In many countries, the governments likes to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think government should spend more on health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In today's interconnected world, the distribution of national capital has given rise a heated controversies. Some argue that nations should allocate more money on the arts, whereas others believe that health and education should be heavily funded. This essay will explore the both sides of the viewpoints before firmly stating that a balanced investment should be spent on all types.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that the arts play a crucial role in both cultural and economic terms. Regarding the former, numerous types of drawings, sculptures or literature act as primary factors to foster national identity as well as conducive to a country's uniqueness and distinctive characters. They not only cultivate sense of pride and appreciation among citizens but also promote nation's historical and symbolic significance. Concerning the second issue, arts are precious asset of a nation. By enhancing national image via arts, governments can easily stimulate business activities, attract tourism and expand labor workforce which reinforce economic prosperity. Korea, being well-known for film industry, is a prime example of successful investment in arts. By watching Korean films, Individuals around the world, especially young people in Viet Nam have deep understanding of their culture, and many of them desire once in lifetime to have trip to Korea to see in their eyes its spectacular landscapes as well as enjoy its unique cuisine.

On the other hand, it is also reasonable to state that investments in other factors like health and education are significant essential. The more fundings are allocated to health, the easier citizens get access to national health care systems which promote people's health. As a result, healthy labour workforce will contribute to productivity and work outcomes which yield significant economic and societal advancements. Additionally, a developed and flourishing country is primary based on education so it is rewarded to receive more financial support from governments. Education offers highly qualified workforce for human capital development which reduce the burden of unemployment and welfare dependency.

In conclusion, while arts are important for improving national identity and stimulating the economy, it is equally to invest in health and education. A balanced investment is essential for a nation's sustainable development as they contribute significantly to the high qualified workforce and economic growth.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"given rise a heated controversies" -> "given rise to heated controversies"
Explanation: The phrase "given rise to" is the correct idiomatic expression, which means to cause or lead to something, whereas "a heated controversies" is grammatically incorrect and should be "heated controversies."
"allocate more money on the arts" -> "allocate more funds to the arts"
Explanation: "Allocate more money on the arts" is grammatically incorrect. "Allocate more funds to the arts" is the correct phrase, using "funds" instead of "money" and "to" instead of "on" for prepositional correctness.
"both sides of the viewpoints" -> "both sides of the argument"
Explanation: "Viewpoints" is too vague and informal for academic writing. "Argument" is more precise and appropriate for formal essays.
"a balanced investment should be spent on all types" -> "a balanced investment should be made in all areas"
Explanation: "Spent on" is incorrect in this context. "Made in" is the correct preposition for discussing investments in various fields.
"numerous types of drawings, sculptures or literature" -> "numerous forms of art, such as drawings, sculptures, and literature"
Explanation: "Numerous types of" is vague and informal. "Numerous forms of art" is more specific and academically appropriate, and using "such as" instead of "or" provides a clearer list structure.
"act as primary factors to foster" -> "serve as primary factors in fostering"
Explanation: "Act as primary factors to foster" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Serve as primary factors in fostering" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone.
"conducive to a country’s uniqueness and distinctive characters" -> "conducive to a country’s uniqueness and distinct character"
Explanation: "Distinctive characters" is incorrect as "characters" refers to people, not characteristics. "Distinct character" is the correct term.
"cultivate sense of pride and appreciation among citizens" -> "cultivate a sense of pride and appreciation among citizens"
Explanation: Adding "a" before "sense" corrects the grammatical error and improves readability.
"arts are precious asset of a nation" -> "arts are a precious asset of a nation"
Explanation: "Asset" should be preceded by "a" for grammatical correctness.
"easily stimulate business activities, attract tourism and expand labor workforce" -> "easily stimulate business activities, attract tourists, and expand the labor workforce"
Explanation: "Tourism" should be "tourists" for subject-verb agreement, and "labor workforce" should be "the labor workforce" for clarity and grammatical correctness.
"Korea, being well-known for film industry" -> "Korea, renowned for its film industry"
Explanation: "Well-known" is somewhat informal and vague; "renowned" is more precise and formal.
"desire once in lifetime to have trip" -> "desire to take a trip once in a lifetime"
Explanation: "Have trip" is grammatically incorrect. "Take a trip" is the correct phrase, and "once in a lifetime" should be hyphenated for proper adjectival use.
"it is also reasonable to state that investments in other factors like health and education are significant essential" -> "it is also reasonable to argue that investments in other factors, such as health and education, are essential"
Explanation: "Significant essential" is redundant; "essential" alone suffices. Also, "like" should be "such as" for a more formal tone.
"The more fundings are allocated to health, the easier citizens get access to national health care systems" -> "The more funds are allocated to health, the easier citizens gain access to national healthcare systems"
Explanation: "Fundings" is incorrect; "funds" is the correct noun form. "Get" should be "gain" for a more formal tone, and "healthcare" should be hyphenated.
"high qualified workforce" -> "highly qualified workforce"
Explanation: "High qualified" is grammatically incorrect. "Highly qualified" is the correct adverbial form.

These changes enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay, aligning it with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding government spending on the arts versus health and education. The first body paragraph discusses the importance of the arts in fostering national identity and stimulating economic growth, while the second body paragraph highlights the significance of health and education in promoting a productive workforce and societal advancements. However, the phrase "the both sides of the viewpoints" in the introduction is slightly awkward and could be improved for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to the prompt, the writer could explicitly mention the importance of balancing these investments in the introduction, thereby setting a clearer framework for the discussion. Additionally, ensuring that each viewpoint is equally developed in terms of examples and analysis would strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that advocates for a balanced investment in both the arts and essential services like health and education. The conclusion reiterates this stance effectively. However, the phrase "firmly stating that a balanced investment should be spent on all types" could be more assertively articulated to emphasize the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer could use more definitive language throughout the essay, especially in the introduction and conclusion. Phrases like "I believe" or "It is essential" could reinforce the writer’s stance and make it more compelling.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of the arts and its economic impact through the example of Korea’s film industry. The argument for health and education is also supported with logical reasoning about workforce productivity. However, some points could benefit from more specific examples or data to further substantiate the claims made.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer could include more concrete examples or statistics, particularly in the second body paragraph. For instance, citing specific health outcomes or educational achievements resulting from government funding would enhance the argument’s credibility.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays largely on topic, discussing the relevant aspects of government spending on the arts, health, and education. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the phrase "arts are precious asset of a nation" could be more directly linked to the prompt’s context of government spending.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. This could involve explicitly linking the benefits of arts funding to government policy or societal outcomes, thereby reinforcing the relevance of each argument to the overall topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-rounded discussion. With a few adjustments for clarity, specificity, and focus, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets up the topic and outlines the forthcoming discussion. Each body paragraph is dedicated to one viewpoint, which helps in maintaining clarity. However, the transition between the two views could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing the arts to health and education feels somewhat abrupt. The ideas within paragraphs are generally well-organized, but some sentences could be rearranged for better flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each body paragraph to signal a shift in focus. For example, phrases like "Conversely," or "On the other hand," can help guide the reader more effectively. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that section.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the importance of the arts, while the second addresses health and education. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and concluding statements that reinforce the main ideas. For instance, the first body paragraph could end with a sentence summarizing the economic benefits of investing in the arts, which would strengthen the overall argument.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, start each body paragraph with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. Additionally, consider adding a concluding sentence to each paragraph that summarizes the key points discussed, reinforcing the argument and providing a smooth transition to the next paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," to indicate contrasting views. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the use of "additionally" and "concerning" is somewhat repetitive, and more varied devices could enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In contrast," and "Consequently." These can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect sentences and ideas within paragraphs, enhancing overall readability.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "interconnected," "allocation," "cultivate," and "symbolic significance." These words effectively convey complex ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "the arts" is repeated multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which could enhance the richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve, consider using synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "the arts," you could incorporate terms like "cultural expressions," "creative sectors," or "artistic endeavors." Additionally, expanding your vocabulary to include more sophisticated terms related to the topic can elevate the essay’s quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are some instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the both sides of the viewpoints" should be "both sides of the viewpoints." Additionally, "significant essential" is redundant; "significant" alone suffices. These inaccuracies can detract from the clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and free from redundancy. Reviewing common collocations and phrases can help in using vocabulary more precisely. For instance, instead of "significant essential," you could simply say "essential" or "significant factors." Reading more academic texts can also provide insight into precise language use.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "fundings" (should be "funding"), "labour" (should be "labor" in American English), and "once in lifetime" (should be "once in a lifetime"). These errors can undermine the overall impression of the essay and may distract the reader from the arguments being presented.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay for spelling mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools in word processors can also help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or quizzes can reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words and phrases.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a good range and mostly accurate usage, there are areas for improvement in precision, variety, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence employs a complex structure with a dependent clause ("the distribution of national capital has given rise to heated controversies"). This showcases the writer’s ability to construct varied sentences. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and run-on sentences, such as "By watching Korean films, Individuals around the world, especially young people in Viet Nam have deep understanding of their culture, and many of them desire once in lifetime to have trip to Korea to see in their eyes its spectacular landscapes as well as enjoy its unique cuisine." This sentence is overly long and could be broken down for clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more conditional sentences (e.g., "If governments invest in the arts, they may enhance cultural identity"). Additionally, varying the placement of clauses can enhance readability. For example, the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses to create a more engaging flow. Breaking down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones will also improve overall clarity and impact.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "the governments likes" should be corrected to "the government likes" to ensure subject-verb agreement. The phrase "the both sides of the viewpoints" is awkward; it should be "both sides of the argument" or "the two viewpoints." Punctuation is generally well-handled, but there are missing commas that could improve clarity, such as before "especially young people in Viet Nam" to separate it from the main clause.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that nouns are correctly pluralized. Regular practice with grammar exercises focused on common errors can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, particularly with complex sentences, will help ensure clarity. The writer might also benefit from studying sentence structure rules to avoid run-on sentences and improve overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable range of grammatical structures and a solid understanding of grammar and punctuation, there are areas for improvement. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures, enhancing grammatical accuracy, and refining punctuation, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s interconnected world, the distribution of national capital has given rise to heated controversies. Some argue that nations should allocate more money to the arts, whereas others believe that health and education should receive greater funding. This essay will explore both sides of the argument before firmly stating that a balanced investment should be made in all areas.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that the arts play a crucial role in both cultural and economic terms. Regarding the former, numerous forms of art, such as drawings, sculptures, and literature, serve as primary factors in fostering national identity and are conducive to a country’s uniqueness and distinct character. They not only cultivate a sense of pride and appreciation among citizens but also promote the nation’s historical and symbolic significance. Concerning the economic aspect, the arts are a precious asset of a nation. By enhancing the national image through the arts, governments can easily stimulate business activities, attract tourists, and expand the labor workforce, which reinforces economic prosperity. Korea, renowned for its film industry, is a prime example of successful investment in the arts. By watching Korean films, individuals around the world, especially young people in Vietnam, gain a deeper understanding of their culture, and many of them desire to take a trip once in a lifetime to experience its spectacular landscapes and enjoy its unique cuisine.

On the other hand, it is also reasonable to argue that investments in other factors, such as health and education, are essential. The more funds that are allocated to health, the easier it is for citizens to gain access to national healthcare systems, which promotes overall public health. As a result, a healthy labor workforce will contribute to productivity and work outcomes, yielding significant economic and societal advancements. Additionally, a developed and flourishing country is primarily based on education, which deserves to receive more financial support from governments. Education offers a highly qualified workforce for human capital development, which reduces the burden of unemployment and welfare dependency.

In conclusion, while the arts are important for enhancing national identity and stimulating the economy, it is equally vital to invest in health and education. A balanced investment is essential for a nation’s sustainable development, as these areas contribute significantly to a highly qualified workforce and economic growth.