In many countries, people decide to have children at a later age than in the past. Why?
Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
One perspective posits that contemporary individuals are increasingly opting to have children at a later stage in life compared to previous generations. While it is acknowledged that this trend may sometimes yield positive outcomes, it is believed that its overall effects are predominantly adverse.
Proponents of delaying parenthood may put forth a number of compelling justifications for their stance. One pivotal argument pertains to financial readiness. Couples nowadays often prioritize achieving economic stability before embarking on parenthood. The apprehension about potential financial constraints in the early stages of marriage influences their decision-making regarding starting a family. Additionally, the desire to enjoy their youth before shouldering the responsibilities of parenting is a prevalent factor. Parents who delay having children are able to focus on personal pursuits and interests before embracing the demands of raising a family. Moreover, they are more likely to be emotionally and mentally prepared for long-term commitment to their children as a result of their life experiences.
Nevertheless, it is contended that the drawbacks of delayed parenthood outweigh its benefits. Firstly, the health of both parents and children is compromised. Advanced maternal and paternal age is associated with increased health risks for both the parents and the offspring. Older parents may encounter complications during pregnancy and childbirth, which can adversely affect the well-being of the child and the parents' willingness to cope with the challenges of parenting. Furthermore, the declining birth rates resulting from delayed parenthood have profound implications for the economy. A decrease in the workforce due to fewer births and an increase in the aging population can have detrimental effects on the economic development of countries, particularly those that are still in the process of development.
In conclusion, while the decision of some individuals to delay parenthood may have merits in certain respects, it is overshadowed by the potential negative repercussions, including health risks and economic implications. Therefore, it is imperative to carefully consider the multifaceted impacts of delayed parenthood on various aspects of life.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"trend" -> "phenomenon"
Explanation: While "trend" is acceptable, using "phenomenon" elevates the language, lending a more formal and academic tone to the discussion of delayed parenthood.
"put forth" -> "present"
Explanation: "Present" maintains the meaning without losing formality. It’s a common synonym often used in academic contexts.
"pivotal" -> "crucial"
Explanation: "Crucial" is slightly more formal while maintaining the emphasis on the importance of the argument in favor of delayed parenthood.
"pertains to" -> "relates to"
Explanation: "Relates to" is a more straightforward phrase in academic writing, maintaining precision without compromising formality.
"Additionally" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Furthermore" helps in transitioning between points more formally and is commonly used in academic writing.
"prevalent" -> "common"
Explanation: While "prevalent" is appropriate, "common" is a simpler yet academically suitable alternative.
"embracing" -> "taking on"
Explanation: "Taking on" provides a slightly more formal tone without altering the meaning significantly.
"contended" -> "argued"
Explanation: "Argued" is a more direct and academic term, aligning better with formal writing.
"adversely affect" -> "negatively impact"
Explanation: "Negatively impact" maintains formality and clarity while being a commonly used phrase in academic discussions.
"profound implications" -> "significant consequences"
Explanation: "Significant consequences" retains the gravity of the situation in a more direct and formal manner.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Quoted text: "While it is acknowledged that this trend may sometimes yield positive outcomes, it is believed that its overall effects are predominantly adverse."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction sets a clear tone regarding the author’s general perspective on the topic, acknowledging the potential positive outcomes of delayed parenthood but leaning toward the view that its overall effects are mostly negative. However, it would enhance clarity if specific examples or a preview of the main points supporting this viewpoint were included in the introduction. This would provide a clearer roadmap for the essay’s subsequent arguments.
- Improved example: "While delayed parenthood may occasionally lead to positive outcomes, the overarching impact is often seen as unfavorable due to factors such as health risks and economic implications. This essay will delve into these detrimental aspects, illustrating how delayed parenthood may pose challenges for both parents and societies at large."
Quoted text: "Parents who delay having children are able to focus on personal pursuits and interests before embracing the demands of raising a family."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This paragraph effectively highlights one of the advantages of delayed parenthood, emphasizing the opportunity for personal growth and pursuit of individual interests. To enhance the response in accordance with the Task Response criteria, it would be beneficial to provide a specific example or anecdote illustrating how this delay in parenthood positively impacted an individual or a couple’s personal development, offering a more concrete and relatable perspective.
- Improved example: "For instance, couples who delay parenthood often find themselves with more time to invest in their careers, hobbies, or personal growth. This delay might allow someone to pursue higher education, travel extensively, or establish a stable financial foundation, enriching their lives in ways that might not have been possible with early parenting responsibilities."
Quoted text: "Furthermore, the declining birth rates resulting from delayed parenthood have profound implications for the economy."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This paragraph effectively addresses the potential economic implications of delayed parenthood. To strengthen this argument in line with the Task Response criteria, consider adding a specific example or scenario demonstrating how declining birth rates could directly impact a country’s workforce or economy, thus solidifying the connection between delayed parenthood and its economic consequences.
- Improved example: "This decline in birth rates directly impacts a country’s workforce, leading to potential labor shortages in key sectors and a dwindling pool of skilled workers. For instance, Japan’s declining birth rates have contributed to a rapidly aging population, leading to increased healthcare costs and strained social welfare systems due to fewer young workers contributing to the economy."
Overall, the essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding delayed parenthood, presenting arguments for both its advantages and disadvantages. However, to improve the Task Response score, it would benefit from more specific examples and illustrations to bolster the main points and strengthen the overall argumentation. Adding personal anecdotes or relatable instances could make the essay more persuasive and aligned with the Task Response criteria.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, maintaining a clear progression throughout. The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic, presenting both perspectives. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, aiding in the smooth flow of ideas. Paragraphing is generally well-managed, with clear central topics in each paragraph.
However, there are some instances of underuse and overuse of cohesive devices, leading to occasional lapses in cohesion. For instance, the transition from discussing advantages to disadvantages could be smoother. Additionally, there is room for improvement in using more varied cohesive devices to enhance the overall coherence.
How to Improve:
- Ensure a more seamless transition between paragraphs by using a variety of cohesive devices such as transitional phrases and pronouns.
- Introduce more diverse cohesive devices to enhance overall coherence, avoiding repetition.
- Consider refining the balance between the advantages and disadvantages presented to achieve a more equal and nuanced discussion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary, presenting a range of words with adequate precision and flexibility. There is an attempt to incorporate less common lexical items, such as "apprehension," "profound implications," and "multifaceted impacts." However, occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation slightly impact the fluency and precision. The essay effectively conveys the writer’s ideas, with a good awareness of style and collocation, though some errors in word choice and word formation are present. The vocabulary used contributes to a clear and coherent presentation of arguments.
How to Improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should strive for more accuracy in word choice and collocation. Careful proofreading and revision can help identify and rectify occasional errors in spelling and word formation, ensuring a smoother and more sophisticated expression of ideas. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of uncommon lexical items, coupled with meticulous attention to precision, will further elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: This essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. It uses a variety of complex structures effectively throughout the text, contributing to a cohesive and nuanced discussion. Most sentences are error-free, and the essay showcases control over grammar and punctuation, although a few errors are noticeable. The writer employs diverse sentence structures to present arguments and maintain coherence.
How to improve: To aim for a higher band score, focus on fine-tuning the accuracy of complex structures. Proofreading for minor errors in grammar and punctuation can elevate the overall fluency and precision of the essay. Additionally, varying the complexity of sentence structures further could enhance the depth and sophistication of the arguments presented.
Bài sửa mẫu
There is a growing trend in many societies where people are choosing to start families at a later age compared to previous generations. While there are advantages to this shift, it is argued that the overall impact is largely negative.
Supporters of delayed parenthood often cite financial readiness as a key factor. Nowadays, couples often prioritize achieving economic stability before starting a family. Concerns about potential financial constraints in the early stages of marriage influence their decision-making. Additionally, the desire to enjoy their youth before taking on the responsibilities of parenting is a common factor. Parents who postpone having children can focus on personal pursuits and interests before embracing the demands of raising a family. Moreover, they are more likely to be emotionally and mentally prepared for the long-term commitment to their children due to their life experiences.
However, it is argued that the disadvantages of delayed parenthood outweigh its benefits. Firstly, there are health risks for both parents and children. Advanced maternal and paternal age are associated with increased health risks. Older parents may face complications during pregnancy and childbirth, adversely affecting the well-being of the child and the parents’ ability to cope with the challenges of parenting. Furthermore, the declining birth rates resulting from delayed parenthood have profound implications for the economy. A decrease in the workforce due to fewer births and an increase in the aging population can have detrimental effects on the economic development of countries, especially those still in the process of development.
In conclusion, while the decision to delay parenthood may have merits in certain respects, it is overshadowed by potential negative repercussions, including health risks and economic implications. Therefore, it is crucial to carefully consider the multifaceted impacts of delayed parenthood on various aspects of life.