In many countries, people now wear Western-style dresses such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

In many countries, people now wear Western-style dresses such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

In this day and age, wearing Western-inspired clothing rather than traditional clothes has become a pervasive and prevalent tendency of many modern individuals. In this essay, I would explore the causes behind this development before assessing whether it has beneficial or detrimental implications on the cultural value of society.
After War World II, Western nations, as the winners of this conflict, have implemented strategies to dominate other countries culturally. By embedding the fashion of their own in many media products, especially movies that have won major awards and been watched by millions of people, Western-style clothes have gained a significant foothold in nations around the world.
The difference in culture plays a crucial role in attracting tourists from other regions, creating profit for the local revenue and boosting economic progress. However, as people start wearing the same types of clothes, the level of cultural significance would inevitably decrease, leading to a waning attractiveness level of many tourist locations. If there is no action to control such as process, tourism activities would become less popular, taking away the livelihood of many individuals.
In conclusion,In conclusion, there are pros and cons of the widespread adoption of Western-style fashion, driven by media influence. While there are some benefits to this trend, such as its applicability, I believe it can also have more negative consequences, such as the lost of domestic income.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In this day and age" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

2. "wearing Western-inspired clothing rather than traditional clothes" -> "wearing Western-inspired attire instead of traditional clothing"
   Explanation: "Attire" is a more formal term than "clothes," and "instead of" is more precise than "rather than" in formal writing.

3. "pervasive and prevalent tendency" -> "widespread trend"
   Explanation: "Widespread trend" is a more concise and academically appropriate term than "pervasive and prevalent tendency."

4. "After War World II" -> "After World War II"
   Explanation: "War World II" is a typographical error. The correct term is "World War II."

5. "have implemented strategies to dominate other countries culturally" -> "have employed strategies to culturally dominate other nations"
   Explanation: Reversing the order of the words improves the flow and clarity of the sentence, making it more formal and precise.

6. "embedding the fashion of their own in many media products" -> "promoting their fashion in various media products"
   Explanation: "Promoting" is more specific and appropriate in this context than "embedding," which is vague and less commonly used in this sense.

7. "have gained a significant foothold" -> "have secured a significant foothold"
   Explanation: "Secured" is more precise and formal than "gained," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.

8. "plays a crucial role in attracting tourists" -> "plays a pivotal role in attracting tourists"
   Explanation: "Pivotal" is a more formal synonym for "crucial," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

9. "boosting economic progress" -> "enhancing economic development"
   Explanation: "Enhancing economic development" is a more precise and formal phrase than "boosting economic progress."

10. "the level of cultural significance would inevitably decrease" -> "the cultural significance would inevitably diminish"
    Explanation: "Diminish" is a more precise term than "decrease" in this context, as it specifically refers to a reduction in importance or value.

11. "waning attractiveness level" -> "declining attractiveness"
    Explanation: "Declining attractiveness" is a more formal and concise expression than "waning attractiveness level."

12. "If there is no action to control such as process" -> "If no measures are taken to regulate this process"
    Explanation: "If no measures are taken to regulate this process" is clearer and more formal than the original phrase, which is awkwardly constructed.

13. "the lost of domestic income" -> "the loss of domestic income"
    Explanation: "Loss" is the correct form of the noun, not "lost," which is a verb.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing the reasons for the shift towards Western-style clothing and evaluating its implications. However, the exploration of the causes is somewhat superficial, primarily focusing on media influence without delving into other potential factors such as globalization, economic development, or changing social norms. Additionally, the assessment of whether this trend is positive or negative lacks depth, with only a brief mention of benefits and drawbacks.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should expand on the reasons for the trend by incorporating a broader range of influences, such as economic factors, globalization, or cultural exchange. Furthermore, a more balanced and detailed evaluation of the positive and negative aspects should be included, providing specific examples or evidence to support each viewpoint.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a clear position regarding the adoption of Western-style clothing, suggesting that while there are benefits, the negative consequences outweigh them. However, the position is not consistently articulated throughout the essay. The conclusion begins with "In conclusion," but the phrasing is awkward, and the final statement lacks clarity regarding the writer’s stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reiterate it clearly in the conclusion. Using phrases that reinforce the position throughout the body paragraphs can help maintain focus. Additionally, avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring smooth transitions will enhance clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to the topic, such as the influence of media and the economic implications of adopting Western clothing. However, the ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient detail. For instance, the claim that the cultural significance will decrease is made without adequate explanation or examples to illustrate this point.
  • How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes that illustrate the impact of Western clothing on culture and tourism. Additionally, each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, which is then expanded upon with supporting details.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing Western-style clothing and its implications. However, there are moments where the focus becomes vague, particularly in the discussion of tourism, which could be more directly linked to the main topic of clothing choices. The phrase "the level of cultural significance would inevitably decrease" feels disconnected from the earlier points about clothing.
  • How to improve: To maintain a stronger focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that all points made are directly related to the discussion of Western-style clothing. Each paragraph should clearly connect back to the central question, and any examples or arguments should reinforce the main theme rather than diverging into tangential issues.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to provide a more comprehensive and nuanced exploration of the topic, ensuring clarity and depth in their arguments while maintaining a consistent position throughout the essay. Additionally, addressing the word count issue by elaborating on ideas will help meet the requirements for a higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intent to explore causes and implications. The body paragraphs follow a logical progression, discussing the cultural dominance of Western fashion and its economic implications. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing cultural influence to economic impact feels abrupt and could benefit from clearer linking phrases or sentences that guide the reader through the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing the cultural impact, you could introduce the economic implications with a phrase like "In addition to cultural influence, this trend also has significant economic repercussions." This would help the reader follow the argument more seamlessly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. The introduction, body, and conclusion are distinct, allowing the reader to navigate the text easily. However, the body paragraph could be further divided to separate the discussion of cultural impact from economic implications, which would enhance clarity and focus.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking the body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the cultural implications of adopting Western fashion and another on the economic effects. This separation would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve the overall clarity of the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "in conclusion," which help to signal shifts in the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "If there is no action to control such as process" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity, which detracts from the overall cohesion of the argument.
  • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," "consequently," and "on the other hand." Additionally, ensure that sentences are clearly connected; for example, rephrase the problematic sentence to clarify the intended meaning, such as "If no measures are taken to address this trend, tourism may decline, adversely affecting the livelihoods of many individuals."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "pervasive," "prevalent," "beneficial," and "detrimental" showcasing some sophistication. However, there are instances of repetition and a lack of variety in word choice. For example, the phrase "Western-style clothing" is used multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which limits the lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Western-style clothing," alternatives like "Western attire," "Western fashion," or "Western garments" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text further.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are areas where word choice is imprecise or awkward. For example, the phrase "the level of cultural significance would inevitably decrease" could be more clearly articulated as "the cultural significance may diminish." Additionally, the phrase "the lost of domestic income" contains a grammatical error, as it should be "loss" instead of "lost."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that conveys the intended meaning more clearly. This can be achieved by revisiting phrases and ensuring they accurately reflect the context. For example, instead of saying "waning attractiveness level," the writer could say "declining appeal," which is more straightforward and precise.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "War World II" (which should be "World War II") and "the lost of domestic income" (which should be "the loss of domestic income"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can affect clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully or use spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using vocabulary flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying word choice, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and varied clauses. For instance, the use of phrases like "In this day and age" and "After World War II" effectively sets the context and transitions between ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as the frequent use of "Western-style clothes" and "people" at the start of several sentences, which can detract from the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Western-style clothes," the writer could use alternatives like "These garments" or "Such fashion choices." Additionally, integrating more compound and complex sentences, while ensuring clarity, would further enrich the essay’s grammatical range.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a solid command of grammar overall, but there are notable errors that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, "After War World II" should be corrected to "After World War II." Additionally, the phrase "such as process" is awkward and should be revised to "such a process." Punctuation issues include the lack of a space after the comma in "In conclusion,In conclusion," which is a typographical error that disrupts the flow of the conclusion.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch typographical errors and ensure correct word forms. Practicing sentence diagramming can help in understanding complex sentence structures and their components. Furthermore, reviewing common grammatical rules, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles, will strengthen overall accuracy. Regularly reading high-quality essays can also provide models for correct grammar and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, wearing Western-inspired clothing rather than traditional clothes has become a pervasive and prevalent trend among many modern individuals. In this essay, I will explore the causes behind this development before assessing whether it has beneficial or detrimental implications for the cultural value of society.

After World War II, Western nations, as the winners of this conflict, have employed strategies to culturally dominate other countries. By promoting their fashion in various media products, especially movies that have won major awards and been watched by millions of people, Western-style clothes have secured a significant foothold in nations around the world.

The difference in culture plays a crucial role in attracting tourists from other regions, enhancing economic development and creating profit for local revenue. However, as people start wearing the same types of clothes, the cultural significance would inevitably diminish, leading to a declining attractiveness of many tourist locations. If no measures are taken to regulate this process, tourism activities would become less popular, resulting in the loss of domestic income for many individuals.

In conclusion, there are pros and cons to the widespread adoption of Western-style fashion, driven by media influence. While there are some benefits to this trend, such as its applicability, I believe it can also have more negative consequences, such as the loss of domestic income.