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In many countries, both men and women work full-time. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on families and society?

In many countries, both men and women work full-time. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on families and society?

Recent years have witnessed the paradigm shift towards both men and women working full-time, which impact profoundly on families and society. This essay will explore the reasons why this phenomenon is a negative development.

On the one hand, the dual-income model presents significant disadvantages, emphasizing its dominance over the advantages. Chief among them is the lack of quality time with family, as it would be challenging for parents to find time to spend with their children and participate in family activities. As a consequence, this can lead to feelings of guilt and stress due to a sense of disconnection and stress between family members.

Moreover, being working parents, mother and father meet a massive of difficulties to spend their time and energy for juggling work, family responsibilities and leisure time equally. It means that they are hard to acquire work-life balance. If they try to equilibrate these things successfully, they will be burnout and exhausted and be able to suffer some diseases related to mental health such as depression and anxiety disorders.

Nevertheless, the benefits of having both parents working full-time are undeniable. From a familiar perspective, when both parents contribute financially, families can enjoy a higher household income. This allows for easier management of household expenses and improvement of their quality of life. The economic comfort of families also provides opportunities for their children, investing in their education and ensuring their future.

In conclusion, while the fact that there is an increasing number of families having both parents working full-time does exert several advantages, the downsides this trend brings about certainly outweigh such benefits, making it a negative development. These determinants include lacking quality time with family and trying to gain work-life balance.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "witnessed the paradigm shift" -> "observed a significant shift"
    Explanation: "Witnessed the paradigm shift" is somewhat informal. "Observed a significant shift" maintains the idea of noticing a substantial change while employing more formal language.

  2. "which impact profoundly on families and society" -> "which profoundly impacts families and society"
    Explanation: Adjusting the verb form to "impacts" creates a grammatically correct sentence structure. The word "profoundly" remains to emphasize the depth of impact.

  3. "This essay will explore" -> "This essay aims to examine"
    Explanation: Using "aims to examine" instead of "will explore" maintains the intent of the essay while sounding more formal and purposeful.

  4. "Chief among them is the lack of quality time" -> "Foremost among them is the absence of quality time"
    Explanation: Replacing "chief" with "foremost" and rephrasing "lack of" to "absence of" enhances the formality of the statement.

  5. "As a consequence, this can lead to feelings of guilt" -> "Consequently, this may result in feelings of guilt"
    Explanation: Replacing "As a consequence, this can lead to" with "Consequently, this may result in" provides a more academic and precise expression.

  6. "Moreover, being working parents, mother and father meet a massive of difficulties" -> "Furthermore, as working parents, both mother and father encounter numerous challenges"
    Explanation: The phrase "meet a massive of difficulties" is informal. Substituting it with "encounter numerous challenges" maintains formality and clarity.

  7. "to spend their time and energy for juggling work" -> "to balance their time and energy between work"
    Explanation: "For juggling work" is less formal. Using "to balance their time and energy between work" expresses the idea more formally and precisely.

  8. "It means that they are hard to acquire work-life balance" -> "This implies difficulty in achieving work-life balance"
    Explanation: The original phrasing lacks clarity. The revised version expresses the idea more succinctly and academically.

  9. "If they try to equilibrate these things successfully" -> "If they attempt to successfully balance these aspects"
    Explanation: "Equilibrate" is less common in academic writing. Replacing it with "balance these aspects" maintains clarity and formality.

  10. "they will be burnout and exhausted" -> "they will experience burnout and exhaustion"
    Explanation: "Be burnout" is grammatically incorrect. Using "experience burnout and exhaustion" rectifies this while maintaining formality.

  11. "be able to suffer some diseases related to mental health" -> "potentially experience mental health-related conditions"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more precise and formal than "be able to suffer some diseases related to mental health."

  12. "Nevertheless, the benefits of having both parents working full-time are undeniable" -> "However, the undeniable benefits of having both parents working full-time"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence enhances clarity and formality while retaining the original meaning.

  13. "From a familiar perspective" -> "From a familial perspective"
    Explanation: "Familiar" refers to something being well-known, while "familial" relates to family relationships, making it a more suitable word choice here.

  14. "This allows for easier management of household expenses" -> "This facilitates more manageable household expenses"
    Explanation: The revised phrase maintains formality while expressing the idea more succinctly.

  15. "the downsides this trend brings about certainly outweigh such benefits" -> "the disadvantages of this trend far outweigh its benefits"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more direct and formal, conveying the same meaning more effectively.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Recent years have witnessed the paradigm shift towards both men and women working full-time, which impact profoundly on families and society. This essay will explore the reasons why this phenomenon is a negative development."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction sets the stage for discussing the negative impact of both parents working full-time, which aligns with the prompt. However, it lacks a concise summary of the main points to be discussed in the essay. Consider providing a roadmap of the key reasons in a sentence to enhance the clarity of your argument.
    • Improved example: "Recent societal changes have seen an increasing number of families with both parents working full-time, significantly affecting families and society. This essay will delve into the adverse effects of this trend, focusing on issues such as a lack of quality family time and challenges in achieving work-life balance."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, the dual-income model presents significant disadvantages, emphasizing its dominance over the advantages."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you acknowledge the disadvantages, the essay lacks specific reasons and examples to support this claim. It would be more effective to provide concrete examples or personal experiences that illustrate the negative impact, making your argument more persuasive and convincing.
    • Improved example: "One notable disadvantage of the dual-income model is the limited quality time spent with family. For instance, parents may find it challenging to engage in family activities or spend meaningful time with their children, fostering a sense of disconnection and stress among family members."
  3. Quoted text: "Moreover, being working parents, mother and father meet a massive of difficulties to spend their time and energy for juggling work, family responsibilities and leisure time equally."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea is presented, but it lacks clarity and depth. Specify the difficulties faced by working parents and provide concrete examples or scenarios. This will strengthen your argument by offering a more detailed and nuanced perspective.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, working parents often encounter substantial challenges in balancing work, family responsibilities, and leisure time. This struggle becomes evident when they attempt to distribute their time and energy, leading to potential burnout and increased vulnerability to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety disorders."

Overall, the essay presents relevant points but lacks depth in providing specific reasons and examples to support the negative impact of both parents working full-time. Strengthening your arguments with more detailed illustrations will enhance the overall persuasiveness of your response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. It maintains a clear overall progression, with ideas logically arranged in paragraphs. The introduction sets the stage by introducing the topic and expressing a clear viewpoint. Each paragraph explores different aspects of the negative impacts of both parents working full-time, providing a cohesive flow of ideas.

The essay effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas within sentences and between paragraphs. Transition words like "Moreover" and "Nevertheless" help guide the reader through the author’s arguments. However, there are instances where cohesion may be somewhat mechanical, lacking a natural flow in sentence-to-sentence connections.

Paragraphing is generally logical, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. The essay could benefit from more nuanced paragraph breaks to enhance the overall organization and readability. Additionally, some sentences are lengthy and could be simplified for better clarity and cohesion.

There’s a clear central topic within each paragraph, contributing to the overall coherence. However, a more balanced exploration of both positive and negative aspects could strengthen the essay’s structure.

How to improve:

  1. Refine the use of cohesive devices to ensure a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
  2. Consider more nuanced paragraph breaks to enhance organization and readability.
  3. Simplify complex sentences for better clarity and cohesion.
  4. Provide a more balanced exploration of positive and negative aspects to present a comprehensive view of the topic.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary to convey ideas, and there is an attempt to use less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The writer effectively communicates the negative impacts of both parents working full-time, touching on aspects such as the lack of quality time with family and the challenges of maintaining work-life balance. However, occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present, and some sentences could benefit from more varied and sophisticated vocabulary.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating a broader range of vocabulary to add nuance and depth to the arguments. Proofread the essay to address occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. Additionally, strive for more varied and sophisticated expressions to elevate the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There’s an attempt to use a variety of sentence forms, combining both basic and more intricate structures. The essay presents ideas with reasonable clarity despite some grammatical errors and occasional awkward phrasing. The writer attempts complex sentences but lacks consistent accuracy, leading to occasional misunderstandings. However, the errors rarely impede overall communication.

The essay covers the topic adequately, offering arguments on both sides of the issue and presents a coherent stance. The content is logically organized and remains relevant to the prompt, discussing the impact of both parents working full-time on families and society.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Accuracy Refinement: Focus on refining complex sentence structures and ensuring their accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, sentence cohesion, and proper use of conjunctions.
  2. Proofreading and Editing: Revise for errors in punctuation and awkward phrasing to enhance overall clarity.
  3. Vocabulary and Expression: Expand vocabulary and work on expressing ideas more precisely to improve the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recent years have seen a significant shift towards both men and women engaging in full-time work, profoundly impacting families and society. This essay will delve into why this trend is viewed as having primarily negative consequences.

On one hand, the dual-income model presents considerable disadvantages, overshadowing its advantages. A crucial concern is the limited quality time available for families, making it challenging for parents to bond with their children and engage in family activities. Consequently, this can lead to feelings of guilt and stress, creating a sense of disconnection among family members.

Furthermore, when both parents are employed, they encounter substantial difficulties balancing work, family responsibilities, and leisure time. Achieving a work-life balance becomes arduous, potentially leading to burnout, exhaustion, and various mental health issues like depression and anxiety disorders.

However, the advantages of having both parents engaged in full-time work cannot be dismissed. From a family perspective, the additional income from dual employment enhances the household’s financial stability. This financial security enables better management of household expenses and an overall improvement in their quality of life. Additionally, the economic stability offers children opportunities for education and secures their future prospects.

In conclusion, while an increasing number of families have both parents engaged in full-time work, the drawbacks of this trend outweigh the benefits. Issues such as insufficient family time and the struggle to achieve work-life balance significantly outweigh the advantages, making it a negative development.

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