In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the rural population is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the rural population is decreasing.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

– It is concerned that in many parts of the world, rural people are migrating to cities, so the rural population is declining. In my of view, this tendency has both advantages and disadvantages. The advantages are in terms of job opportunities for workers and education for children, but there are also some disadvantages in terms of living costs and housing issues.
– It is not difficult for workers to find jobs in big cities. That is because most companies and factories are located in cities and create many jobs. Furthermore, the education system in big cities is always superior in both quantity and quality.
– For example, every year many employees move to big cities like Hanoi or Ho Chi Minh City and most of them find jobs. Their children also have access to good learning environments in both cultural and foreign languages as well as other fields. Foreign language centers and talent classes such as music, painting, and dancing are everywhere. So children can learn English, Japanese, Korean, or anything they want.
– Besides the advantages, there are also many notable disadvantages. For people moving from the countryside to the city, the first problem is accommodation. They have to spend some money to rent or buy a house, while in their hometown they already have a house to live in. Second, in terms of living costs, clearly, everything in the city is more expensive than in the countryside, from food, and transportation costs to children's tuition fees. Even, in many cases, they have to hire someone to pick up and drop off their children. while in the countryside, neighbors can help each other with these things.- Besides the advantages, there are also many notable disadvantages. For people moving from the countryside to the city, the first problem is accommodation. They have to spend some money to rent or buy a house, while in their hometown they already have a house to live in. Second, in terms of living costs, clearly everything in the city is more expensive than in the countryside, from food, and transportation costs to children's tuition. In many cases, they even have to hire someone to pick up and drop off their children. While in the countryside, neighbors can help each other with these things.
– In short, it is difficult to say whether the migration trend of people from rural areas to cities is a negative or positive development. But I think that in each case, people will choose the right direction, and they will decide for themselves whether to stay in their hometown or go to the city.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"In my of view" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "In my opinion" is a more standard and formal phrase to express personal viewpoint, aligning better with academic style.
"advantages are in terms of" -> "advantages lie in"
Explanation: "Lie in" is a more precise and formal phrase to indicate where advantages are situated, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"That is because" -> "This is due to the fact that"
Explanation: "This is due to the fact that" is a formal alternative that adds clarity and sophistication to the sentence.
"For example" -> "For instance"
Explanation: "For instance" is a more formal synonym for "For example," maintaining the academic tone of the essay.
"many employees move to big cities like Hanoi or Ho Chi Minh City" -> "a significant number of employees relocate to major cities such as Hanoi or Ho Chi Minh City"
Explanation: Using "a significant number of" instead of "many" and rephrasing to "relocate to major cities" enhances formality and precision.
"everywhere" -> "ubiquitous"
Explanation: "Ubiquitous" is a more sophisticated alternative to "everywhere," fitting the formal style of the essay.
"Besides the advantages" (repeated) -> "In addition to the benefits"
Explanation: "In addition to" is a more formal phrase to introduce additional points, avoiding repetition and maintaining academic tone.
"the first problem is accommodation" -> "the primary challenge is housing"
Explanation: "Primary challenge" is a more formal term than "first problem," enhancing the formality of the essay.
"clearly" -> "evidently"
Explanation: "Evidently" is a more formal adverb, contributing to the academic tone of the sentence.
"even" -> "furthermore"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a formal transition word that strengthens the logical connection between ideas.
"In short" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is a more formal phrase to summarize the main points, aligning with academic writing conventions.
"whether the migration trend of people from rural areas to cities is a negative or positive development" -> "whether the trend of rural-to-urban migration is advantageous or detrimental"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence using "advantageous or detrimental" instead of "negative or positive development" provides a more formal and precise expression of the idea.
"they will decide for themselves whether to stay in their hometown or go to the city" -> "individuals will determine whether to remain in their native regions or migrate to urban centers"
Explanation: This revision utilizes more formal language and clarifies the choices individuals face regarding migration, enhancing the academic quality of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration. It discusses advantages such as job opportunities and better education in cities, as well as disadvantages like increased living costs and housing issues.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both sides of the argument, it could benefit from deeper analysis and exploration of the implications of rural depopulation on both rural and urban areas. Encouraging the writer to delve into specific examples or data could enhance the depth of the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a neutral stance throughout, acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of rural-to-urban migration without explicitly favoring one side over the other.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the essay’s position, the writer could consider presenting a more assertive thesis statement that clearly articulates their perspective on whether the trend is positive, negative, or a combination of both. Additionally, reinforcing this stance in the conclusion would help to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, with clear examples to support each point. It discusses job opportunities, education quality, housing issues, and living costs in detail.
- How to improve: To further enhance the essay, the writer could extend their ideas by providing additional examples or incorporating relevant statistics or studies to bolster their arguments. This would lend more credibility and depth to the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the implications of rural-to-urban migration as prompted by the question. However, there are some instances of repetition that slightly detract from the focus.
- How to improve: Advising the writer to avoid redundancy and to ensure each point contributes directly to the discussion of the topic would help to maintain focus and coherence. Additionally, emphasizing the importance of concise and clear expression would enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It begins with an introduction outlining both advantages and disadvantages, followed by separate paragraphs discussing each aspect in detail. The ideas progress logically from the benefits of urban migration to the drawbacks, and finally, a conclusion is provided summarizing the discussion. However, there are instances where the flow could be improved for smoother transitions between ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider restructuring sentences and paragraphs to ensure a seamless flow of ideas. Use transition words and phrases effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs, guiding the reader through the essay’s argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as advantages, disadvantages, and a concluding statement. However, there are some instances of repetition within paragraphs, which could be refined for better coherence.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on one main idea and avoids redundancy. Revise sentences to eliminate repetitive information and enhance the clarity and effectiveness of each paragraph’s argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout. Examples include transition words like "furthermore," "for example," and "in short," which help to link sentences and paragraphs. However, there is a tendency to rely on repetitive phrases, such as "besides the advantages," which could be diversified for greater variety.
- How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases. Experiment with synonyms and alternative expressions to avoid repetition and keep the reader engaged. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used strategically to reinforce the logical flow of the essay and strengthen connections between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of vocabulary, incorporating terms relevant to the topic such as "migration," "advantages," "disadvantages," "accommodation," "tuition fees," and "development." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further to enhance precision and depth of expression. For instance, while discussing advantages and disadvantages, more nuanced vocabulary could be employed to convey subtleties of meaning and add sophistication to the argumentation.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and domain-specific vocabulary related to urbanization and socio-economic changes. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "advantages" and "disadvantages," explore alternative terms like "benefits" and "drawbacks" or employ adjectives such as "beneficial" and "detrimental" to provide richer descriptions. Additionally, aim to incorporate vocabulary that reflects a deeper understanding of the topic, such as terms related to urban planning, socio-cultural dynamics, or economic ramifications of rural-urban migration.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs vocabulary with moderate precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning in most cases. However, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be more precise to enhance clarity and coherence. For example, the repeated use of "advantages" and "disadvantages" could be replaced with more specific terms to articulate different aspects of the argument more precisely.
- How to improve: Aim for greater specificity in word choice by selecting vocabulary that accurately captures the intended nuances of meaning. Instead of using general terms like "advantages" and "disadvantages," strive to identify and employ vocabulary that precisely delineates various facets of the argument. Consider using adjectives, adverbs, and descriptive phrases to qualify and refine the discussion of benefits and drawbacks. Additionally, consult a thesaurus or academic resources to explore alternative vocabulary options that offer greater precision and depth of expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits adequate spelling accuracy, with few noticeable errors detracting from overall readability. However, there are some instances of spelling mistakes and typographical errors that could be addressed to enhance clarity and professionalism.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as thorough proofreading, utilizing spell-check tools, and practicing spelling exercises regularly. Review each word carefully to identify and correct any misspellings or typographical errors, paying particular attention to commonly misspelled words and homophones. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing online resources to identify and rectify spelling weaknesses. By prioritizing attention to detail and employing systematic proofreading techniques, you can enhance the overall polish and professionalism of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. Simple sentences such as "It is concerned that in many parts of the world, rural people are migrating to cities, so the rural population is declining," are complemented by more complex ones like "For people moving from the countryside to the city, the first problem is accommodation." However, there is a tendency to rely heavily on basic sentence structures, which limits the variety and sophistication of expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and add variety to the essay, consider incorporating compound and compound-complex sentences. This can be achieved by combining simple sentences or adding dependent clauses to express relationships between ideas more intricately. Additionally, incorporating rhetorical devices such as parallelism or inversion can further diversify sentence structures and make the essay more engaging.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances of errors throughout the text. For example, in the sentence "In my of view," there is a preposition usage error ("of" should be omitted). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences ("For people moving from the countryside to the city, the first problem is accommodation" should have a comma after "city"). These errors, although not pervasive, detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it’s essential to review and revise the essay carefully, paying close attention to common errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage. Utilizing grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and rectify grammatical mistakes. Moreover, focusing on punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage in complex sentences, can enhance the readability and coherence of the essay. Finally, proofreading the essay multiple times before submission can significantly reduce the likelihood of grammatical and punctuation errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is a matter of concern that in numerous regions across the globe, rural inhabitants are relocating to urban areas, resulting in a decline in the rural population. In my opinion, this trend brings both advantages and disadvantages. Advantages lie in the availability of job opportunities and access to education, while the primary challenge is housing and living costs.

It is evident that finding employment in urban centers is not challenging for workers, given that most companies and factories are situated there, thus generating numerous job opportunities. Furthermore, urban areas typically boast a superior education system in terms of both quantity and quality.

For instance, a significant number of employees relocate to major cities such as Hanoi or Ho Chi Minh City every year, where they often secure employment. Additionally, their children benefit from access to enriched learning environments encompassing various cultural and foreign language programs, as well as extracurricular activities like music, art, and dance classes.

However, alongside these advantages, there are notable disadvantages. The foremost challenge for those transitioning from rural to urban areas is accommodation. They must allocate funds for renting or purchasing a house, whereas in their hometowns, they may already possess a place of residence. Moreover, living costs in urban settings are evidently higher than in rural areas, encompassing expenses such as food, transportation, and children’s education. In many cases, urban dwellers may even need to hire assistance for tasks like transporting their children, whereas in rural areas, mutual support among neighbors often suffices.

In conclusion, whether the trend of rural-to-urban migration is advantageous or detrimental remains debatable. Ultimately, individuals will determine whether to remain in their native regions or migrate to urban centers based on their unique circumstances and preferences.