In many countries, more and more men are staying at home to look after their children when women work full-time. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

Traditional family relations are changing significantly as more dads are choosing to care for their children while working full-time. This transformation has occurred for a number of causes, and both positive and negative effects may be responsible for it.
One of the main causes of this trend is the shift in society perceptions on gender roles, which is encouraging and accepting of men taking on caring duties. This change is further made possible by workplace cultures that are supportive and have paternity leave policies. The desire for a more harmonious family life is another element. More and more men nowadays are aware of the significance of their role in promoting emotional and psychological well-being and are looking to become more involved in their children's development. Engaging in active engagement can enhance the relationship between father and child and encourage gender equality in parenting. Positively, this movement promotes a more equal society by questioning established gender norms. It promotes gender equality in the workplace by enabling women to pursue their jobs without the extra burden of being the only caregiver.
But there can be disadvantages. Because of longstanding cultural standards, men may experience suppression or face social stigma. Furthermore, if some family members are not accommodating or supportive of the transition, some may find it difficult to adjust to the roles being reversed.
In conclusion, even though there may be some negative effects from more males staying at home to care for their kids while women work full-time, the benefits—such as advancing gender equality and healthy family dynamics—still outweigh the negatives.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Traditional family relations" -> "Traditional family dynamics"
Explanation: "Dynamics" is a more precise term that conveys the complex interactions within families, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"choosing to care for their children" -> "opting to care for their children"
Explanation: "Opting" is a more formal and precise verb than "choosing," which is slightly informal and less specific in this context.
"working full-time" -> "engaging in full-time employment"
Explanation: "Engaging in full-time employment" is a more formal and detailed way to describe the nature of work, aligning better with academic style.
"This transformation has occurred for a number of causes" -> "This shift has been driven by various factors"
Explanation: "Driven by various factors" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vague "number of causes."
"positive and negative effects may be responsible for it" -> "both positive and negative consequences may arise from it"
Explanation: "Consequences" is a more formal term than "effects," and "arise from" is more precise than "be responsible for," which is somewhat colloquial.
"society perceptions on gender roles" -> "societal perceptions of gender roles"
Explanation: "Societal" is the correct adjective form, and "of" is the correct preposition to use with "perceptions."
"encouraging and accepting of men taking on caring duties" -> "encouraging and accepting of men assuming caregiving responsibilities"
Explanation: "Assuming caregiving responsibilities" is a more formal and precise phrase than "taking on caring duties."
"paternity leave policies" -> "paternity leave policies"
Explanation: No change needed here, as "paternity leave policies" is already formal and appropriate.
"desire for a more harmonious family life" -> "desire for a more harmonious family environment"
Explanation: "Environment" is a more specific and formal term than "life," which is too broad and informal for academic writing.
"More and more men nowadays" -> "Increasingly, more men"
Explanation: "Increasingly" is a more formal adverb than "more and more," and it avoids the colloquial "nowadays."
"Engaging in active engagement" -> "Engaging in active participation"
Explanation: "Participation" is a more specific and formal term than "engagement," which is somewhat vague and redundant in this context.
"encourage gender equality in parenting" -> "promote gender equality in parenting"
Explanation: "Promote" is a more formal and precise verb than "encourage" in this context, aligning better with academic style.
"But there can be disadvantages" -> "However, there may be disadvantages"
Explanation: "However" is a more formal transitional phrase than "But," and "may be" is more tentative and academically appropriate than "can be."
"Because of longstanding cultural standards" -> "Due to longstanding cultural norms"
Explanation: "Norms" is a more precise term than "standards" in this context, referring to societal expectations.
"suppression or face social stigma" -> "experience suppression or face social stigma"
Explanation: "Experience" is more appropriate than "face" in this context, as it directly relates to the emotional and psychological impact.
"some may find it difficult to adjust" -> "some individuals may struggle to adapt"
Explanation: "Struggle to adapt" is a more formal and precise way to describe the challenges faced by individuals in adjusting to changed roles.
"the benefits—such as advancing gender equality and healthy family dynamics—still outweigh the negatives" -> "the benefits, including the advancement of gender equality and healthy family dynamics, still outweigh the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Including" is more formal than "such as," and "drawbacks" is a more formal synonym for "negatives."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It identifies reasons for the trend of men staying at home to care for children, such as changing societal perceptions of gender roles and supportive workplace policies. Additionally, it discusses both positive and negative aspects of this development, highlighting benefits like gender equality and potential drawbacks like social stigma. The essay provides a balanced view, which is crucial for a high score in this criterion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could delve deeper into specific examples or statistics that illustrate the shift in gender roles and the impact on family dynamics. Including real-world instances or studies could strengthen the argument and provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the benefits of men staying at home outweigh the negatives. This stance is consistent throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion where the author reiterates this viewpoint. However, the transition between discussing positive and negative aspects could be more fluid to reinforce the overall argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the essay could use transitional phrases to better connect the discussion of positive and negative effects. For instance, explicitly stating how the negatives do not undermine the overall positive impact could enhance coherence. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the body paragraphs could help maintain focus on the central position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several relevant ideas, such as the changing perceptions of gender roles and the importance of father involvement in child development. However, while these ideas are introduced, they could be extended with more detailed explanations or examples. For instance, the mention of workplace cultures supporting paternity leave could be elaborated on to show how this specifically facilitates men taking on caregiving roles.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should aim to provide more depth in each point made. This could involve including specific examples, anecdotes, or data that illustrate the positive impacts of men taking on caregiving roles. Additionally, discussing counterarguments or alternative perspectives could enrich the analysis and demonstrate critical thinking.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of men staying at home to care for children while women work. However, there are moments where the discussion of negative aspects could be seen as slightly vague or underdeveloped, which might detract from the overall focus on the topic.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus on the topic, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central theme of the essay. When discussing negative aspects, it would be beneficial to tie them back to the implications for family dynamics or societal perceptions, thus reinforcing the overall relevance to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more detailed examples, enhancing transitions, and ensuring every point is tightly connected to the prompt, the writer could further elevate their score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the prompt, with the first body paragraph focusing on the reasons for the trend and the second body paragraph discussing the positive and negative effects. The flow of ideas is generally smooth, with a clear progression from one point to the next. For example, the transition from societal perceptions to workplace cultures is well-articulated, demonstrating a logical connection between the two ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This would help to explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph, guiding the reader through the argument more effectively. Additionally, including more explicit linking phrases between points could further strengthen the logical flow. For instance, using phrases like "Furthermore" or "In addition" can help to signal the relationship between ideas more clearly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability and comprehension. Each paragraph is focused on a specific theme, which is essential for maintaining clarity. The introduction and conclusion are distinct, encapsulating the main arguments and summarizing the discussion effectively. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from a more balanced length; the first body paragraph is significantly longer than the second, which may disrupt the overall balance of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, aim for a more balanced distribution of content across paragraphs. This can be achieved by expanding on the second body paragraph to include more specific examples or details regarding the negative effects of men staying at home. Additionally, consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, ensuring that each paragraph remains focused and concise.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "One of the main causes," "positively," and "but there can be disadvantages," which help to connect ideas and indicate shifts in the argument. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay, allowing the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied transitions and linking words, which would enhance the fluidity of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of relying on "but" to introduce contrasting ideas, consider using "however," "on the other hand," or "in contrast." Additionally, using phrases like "for instance" or "as a result" can help to clarify relationships between ideas and provide clearer transitions between points. This variety will not only improve the essay’s cohesion but also demonstrate a higher level of linguistic proficiency.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, further enhancing its overall effectiveness and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Terms such as "traditional family relations," "gender roles," "paternity leave policies," and "emotional and psychological well-being" showcase the writer’s ability to use varied vocabulary effectively. However, there are instances where more varied synonyms could enhance the richness of the language. For example, the phrase "more and more" is repeated, which could be substituted with alternatives like "increasingly" or "progressively" to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "more and more," they could use phrases like "a growing number of" or "an increasing trend." Additionally, incorporating idiomatic expressions or advanced vocabulary related to societal change could further elevate the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with a good level of precision. Phrases like "caring duties" and "engaging in active engagement" are appropriate for the context. However, the phrase "suppression or face social stigma" could be clearer; "suppression" might imply a more severe form of oppression than intended. The term "accommodating" is also somewhat vague; specifying what kind of support is needed could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should consider the context and connotations of their word choices. For example, replacing "suppression" with "pressure" or "disapproval" could convey a more accurate meaning. Additionally, elaborating on what "supportive" entails—such as emotional support or practical assistance—would clarify the point being made.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words like "significantly," "accepting," and "development" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the writing. This accuracy indicates a good grasp of standard English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Engaging in regular writing practice and utilizing spell-check tools can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words can be beneficial, particularly in the context of academic writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases such as "This transformation has occurred for a number of causes, and both positive and negative effects may be responsible for it." Additionally, the writer effectively employs conditional structures, as seen in "if some family members are not accommodating or supportive of the transition." The mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences contributes to a fluid reading experience. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied, particularly in the use of passive voice or more advanced grammatical forms.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more passive constructions, such as "Paternity leave policies are being implemented by many companies," or use more varied introductory phrases, such as "In light of recent societal changes," to enhance the complexity of the writing. Additionally, experimenting with different ways to connect ideas, such as using participial phrases or relative clauses, could enrich the essay’s grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation is used effectively to clarify meaning. For example, commas are appropriately placed in lists and to separate clauses, as seen in "The desire for a more harmonious family life is another element." However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "the shift in society perceptions on gender roles," where "society" should be "societal" to maintain grammatical accuracy. Additionally, the use of "may be responsible for it" could be more clearly expressed as "may contribute to this trend" for better clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread for minor errors, particularly in word choice and agreement. Practicing sentence restructuring and focusing on common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles, can help. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will ensure clarity and precision in writing.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By incorporating more varied sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can further elevate their writing quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

Traditional family dynamics are changing significantly as more dads are opting to care for their children while women engage in full-time employment. This transformation has occurred for a number of reasons, and both positive and negative consequences may arise from it.

One of the main causes of this trend is the shift in societal perceptions of gender roles, which is encouraging and accepting of men assuming caregiving responsibilities. This change is further made possible by workplace cultures that are supportive and have paternity leave policies. The desire for a more harmonious family environment is another factor. Increasingly, more men are aware of the significance of their role in promoting emotional and psychological well-being and are looking to become more involved in their children’s development. Engaging in active participation can enhance the relationship between father and child and promote gender equality in parenting. Positively, this movement promotes a more equal society by questioning established gender norms. It also supports gender equality in the workplace by enabling women to pursue their careers without the extra burden of being the only caregiver.

However, there may be disadvantages. Due to longstanding cultural norms, men may experience suppression or face social stigma. Furthermore, if some family members are not accommodating or supportive of the transition, some individuals may struggle to adapt to the roles being reversed.

In conclusion, even though there may be some negative effects from more men staying at home to care for their children while women work full-time, the benefits—including the advancement of gender equality and healthy family dynamics—still outweigh the drawbacks.