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In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

Flora and fauna in many countries nowadays are on the verge of serious population decline, which may lead to the extinction of some animals and plants. This essay will examine the core reasons behind this tendency and some viable solutions to tackle it.
There are two main causes lead to the decrease in the number of some animals in plants in many nations. Firstly, deforestation and illegal wildlife trade are alarming problems throughout the world. Trees are cut down to clear space for farming, wood harvesting and urbanization. This loss of habitat not only depletes food supply for many animals but also disrupts the area’s ecological balance, leading to further decline. Secondly, pollution, including industrial waste and agricultural runoff, poses a significant threat. The global release toxic chemicals, sewage into rivers and oceans lead to the death of several marine life and destroy the marine ecosystem. Moreover, humankind is releasing a huge amount of greenhouse gas emissions, such as carbon dioxide. As a result, the world’s temperature has been rising uncontrollably, which culminates in the increasing frequency of wildfires. For instance, in 2023, roughly 18 million hectares of Canadian land burned, which killed hundreds of thousand animals.
While this phenomenon is catastrophic, there are a number of feasible solutions to deal with this problem. As a primary response, government should implement and enforce stricter policies. This includes establishing and maintaining protected areas and enforcing laws against illegal wildlife trade or deforestation. Simultaneously, strictly punish individuals or organizations that discharge chemical wastes into the water without treatment. Furthermore, corporations need to cut down on their carbon footprint and switch to eco-friendly energy sources and materials instead. This, in long term, can help reduce the greenhouse effect and global warming.
To conclude, human is the main reason behind several phenomena, including deforestation and climate change, that lead to the increasing disappearance of animals and plants. However, this problem can be addressed by enforcing stricter laws and regulations as well as using alternatives energy for companies.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Flora and fauna in many countries nowadays are on the verge of serious population decline, which may lead to the extinction of some animals and plants."
    -> "The flora and fauna in many countries today are facing a severe decline in population, potentially resulting in the extinction of certain animals and plants."
    Explanation: The suggested improvement uses more formal language, replacing "on the verge of" with "facing a severe decline," and rephrasing for clarity and precision.

  2. "This essay will examine the core reasons behind this tendency and some viable solutions to tackle it."
    -> "This essay will analyze the fundamental reasons for this trend and propose viable solutions to address it."
    Explanation: The term "core reasons" is replaced with "fundamental reasons" for a more formal tone, and "examine" is replaced with "analyze" for precision.

  3. "There are two main causes lead to the decrease in the number of some animals in plants in many nations."
    -> "Two primary factors contribute to the decline in the populations of certain animals and plants in many nations."
    Explanation: The phrase "There are two main causes lead to" is revised for conciseness, and "contribute to the decline" is more precise than "lead to the decrease."

  4. "Trees are cut down to clear space for farming, wood harvesting and urbanization."
    -> "Trees are felled to make way for agriculture, timber harvesting, and urban development."
    Explanation: The term "cut down" is replaced with "felled" for a more formal expression, and the activities are listed more precisely.

  5. "Moreover, humankind is releasing a huge amount of greenhouse gas emissions, such as carbon dioxide."
    -> "Furthermore, humanity is emitting a substantial volume of greenhouse gases, including carbon dioxide."
    Explanation: The use of "humankind" is replaced with "humanity" for formality, and the phrase is refined for clarity and precision.

  6. "For instance, in 2023, roughly 18 million hectares of Canadian land burned, which killed hundreds of thousand animals."
    -> "For instance, in 2023, approximately 18 million hectares of Canadian land burned, resulting in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of animals."
    Explanation: The term "roughly" is replaced with "approximately" for precision, and the sentence is rephrased for grammatical accuracy and clarity.

  7. "While this phenomenon is catastrophic, there are a number of feasible solutions to deal with this problem."
    -> "Despite the catastrophic nature of this phenomenon, several feasible solutions exist to address this problem."
    Explanation: The phrase is revised for conciseness, and "deal with" is replaced with "address" for a more formal tone.

  8. "Simultaneously, strictly punish individuals or organizations that discharge chemical wastes into the water without treatment."
    -> "Simultaneously, impose strict penalties on individuals or organizations that release chemical waste into the water without proper treatment."
    Explanation: The phrase is restructured for clarity, and "punish" is replaced with "impose strict penalties" for a more formal expression.

  9. "Furthermore, corporations need to cut down on their carbon footprint and switch to eco-friendly energy sources and materials instead."
    -> "Furthermore, corporations should reduce their carbon footprint and transition to environmentally friendly energy sources and materials."
    Explanation: The term "cut down on" is replaced with "reduce," and the sentence is refined for a more formal and concise expression.

  10. "To conclude, human is the main reason behind several phenomena, including deforestation and climate change, that lead to the increasing disappearance of animals and plants."
    -> "In conclusion, humans are the primary cause of various phenomena, such as deforestation and climate change, leading to the increasing disappearance of animals and plants."
    Explanation: The singular "human" is corrected to the plural "humans" for grammatical accuracy, and the sentence is rephrased for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both aspects of the question, discussing the reasons behind the decline in the number of animals and plants and suggesting potential solutions. Relevant examples, such as deforestation, illegal wildlife trade, pollution, and climate change, are provided to support the points made.
    • How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, it can benefit from a more nuanced exploration of certain points. For instance, elaborating on specific types of illegal wildlife trade or providing more details on how pollution affects different ecosystems would enhance the depth of analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently attributing the decline in flora and fauna to human activities, particularly deforestation, illegal wildlife trade, and pollution. The solutions proposed, including stricter government policies and corporate responsibility, align with this stance.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly connecting each solution back to the identified causes. This can reinforce the coherence of the argument and emphasize the holistic approach to addressing the issue.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly and supports them with relevant examples. The discussion on the causes, such as deforestation and pollution, is adequately developed. However, certain points, like the impact of pollution on marine ecosystems, could benefit from more elaboration.
    • How to improve: To enhance idea extension, delve deeper into specific examples. For instance, provide more details on how industrial waste affects marine life or elaborate on the role of greenhouse gas emissions in climate change. This would add depth to the discussion.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, consistently addressing the issue of declining animals and plants due to human activities. However, there is a slight deviation when discussing the Canadian wildfires, which, while related to climate change, could be more directly tied to the main topic.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that examples, even if related, directly support the main points. In the case of the Canadian wildfires, explicitly connect it to the broader consequences of climate change on the animal and plant populations.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses the task response criteria. To improve, consider providing more nuanced details, reinforcing the connection between causes and solutions, and ensuring that all examples directly support the central argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. The causes are outlined in the first body paragraph, while the solutions are presented in the second body paragraph. However, there is room for improvement in the transition between ideas. For example, the shift from discussing pollution to solutions is abrupt and could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, work on creating smoother transitions between ideas. Consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the progression of your arguments. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic to maintain clarity.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph discusses a specific aspect of the topic, contributing to the overall coherence. However, the structure within paragraphs can be refined. For instance, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences for each point.
    • How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This will enhance the reader’s understanding of the essay’s organization and contribute to a more cohesive structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases ("firstly," "secondly," "moreover," "furthermore," "to conclude"), which aid in connecting ideas. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and precision of cohesive devices used. Some transitions are basic, and a more diverse vocabulary could enhance overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Broaden the range of cohesive devices used. Instead of relying on generic transitions, experiment with a variety of linking words and phrases that add nuance to the relationships between ideas. This will contribute to a more sophisticated and cohesive essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a generally logical organization and effective use of paragraphs, improvements can be made in transitions between ideas and the precision of cohesive devices. Strengthening these aspects will elevate the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. While it includes some topic-specific terminology such as "deforestation," "illegal wildlife trade," "ecological balance," and "greenhouse gas emissions," there is room for improvement. The use of more varied and sophisticated vocabulary would enhance the overall lexical resource.
    • How to improve: To expand the vocabulary range, consider incorporating more synonyms, exploring nuanced terms related to environmental issues, and introducing specific examples or case studies. For instance, instead of using common phrases like "significant threat," opt for more precise language, such as "grave environmental peril" or "acute ecological jeopardy."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrases "core reasons," "alarming problems," and "catastrophic" are somewhat general and could benefit from more specific wording. On the other hand, terms like "illegal wildlife trade," "greenhouse gas emissions," and "carbon footprint" are appropriately precise.
    • How to improve: Focus on using more accurate and specific language throughout the essay. Instead of relying on broad terms like "core reasons," delve into the specifics of deforestation, wildlife trade, and pollution. This precision will add depth to your analysis and contribute to a more nuanced discussion.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the spelling in the essay is acceptable. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "flora and fauna" instead of "flora and fauna," "lead" instead of "leading" in the first paragraph, and "alternatives energy" instead of "alternative energy" in the concluding paragraph.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to detail when proofreading, focusing on common pitfalls like homophones and grammatical structures. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools to catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or educators to ensure thorough proofreading.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, but improvements in vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy could elevate the overall linguistic quality and contribute to a more refined and articulate response.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonably varied range of sentence structures, including complex sentences with multiple clauses ("Flora and fauna in many countries nowadays are on the verge of serious population decline, which may lead to the extinction of some animals and plants"), compound sentences ("Trees are cut down to clear space for farming, wood harvesting and urbanization"), and simpler declarative sentences ("To conclude, human is the main reason behind several phenomena").
    • How to improve: While the variety is commendable, introducing more complex sentence structures, such as inverted sentences or conditional sentences, could add sophistication to the writing. For example, using a mix of conditional sentences like "If stricter policies are not implemented, the decline in flora and fauna will persist" can enhance the overall richness of the essay.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates overall grammatical accuracy, but there are instances where subject-verb agreement could be improved ("There are two main causes lead to the decrease in the number of some animals in plants in many nations"). Punctuation is generally correct, but there are occasional errors, like missing commas in compound sentences ("Simultaneously, strictly punish individuals or organizations that discharge chemical wastes into the water without treatment").
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb forms. In terms of punctuation, carefully review compound sentences and ensure proper comma placement. For instance, in the mentioned sentence, it should read: "Simultaneously, strictly punish individuals or organizations that discharge chemical wastes into the water without treatment."

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a commendable range of sentence structures. To elevate the score, the writer should focus on refining subject-verb agreement and polishing punctuation, while also considering the incorporation of more sophisticated sentence structures for added depth and complexity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The flora and fauna in many countries today are facing a severe decline in population, potentially resulting in the extinction of certain animals and plants. This essay will analyze the fundamental reasons for this trend and propose viable solutions to address it. Two primary factors contribute to the decline in the populations of certain animals and plants in many nations. Trees are felled to make way for agriculture, timber harvesting, and urban development. Furthermore, humanity is emitting a substantial volume of greenhouse gases, including carbon dioxide. For instance, in 2023, approximately 18 million hectares of Canadian land burned, resulting in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of animals. Despite the catastrophic nature of this phenomenon, several feasible solutions exist to address this problem. Simultaneously, impose strict penalties on individuals or organizations that release chemical waste into the water without proper treatment. Furthermore, corporations should reduce their carbon footprint and transition to environmentally friendly energy sources and materials. In conclusion, humans are the primary cause of various phenomena, such as deforestation and climate change, leading to the increasing disappearance of animals and plants.

Flora and fauna in many countries nowadays are on the verge of serious population decline, which may lead to the extinction of some animals and plants. This essay will examine the core reasons behind this tendency and some viable solutions to tackle it.

There are two main causes that lead to the decrease in the number of some animals and plants in many nations. Firstly, deforestation and illegal wildlife trade are alarming problems throughout the world. Trees are cut down to clear space for farming, wood harvesting, and urbanization. This loss of habitat not only depletes the food supply for many animals but also disrupts the area’s ecological balance, leading to further decline. Secondly, pollution, including industrial waste and agricultural runoff, poses a significant threat. The global release of toxic chemicals and sewage into rivers and oceans leads to the death of several marine life and destroys the marine ecosystem. Moreover, humankind is releasing a huge amount of greenhouse gas emissions, such as carbon dioxide. As a result, the world’s temperature has been rising uncontrollably, which culminates in the increasing frequency of wildfires. For instance, in 2023, roughly 18 million hectares of Canadian land burned, killing hundreds of thousands of animals.

While this phenomenon is catastrophic, there are a number of feasible solutions to deal with this problem. As a primary response, the government should implement and enforce stricter policies. This includes establishing and maintaining protected areas and enforcing laws against illegal wildlife trade or deforestation. Simultaneously, strictly punish individuals or organizations that discharge chemical wastes into the water without treatment. Furthermore, corporations need to cut down on their carbon footprint and switch to eco-friendly energy sources and materials instead. This, in the long term, can help reduce the greenhouse effect and global warming.

To conclude, humans are the main reason behind several phenomena, including deforestation and climate change, that lead to the increasing disappearance of animals and plants. However, this problem can be addressed by enforcing stricter laws and regulations as well as using alternative energy for companies.

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