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In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think it is happening? How to solve this issue?

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think it is happening? How to solve this issue?

Recently, the quantity of flora and fauna is decreding in many countries. Some causes of this situation will be identified before some viable solutions will be proposed in the following essay.
There are two reasons why the number of fauna and flora tends to go down. Firstly, hunting may cause the declining diversity of animals and plants. Some animals have high value with fur, skin and tusk or some plants may be old, which may be rare and need to be bought with a lot of money. For example,in VN, some people use tusk elephants as jewelry, add to their collection or rare wood can make furniture. Secondly, disasters are also causing the death of animals and plants. Every year, there are a lot of disasters, including by humans and nature, like floods, tsunamis, which can destroy forests so the habitat is made smaller, meaning the diversity of animals and plants is decreasing.
Some measures could be implemented to solve this problem. To begin with, the government has played an important role in reducing animals and plants. Some solutions have been implemented such as planting trees, setting up protected teams or park reserves to protect and take care of the forest and animals. So, a part of the quantity of animals is protected and the forest is expanded. Besides, the government is raising people’s awareness about this issue so people can contribute to natural disaster or forest fires prevention and animals will be safer.
In conclusion, the declining number of flora and fauna can be attributed to a few factors, including hunting or disaster. However, to solve this situation, there are some measures such as applying policy or raising people’s awareness.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Recently, the quantity of flora and fauna is decreding in many countries." -> "Recently, the abundance of flora and fauna has been decreasing in many countries."
    Explanation: Replacing "quantity" with "abundance" and "is decreding" with "has been decreasing" enhances the formality of the statement and aligns with academic writing conventions.

  2. "Some causes of this situation will be identified before some viable solutions will be proposed in the following essay." -> "This essay will first identify the causes of this situation before proposing viable solutions."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, removing the duplication of "some," and using "first" instead of "before" improves the flow and academic style.

  3. "There are two reasons why the number of fauna and flora tends to go down." -> "Two factors contribute to the decline in the number of fauna and flora."
    Explanation: Replacing "reasons" with "factors" and rephrasing the sentence for conciseness and precision enhances the academic tone.

  4. "Some animals have high value with fur, skin and tusk or some plants may be old, which may be rare and need to be bought with a lot of money." -> "Certain animals are valued for their fur, skin, and tusks, while some plants may be old, rare, and require a substantial financial investment."
    Explanation: The revised sentence provides a more polished and formal expression, avoiding redundancy and specifying the valuable aspects of animals and plants.

  5. "For example,in VN, some people use tusk elephants as jewelry, add to their collection or rare wood can make furniture." -> "For example, in Vietnam, some individuals use elephant tusks for jewelry or collect them, while rare wood is employed in furniture making."
    Explanation: Correcting the abbreviation "VN" to "Vietnam" and rephrasing the sentence for clarity and formal language improves the overall presentation.

  6. "Secondly, disasters are also causing the death of animals and plants." -> "Secondly, disasters contribute to the mortality of animals and plants."
    Explanation: Substituting "causing the death of" with "contribute to the mortality of" elevates the language and maintains a more formal tone.

  7. "Every year, there are a lot of disasters, including by humans and nature, like floods, tsunamis, which can destroy forests so the habitat is made smaller, meaning the diversity of animals and plants is decreasing." -> "Every year, numerous disasters, caused by both human activities and natural occurrences, such as floods and tsunamis, can lead to the destruction of forests, shrinking habitats and reducing the diversity of animals and plants."
    Explanation: This revision provides a more detailed and formal expression, avoiding redundancy and enhancing the clarity of the sentence.

  8. "Some measures could be implemented to solve this problem." -> "Several measures could be implemented to address this issue."
    Explanation: Substituting "solve this problem" with "address this issue" and using "several" instead of "some" improves the precision and formality of the statement.

  9. "To begin with, the government has played an important role in reducing animals and plants." -> "Firstly, the government has played a crucial role in conservation efforts for animals and plants."
    Explanation: Replacing "reducing" with "conservation efforts for" and using "crucial" instead of "important" enhances the accuracy and formality of the sentence.

  10. "So, a part of the quantity of animals is protected and the forest is expanded." -> "As a result, a portion of the animal population is safeguarded, and the forest area is expanded."
    Explanation: Improving the sentence structure and replacing "quantity" with "population" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  11. "Besides, the government is raising people’s awareness about this issue so people can contribute to natural disaster or forest fires prevention and animals will be safer." -> "Moreover, the government is increasing public awareness of this issue, enabling individuals to contribute to the prevention of natural disasters, forest fires, and ensuring the safety of animals."
    Explanation: Enhancing the sentence for clarity and formality, and specifying the types of prevention activities, improves the overall academic tone.

  12. "In conclusion, the declining number of flora and fauna can be attributed to a few factors, including hunting or disaster." -> "In conclusion, the decline in the abundance of flora and fauna can be attributed to various factors, such as hunting and natural disasters."
    Explanation: Substituting "number" with "abundance" and specifying "various factors" instead of "a few factors" enhances the precision and formality of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt by discussing reasons for the decline in the number of animals and plants (hunting and disasters) and proposing solutions (government intervention and raising awareness). Relevant examples from Vietnam are provided, illustrating the impact of hunting on elephants and the role of government measures.
    • How to improve: While the essay provides a satisfactory response, it could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the causes and solutions. For instance, delving deeper into the economic and cultural factors driving hunting could enhance the analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by attributing the decline in flora and fauna to hunting and disasters. The proposed solutions, involving government action and public awareness, align with this stance.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the writer’s viewpoint in the introduction and conclusion. This can enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, with examples such as the use of elephant tusks and the impact of disasters on forests. However, there is room for improvement in extending and developing these ideas further. For instance, elaborating on the effectiveness of existing government measures could strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: Expand on examples and provide more detailed explanations. Additionally, consider incorporating counterarguments to showcase a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the causes and solutions related to the decline in flora and fauna. However, there are instances of generalization, such as mentioning "disasters, including by humans and nature," which could be more specific.
    • How to improve: Ensure a more precise and focused discussion by avoiding broad statements. Specify the types of disasters caused by humans and nature for a more nuanced analysis.

In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a clear position and supporting ideas with relevant examples. To enhance the overall quality, the writer can refine the analysis, extend ideas, and ensure precision in language use. Additionally, explicitly stating the position in the introduction and conclusion can contribute to a more cohesive and persuasive essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to follow a logical organization by first addressing the reasons for the decline in flora and fauna and then proposing solutions. However, there is room for improvement in the flow. The introduction is somewhat vague, and the transition between reasons and solutions could be smoother. For instance, the essay could benefit from a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines both the reasons and solutions. Ensure smooth transitions between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to create a cohesive narrative.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure can be improved. Paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and unity of ideas, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument. For instance, the second paragraph touches on both hunting and disasters without a clear separation of ideas.
    • How to improve: Focus on developing a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea. Ensure that each paragraph has a specific focus, avoiding the mixing of different points. This will improve overall readability and coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "firstly" and "secondly," to indicate a sequence of ideas. However, there is a limited variety, and the essay could benefit from a more extensive range of cohesive devices. Pronouns and conjunctions can be used more effectively to establish connections between sentences and ideas.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider array of cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this," "these"), conjunctions ("however," "moreover"), and transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will create a smoother connection between ideas and enhance overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in the logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to a more effective and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. While it includes some topic-specific terms such as "diversity," "hunting," and "disasters," there is room for improvement. Certain expressions, like "flora and fauna," are repeated frequently. Additionally, the vocabulary used lacks sophistication, and there is a limited exploration of synonyms or more nuanced terms.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, the writer should explore alternative expressions for frequently used terms. Introduce more specialized vocabulary related to conservation, ecology, and environmental science. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "fauna and flora," consider alternatives like "biodiversity" or "ecosystem components."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is inconsistent. While some terms are used accurately (e.g., "hunting," "disasters"), there are instances of imprecise or awkward phrasing (e.g., "the quantity of flora and fauna is decreasing"). Also, the essay could benefit from a more precise selection of words to convey ideas more clearly.
    • How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that precisely conveys intended meanings. For instance, instead of "the quantity of flora and fauna," use "the population of plant and animal species." Additionally, avoid vague terms like "some causes" and provide more specific details and examples to support the arguments.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally acceptable, with only minor errors, such as "decreding" instead of "decreasing" and "add" instead of "ad." These errors do not significantly impede comprehension.
    • How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to common errors. Utilize spell-check tools and consider seeking feedback from peers or teachers. Developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically can help minimize such errors in the future.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and minor spelling errors could elevate it to a higher band score. Encouraging a more varied and sophisticated choice of words, along with precision in expression, will contribute to a more impactful and polished essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used. However, there is a tendency to rely on basic structures, such as the repetition of simple sentences, which affects the overall variety. For example, in the second paragraph, most sentences are simple, and there’s limited use of complex structures to enhance the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, introduce more complex sentence structures, incorporating subordinate clauses, varied sentence lengths, and transitions. For instance, consider combining sentences or introducing relative clauses to create a more sophisticated and varied flow of ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some grammatical and punctuation issues that slightly impact clarity. For instance, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("the quantity of flora and fauna is decreding"), word choice ("decreding" instead of "decreasing"), and sentence structure ("Some causes of this situation will be identified before some viable solutions will be proposed").
    • How to improve: Focus on fundamental grammar rules, including subject-verb agreement and appropriate word choices. Proofread carefully to catch errors and consider seeking feedback from peers or teachers. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure to ensure clarity and coherence. For instance, rephrase sentences for better clarity, such as "Some causes of this situation will be identified before some viable solutions will be proposed" could be rephrased as "This essay will first identify the causes before proposing viable solutions."

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a competent command of grammar, some errors and limitations in sentence structure affect the overall band score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and addressing grammatical and punctuation errors, the essay can achieve a higher score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recently, the abundance of flora and fauna has been decreasing in many countries. This essay will first identify the causes of this situation before proposing viable solutions.

Two factors contribute to the decline in the number of fauna and flora. Certain animals are valued for their fur, skin, and tusks, while some plants may be old, rare, and require a substantial financial investment. For example, in Vietnam, some individuals use elephant tusks for jewelry or collect them, while rare wood is employed in furniture making.

Secondly, disasters contribute to the mortality of animals and plants. Every year, numerous disasters, caused by both human activities and natural occurrences, such as floods and tsunamis, can lead to the destruction of forests, shrinking habitats, and reducing the diversity of animals and plants.

Several measures could be implemented to address this issue. Firstly, the government has played a crucial role in conservation efforts for animals and plants. As a result, a portion of the animal population is safeguarded, and the forest area is expanded. Moreover, the government is increasing public awareness of this issue, enabling individuals to contribute to the prevention of natural disasters, forest fires, and ensuring the safety of animals.

In conclusion, the decline in the abundance of flora and fauna can be attributed to various factors, such as hunting and natural disasters. Efforts like government-led conservation initiatives and enhanced public awareness are essential steps toward solving this issue.

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