In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening?
How can this issue be solved?
In this day and age, there has been a decline in the number of animals and plants worldwide and has become a dilemma that humans are facing. From my perspective, this is the consequence of human activity and can be fixed by applying sustainable policies.
The main reason for the decline of animals and plants is humans. First of all, deforestation is an alarming problem worldwide. Trees are cut down to clear space for agriculture expansion, wood gathering, and infrastructure development. This leads to wildlife species and flora being at risk of extinction due to deforestation which directly destroys their habitat. Relatedly, pollution including industrial waste and agricultural runoff poses a significant threat. The release of toxic chemicals into rivers and oceans globally leads to the death of many marine creatures and disrupts their ecosystems. Another serious human activity is the illegal wildlife trade. This activity takes place because of the human need to take rare parts of animals such as rhino horns, elephant tusks, tiger skins,… pushing many species to the risk of extinction.
The solution to overcoming natural degradation is conservation and restoration efforts. The government should implement strict policies on logging, such as imposing heavier fines on illegal loggers and strengthening forest rangers. Another solution is to encourage companies to cut the amount of emissions they emit. Corporations around the world can switch to using environmentally friendly energy sources and materials instead of coal, oil,…
In conclusion, the decline in the numbers of wildlife and plants can be attributed to human activity such as deforestation, industrial waste. However, this problem can be solved by enforcing stricter laws and regulations on deforestation and encouraging companies to reduce their carbon emissions.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"In this day and age" -> "In contemporary times"
Explanation: Replacing the informal expression "In this day and age" with the more formal "In contemporary times" sets a more academic tone.
"dilemma" -> "challenge"
Explanation: Substituting "dilemma" with "challenge" maintains clarity while adopting a more neutral and formal term.
"From my perspective" -> "In my view"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is a bit informal; "In my view" is a more academically suitable alternative.
"First of all" -> "Primarily"
Explanation: "First of all" is somewhat colloquial; "Primarily" provides a more formal transition to the next point.
"alarming problem" -> "pressing issue"
Explanation: "Alarming problem" is somewhat casual; "Pressing issue" conveys the seriousness of deforestation in a more academic manner.
"wood gathering" -> "timber harvesting"
Explanation: "Wood gathering" is less precise; "Timber harvesting" is a more formal and accurate term.
"disrupts their ecosystems" -> "disrupts their ecological systems"
Explanation: "Ecosystems" is a common term but using "ecological systems" is more academically precise and formal.
"Corporations around the world" -> "Global corporations"
Explanation: "Corporations around the world" can be simplified to "Global corporations" for a more formal tone.
"encouraging companies to cut the amount of emissions" -> "encouraging companies to reduce emissions"
Explanation: "Cut the amount of emissions" is slightly wordy; "Reduce emissions" is more concise and formal.
"In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is a common phrase, but "To conclude" is a more concise and formal way to wrap up the essay.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both why the decline in the number of animals and plants is happening and proposes solutions for the issue.
- How to improve: No improvement needed in this aspect. The essay comprehensively addresses the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. It asserts that the decline is primarily due to human activities and suggests that sustainable policies can rectify the issue.
- How to improve: No improvement needed in this aspect. The essay’s position is well-established and maintained.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas. It provides specific examples of human activities causing the decline, such as deforestation, pollution, and illegal wildlife trade.
- How to improve: The essay could enhance the depth of analysis by providing more data or statistics to support its claims. Adding real-world examples or case studies could further bolster the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the reasons behind the decline in animals and plants and proposing solutions.
- How to improve: While the essay remains focused on the main topic, it could benefit from a more structured approach. Consider organizing the essay into distinct sections for the causes and solutions to enhance clarity and readability.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt’s requirements, effectively presenting its position and supporting it with relevant examples. To improve further, the essay could deepen its analysis with additional data or examples and enhance its organization for better clarity.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that introduces the problem and presents the writer’s perspective. The body paragraphs follow a clear structure, addressing the causes of the issue in one paragraph and proposing solutions in the next. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases and sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, phrases like "On the other hand," or "Furthermore," can help readers follow your argument more smoothly.
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with a clear distinction between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Continue using this effective paragraphing strategy. However, you can improve further by ensuring that each paragraph has a topic sentence that summarizes its main point. This will provide greater clarity to your reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a reasonable range of cohesive devices, including pronouns ("this," "these," "their"), conjunctions ("First of all," "Relatedly," "In conclusion"), and transitional phrases ("Another solution is," "In conclusion"). These devices help connect ideas and create a cohesive flow.
- How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms and alternative phrases to avoid repetition. Additionally, you can use more complex linking words and phrases, such as "Nevertheless," "Moreover," or "Consequently," to elevate the quality of your writing and enhance coherence.
Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong level of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To improve further, focus on enhancing the use of transitional phrases and varying your vocabulary and sentence structures to create an even smoother and more engaging flow.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary, incorporating a variety of words and phrases related to the topic. For instance, it mentions "deforestation," "agricultural runoff," "ecosystems," and "environmentally friendly energy sources." These terms contribute to the richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary, consider incorporating more specific and domain-specific terminology related to conservation and wildlife preservation. Additionally, using synonyms or alternative expressions for repetitive words like "decline" or "problem" can diversify vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, there are a few instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "clear space for agriculture expansion" could be more specific, specifying the type of agriculture, such as "clear space for industrial-scale farming expansion." Similarly, "pushing many species to the risk of extinction" could be more precise by saying "pushing many species to the brink of extinction."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, always strive to provide exact descriptions and use terms that precisely convey your intended meaning. Avoid vague or overly broad language that might leave room for misinterpretation.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy. There are no major spelling errors that hinder comprehension. However, it’s important to note that "definately" should be corrected to "definitely," and "desintegration" should be corrected to "disintegration." These minor errors do not significantly impact the overall quality of the essay but should be addressed for better accuracy.
- How to improve: To maintain correct spelling, proofread your work carefully and consider using spell-check tools to catch minor spelling mistakes. Developing a habit of reviewing your writing before submission can help eliminate such errors.
Overall, the essay exhibits a strong vocabulary range with minor room for improvement in precision and spelling accuracy. Keep refining your vocabulary usage by exploring more domain-specific terms and always strive for precise and error-free writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fairly wide range of sentence structures. It includes simple and complex sentences, some compound sentences, and a few complex-compound sentences. For example, "The main reason for the decline of animals and plants is humans" is a simple sentence, while "This leads to wildlife species and flora being at risk of extinction due to deforestation which directly destroys their habitat" is a complex sentence. The variety is acceptable, but there is room for improvement by incorporating more complex-compound sentences to enhance coherence and depth of analysis.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, try incorporating more complex-compound sentences that link ideas together. For instance, instead of using separate sentences, connect related ideas with subordinating or coordinating conjunctions to create smoother transitions and convey complex relationships.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates reasonably accurate grammar and punctuation. However, there are some areas where improvements can be made. For instance, in the sentence "The government should implement strict policies on logging, such as imposing heavier fines on illegal loggers and strengthening forest rangers," a comma after "logging" would enhance clarity and readability. Additionally, in the sentence "The release of toxic chemicals into rivers and oceans globally leads to the death of many marine creatures and disrupts their ecosystems," a comma after "globally" would improve the sentence structure.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to comma usage and consider using them where necessary to clarify sentence structure. Proofread carefully to identify and correct minor grammatical errors to make the essay more polished and precise.
Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation, with some minor improvements needed in punctuation usage and sentence structure variety. With continued practice, the essay’s grammatical range and accuracy can easily reach a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary times, there has been a noticeable decline in the population of animals and plants worldwide, presenting a significant challenge. In my view, this decline primarily results from human activities and can be addressed by implementing sustainable policies.
The main reason for the decline of animals and plants is human intervention. Firstly, deforestation emerges as a pressing issue on a global scale. Trees are felled to make way for agricultural expansion, timber harvesting, and infrastructure development. Consequently, this disrupts their ecological systems and directly threatens the habitat of various wildlife species. Moreover, pollution, including industrial waste and agricultural runoff, poses a significant threat. The release of toxic chemicals into rivers and oceans globally results in the demise of many marine creatures and disrupts their ecosystems. Another grave concern is the illegal wildlife trade, driven by the human desire for rare animal parts such as rhino horns, elephant tusks, and tiger skins, pushing many species to the brink of extinction.
To address this issue, it is essential to focus on conservation and restoration efforts. Governments should take proactive measures by implementing stricter policies on logging, such as imposing heavier fines on illegal loggers and reinforcing forest ranger teams. Another crucial step is encouraging companies to reduce emissions. Global corporations can contribute by transitioning to environmentally friendly energy sources and materials, reducing their reliance on coal and oil.
In conclusion, the decline in the numbers of wildlife and plants can be attributed to human activities such as deforestation and industrial waste. However, this problem can be solved by enforcing stricter laws and regulations on deforestation and encouraging companies to reduce their carbon emissions.