In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause?

In a myriad of nations around the global , moving to urban cities become a prevalent tendency , which results in a decline of the population in the countryside. I would evaluate the positivity and negativity before proposing whether it is beneficial or detrimental to our society
On the one hand, due to the fact that, a huge of economic hubs and more and more people who migrate to the cities to live , putting a huge amount of pressure on facilities and infrastructures . If more and more people coming here to live , it would be inevitable that entire system would be overloaded , leading to a reduction quality of life . For instance, there are reported that approximately 70% cities around the world are plagued with congestions traffic and pollution.
On the one hand, as more people from rural areas migrate cities to live, they are increasing diversity of workforce. Metropolitan regions, fortunately, known as the vibrant economic hubs , helps them absorb the influx of new workforce . Eventually, they create new opportunity of jobs to improve the income of people, provide forces to pushes the economy forward

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In a myriad of nations around the global" -> "In numerous countries worldwide"
Explanation: "In a myriad of nations around the global" is awkward and incorrect. "Numerous countries worldwide" is more precise and grammatically correct, enhancing the formal tone of the essay.
"moving to urban cities become a prevalent tendency" -> "moving to urban cities has become a prevalent trend"
Explanation: "become a prevalent tendency" is grammatically incorrect. "Has become a prevalent trend" corrects the verb tense and uses a more formal term, improving the sentence structure.
"I would evaluate the positivity and negativity" -> "I will assess the advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: "I would evaluate the positivity and negativity" is vague and informal. "I will assess the advantages and disadvantages" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing, using formal vocabulary.
"a huge of economic hubs" -> "a significant number of economic hubs"
Explanation: "a huge of economic hubs" is grammatically incorrect. "A significant number of economic hubs" corrects the grammar and uses a more precise quantifier suitable for formal writing.
"more and more people who migrate to the cities to live" -> "an increasing number of people migrating to cities"
Explanation: "more and more people who migrate to the cities to live" is verbose and informal. "An increasing number of people migrating to cities" is concise and maintains a formal tone.
"putting a huge amount of pressure on facilities and infrastructures" -> "placing significant pressure on facilities and infrastructure"
Explanation: "putting a huge amount of pressure" is informal and imprecise. "Placing significant pressure" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"If more and more people coming here to live" -> "If more people continue to migrate to these cities"
Explanation: "If more and more people coming here to live" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "If more people continue to migrate to these cities" corrects the grammar and uses a more formal expression.
"it would be inevitable that entire system would be overloaded" -> "it would be inevitable that the entire system would become overloaded"
Explanation: "it would be inevitable that entire system would be overloaded" is grammatically incorrect. "It would be inevitable that the entire system would become overloaded" corrects the grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning.
"there are reported that" -> "it is reported that"
Explanation: "there are reported that" is grammatically incorrect. "It is reported that" is the correct form, enhancing the formal tone of the sentence.
"approximately 70% cities around the world are plagued with congestions traffic and pollution" -> "approximately 70% of cities worldwide are plagued with congestion and pollution"
Explanation: "congestions traffic" is incorrect and awkward. "Congestion and pollution" corrects the spelling and grammatical structure, improving readability and formality.
"Metropolitan regions, fortunately, known as the vibrant economic hubs" -> "Metropolitan regions, which are known as vibrant economic hubs"
Explanation: "fortunately, known as" is awkward and informal. "Which are known as" corrects the awkward phrasing and maintains a formal tone.
"they create new opportunity of jobs" -> "they create new job opportunities"
Explanation: "new opportunity of jobs" is grammatically incorrect. "New job opportunities" corrects the grammatical error and is more precise.
"provide forces to pushes the economy forward" -> "provide the impetus to drive the economy forward"
Explanation: "provide forces to pushes the economy forward" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Provide the impetus to drive the economy forward" corrects the grammar and uses a more formal and precise term, enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the reasons for urban migration and the problems it causes. However, it lacks a comprehensive exploration of these aspects. For instance, while it mentions economic opportunities as a reason for migration, it does not delve into other factors such as better education or healthcare. Additionally, the problems discussed are somewhat vague and could benefit from more specific examples and elaboration.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed. This could involve explicitly stating multiple reasons for the migration to urban areas, such as job opportunities, education, and healthcare access. Furthermore, when discussing problems, providing specific examples and elaborating on their implications would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles with maintaining a clear position. The introduction suggests an evaluation of both benefits and drawbacks, but the body paragraphs do not consistently reflect this balance. The first paragraph leans towards the negative aspects of urbanization, while the second paragraph shifts focus to the positive without a clear transition or acknowledgment of the complexities involved.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should clearly state their stance in the introduction and consistently refer back to it throughout the essay. Using transitional phrases to connect ideas and explicitly acknowledging counterarguments can help maintain clarity and coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat underdeveloped. For example, the mention of "economic hubs" and "increasing diversity of workforce" lacks sufficient explanation and supporting details. The essay also contains grammatical errors that detract from the clarity of the ideas presented, such as "a huge of economic hubs" and "congestions traffic."
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to expand on each point made. This could involve providing specific statistics, examples, or case studies that illustrate the impact of urban migration. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will enhance the overall presentation of ideas.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, but there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the second paragraph. The transition from discussing the negative impacts of urban migration to the positive aspects feels abrupt and can confuse the reader. The phrase "putting a huge amount of pressure on facilities and infrastructures" could be better connected to the subsequent discussion about economic opportunities.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the main argument and the prompt. Using topic sentences to introduce each paragraph and summarizing the main point at the end can help reinforce the central theme and ensure relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim for more comprehensive coverage of the prompt, clearer positioning, better-supported ideas, and improved coherence throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both the positive and negative aspects of urban migration. However, the logical flow is somewhat disrupted by the abrupt transition between points. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the negative impacts of urban migration but lacks a clear connection to the subsequent paragraph, which shifts to the positive aspects without a smooth transition.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in focus, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, allowing readers to follow the argument more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs themselves could be more effectively structured. The first body paragraph is lengthy and contains multiple ideas that could be broken down into smaller, more focused paragraphs. For example, the discussion of economic pressure and quality of life could be separated into two distinct paragraphs.
- How to improve: Aim for a clear structure within each paragraph by focusing on one main idea per paragraph. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. This will help to clarify the argument and improve the overall readability of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," but relies heavily on a limited range of connectors. This can lead to a repetitive reading experience. For instance, the phrase "more and more" appears multiple times, which detracts from the overall cohesiveness of the text. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is not always appropriate; for example, "due to the fact that" could be simplified to "because," which would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, vary sentence structures to avoid redundancy and maintain reader engagement.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing its overall effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "myriad," "prevalent tendency," and "vibrant economic hubs." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition, particularly with phrases like "moving to urban cities" and "people who migrate to the cities." This suggests a reliance on familiar terms rather than exploring synonyms or more nuanced vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeating "cities," alternatives like "urban areas," "metropolises," or "towns" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more academic or topic-specific vocabulary (e.g., "urbanization," "rural depopulation") would strengthen the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "a huge of economic hubs" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The use of "putting a huge amount of pressure on facilities and infrastructures" is vague and could be more specific about what types of facilities are being referred to. Additionally, "congestions traffic" should be corrected to "traffic congestion."
- How to improve: The writer should focus on clarity and specificity in vocabulary. Instead of saying "huge amount of pressure," they could specify "significant strain on public transport and healthcare services." Revising phrases for grammatical accuracy and clarity will enhance the overall precision of the vocabulary used.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: There are several spelling errors in the essay, such as "global" (should be "globe"), "congestions" (should be "congestion"), and "opportunity of jobs" (should be "job opportunities"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and their correct forms can build confidence in spelling.

Overall, while the essay shows some strengths in vocabulary usage, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling that could elevate the Lexical Resource band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("due to the fact that, a huge of economic hubs and more and more people who migrate to the cities to live") and simple sentences. However, the overall range is limited. For instance, the sentence "If more and more people coming here to live, it would be inevitable that entire system would be overloaded" lacks proper structure and clarity. The use of "which results in a decline of the population in the countryside" is an attempt at a relative clause but lacks precision.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating different types of sentences, such as compound and complex sentences. For example, instead of "If more and more people coming here to live," the writer could use "If more and more people continue to migrate to urban areas, it is likely that the entire system will become overloaded." This not only corrects the grammatical error but also improves clarity and sophistication.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "moving to urban cities become a prevalent tendency" should be "moving to urban cities has become a prevalent tendency." Additionally, phrases like "a huge of economic hubs" are incorrect; it should be "a huge number of economic hubs." Punctuation errors include the misuse of commas, such as in "due to the fact that, a huge of economic hubs," where the comma is unnecessary. The phrase "there are reported that approximately 70% cities" is also awkward and grammatically incorrect.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Practicing sentence construction with a focus on verb tenses and subject-verb agreement can help. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules for comma usage, particularly in complex sentences. Reading more academic writing can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation.

In summary, while the essay shows some attempt at variety in sentence structures, it lacks the necessary range and accuracy to achieve a higher band score. By focusing on improving grammatical accuracy and diversifying sentence structures, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In numerous countries worldwide, moving to urban cities has become a prevalent trend, resulting in a decline of the population in rural areas. I will assess the advantages and disadvantages before proposing whether this shift is beneficial or detrimental to our society.

On the one hand, a significant number of economic hubs are attracting an increasing number of people migrating to cities, placing significant pressure on facilities and infrastructure. If more people continue to migrate to these cities, it would be inevitable that the entire system would become overloaded, leading to a reduction in the quality of life. For instance, it is reported that approximately 70% of cities worldwide are plagued with congestion and pollution.

On the other hand, as more people from rural areas move to urban centers, they contribute to the increasing diversity of the workforce. Metropolitan regions, which are known as vibrant economic hubs, help absorb the influx of this new workforce. Ultimately, they create new job opportunities that improve the income of residents and provide the impetus to drive the economy forward.