In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world.

Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In this modernizing era, buyers get access to international food easily by going to a supermarket. Although it may have some drawbacks, I still believe that its benefits are greater.
On the one hand, there are various compelling reasons why individuals are on the negative side. First, the potential deterioration of culture cannot be overlooked, as there are more and more food imported, the traditional food may be faded and detracted particularly among the young. Second, consumers are likey to experience risk of food poisoning
primarily because there might exist food of unknown origin that government cannot control. For example, the rate of food poisoning in Vietnamese food market rises up once the government allows oversea food to be imported.
On the other hand, I firmly believe that the disadvantages of this point pale in comparison with the advantages. One of the key benefits is that the economic promotion which creates more jobs as more productions are required. For example, the revenue received by food exported in Vietnam to other countries is higher than that of domestic consumption. Another significant advantage is the spiritual value, to be clearer, it is the opportunity to discover new cultures. Due to new kinds of food coming, residents are now able to enjoy other cultures, offering a unique and colorful experience. For example, Vietnamese people especially in big citys such as ha noi or sai gon can reach to chinese , italian and so on restaurants to try their foods to know more about the international cultures and customes.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this modernizing era" -> "In this contemporary era"
Explanation: "Modernizing" is somewhat redundant when used with "era," as "era" inherently implies a period of change. "Contemporary" is more precise and academically appropriate.
"buyers get access to" -> "consumers have access to"
Explanation: "Buyers" is somewhat informal and specific to the context of purchasing goods. "Consumers" is a more general and formal term suitable for academic writing.
"going to a supermarket" -> "visiting a supermarket"
Explanation: "Going to" is informal and colloquial; "visiting" is more formal and suitable for academic contexts.
"its benefits are greater" -> "its advantages outweigh its disadvantages"
Explanation: "Greater" is vague and lacks specificity. "Outweigh its disadvantages" provides a clearer comparison and is more precise.
"compelling reasons why individuals are on the negative side" -> "significant reasons why some individuals are opposed"
Explanation: "On the negative side" is informal and vague. "Opposed" is more precise and formal, and "some individuals" avoids the implication that all individuals are opposed.
"cannot be overlooked" -> "should not be overlooked"
Explanation: "Cannot be overlooked" implies a physical impossibility, which is not the intended meaning. "Should not be overlooked" correctly conveys the importance of considering these factors.
"more and more food imported" -> "increasingly imported"
Explanation: "More and more" is informal and repetitive. "Increasingly" is more concise and formal.
"the traditional food may be faded and detracted" -> "traditional cuisine may fade and decline"
Explanation: "Faded and detracted" is awkward and unclear. "Fade and decline" is more natural and precise in the context of cultural loss.
"consumers are likey to experience risk of food poisoning" -> "consumers are likely to experience the risk of food poisoning"
Explanation: "Likey" is a typographical error and should be "likely." Also, "the risk of" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"government cannot control" -> "authorities cannot regulate"
Explanation: "Government" is too broad and informal; "authorities" is more specific and formal. "Regulate" is also more precise than "control" in this context.
"the rate of food poisoning in Vietnamese food market rises up" -> "the incidence of food poisoning in Vietnam’s food market increases"
Explanation: "Rises up" is informal and imprecise. "Increases" is the correct term for quantifiable changes. "Vietnamese food market" should be "Vietnam’s food market" for grammatical correctness.
"the economic promotion which creates more jobs" -> "the economic benefits that create more jobs"
Explanation: "Promotion" is not the correct term in this context; "benefits" is more appropriate. "That" is also more formal than "which."
"to be clearer, it is the opportunity" -> "more specifically, it offers the opportunity"
Explanation: "To be clearer" is informal and awkward. "More specifically" is a clearer and more formal transition.
"new kinds of food coming" -> "new types of food"
Explanation: "Kinds" is less formal and less precise than "types," which is commonly used in academic writing.
"residents are now able to enjoy other cultures" -> "residents can now experience other cultures"
Explanation: "Enjoy" is somewhat informal and vague; "experience" is more precise and formal.
"big citys" -> "major cities"
Explanation: "Big citys" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Major cities" is the correct form and is more formal.
"can reach to" -> "can access"
Explanation: "Reach to" is incorrect; "access" is the correct verb for describing the ability to visit or use something.
"to know more about the international cultures and customes" -> "to learn more about international cultures and customs"
Explanation: "Know" is less formal than "learn," which is more appropriate for academic writing. "Customes" is a typographical error and should be "customs."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of consumers having access to international food in supermarkets. The introduction clearly states the writer’s belief that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. The negative points raised include cultural deterioration and the risk of food poisoning, while the positive aspects focus on economic benefits and cultural exchange. Each part of the question is adequately covered, demonstrating a balanced view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide more specific examples or data to support the claims made about cultural deterioration and food safety. Additionally, a more explicit connection between the points made and the overall argument could strengthen the response. For instance, discussing specific cultural practices that may be at risk could provide a more vivid illustration of the negative impacts.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the benefits of international food access outweigh the drawbacks. This is evident in the consistent use of phrases like "I firmly believe" and "the disadvantages… pale in comparison." However, the transition between the negative and positive points could be smoother to reinforce the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer could use clearer transition phrases when moving from discussing negative aspects to positive ones. For example, using a phrase like "Despite these concerns, I believe…" would help to reinforce the position and guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as economic promotion and cultural exchange, but the development of these ideas could be more robust. The examples provided, such as the revenue from food exports in Vietnam and the enjoyment of diverse cuisines, are relevant but lack depth and detail. The mention of food poisoning is a valid concern, but it could be better supported with statistics or more detailed examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more specific examples or data. For instance, discussing how the influx of international food has directly impacted local economies or providing statistics on food poisoning incidents could strengthen the argument. Additionally, exploring the implications of cultural exchange in more detail would enrich the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of international food access in supermarkets. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, while the mention of cultural exchange is relevant, it could be more explicitly tied back to the idea of how this access affects consumers in their daily lives.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the development is positive or negative. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each argument to the overall thesis and ensuring that every example serves to illustrate the main points of the essay. Regularly revisiting the prompt throughout the essay can help keep the discussion on track.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs (one for the negative aspects and one for the positive), and a conclusion. The arguments are generally well-organized, with the negative points presented first, followed by the positive ones. However, the transition between the two sides could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is effectively used, but the subsequent transition to "On the other hand" could benefit from a more explicit connection to the previous paragraph, reinforcing the contrast between the two perspectives.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly highlight the contrast between the negative and positive aspects. For example, after discussing the negative points, you might add a sentence that acknowledges the importance of considering the benefits before transitioning to the positive side. This could help create a more cohesive argument throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph addresses the negative consequences, while the second discusses the positive outcomes. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized. The mention of cultural deterioration and food safety risks could be separated into distinct sentences or even sub-points to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down complex ideas into simpler, more digestible points. For example, in the first paragraph, you could start with a clear topic sentence that states the main negative point, followed by a sentence that elaborates on cultural deterioration, and then another for food safety risks. This will help each point stand out more clearly and improve the overall readability of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "second," and "on the one hand," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "the disadvantages of this point pale in comparison with the advantages" is a strong statement, but it could be better supported with a cohesive device that links back to the previous paragraph’s discussion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, you could use "however," "in contrast," or "nevertheless" to introduce counterarguments more effectively. Additionally, using phrases like "for instance" or "for example" can help clarify connections between ideas and provide smoother transitions between points. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and some effective use of cohesive devices, there is room for improvement in the logical flow between paragraphs, the internal organization of ideas, and the diversity of cohesive devices used. By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of clarity and cohesiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary with terms like "modernizing era," "international food," and "economic promotion." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation, particularly in phrases like "food imported" and "food poisoning." The use of "various compelling reasons" is a good attempt at variety, but overall, the essay could benefit from more diverse expressions and synonyms to convey ideas more vividly.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "food," consider terms like "cuisine," "dishes," or "culinary products." Additionally, using phrases such as "cultural erosion" instead of "deterioration of culture" can add depth to the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the potential deterioration of culture" and "the risk of food poisoning." While these phrases convey the intended meaning, they could be articulated more clearly. For example, "the risk of food poisoning" could be more accurately described as "the increased likelihood of foodborne illnesses due to unregulated imports."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the context. For example, instead of "the traditional food may be faded," a more precise expression would be "traditional cuisines may decline in popularity." Additionally, using specific terms related to the topic, such as "culinary heritage" or "gastronomic diversity," can enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "likey" (likely), "citys" (cities), and "customes" (customs). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spelling and grammar check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling common vocabulary related to the topic can help reinforce correct usage. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly may also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence, "In this modernizing era, buyers get access to international food easily by going to a supermarket," is a straightforward structure. However, the essay relies heavily on similar sentence patterns, such as "First, the potential deterioration of culture cannot be overlooked," which limits the overall variety. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicates an attempt to structure arguments clearly, but the overall complexity of the sentences is lacking.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying, "the traditional food may be faded and detracted particularly among the young," the writer could say, "the traditional food may fade and be detracted from, particularly among the younger generation, who are more influenced by global trends." Additionally, using a mix of active and passive voice can also add variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "as there are more and more food imported" should be "as more and more food is imported" to ensure subject-verb agreement. The use of "likey" instead of "likely" is a spelling error that affects the professionalism of the writing. Furthermore, the sentence "the rate of food poisoning in Vietnamese food market rises up once the government allows oversea food to be imported" contains awkward phrasing and should be revised for clarity and grammatical correctness. The phrase "oversea food" should be corrected to "overseas food," and "Vietnamese food market" should be "the Vietnamese food market."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay for common errors, focusing on subject-verb agreement, spelling, and the correct use of articles. Additionally, practicing sentence restructuring can help clarify meaning and reduce grammatical mistakes. Using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also be beneficial in identifying and correcting errors before finalizing the essay.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and structure, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this modernizing era, buyers have access to international food easily by visiting a supermarket. Although it may have some drawbacks, I still believe that its benefits are greater.

On the one hand, there are various compelling reasons why individuals are opposed to this development. First, the potential deterioration of culture should not be overlooked. As more and more food is imported, traditional cuisine may fade and decline, particularly among the young. Second, consumers are likely to experience the risk of food poisoning, primarily because there may be food of unknown origin that the government cannot regulate. For example, the incidence of food poisoning in Vietnam’s food market increases once the government allows overseas food to be imported.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that the disadvantages of this point pale in comparison to the advantages. One of the key benefits is the economic promotion that creates more jobs, as more production is required. For example, the revenue received from food exported from Vietnam to other countries is higher than that of domestic consumption. Another significant advantage is the spiritual value; more specifically, it offers the opportunity to discover new cultures. Due to new types of food being introduced, residents can now experience other cultures, offering a unique and colorful experience. For example, Vietnamese people, especially in major cities such as Hanoi or Saigon, can access Chinese, Italian, and other restaurants to try their foods and learn more about international cultures and customs.