipped facilities" contribute to the lexical diversity. Additionally, the essay employs phrases such as "ask lower salaries," "balance the population distribution," and "blooming population," which enrich the vocabulary and showcase a nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • How to improve: While the essay displays a strong range of vocabulary, enhancing the sophistication of word choice further could elevate the lexical richness. Introducing more complex synonyms or employing idiomatic expressions where appropriate can enhance the depth of expression. For instance, instead of using "ask lower salaries," one could utilize "command lower wages" or "accept reduced remuneration."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with moderate precision. It effectively communicates ideas and concepts, but there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "rural people ask lower salaries" could be refined to convey the idea more accurately. Similarly, terms like "blooming population" and "equipped facilities" could be substituted with more precise alternatives for clearer communication.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, consider selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Utilizing specific terms relevant to the context can eliminate ambiguity and ensure clarity of expression. For instance, replacing "ask lower salaries" with "accept lower wages" or "demand reduced compensation" would convey the idea more precisely.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy overall. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors occur, such as "habitants" instead of "inhabitants" and "blooming" instead of "burgeoning." While these errors do not significantly detract from comprehension, addressing them would enhance the overall professionalism and clarity of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading, spell-checking tools, or practicing spelling exercises. Additionally, paying closer attention to word forms and ensuring consistency in spelling throughout the essay can help minimize errors and enhance the quality of written work.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is some variety in sentence length and structure, such as the use of complex sentences like "Primarily, people should recognize the fact that there are many advantages of the transition of individuals from rural to urban." However, more complex structures could be incorporated to enhance coherence and sophistication.
  • How to improve: To improve the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer can incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures, such as conditional sentences, passive voice constructions, and parallel structures. This can add depth to the analysis and make the essay more engaging for the reader.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors impacting overall comprehension. However, there are some noticeable grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies throughout the essay. For instance, in the sentence "Undoubtedly, this transition benefits the labor market," there is a missing comma after "Undoubtedly." Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "restaurants can hide 3 to 4 small town men or women," where the word "hide" may not be the most appropriate choice.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation consistency, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct errors. Specifically, attention should be paid to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper comma usage. Additionally, revising awkward or unclear phrasing can improve the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recently, it is commonly believed that inhabitants from the countryside are moving to urban areas, leading to a decline in the number of residents there. In my perspective, this trend could have both positive and negative consequences.

Firstly, people should acknowledge the fact that there are many advantages to the migration of individuals from rural to urban areas. Certainly, this migration benefits the labor market. It is obvious that with the large number of additional employees, employers have chances to choose suitable candidates more easily, for both low or high requirements. For example, residents from the countryside are available for simple work such as washing dishes in restaurants, or cleaning houses, which are usually hard to get paid in their origin places. Furthermore, one justification should not be ignored here is that rural people ask for lower salaries. This means that companies can save more money on human resources. For instance, restaurants can employ 3 to 4 individuals from small towns to wash dishes with the same amount of money needed for 1 individual from the city.

Consequently, traveling to the city has some disadvantages. It is important to remember that the growing population is continuously happening in many cities, and governments are trying to limit the migration to balance the population distribution. To clarify, moving to urban areas increases the burden on cities’ infrastructure, along with decreasing the living conditions of citizens, while rural areas have fewer people living despite fully equipped facilities. Besides, the absence of parental care for the elderly and youngsters who cannot move to cities with their families is a concern. This could have significant implications for their health and education. A good case in point would be the increasing number of students leaving school early due to the lack of parental care, as their parents leave to seek opportunities in cities.

In conclusion, it is my belief that the reduction in rural population for seeking new opportunities in cities will have both beneficial and detrimental effects.