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In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

Economic growth is a sphere that receives more attention than any other national domain in many states all over the world. The principal benefits of this phenomenon are lower unemployment and wealthier citizens, and the main downsides are higher costs of living for most and insufficient support for the poorest.

On the one hand, what makes that prioritizing economic expansion is beneficial for the public is the fact that fever residents remain unemployed. This is because governments boost establishing various businesses, which will require many workers to operate. In addition, not only does a country become more powerful economically, but also many residents have an opportunity to become affluent. When companies generate more profit, it reflects how much money employees can make. In Poland, for example, 30 years after communism collapsed, average salaries offered for a middle-management position have tripled.

On the other hand, as a country’s economy thrives, costs of living increase. The most compelling reason for that could be the fact that since workers are paid more , their services become more expensive, which results in higher prices of many products. Moreover, in many cases, a state whose main priority is its economy offers little support for those who need it. If authorities believe that a strong economy is of the greatest importance, they are rather reluctant to offer help to those who do not contribute to the nation’s prosperity. To illustrate, when Donald Trump, who was a big advocate of a strong economy, became the president of the USA, the funds for jobless migrants were caught.

In conclusion, as with anything in life, prioritizing economic growth by authorities has its pros and cons. While more have jobs that allow them to become wealthy, costs of living are going up, and those who need to rely on the social care system are marginalized.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "sphere" -> "realm/domain"
    Explanation: "Sphere" is a bit informal in this context. "Realm" or "domain" better convey the idea of the area or field of economic growth being discussed in a more formal tone.

  2. "fever" -> "fewer"
    Explanation: "Fever" is a typographical error. "Fewer" is the correct term to refer to a smaller number of residents remaining unemployed.

  3. "affluent" -> "wealthy"
    Explanation: While "affluent" is suitable, "wealthy" is more commonly used and equally appropriate in an academic context, maintaining clarity.

  4. "salaries offered" -> "offered salaries"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better syntax flow, placing the object before the verb.

  5. "thrives" -> "prospers"
    Explanation: "Thrives" is slightly informal, while "prospers" retains formality and better suits an academic tone.

  6. "could be the fact that" -> "is that"
    Explanation: Simplifying the expression for clarity and conciseness without altering the intended meaning.

  7. "since workers are paid more" -> "as workers receive higher wages"
    Explanation: Provides a clearer explanation of the reason behind the increased costs of living due to higher wages.

  8. "caught" -> "cut"
    Explanation: "Caught" seems out of context here; "cut" would be a more appropriate word choice to indicate reduction or discontinuation of funds.

  9. "pros and cons" -> "advantages and disadvantages"
    Explanation: While "pros and cons" is not incorrect, using "advantages and disadvantages" enhances formality in an academic context.

  10. "those who need to rely on" -> "individuals dependent on"
    Explanation: A more formal expression to describe people reliant on the social care system.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Economic growth is a sphere that receives more attention than any other national domain in many states all over the world. The principal benefits of this phenomenon are lower unemployment and wealthier citizens, and the main downsides are higher costs of living for most and insufficient support for the poorest."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: The introduction is clear in presenting the topic; however, it lacks a concise thesis statement summarizing the main points that will be discussed. Consider incorporating a sentence that outlines the advantages and disadvantages mentioned in the prompt, providing a roadmap for the reader.
    • Improved example: "Economic growth, prioritized by many governments worldwide, has both advantages and disadvantages. While it leads to lower unemployment and wealthier citizens, it also results in higher costs of living and insufficient support for the poorest."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, what makes that prioritizing economic expansion is beneficial for the public is the fact that fever residents remain unemployed. This is because governments boost establishing various businesses, which will require many workers to operate. In addition, not only does a country become more powerful economically, but also many residents have an opportunity to become affluent. When companies generate more profit, it reflects how much money employees can make. In Poland, for example, 30 years after communism collapsed, average salaries offered for a middle-management position have tripled."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: While you present a clear advantage of economic growth, there is a need for more depth in your explanation. Provide specific examples or details to support your point. Also, be cautious of grammar errors, such as the misuse of "fever" instead of "fewer."
    • Improved example: "On the positive side, prioritizing economic expansion leads to reduced unemployment rates. Governments actively promote the establishment of various businesses, creating numerous job opportunities. For instance, in Poland, after the collapse of communism, the average salaries for middle-management positions tripled within 30 years, showcasing the direct impact of economic growth on citizens’ financial well-being."
  3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, as a country’s economy thrives, costs of living increase. The most compelling reason for that could be the fact that since workers are paid more, their services become more expensive, which results in higher prices of many products. Moreover, in many cases, a state whose main priority is its economy offers little support for those who need it. If authorities believe that a strong economy is of the greatest importance, they are rather reluctant to offer help to those who do not contribute to the nation’s prosperity. To illustrate, when Donald Trump, who was a big advocate of a strong economy, became the president of the USA, the funds for jobless migrants were caught."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: Your explanation of the disadvantages is clear, but it could benefit from further development. Provide more examples or details to strengthen your argument. Additionally, be cautious of word choice and grammar errors, such as "the funds for jobless migrants were caught," which is unclear.
    • Improved example: "However, the drawbacks of economic growth manifest in increased costs of living. When workers receive higher wages, the cost of their services rises, leading to elevated prices for various products. Furthermore, a government prioritizing the economy might neglect social support for those in need. For instance, during Donald Trump’s presidency, known for advocating a robust economy, funds for unemployed migrants were significantly reduced, highlighting the potential consequences of economic-centric policies."

Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the task and presents a relevant position, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed and nuanced examples to support arguments. Additionally, careful proofreading for grammar and word choice would enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear overall progression of ideas and organizes information coherently. The introduction effectively introduces the topic, and each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the advantages and disadvantages of prioritizing economic growth. The essay employs cohesive devices, such as transitions and pronouns, to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. However, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat faulty or mechanical, affecting the fluency of the text.

Paragraphing is used, but not always logically. There are moments where ideas could be better organized within paragraphs to enhance clarity. For instance, the second paragraph touches on both advantages and disadvantages, which might confuse the reader. Additionally, there are some underused cohesive devices, and the referencing could be clearer in connecting ideas more seamlessly.

How to improve:

  1. Ensure a more logical organization of ideas within paragraphs. Separate the advantages and disadvantages more distinctly to enhance clarity.
  2. Use a wider range of cohesive devices consistently. Consider using more varied transition words to connect ideas more smoothly.
  3. Pay attention to referencing to create a clearer and more seamless flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, showing some flexibility and precision in language use. The writer effectively conveys ideas with a mix of common and less common lexical items. There is awareness of style and collocation, contributing to the fluency of the essay. The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task and effectively communicates the advantages and disadvantages of prioritizing economic growth. While there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay uses examples, such as the case of Poland and Donald Trump, to support the points made.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. Additionally, ensure consistent accuracy in word choice and collocation to minimize occasional errors. Provide more specific examples or details to strengthen the depth of the argument and showcase a nuanced understanding of the topic. Overall, maintaining a balance between vocabulary complexity and accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation throughout. A variety of complex structures are used, such as conditional sentences and complex sentences with multiple clauses. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing a strong control of grammar. The essay effectively communicates ideas and arguments without significant hindrance from grammatical errors.

However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "fever" instead of "fewer" and "caught" instead of "cut." These errors are infrequent and can be considered as ‘slips.’ Overall, the essay exhibits a commendable range of sentence structures with a good level of grammatical accuracy.

How to improve:
To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay attention to word choices and proofread the essay more thoroughly to catch minor errors. Additionally, maintaining consistency in verb tenses and being mindful of singular/plural agreement can contribute to an even more polished and error-free essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Economic growth holds a central position in the focus of many governments worldwide, often taking precedence over other national concerns. This phenomenon presents both advantages and disadvantages for the populace.

On the positive side, prioritizing economic expansion contributes to a reduction in unemployment and an increase in the prosperity of citizens. Governments actively promote the establishment of various businesses, leading to a demand for a larger workforce. Consequently, fewer residents face unemployment, fostering financial stability. Additionally, a flourishing economy provides numerous opportunities for individuals to attain wealth. The profitability of businesses directly correlates with the income potential for employees. A pertinent example is Poland, where, three decades post the end of communism, average salaries for middle-management positions have tripled.

Conversely, the downside to a thriving economy is the escalation in the cost of living. This occurs as higher wages lead to an increase in the cost of services, subsequently impacting the prices of various products. Furthermore, a nation emphasizing economic strength may allocate minimal support to those in need. Governments, prioritizing a robust economy, often hesitate to extend assistance to individuals who do not directly contribute to the nation’s prosperity. For instance, during Donald Trump’s presidency in the United States, a staunch supporter of economic strength, funds for unemployed migrants were curtailed.

In conclusion, the prioritization of economic growth by authorities has its merits and drawbacks. While it enhances employment opportunities and facilitates wealth accumulation, it also results in a higher cost of living and marginalization of those reliant on social care systems. As with any societal pursuit, a balanced consideration of these advantages and disadvantages is essential.

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