In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
It is true that school pupil behaviors have worsened in many parts of the world nowadays. This state of affairs can be attributed to several factors and this essay will suggest several viable solutions to remedy the situation.
There are several causes that result in bad student behaviors. Firstly, many modern parents are too permissive and spoil their children. Speaking from personal experience, a friend of mine can have whatever he wants by simply asking his parents, making it challenging for him to understand and adapt to the structure of a school environment. Secondly, overcrowded classroom can put teacher in difficulty in managing all pupil and providing enough individualized attention. Finally, the influence of celebrities, mostly football players or singers, as one specific example, show that success can be achieved without education, which might affect children’s attitude and motivation toward their studies.
To address this problems, each of these factors must take their action. The key solution here begins with parents, who should recognize their important in educating their child’s manner at home and be responsible for their behavior. At the same time, school should improve their facilities and create an optimal learning environment, as well as setting a range of rules and reasonable punishment for each of them. For example, if necessary, teacher can remove disruptive students from lessons and make them clean up the classrooms or bathrooms after class. Also, famous influence must understand their impact on children and be good role models for young generation to follow.
In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons behind the bad behavior in students, and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem involving parents, educators, and celebrities.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"pupil behaviors" -> "student behaviors"
Explanation: Replacing "pupil behaviors" with "student behaviors" is more precise and commonly used in academic writing, maintaining a formal tone.
"nowadays" -> "currently" or "presently"
Explanation: Substituting "nowadays" with "currently" or "presently" enhances the formality of the sentence and aligns better with academic style.
"state of affairs" -> "situation"
Explanation: The term "state of affairs" is somewhat formal and can be replaced with the more straightforward "situation" without losing meaning, contributing to a clearer expression.
"several viable solutions" -> "potential solutions"
Explanation: "Potential solutions" is a more academic and precise phrase than "several viable solutions," which sounds somewhat informal.
"Speaking from personal experience" -> "Drawing from personal experience"
Explanation: "Drawing from personal experience" is a more formal expression compared to "Speaking from personal experience," contributing to a higher level of formality.
"have whatever he wants by simply asking his parents" -> "obtain anything he desires merely by requesting it from his parents"
Explanation: The replacement offers a more sophisticated and academically appropriate description of the situation, avoiding colloquial language.
"challenging for him to understand and adapt to the structure of a school environment" -> "difficult for him to comprehend and acclimate to the organized nature of a school environment"
Explanation: The suggested replacement employs more formal language, maintaining clarity while elevating the tone.
"overcrowded classroom" -> "overcrowded classrooms"
Explanation: Changing "classroom" to "classrooms" ensures subject-verb agreement, creating a grammatically correct sentence.
"put teacher in difficulty" -> "pose challenges for teachers"
Explanation: "Pose challenges for teachers" is a more formal expression than "put teacher in difficulty," aligning better with academic style.
"influence of celebrities" -> "impact of celebrities"
Explanation: Using "impact" instead of "influence" provides a more precise and academically appropriate term in the context of the essay.
"specific example, show" -> "specific example shows"
Explanation: Removing the comma after "example" and changing "show" to "shows" corrects the punctuation and maintains grammatical accuracy.
"children’s attitude" -> "children’s attitudes"
Explanation: Changing "attitude" to "attitudes" ensures consistency in number, creating a grammatically correct phrase.
"toward their studies" -> "towards their studies"
Explanation: The use of "towards" instead of "toward" adheres to standard English usage, enhancing the formal quality of the sentence.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the question, identifying causes of student behavior problems and suggesting solutions. However, the analysis lacks depth, and the connection between causes and solutions could be more explicit. For instance, it mentions overcrowded classrooms as a cause but doesn’t directly connect it to a solution.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, provide more nuanced connections between causes and solutions. In the case of overcrowded classrooms, explicitly link it to the suggested solution, such as reducing class sizes or implementing strategies to manage larger classes effectively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position on the causes and solutions, but there are moments where the stance is less explicit. For example, the essay vaguely mentions that parents should "recognize their important in educating," which could be phrased more assertively.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of your position by expressing ideas with more assertiveness. Instead of stating that parents should "recognize their importance," assert that parents play a crucial role in shaping their child’s behavior and should actively participate in their education.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay introduces ideas about permissive parenting, overcrowded classrooms, and celebrity influence, but lacks depth in developing and supporting these points. Specific examples, illustrations, or statistics could enhance the overall presentation of ideas.
- How to improve: Elaborate on each cause and solution with concrete examples or evidence. For instance, when discussing permissive parenting, provide a specific example or research findings that support the claim, making the argument more compelling and persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but has moments of slight deviation, such as when discussing the influence of celebrities. While related, it is crucial to tie these points back to the primary focus of student behavior in schools.
- How to improve: Ensure that all points made directly relate to the primary topic of student behavior in schools. When discussing external influences like celebrities, emphasize their impact on student behavior within the school context.
In conclusion, the essay adequately addresses the prompt but would benefit from a more explicit connection between causes and solutions, a clearer expression of the author’s stance, deeper development of ideas with supporting evidence, and consistent adherence to the primary topic.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It opens with a clear introduction, outlining the problem and stating the intention to suggest solutions. The body paragraphs explore causes and solutions in a sequential manner. However, there are instances where the connection between ideas could be smoother, affecting the overall coherence. For instance, the transition between discussing the causes and proposing solutions could be more seamless.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining transitions between major sections. Use transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through shifts in ideas. Ensure each paragraph connects coherently to the next, maintaining a clear and organized progression of thoughts.
- Detailed explanation: Paragraphing is generally appropriate, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the second paragraph is quite lengthy and addresses multiple causes of bad behavior, making it slightly cumbersome for the reader. Breaking it into smaller paragraphs would improve readability and help emphasize each cause individually.
- How to improve: Divide the second paragraph into smaller, focused paragraphs, each addressing a specific cause. This will make the essay more reader-friendly and emphasize each point more effectively. Additionally, ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs to maintain a coherent flow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "secondly," and "finally," providing a basic level of organization. However, there is a need for more diverse and sophisticated cohesive devices to create stronger connections between ideas. Additionally, there are instances where pronouns are used ambiguously, causing some confusion.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, furthermore, on the contrary) to enhance the overall coherence. Ensure pronoun usage is clear and specific, avoiding ambiguity. This will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.
In summary, while the essay exhibits a generally logical organization and effective paragraphing, there is room for improvement in terms of smoother transitions and the use of a more diverse range of cohesive devices. Making these enhancements will elevate the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "permissive," "individualized attention," and "optimal learning environment." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. Repetition of certain words, like "behavior" and "education," could be minimized to enhance variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring more nuanced expressions. Instead of frequently using generic terms like "bad behavior," explore specific manifestations such as "disruptive conduct" or "undisciplined demeanor." Aim for precision and variety in your word choices.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary adequately, there are instances where imprecise language is employed. For instance, stating, "each of these factors must take their action" lacks specificity. Identifying and replacing vague expressions with more precise terms will contribute to a clearer and more impactful essay.
- How to improve: Focus on precision by avoiding ambiguous or generic phrases. For example, instead of saying "take their action," specify what actions parents, schools, and celebrities should take to address the issue. This clarity will strengthen your arguments and make your ideas more compelling.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of spelling accuracy, but there are a few instances where errors occur. For instance, "important" should be "importance," and "manner" should be "manners." These errors, while not pervasive, impact the overall impression of language proficiency.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread your essay carefully. Consider using spell-check tools and paying particular attention to common areas of error. Additionally, reviewing the specific spellings of key terms related to your topic can help improve precision.
In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there is potential for improvement in diversifying vocabulary, using language more precisely, and enhancing spelling accuracy. Focus on employing a broader range of terms, choosing words with precision, and ensuring meticulous proofreading to elevate the lexical quality of your essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6.5
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are predominantly used, with limited use of complex structures. For example, the author uses phrases such as "It is true that," and "Speaking from personal experience," which contribute to sentence variety. However, more complex structures, such as conditional sentences or varied clause structures, could enhance the essay’s sophistication and overall coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences, parallel structures, and varied clause types. For instance, introduce conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations or use relative clauses to provide additional information. This will add depth and variety to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an overall understanding of grammar, but there are instances of grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors. For instance, "this essay will suggest several viable solutions to remedy the situation" could be improved by adding "that" after "solutions" to create a grammatically correct sentence. Additionally, there are minor punctuation issues, such as missing commas in certain complex sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully review sentence structures, paying attention to subject-verb agreement, use of articles, and proper preposition placement. Proofread the essay for punctuation errors, particularly focusing on comma usage in complex sentences. Seeking feedback or using grammar-check tools can be helpful in identifying and correcting these issues.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonably good command of grammar and sentence structures. However, refining sentence complexity and addressing minor grammatical and punctuation errors can contribute to a higher band score. Keep practicing and incorporating feedback to further enhance your writing skills.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is evident that student behaviors in schools have become a concern in many parts of the world. This situation can be attributed to various factors, and this essay will propose several practical solutions to address the issue.
Several causes contribute to the deterioration of student behavior. Firstly, a significant number of modern parents tend to be overly permissive and spoil their children. Drawing from personal experience, a friend of mine can obtain anything he desires merely by requesting it from his parents. This makes it difficult for him to comprehend and acclimate to the organized nature of a school environment. Secondly, overcrowded classrooms pose challenges for teachers in managing all pupils and providing sufficient individualized attention. Lastly, the impact of celebrities, particularly football players or singers, serves as a specific example showing that success can be achieved without education. This influences children’s attitudes towards their studies and diminishes their motivation.
To address these problems, specific actions need to be taken. The primary solution begins with parents, who should recognize their importance in shaping their child’s behavior at home and take responsibility for their conduct. Simultaneously, schools should enhance their facilities and create an optimal learning environment while establishing a set of rules and reasonable punishments. For instance, if necessary, teachers can remove disruptive students from lessons and assign tasks such as cleaning up classrooms or bathrooms after class. Additionally, influential figures must understand their impact on children and strive to be good role models for the younger generation to follow.
In conclusion, various reasons contribute to the issue of poor student behavior, and concerted efforts involving parents, educators, and influential figures are necessary to address and rectify this concern.