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In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

In many parts of the world, it is true that the life expectacy have gradually increased. Some people argue that this elderly people create the challenging for the governments, while other people that ageing population have some negative impacts on society. Personally, I believe that the disadvantages of having elderly population outweigh the advantages.

Firstly, health care cost would significant increase if those society were having more aged people. As people age, they frequentl having more diasease than ordinary people, so they generally require more medical care. This can lead to a increase in healthcare costs for society and gorvenments, especially in the countries with publicly funded healthcare systems. For example, Japan has one of the higest expectacies in the world, leading to a rapidly aging population. The government faces enormous healthcare costs as tries to care for a large elderly population. Therefore, Japan's public health insuarance system is under strain and the country need to spends a significant protion of its GDP on healthcare.

Secondly, this trend have a negative impact on the labour market and put pressure on the social services. In terms of labour market, with fewer young people entering to the workforce and more older workers retiring, this can lead to a shortage of skilled labour, which may impact on the national economic. In terms of social services, the elderly peole often require more social services, including long-term care, transportation, and housing adapted to their needs. This can increase the demand for these services, and putting pressure on the government budgets.

In conclusion, it seems to me that this trend have some negative impact on the healthcare system and putting more pressure for the labour market and society services. I believe that government authorities need to take some measurements to prevent this.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "the life expectacy" -> "life expectancy"
    Explanation: "Life expectancy" is the correct term, not "life expectacy." This correction ensures accuracy and adherence to formal language standards.

  2. "elderly people create the challenging for the governments" -> "the elderly population poses challenges for governments"
    Explanation: "The elderly population poses challenges for governments" is more precise and grammatically correct, improving the formality and clarity of the statement.

  3. "that ageing population have some negative impacts on society" -> "that an aging population has several negative impacts on society"
    Explanation: "An aging population" is the correct phrase, and "has" is the singular subject-verb agreement needed here. Additionally, "several" is more specific than "some," enhancing the academic tone.

  4. "health care cost would significant increase" -> "healthcare costs would significantly increase"
    Explanation: "Healthcare costs" is the correct plural form, and "significantly" should be hyphenated to form an adverbial phrase, enhancing grammatical correctness and formality.

  5. "those society were having more aged people" -> "societies with a higher proportion of elderly individuals"
    Explanation: "Societies with a higher proportion of elderly individuals" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward and incorrect construction of "those society were having more aged people."

  6. "frequentl having more diasease" -> "more frequently contract diseases"
    Explanation: "More frequently contract diseases" corrects the grammatical error and uses more precise language suitable for an academic context.

  7. "a increase in healthcare costs" -> "an increase in healthcare costs"
    Explanation: "An" is the correct article to use before a singular noun that begins with a vowel sound, improving grammatical accuracy.

  8. "gorvenments" -> "governments"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to "governments," ensuring the text is free of typos and maintains professionalism.

  9. "higest expectacies" -> "highest life expectancy"
    Explanation: "Highest life expectancy" is the correct term, and "life expectancy" should not be pluralized as it is a singular concept.

  10. "tries to care for a large elderly population" -> "strives to care for a large elderly population"
    Explanation: "Strives" is the correct verb form to convey effort and determination, enhancing the formal tone.

  11. "need to spends" -> "needs to spend"
    Explanation: "Needs to spend" corrects the verb agreement and tense, aligning with the singular subject "the country."

  12. "this trend have a negative impact" -> "this trend has a negative impact"
    Explanation: "Has" is the correct verb form to match the singular subject "trend," improving grammatical accuracy.

  13. "putting pressure for the labour market and society services" -> "placing pressure on the labor market and social services"
    Explanation: "Placing pressure on" is grammatically correct, and "labor market" and "social services" are the correct terms in formal English.

  14. "government authorities need to take some measurements" -> "government authorities need to implement certain measures"
    Explanation: "Implement certain measures" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and less formal "take some measurements."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the disadvantages and advantages of an ageing population, but it primarily focuses on the disadvantages. The introduction mentions both sides, but the body paragraphs lean heavily towards the negative aspects without sufficiently exploring the potential benefits. For instance, while the essay discusses healthcare costs and labor market issues, it does not provide a balanced view by mentioning any advantages, such as the wisdom and experience that elderly individuals can contribute to society.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are explored more equally. Including a paragraph that discusses the advantages of an ageing population, such as the potential for mentorship, volunteerism, and the economic contributions of older adults, would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. However, the position could be more effectively communicated throughout the essay. The phrase "Personally, I believe that the disadvantages of having elderly population outweigh the advantages" is clear, but the subsequent paragraphs could better reinforce this stance by consistently linking back to how the points made support this position.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should reiterate their stance at the beginning of each body paragraph, linking the points made back to the central argument. For example, after discussing healthcare costs, the writer could explicitly state how this supports the overall argument that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some relevant ideas, such as the increased healthcare costs and labor market pressures. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the healthcare costs are mentioned, the explanation lacks depth and could benefit from additional examples or statistics to substantiate the claims. The mention of Japan is a good start, but further elaboration on how this impacts society as a whole would strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could include statistics on healthcare spending in relation to the ageing population or case studies from other countries facing similar issues. Additionally, each point should be clearly linked back to the thesis to reinforce the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of an ageing population. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper. For instance, the phrase "this trend have some negative impact on the healthcare system" is vague and could be more specific about which aspects of the healthcare system are affected.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made is directly relevant to the prompt. Avoiding vague language and instead using precise terms will help clarify the argument. Additionally, a brief outline of the main points in the introduction could help keep the essay focused and organized.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides, deeper development of ideas, and clearer connections between points and the central thesis.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the disadvantages of an ageing population, structured into distinct points. The introduction outlines the topic and the writer’s stance effectively. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, such as healthcare costs and labor market impacts. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition from discussing healthcare costs to labor market issues feels abrupt. The conclusion reiterates the main points but lacks a strong summarization of the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, employ transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely") to guide the reader through the argument and connect ideas more smoothly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each one focusing on a specific point. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For example, the first paragraph could benefit from a clearer distinction between the views of those who see problems and those who see benefits, rather than conflating them. The conclusion paragraph, while summarizing the argument, does not effectively encapsulate the discussion points made in the body.
    • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion not only summarizes the main points but also reinforces the writer’s position, providing a more impactful closing statement.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In conclusion," which help in organizing the text. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, phrases like "this trend" and "this can lead to" are used repetitively, which can make the text feel monotonous and less engaging.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "Consequently," or "As a result" to show cause and effect. Additionally, vary sentence structures to avoid repetition and enhance the overall flow of the essay. This will help in creating a more engaging and coherent narrative.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will help elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication in word choice. For instance, terms like "elderly people," "healthcare costs," and "social services" are repeated without synonyms or variations. The phrase "life expectancy" is used correctly, but the overall vocabulary could be expanded to include more nuanced terms related to aging and economics, such as "geriatric," "demographic shift," or "pension systems."
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeating "elderly people," alternatives like "senior citizens," "aged population," or "older adults" could be used. Additionally, exploring more complex phrases or idiomatic expressions related to the topic could elevate the lexical quality.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the arguments. For example, the phrase "the elderly people create the challenging for the governments" is awkward and unclear. The term "challenging" should be replaced with "challenges" to convey the intended meaning accurately. Additionally, "frequentl having more diasease" is not only misspelled but also inaccurately structured; it should be "frequently have more diseases."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and the correct form of words. For instance, revising sentences for grammatical correctness and ensuring that nouns and verbs agree in number and tense will enhance clarity. Using a thesaurus to find more precise words can also help convey the intended meaning more effectively.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "expectacy" (should be "expectancy"), "frequentl" (should be "frequently"), "diasease" (should be "disease"), "gorvenments" (should be "governments"), "higest" (should be "highest"), "insuarance" (should be "insurance"), "protion" (should be "portion"), and "measurements" (should be "measures"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy before submission. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools available in word processing software. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can significantly improve spelling skills over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For example, the writer primarily uses simple and compound sentences, such as "Some people argue that this elderly people create the challenging for the governments." This sentence structure is straightforward but lacks complexity. The use of complex sentences is minimal, which restricts the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing. Additionally, phrases like "the disadvantages of having elderly population outweigh the advantages" could be restructured for clarity and variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "As people age, they frequentl having more diasease than ordinary people," a more complex structure could be "As people age, they tend to experience more diseases than younger individuals, which necessitates increased medical care." Practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences can also add depth to the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "the life expectacy have gradually increased" should be "the life expectancy has gradually increased." The subject-verb agreement is incorrect here. Additionally, phrases like "this elderly people create the challenging for the governments" are grammatically incorrect; it should be "these elderly people create challenges for the government." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect conjunction usage, further complicate the readability of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, ensuring that singular subjects are paired with singular verbs and plural subjects with plural verbs. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these rules. For punctuation, the writer should review the use of commas, especially in complex sentences, to ensure clarity. Reading well-structured essays can also provide insights into proper punctuation and grammar usage.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, the grammatical range and accuracy need significant improvement to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical correctness will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In many parts of the world, it is true that life expectancy has gradually increased. Some people argue that the elderly population creates challenges for governments, while others believe that an aging population has some benefits for society. Personally, I believe that the disadvantages of having an elderly population outweigh the advantages.

Firstly, healthcare costs would significantly increase if societies had more aged people. As people age, they frequently have more diseases than ordinary individuals, so they generally require more medical care. This can lead to an increase in healthcare costs for society and governments, especially in countries with publicly funded healthcare systems. For example, Japan has one of the highest life expectancies in the world, leading to a rapidly aging population. The government faces enormous healthcare costs as it tries to care for a large elderly population. Therefore, Japan’s public health insurance system is under strain, and the country needs to spend a significant portion of its GDP on healthcare.

Secondly, this trend has a negative impact on the labor market and puts pressure on social services. In terms of the labor market, with fewer young people entering the workforce and more older workers retiring, this can lead to a shortage of skilled labor, which may impact the national economy. Regarding social services, the elderly population often requires more support, including long-term care, transportation, and housing adapted to their needs. This can increase the demand for these services and put pressure on government budgets.

In conclusion, it seems to me that this trend has some negative impacts on the healthcare system and puts more pressure on the labor market and social services. I believe that government authorities need to take some measures to address this issue.

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