In many countries, people decide to have children at a later age than in the past.
What are the reasons?
Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, the number of families opting for late childbearing is on the rise . This essay will give some explanations for this phenomenon before showing my opinion that merits of having children late outweight its demerits.
There are many reasons why a wide range of couples these days want to delay their parenthood. The primary reason is that they want to spend their first years of adulthood to focus on professional development. A lot of couples, especially those in developed countries, want to achieve financial stability, as well as become more settled in their career before starting a family, so that they could afford their family’s life later on. Additionally, postponing childbearing might be explained by the priority of young adults for their personal interests. To specify this, some people want to enjoy the freedom and pursue their own hobbies in their younger years, when they still have the good sense of enthusiasm. Unlike the past norm of the old generation parents who want to have kids as soon as they marry, young parents nowadays believe that having a child in this point of life might hinder their way to experience and learn new things
From my perspective, I strongly believe that the advantages of delaying parenthood are much more significant than its disadvantages. Firstly, aged parents are usually have better knowledge, experience, patience and control of emotion; therefore they can ensure the appropriate upbringing for their offsprings. Furthermore, since the couples will probably have a stable financial background, they can offer the child with proper and high-qualified education. With such a condition, the couples can address diverse demands of their kids more easily in terms of material and spiritual aspects.
In conclusion, owing to personal and career growth, postponing childbearing is becoming a more common choice in recent years. I am of the opinion that the positive influences of this tendency are more pronounced due to aforementioned reasons.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Nowadays" is a bit informal for an academic essay. "Currently" maintains the same meaning while sounding more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"on the rise" -> "increasing"
Explanation: "On the rise" is a more informal expression. "Increasing" provides a formal alternative without altering the intended meaning.
"give some explanations" -> "explore the reasons"
Explanation: "Give some explanations" is less formal. "Explore the reasons" maintains formality and clarity in discussing the causes.
"outweight" -> "outweigh"
Explanation: "Outweight" is incorrect; it should be "outweigh" to express that the merits surpass the demerits. This correction aligns with standard usage.
"want to spend their first years of adulthood" -> "seek to dedicate their initial years of adulthood"
Explanation: The revised phrase uses more formal language while retaining the essence of dedicating time in early adulthood.
"financial stability" -> "financial security"
Explanation: "Financial security" is a slightly more sophisticated term that fits well in academic discourse.
"more settled in their career" -> "establish themselves in their careers"
Explanation: "More settled" is slightly informal. "Establish themselves" maintains formality and clarity.
"afford their family’s life later on" -> "provide for their family in the future"
Explanation: The revision maintains the intended meaning in a more formal and precise manner.
"enjoy the freedom" -> "enjoy autonomy"
Explanation: "Freedom" can be replaced with "autonomy" for a more formal and nuanced expression.
"pursue their own hobbies" -> "pursue personal interests"
Explanation: This change aligns with a more formal tone and specificity in discussing individual pursuits.
"when they still have the good sense of enthusiasm" -> "while retaining their enthusiasm"
Explanation: The revised phrase maintains formality and clarity without using colloquial language.
"old generation parents" -> "previous generation parents"
Explanation: "Old generation" sounds informal; "previous generation" is a more formal alternative.
"having a child in this point of life" -> "having a child at this stage of life"
Explanation: "Point of life" can be replaced with "stage of life" for a more academic and precise expression.
"might hinder their way to experience and learn new things" -> "could impede their ability to experience and learn new things"
Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality and clarity by using more academic language.
"aged parents are usually have better knowledge" -> "older parents typically possess greater knowledge"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence provides a more formal and grammatically correct expression.
"appropriate upbringing for their offsprings" -> "proper upbringing for their offspring"
Explanation: "Offsprings" is less commonly used in academic writing; "offspring" is more appropriate in this context.
"since the couples will probably have a stable financial background" -> "as the couples are likely to have a stable financial footing"
Explanation: The revised phrase maintains formality and clarity while slightly altering the wording for better flow.
"more pronounced due to aforementioned reasons" -> "more pronounced for the aforementioned reasons"
Explanation: This alteration helps maintain a formal tone and improves the sentence structure.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both aspects of the prompt—the reasons for delayed childbearing and whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. It discusses professional development, financial stability, personal interests, and contrasts past norms with contemporary views. However, there’s room for more elaboration on the disadvantages to achieve a higher score.
- How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider exploring potential drawbacks of delayed parenthood, such as potential health risks for older parents or the challenges of connecting with a growing child at an older age.
Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 9
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, asserting that the advantages of delaying parenthood outweigh the disadvantages. This position is consistently reinforced, providing a strong backbone for the essay.
- How to improve: The clarity of your position is exemplary. To elevate to a Band 9, consider introducing a brief roadmap in the introduction outlining the main reasons and advantages, giving the reader a clear preview of your argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 9
- Detailed explanation: The ideas are presented logically and coherently. The essay effectively extends its points with examples, such as the pursuit of personal interests and the benefits of aged parents. Each idea is well-supported, contributing to the overall strength of the essay.
- How to improve: Maintain this level of detail and specificity throughout the essay. Consider expanding on the advantages of aged parents with additional examples or anecdotes for a more comprehensive exploration.
Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay consistently stays on topic by addressing the reasons for delayed childbearing and the associated advantages. However, there are minor instances of wordiness that could be streamlined for a more focused response.
- How to improve: Review sentences for conciseness, ensuring each contributes directly to the main argument. This refinement will enhance the essay’s cohesion and strengthen its relevance.
In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a strong command of the task, with a well-defined position and thorough exploration of ideas. To reach the next band level, focus on incorporating additional perspectives, refining sentence structure for conciseness, and addressing potential drawbacks to present a more nuanced argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization with a clear progression of ideas. It starts with an introduction highlighting the trend of late childbearing, followed by reasons supporting this trend, and concludes with the author’s opinion. The reasoning flows cohesively, progressing from why couples delay parenthood to the advantages of doing so and the author’s stance.
- How to improve: To enhance logical coherence further, consider refining the introduction for clarity and precision. Provide a clearer roadmap in the introduction by stating the reasons to be discussed. Additionally, ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs to strengthen the essay’s overall flow.
Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, presenting distinct ideas within each paragraph. However, there are moments where the connection between ideas could be more seamless. For instance, the transition between discussing reasons for delaying parenthood and advocating the advantages of this choice could be smoother for enhanced coherence.
- How to improve: Strengthen the essay’s structure by refining the connection between paragraphs. Use transitional phrases to link concepts between sections more explicitly, aiding the reader’s comprehension and maintaining the logical flow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices effectively but could benefit from a more varied range. There is a good use of sequencing words ("firstly," "furthermore," "in conclusion") aiding the logical progression. However, diversifying the use of cohesive devices such as pronouns ("these," "those") or conjunctions ("moreover," "conversely") can enhance the essay’s coherence.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices to reinforce connections between ideas. Incorporate pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases strategically to create a more cohesive and nuanced essay structure.
Overall, the essay displays a solid grasp of organizing ideas logically, employing paragraphs effectively, and using cohesive devices to maintain coherence. To elevate the score further, focus on refining the essay’s introduction for clarity, enhancing the transitions between paragraphs, and diversifying the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. This will create a more seamless and cohesive piece of writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks the depth and precision required for a Band 7. While there is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, it often falls short of providing nuanced expressions. For example, phrases like "better knowledge" and "proper and high-qualified education" could be replaced with more specific and refined terms.
- How to improve: To elevate your score in this aspect, strive for a more sophisticated and diverse vocabulary. Instead of general terms, aim for specific and contextually appropriate words. For instance, consider using synonyms, idioms, or academic language to enhance the richness of your expression. Review the essay and identify areas where more precise and varied vocabulary could be employed.
Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally conveys meaning adequately, but there are instances where the vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "young adults" could be replaced with a more specific term like "aspiring professionals" or "emerging adults." Additionally, some expressions, such as "positive influences" and "negative impacts," lack the specificity expected for a Band 6.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Consider alternatives that capture the nuance of your ideas more accurately. Use domain-specific vocabulary and be attentive to word choices, ensuring they align closely with the context. This will contribute to a more nuanced and refined expression of your ideas.
Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of spelling accuracy with only occasional errors that have minimal impact on communication. Words like "outweight" should be corrected to "outweigh," but these errors are infrequent and do not impede comprehension significantly.
- How to improve: Maintain your attention to spelling accuracy, but continue practicing to minimize occasional errors further. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar tools during the proofreading process to catch and correct any remaining errors. Regular self-editing and proofreading will contribute to sustained spelling precision.
In summary, while the essay exhibits strengths in spelling accuracy and a reasonable attempt at vocabulary variation, refining the precision and depth of the vocabulary will contribute to an overall improvement in the Lexical Resource band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory variety of complex structures with some flexibility and accuracy. For instance, it employs diverse sentence structures such as compound and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the range of sentence types. The essay tends to rely on simple and compound sentences, and the incorporation of more complex structures, such as compound-complex sentences or varied clause structures, could enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To further enhance your grammatical range, consider incorporating a greater variety of sentence structures. Integrate compound-complex sentences or experiment with different clause structures to add depth and complexity to your writing. This will contribute to a more nuanced and sophisticated expression of ideas.
Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay achieves a commendable level of grammatical accuracy, with mostly error-free sentences and only occasional, minor errors. The use of grammar is generally sound, contributing to clear communication. However, a closer examination reveals a few instances of minor errors, such as issues with subject-verb agreement and inconsistent verb tense usage. These do not significantly impede understanding but can be refined for a more polished expression.
- How to improve: To elevate your grammatical accuracy, pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistent use of verb tenses throughout the essay. Reviewing these aspects during the editing process will help eliminate minor errors, contributing to an even more precise and polished presentation.
Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits well-controlled punctuation, contributing to clear and effective communication. However, there are instances where punctuation could be refined for enhanced clarity. For example, some commas are missing in compound sentences, and there are occasional issues with the placement of semicolons.
- How to improve: To improve punctuation skills, pay close attention to the use of commas in compound sentences. Ensure that coordinating conjunctions are accompanied by commas to facilitate proper comprehension. Additionally, practice the appropriate placement of semicolons to enhance the overall coherence of your writing. A careful review of punctuation rules and consistent application will contribute to improved punctuation control.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with notable strengths in sentence complexity and overall correctness. To further enhance the score, focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures, refining subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency, and paying meticulous attention to punctuation details.
Bài sửa mẫu
The trend of delaying parenthood is becoming increasingly prevalent in today’s society. This essay will explore the reasons behind this shift before discussing whether the advantages of having children later in life outweigh the disadvantages.
There are several reasons why many couples nowadays choose to postpone starting a family. One primary rationale is the desire to dedicate their initial years of adulthood to advancing their careers. Particularly in developed nations, couples aim to achieve financial security and establish themselves in their professions before embracing parenthood, ensuring they can adequately provide for their future family. Additionally, delaying having children can be attributed to young adults prioritizing their personal interests. Some individuals wish to enjoy autonomy and pursue their own interests and hobbies while retaining their enthusiasm, rather than conforming to the previous norm of immediately starting a family after marriage. They believe that having a child at this stage of life could impede their ability to experience and learn new things.
In my view, the advantages of delaying parenthood outweigh the disadvantages. Firstly, older parents typically possess greater knowledge, experience, patience, and emotional control, ensuring a more proper upbringing for their offspring. Moreover, as these couples are likely to have a stable financial footing, they can provide their children with a high-quality education, addressing various material and spiritual needs more effectively.
In conclusion, the decision to postpone having children is increasingly common due to personal and career aspirations. I firmly believe that the positive impacts of this trend, as highlighted for the aforementioned reasons, are more pronounced.