in many countries, the number of animal and plant is declining. why do you think this is happening. how can this issue be solved
in many countries, the number of animal and plant is declining. why do you think this is happening. how can this issue be solved
it is true that some people that number of animals and plants is decreasing. there are several reasons why this is case, and i believe everyone should actively promote and protect them.
this trend is caused by several factors human main cause. firstly, deforestation for agricultural expansion, logging and infrastructure development. secondly, cause of pollution the environment, it is waste from large business include waste of industry and wastewater of agriculture, or harmful chemicals dumped into rives and seas lead to deaths of marine life. in addition, wildlife trade is also a cause of animal decline, which practice leads to the extinction of many animals species
in my opinion, everyone should actively promote and protect animal species and plants by solutions such as conservation and restoration efforts. it is initiate restoration programs aimed at actively planning tree, prevent deforestation to provide an environment for wildlife. beside, established conservation areas for the purpose of protect ecosystems and promote the recovery of endangered animals. For example, in some countries, laws have been introduced to prohibit deforestation, to actively promote the planting of more trees in some forests that have been cut down, or in some government agencies, they have established separate institutions for the conservation of wild animals.
in conclusion, this trend happening by human and everyone should actively promote and protect animals and plants
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"it is true that some people that number of animals and plants is decreasing." -> "It is true that the number of animals and plants is decreasing."
Explanation: Removing "some people that" corrects the grammatical structure and simplifies the sentence, making it more direct and clear in an academic context. -
"there are several reasons why this is case" -> "there are several reasons why this is the case"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "case" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formal tone of the sentence. -
"human main cause" -> "the main human cause"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "main cause" corrects the article usage, making the phrase grammatically correct and more formal. -
"cause of pollution the environment" -> "causes of environmental pollution"
Explanation: Changing "cause of pollution the environment" to "causes of environmental pollution" corrects the grammatical structure and uses a more precise term, enhancing clarity and formality. -
"it is waste from large business include waste of industry and wastewater of agriculture" -> "it includes waste from large businesses, including industrial waste and agricultural wastewater"
Explanation: Replacing "it is waste from large business include waste of industry and wastewater of agriculture" with "it includes waste from large businesses, including industrial waste and agricultural wastewater" corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning, making it more precise and formal. -
"or harmful chemicals dumped into rives and seas lead to deaths of marine life" -> "or the dumping of harmful chemicals into rivers and seas leads to the deaths of marine life"
Explanation: Changing "or harmful chemicals dumped into rives and seas lead to deaths of marine life" to "or the dumping of harmful chemicals into rivers and seas leads to the deaths of marine life" corrects grammatical errors and enhances the formality of the sentence. -
"wildlife trade is also a cause of animal decline" -> "wildlife trade is also a cause of animal decline"
Explanation: Removing the extra space between "wildlife" and "trade" corrects the spacing error, making the text more readable and formal. -
"which practice leads to the extinction of many animals species" -> "which practice leads to the extinction of many animal species"
Explanation: Changing "animals species" to "animal species" corrects the plural form to match the singular noun "practice," enhancing grammatical accuracy. -
"everyone should actively promote and protect animal species and plants" -> "everyone should actively promote and protect animal species and plants"
Explanation: Removing the extra spaces between words corrects the spacing errors, improving readability and formality. -
"it is initiate restoration programs aimed at actively planning tree" -> "it is to initiate restoration programs aimed at actively planting trees"
Explanation: Changing "it is initiate restoration programs aimed at actively planning tree" to "it is to initiate restoration programs aimed at actively planting trees" corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the intended meaning. -
"prevent deforestation to provide an environment for wildlife" -> "prevent deforestation to provide an environment for wildlife"
Explanation: Removing the extra space before "deforestation" corrects the spacing error, enhancing readability and formality. -
"established conservation areas for the purpose of protect ecosystems" -> "established conservation areas for the purpose of protecting ecosystems"
Explanation: Changing "protect" to "protecting" corrects the verb form to match the gerund construction, improving grammatical accuracy and formality. -
"promote the recovery of endangered animals" -> "promote the recovery of endangered animals"
Explanation: Removing the extra space before "promote" corrects the spacing error, enhancing readability and formality. -
"this trend happening by human" -> "this trend, which is caused by humans"
Explanation: Changing "this trend happening by human" to "this trend, which is caused by humans" corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the cause of the trend, making the sentence more formal and precise.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
-
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: the reasons for the decline in animal and plant numbers and potential solutions. However, the explanation of the causes is somewhat vague and lacks depth. For instance, while deforestation and pollution are mentioned, the essay does not provide sufficient detail or examples to illustrate how these factors specifically contribute to the decline. The solutions proposed, such as conservation efforts, are also mentioned but not elaborated upon effectively.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should provide specific examples and more detailed explanations of each cause and solution. For instance, citing specific regions affected by deforestation or particular species endangered by pollution would strengthen the argument. Additionally, discussing the effectiveness of certain conservation programs with examples would enhance the response.
-
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position that emphasizes the importance of promoting and protecting animal and plant species. However, the position is not consistently articulated throughout the essay. The transition between discussing causes and solutions is abrupt, which may confuse the reader regarding the writer’s stance on the urgency of the issue.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use transitional phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. For example, after discussing the causes, the writer could explicitly state, "Given these serious threats, it is crucial that we implement effective solutions." This would help reinforce the urgency of the issue and the writer’s commitment to the proposed solutions.
-
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the causes of decline and potential solutions. However, many ideas are underdeveloped. For instance, the mention of pollution lacks specific examples of how it affects particular species or ecosystems. The solutions are also stated without sufficient elaboration on how they can be effectively implemented or their potential impact.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. For example, when discussing pollution, the writer could explain how specific pollutants affect marine life and provide statistics or studies to support the claims. Similarly, when suggesting conservation areas, the writer could discuss successful case studies that demonstrate the positive outcomes of such initiatives.
-
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the decline of animal and plant species and suggesting solutions. However, there are instances where the writing becomes unclear or strays slightly from the main focus, particularly in the explanation of pollution and its effects, which could be more directly tied to the decline of specific species.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the decline of animals and plants. This can be achieved by explicitly linking the effects of pollution and deforestation to specific examples of species at risk, thereby reinforcing the connection to the main topic throughout the essay.
Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt but requires more depth, clarity, and specific examples to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
-
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction outlines the topic and the writer’s stance, while the body paragraphs discuss the causes of the decline in animal and plant numbers and propose solutions. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by abrupt transitions and unclear connections between ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing pollution to wildlife trade lacks a smooth connection, which can confuse the reader about how these points relate to one another.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph flows naturally into the next. Using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "On the other hand" can help guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, clearly stating the main idea of each paragraph at the beginning can provide a roadmap for the reader.
-
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure could be improved. The body paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be better organized. For example, the first body paragraph discusses deforestation, pollution, and wildlife trade in a single paragraph, which makes it dense and difficult to follow. Each of these points could benefit from being developed in separate paragraphs to allow for more detailed explanations and clearer focus.
- How to improve: The writer should consider dedicating one paragraph to each main point. For instance, one paragraph could focus solely on the causes of decline (deforestation, pollution, wildlife trade), while another could outline the solutions. This separation will not only improve clarity but also allow for more in-depth discussion of each point.
-
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "secondly," and "in addition." However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used inaccurately or awkwardly, such as "the cause of pollution the environment." This can detract from the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, the use of pronouns and referencing could be improved to avoid ambiguity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, using "Moreover," "Consequently," or "As a result" can enhance the connections between ideas. Furthermore, ensuring that pronouns clearly refer back to their antecedents will help maintain clarity. The writer should also practice using synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of the essay.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will help elevate the coherence and cohesion of the writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
-
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to environmental issues, such as "deforestation," "pollution," "wildlife trade," and "conservation." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances where more sophisticated or varied vocabulary could enhance the argument. For example, terms like "biodiversity" or "ecosystem services" could have been used to provide a deeper understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should engage with a broader array of environmental terminology. Reading articles or reports on environmental issues can expose the writer to more specialized vocabulary. Additionally, practicing synonyms and antonyms for commonly used words can help diversify language use.
-
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, the phrase "human main cause" is awkward and unclear; it would be more precise to say "humans are the main cause." Similarly, "cause of pollution the environment" lacks clarity and grammatical accuracy; it should be rephrased to "pollution of the environment." The phrase "waste from large business" should be "waste from large businesses" to ensure grammatical correctness.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on grammatical structure and clarity. Practicing sentence construction and ensuring that subjects and verbs agree can help. Furthermore, using a thesaurus to find more precise words can improve the accuracy of vocabulary choices.
-
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "rives" instead of "rivers," "initiate" instead of "initiating," and "beside" instead of "besides." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should regularly practice spelling commonly used words and utilize spell-check tools when drafting essays. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times can help catch and correct spelling mistakes before submission. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words can also be beneficial for targeted practice.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary related to the topic, there are significant areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary through reading, focusing on grammatical accuracy, and practicing spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
-
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "there are several reasons why this is case" and "this trend is caused by several factors human main cause" indicate a basic level of complexity. However, the essay lacks more sophisticated structures such as complex sentences that could enhance clarity and depth. The use of conjunctions and relative clauses is minimal, which limits the overall range of grammatical structures.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "deforestation for agricultural expansion," the writer could expand this to "deforestation, which is primarily driven by agricultural expansion, logging, and infrastructure development, significantly contributes to the decline of plant and animal species." Engaging with varied sentence beginnings and using transitional phrases can also help in creating a more dynamic writing style.
-
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, the phrase "the number of animals and plants is decreasing" is correct, but the subsequent sentence "this trend is caused by several factors human main cause" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. Additionally, there are missing articles and prepositions, such as "the cause of pollution the environment" which should be "the cause of pollution in the environment." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also affect readability, particularly in longer sentences that list multiple items.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help clarify meaning. For instance, the sentence "beside, established conservation areas for the purpose of protect ecosystems" should be revised to "In addition, conservation areas should be established to protect ecosystems." Regularly reviewing grammar rules and seeking feedback on written work can further enhance accuracy.
In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas and a clear argument, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are needed to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical precision will greatly enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is true that some people believe that the number of animals and plants is decreasing. There are several reasons why this is the case, and I believe everyone should actively promote and protect them.
This trend is caused by several factors, with the main human cause being deforestation for agricultural expansion, logging, and infrastructure development. Secondly, the causes of environmental pollution include waste from large businesses, such as industrial waste and agricultural wastewater, or the dumping of harmful chemicals into rivers and seas, which leads to the deaths of marine life. In addition, wildlife trade is also a cause of animal decline, which practice leads to the extinction of many animal species.
In my opinion, everyone should actively promote and protect animal species and plants through solutions such as conservation and restoration efforts. It is important to initiate restoration programs aimed at actively planting trees and preventing deforestation to provide an environment for wildlife. Besides, establishing conservation areas for the purpose of protecting ecosystems and promoting the recovery of endangered animals is essential. For example, in some countries, laws have been introduced to prohibit deforestation, actively promote the planting of more trees in forests that have been cut down, or establish separate institutions for the conservation of wild animals.
In conclusion, this trend is caused by humans, and everyone should actively promote and protect animals and plants.