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In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining.
Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

In contemporary society, it is acknowledged that many nations have witnessed a substantial decline in the variety of plants and animals. This essay is to shed light on the leading culprits behind this issue before outlining some viable solutions to tackle it.

The underlying motives behind a notable decrease in the number of plants and animals are definite. Chief among these is the rampant deforestation. In light of humans’ relentless pursuit of economic prosperity, forests are cleared to accommodate agricultural expansion, logging, and infrastructure development, posing a threat to the survival of wild animals through the loss of their natural habitats. Another element that could jeopardize flora and fauna is illegal wildlife trade for many purposes. To illustrate this point, the elephant’s tusks, the bear’s gall, the fox’s fur or elusive plants are utilized for ornaments, traditional medicine and luxurious clothes, pushing many species towards endangerment.

I am convinced that some efficient measures should be implemented to address problems related to natural degradation. The principle solution associated with this insurmountable problem is that efforts should be concentrated on preserving and restoring specific habitats through biodiversity conservation programs. Reforestation could be a case in point, providing crucial habitats for a wide range of wildlife species and replanting native tree species in deforested areas. Additionally, it is essential for the authorities to enact stringent legislation as a way to mitigate illegal hunting. To be more specific, individuals violating the law should face substantial penalties, including community service, fines, or potential incarceration.

In conclusion, decreasing population figures are greatly attributed to deforestation and unlawful hunting. Therefore, concerted efforts must be directed towards preserving habitats and implementing strict measures against illegal activities, ensuring the continued existence of diverse flora and fauna.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "many nations have witnessed a substantial decline" -> "many nations have experienced a significant decline"
    Explanation: Replacing "witnessed" with "experienced" and "substantial" with "significant" maintains formality and avoids colloquial language, contributing to a more academic tone.

  2. "This essay is to shed light on" -> "This essay aims to elucidate"
    Explanation: Replacing "is to shed light on" with "aims to elucidate" conveys the same meaning more formally and precisely.

  3. "Chief among these is the rampant deforestation." -> "Foremost among these is the widespread deforestation."
    Explanation: Substituting "rampant" with "widespread" enhances the formality of the sentence without losing clarity, providing a more polished expression.

  4. "In light of humans’ relentless pursuit of economic prosperity" -> "Due to humanity’s relentless pursuit of economic prosperity"
    Explanation: The phrase "In light of" is replaced with "Due to," and "humans’" is changed to "humanity’s" for a more formal and objective tone.

  5. "Another element that could jeopardize flora and fauna" -> "Another factor that could endanger flora and fauna"
    Explanation: Replacing "element" with "factor" and "jeopardize" with "endanger" contributes to a more academic tone and precision in expression.

  6. "To illustrate this point, the elephant’s tusks, the bear’s gall, the fox’s fur or elusive plants are utilized" -> "To exemplify, elephant tusks, bear gall, fox fur, and elusive plants are exploited"
    Explanation: Simplifying and restructuring the sentence by removing possessive forms and using "exploited" instead of "utilized" enhances clarity and formality.

  7. "I am convinced that some efficient measures should be implemented" -> "It is imperative to implement effective measures"
    Explanation: The phrase "I am convinced that" is replaced with a more assertive and formal "It is imperative to," emphasizing the necessity of the proposed measures.

  8. "The principle solution associated with this insurmountable problem" -> "The primary solution linked to this formidable challenge"
    Explanation: Substituting "principle" with "primary" and "insurmountable" with "formidable" maintains formality and provides a more nuanced description of the issue.

  9. "Reforestation could be a case in point" -> "Reforestation serves as an illustrative example"
    Explanation: Replacing "could be a case in point" with "serves as an illustrative example" adds clarity and formality to the sentence.

  10. "it is essential for the authorities to enact stringent legislation" -> "it is imperative for authorities to enact rigorous legislation"
    Explanation: Substituting "essential" with "imperative" and "stringent" with "rigorous" enhances the seriousness and formality of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both aspects of the question, explaining the reasons behind the decline in the number of animals and plants and proposing viable solutions. The introduction and conclusion encapsulate the main points, demonstrating a comprehensive response.

    • How to improve: While the essay is strong in addressing all parts of the question, a minor improvement could be made by ensuring that each body paragraph explicitly ties back to the prompt, reinforcing the central theme.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, asserting that the decline in population figures is primarily due to deforestation and illegal hunting. This stance is evident in each paragraph, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

    • How to improve: The essay could enhance its clarity by explicitly stating the main thesis in the introduction, providing a roadmap for the reader to follow throughout the essay.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. Each paragraph is well-developed, with specific examples such as deforestation and illegal wildlife trade providing a solid foundation for the arguments. The use of examples strengthens the essay’s persuasiveness.

    • How to improve: To further enhance the essay, consider incorporating counterarguments and rebuttals, demonstrating a deeper understanding of the issue and reinforcing the persuasiveness of the overall argument.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay consistently stays on topic, maintaining a clear connection to the prompt throughout. There are no significant deviations, and each paragraph contributes directly to the central theme.

    • How to improve: While the essay is focused, ensuring that each example and supporting detail directly relates to the main points could further strengthen the coherence and relevance of the essay.

Overall Comments: The essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively addressing all elements. The response is cohesive, with well-supported arguments and specific examples. To further improve, consider refining the thesis statement in the introduction and ensuring that every detail aligns directly with the central theme. Additionally, incorporating counterarguments can add depth to the analysis. Overall, a well-executed essay deserving of its Band Score of 8.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of logical organization. The introduction clearly states the purpose, and each body paragraph presents a distinct reason or solution, contributing to the overall coherence. For instance, the first body paragraph identifies deforestation as a primary cause, while the second addresses illegal wildlife trade. The conclusion appropriately summarizes the main points without introducing new information.
    • How to improve: While the logical flow is generally strong, consider reinforcing connections between paragraphs. Use transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next. For example, you could use phrases like "Building upon this point" or "Moreover" to strengthen the coherence between paragraphs.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the issue or a proposed solution. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured, and the body paragraphs are well-developed, each containing a clear main idea. The essay maintains a balanced length for each paragraph, contributing to a harmonious overall structure.
    • How to improve: While the paragraph structure is generally sound, consider enhancing the topic sentences to provide a clearer preview of the main idea of each paragraph. A more explicit topic sentence can guide the reader and enhance the overall effectiveness of each paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. For instance, phrases like "Chief among these," "To illustrate this point," and "Additionally" contribute to a smooth and cohesive narrative. Pronouns are appropriately used to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, enhancing overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a variety of conjunctions and adverbs. While the current usage is effective, introducing a broader range of cohesive devices can add nuance and sophistication to the essay. Experiment with synonyms for commonly used transitions to maintain reader engagement and interest.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion, with well-organized information, effective paragraphing, and a varied use of cohesive devices. To elevate the score, focus on reinforcing connections between paragraphs, enhancing topic sentences for clarity, and experimenting with a broader range of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort in utilizing a reasonably broad vocabulary. It includes terms such as "deforestation," "biodiversity conservation," and "illicit wildlife trade." However, there is room for improvement as certain concepts are repeated, and more varied expressions could enhance the richness of the essay. For instance, alternatives to phrases like "rampant deforestation" and "illegal wildlife trade" could be explored to add depth to the vocabulary.

    • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring different expressions for frequently used terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "illegal wildlife trade," one might substitute it with phrases like "unlawful trafficking of wildlife" or "black market exploitation of animals." This not only demonstrates a wider vocabulary but also adds nuance to the content.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision. For example, terms like "replanting native tree species" and "enacting stringent legislation" reflect accurate word choices. However, there are instances where a bit more precision could enhance the impact. For instance, in the introduction, the term "leading culprits" is somewhat generic, and specifying the primary factors behind the decline would make the expression more precise.

    • How to improve: Focus on refining generic terms to provide more specificity. Instead of "leading culprits," consider using expressions like "primary factors" or "key contributors." This adjustment ensures that every term used contributes with utmost precision to the overall clarity and depth of the essay.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of spelling accuracy. Instances of misspelling or errors in spelling are minimal. However, there are a few areas, such as "concerted" (convinced), where attention is needed. Proofreading could catch these minor spelling errors and enhance the overall quality of the essay.

    • How to improve: Prioritize thorough proofreading to catch any overlooked spelling errors. Additionally, utilizing tools like spell-check software can serve as an extra layer of assurance. Regular practice in reviewing written work will further develop an instinct for identifying and correcting spelling mistakes.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary, with specific areas that could benefit from further refinement. Focusing on lexical variety, precision, and meticulous proofreading will contribute to an even stronger presentation of ideas in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are effectively employed throughout the essay. For instance, the author uses complex sentences to provide detailed explanations, while simple sentences are used for clarity and impact. This contributes to the overall coherence and fluency of the essay.

    • How to improve: While the essay already exhibits a good range of structures, further enhancing variety can add sophistication. Introduce more complex sentence structures, such as the use of relative clauses or conditional sentences, to elevate the complexity of certain ideas. This can be particularly effective in expressing nuanced relationships between causes and solutions.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The grammar and punctuation in the essay are largely accurate. There are no major grammatical errors, and punctuation is used appropriately to enhance clarity. The author employs a mix of simple and complex grammatical structures effectively, contributing to the overall fluency of the essay.

    • How to improve: While the essay is strong in terms of grammatical accuracy, attention to detail can further enhance precision. For instance, in the sentence "This essay is to shed light on the leading culprits behind this issue," consider refining it to "This essay aims to shed light on the primary factors contributing to this issue." Additionally, ensure consistent use of verb tense throughout the essay for a seamless narrative.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. To enhance further, the writer may consider incorporating a wider range of complex sentence structures and refining grammar details for a more polished presentation.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, it is widely acknowledged that numerous nations have experienced a significant decline in the variety of plants and animals. This essay aims to elucidate the primary reasons behind this issue before suggesting some practical solutions to address it.

Foremost among these challenges is the widespread deforestation. Due to humanity’s relentless pursuit of economic prosperity, forests are cleared to make way for agricultural expansion, logging, and infrastructure development. This poses a significant threat to the survival of wild animals, as it leads to the loss of their natural habitats. Another factor that could endanger flora and fauna is illegal wildlife trade for various purposes. To exemplify, elephant tusks, bear gall, fox fur, and elusive plants are exploited for ornaments, traditional medicine, and luxurious clothes, pushing many species towards endangerment.

To effectively address issues related to natural degradation, it is imperative to implement practical measures. The primary solution linked to this formidable challenge is to focus efforts on preserving and restoring specific habitats through biodiversity conservation programs. Reforestation serves as an illustrative example, providing crucial habitats for a wide range of wildlife species and replanting native tree species in deforested areas. Additionally, it is imperative for authorities to enact rigorous legislation to combat illegal hunting. To be more specific, individuals violating the law should face substantial penalties, including community service, fines, or potential incarceration.

In conclusion, the decline in the population of plants and animals can be attributed to deforestation and unlawful hunting. Therefore, concerted efforts must be directed towards preserving habitats and implementing strict measures against illegal activities. This approach ensures the continued existence of diverse flora and fauna.

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