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In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue can be solved?

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue can be solved?

In numerous nations, animals and plants are falling in their quantities. Although there are reasons for this phenomenon, there are also the feasible solutions.

There is a mixed variety of rationales why the number of animals and plants is decreasing. Firstly, due to the deforestation, the habitats are destroyed in the wildlife and the flora and fauna are facing to the risk of extinction. Chimpanzee is a typical example for this social evil, it is predicted to have only 170 thousand to 300 thousand, which is classified to be an endangered species. Secondly, climate change is also one of the most hazardous reason trigger the extinction. On account of the human’s activities, which badly affect the environment, have changed the habitats in daily routines of animals and plants. More specificially, the human’s unconsciousness have lead to the pollution that put bad impacts on the wildlife. Finally, due to the lack of finance, crucial people have the tendency to hunt rare animals and plants with the purpose of getting huge amount of money.

To prevent those troubles, human needs to take action immediately by numerous methods. First and foremost, rasing the awareness is the most essential and simplest way to cut down on the amount of extinction in animals and plants. Whenever people do something with their responsibility, they would consider whether their activities are right or not. For instance, by propagating and banning people from hunting animals and plants, if somebody makes the mistakes they would get the death penalty. Moreover, breeding and planting more is also an effective way that support the life of endangered species. Last but not least, habitat restoration can help endangered species by providing with enough food, various and suitable place to live. One example is that DGB group ‘s project aims to restore the declining of chimpanzees rapidly.

On the whole, despite various problems are happening to the wildlife species, i hold the firm belief that human must take action rapidly in order to save them.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In numerous nations" -> "In many countries"
    Explanation: "In numerous nations" is slightly redundant and less common in formal academic writing. "In many countries" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.

  2. "falling in their quantities" -> "declining in numbers"
    Explanation: "Falling in their quantities" is awkward and unclear. "Declining in numbers" is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts.

  3. "the feasible solutions" -> "viable solutions"
    Explanation: "Feasible" typically refers to the possibility of something being done, whereas "viable" more accurately describes the practicality and effectiveness of a solution in this context.

  4. "mixed variety of rationales" -> "diverse range of reasons"
    Explanation: "Mixed variety of rationales" is an awkward and unclear phrase. "Diverse range of reasons" is clearer and more appropriate for formal writing.

  5. "facing to the risk of extinction" -> "facing the risk of extinction"
    Explanation: "Facing to the risk" is grammatically incorrect. "Facing the risk" is the correct prepositional phrase.

  6. "social evil" -> "environmental issue"
    Explanation: "Social evil" is an emotional and informal term. "Environmental issue" is neutral and appropriate for academic discourse.

  7. "hazardous reason trigger the extinction" -> "hazardous reason for extinction"
    Explanation: "Trigger the extinction" is grammatically incorrect. "For extinction" is the correct prepositional phrase.

  8. "human’s activities" -> "human activities"
    Explanation: "Human’s" is possessive and incorrect in this context. "Human activities" is the correct form.

  9. "have changed the habitats in daily routines" -> "have altered the habitats"
    Explanation: "In daily routines" is unnecessary and awkward. "Altered the habitats" is more direct and formal.

  10. "More specificially" -> "More specifically"
    Explanation: "Specificially" is a typographical error. "Specifically" is the correct adverb.

  11. "the human’s unconsciousness have lead to the pollution" -> "human unconsciousness has led to pollution"
    Explanation: "The human’s unconsciousness have lead" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Human unconsciousness has led to pollution" corrects these issues.

  12. "crucial people" -> "key individuals"
    Explanation: "Crucial people" is vague and informal. "Key individuals" is more precise and formal.

  13. "huge amount of money" -> "substantial sums"
    Explanation: "Huge amount of money" is informal and vague. "Substantial sums" is more precise and formal.

  14. "rasing the awareness" -> "raising awareness"
    Explanation: "Rasing" is a typographical error. "Raising awareness" is the correct phrase.

  15. "cut down on the amount of extinction" -> "reduce the rate of extinction"
    Explanation: "Cut down on the amount of extinction" is awkward and incorrect. "Reduce the rate of extinction" is more precise and appropriate.

  16. "propagating and banning" -> "promoting and prohibiting"
    Explanation: "Propagating" is not the correct term here; "promoting" is more suitable. "Banning" is also more formal than "banning."

  17. "if somebody makes the mistakes they would get the death penalty" -> "if someone makes a mistake, they would face the death penalty"
    Explanation: "If somebody makes the mistakes" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "If someone makes a mistake" corrects these issues and is more formal.

  18. "breeding and planting more" -> "breeding and cultivating more"
    Explanation: "Planting" is not the correct term in this context; "cultivating" is more appropriate for the context of plants and animals.

  19. "support the life of endangered species" -> "support the survival of endangered species"
    Explanation: "Support the life of" is vague and informal. "Support the survival of" is more precise and formal.

  20. "DGB group’s project" -> "DGB group’s project"
    Explanation: "DGB group’s" is missing an apostrophe, which is necessary for possessive form.

These changes enhance the clarity, formality, and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, identifying reasons for the decline of animals and plants, as well as proposing solutions. The reasons discussed include deforestation, climate change, and financial incentives for hunting. The solutions suggested include raising awareness, breeding and planting more species, and habitat restoration. However, the explanations for the reasons and solutions could be more comprehensive and detailed. For instance, while deforestation is mentioned, the essay does not elaborate on its broader implications or the specific actions that lead to deforestation.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more detailed explanations and examples for each reason and solution. For instance, discussing specific human activities that lead to deforestation or providing statistics on the impact of climate change would strengthen the argument. Additionally, offering more concrete examples of successful conservation efforts could make the solutions more persuasive.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that action is necessary to address the decline in wildlife. However, there are moments where the clarity of the position could be improved. For example, the phrase "if somebody makes the mistakes they would get the death penalty" is extreme and may confuse readers about the writer’s actual stance on punishment for environmental crimes.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should avoid extreme statements andinstead focus on more practical and widely accepted solutions. Using phrases like "strict penalties" or "legal consequences" instead of "death penalty" would convey a more reasonable and coherent position. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion can reinforce the writer’s stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the causes and solutions for the decline in wildlife. However, the support for these ideas is sometimes lacking. For example, the mention of chimpanzees as an endangered species is a good start, but the essay does not provide sufficient context or data to illustrate the severity of the situation. Similarly, the solutions are mentioned but not effectively elaborated upon.
    • How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed examples and evidence. For instance, when discussing raising awareness, the essay could include examples of successful campaigns or statistics showing the impact of public awareness on conservation efforts. Additionally, using more varied sources of support, such as expert opinions or case studies, would enhance the credibility of the arguments.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the decline of animals and plants and the associated reasons and solutions. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper. For instance, the mention of financial incentives for hunting could be expanded to better connect it to the overall theme of conservation and the impact on biodiversity.
    • How to improve: To improve focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main topic. This can be achieved by using topic sentences that clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph and ensuring that all supporting details are relevant to that idea. Additionally, avoiding tangential ideas will help maintain a clear focus throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there is room for improvement in depth, clarity, and support for the ideas presented.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing causes to solutions could be more explicit. The phrase "To prevent those troubles" serves as a transition, but it does not clearly signal a shift from the problem to the solution. Additionally, some ideas within paragraphs, such as the mention of climate change and pollution, could be better organized to enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. For example, in the second paragraph, explicitly state that you will discuss the causes of the decline in biodiversity before listing them. Furthermore, ensure that each cause is linked back to the main topic of biodiversity loss, reinforcing the logical connection throughout the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as causes or solutions. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer internal structure. For instance, the second paragraph discussing causes could be divided into separate paragraphs for each cause to allow for more in-depth exploration and clearer presentation of ideas.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking down the second paragraph into three distinct paragraphs, one for each cause of biodiversity loss. This would allow for a more detailed discussion of each point and improve readability. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, guiding the reader through your argument.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Finally," to indicate the order of points. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions could be smoother. For example, the phrase "Moreover" is used effectively, but other transitions, such as "On account of" and "Last but not least," could be varied to avoid repetition and enhance flow.
    • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Finally," consider alternatives like "In addition," "Furthermore," or "Additionally" for introducing new points. Also, use phrases like "This leads to" or "Consequently" to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "deforestation," "extinction," and "habitats." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For example, phrases like "the number of animals and plants is declining" could be expressed with more varied synonyms such as "the population of flora and fauna is diminishing." Additionally, the phrase "mixed variety of rationales" is awkward and could be replaced with "a variety of reasons."
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should practice using synonyms and more complex phrases. Engaging with diverse reading materials, such as academic articles or environmental reports, can expose the writer to higher-level vocabulary. Additionally, maintaining a vocabulary journal to note down new words and their contexts can be beneficial.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the flora and fauna are facing to the risk of extinction" should be corrected to "the flora and fauna are at risk of extinction." Similarly, "the human’s unconsciousness" is awkward; "human negligence" would be a more precise term. The phrase "the lack of finance" could be better articulated as "lack of financial resources."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on understanding the nuances of word meanings and their appropriate contexts. This can be achieved through targeted vocabulary exercises, such as matching words with their definitions or using them in sentences. Additionally, reviewing feedback on word choice can help identify patterns of imprecision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that affect readability and professionalism. For instance, "rasing" should be "raising," "specificially" is misspelled and should be "specifically," and "i" should be capitalized to "I." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail in proofreading.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a systematic proofreading process. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises focused on commonly misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, refining word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, simple sentences like "Chimpanzee is a typical example for this social evil" are used alongside more complex constructions such as "On account of the human’s activities, which badly affect the environment, have changed the habitats in daily routines of animals and plants." However, the overall variety is somewhat limited, and many sentences follow a similar structure, which can lead to a monotonous reading experience. Additionally, the use of phrases like "due to the deforestation" and "lack of finance" indicates a reliance on certain expressions that could be diversified.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those that use subordinate clauses or conditional phrases. For example, instead of saying "due to the deforestation," the writer could say, "As a result of deforestation, which has been accelerated by urban development, many species are losing their natural habitats." Additionally, varying the sentence openings and using a mix of active and passive voice can create a more engaging narrative.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "the habitats are destroyed in the wildlife" should be revised to "the habitats in the wildlife are being destroyed." Additionally, the sentence "Chimpanzee is a typical example for this social evil, it is predicted to have only 170 thousand to 300 thousand, which is classified to be an endangered species" is a run-on sentence that could be broken into two separate sentences for clarity. Furthermore, there are instances of incorrect subject-verb agreement, such as "the human’s unconsciousness have lead to the pollution," where "have" should be "has."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work to identify and correct errors. Focusing on subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence structure will be beneficial. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas and conjunctions, can help avoid run-on sentences. It may also be helpful to read the essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing or grammatical mistakes that may not be immediately apparent when reading silently.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In numerous countries, the populations of animals and plants are declining. Although there are diverse reasons for this phenomenon, there are also viable solutions.

There is a mixed range of reasons why the number of animals and plants is decreasing. Firstly, due to deforestation, the habitats of wildlife are being destroyed, putting flora and fauna at risk of extinction. The chimpanzee is a typical example of this environmental issue; it is estimated that there are only between 170,000 and 300,000 left, classifying it as an endangered species. Secondly, climate change is one of the most hazardous reasons triggering extinction. Human activities have significantly altered the habitats that animals and plants rely on for survival. More specifically, human unconsciousness has led to pollution, which has detrimental impacts on wildlife. Finally, due to a lack of financial resources, key individuals are often inclined to hunt rare animals and plants in pursuit of substantial sums of money.

To address these challenges, humans need to take immediate action through various methods. First and foremost, raising awareness is the most essential and straightforward way to reduce the rate of extinction among animals and plants. When people act responsibly, they are more likely to consider whether their activities are ethical. For instance, by promoting and prohibiting hunting of animals and plants, if someone makes a mistake, they would face severe penalties. Moreover, breeding and cultivating more endangered species is also an effective strategy to support their survival. Last but not least, habitat restoration can assist endangered species by providing sufficient food and suitable places to live. One example is the DGB group’s project, which aims to rapidly restore the declining population of chimpanzees.

In conclusion, despite the various problems facing wildlife species, I hold the firm belief that humans must take swift action to save them.

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