In many parts of the world, families were larger in the past because people had more children. Do you think there were more advantages or disadvantages to being part of a large family in the past?

In various regions worldwide, there were more family members in the past because of more children. In my opinion, there were more advantages than disadvantages.
I believe there were three main benefits. => Firstly, when living together, children had siblings and relatives to have fun with. Therefore, they had more opportunities to learn social skills such as communication and teamwork skills. Moreover, sometimes they tend to quarrel with one another, which taught them how to defend themselves by expressing their opinions and reasoning. As a result, this helped them improve their critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Secondly, they would become more responsible when they helped their parents with housework such as cooking, washing dishes and cleaning the house. As a consequence, they would become/ grow more independent and knew how to take care of their personal lives. Finally, the atmosphere of the family with many members was happier. For example, during Tet holidays, children would gather for family reunions and share memorable moments with one another.
On the other hand, I think a lot of the disadvantages were financial. Because there were more children in the family, parents would have to spend more money for their children’s education and other activities. Therefore, they would not have enough money to satisfy their daily demands, making their lives more difficult. This meant that parents had to work more to earn money. Consequently, they could not pay much attention to children and could not ensure that children had good mental health. Moreover, lack of care led to generation gap which probably destroyed family love.
In conclusion, I believed that the benefits of large families were greater than the drawbacks. The advantages include learning social skills, becoming more responsible and a happier family atmosphere.

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Errors and Improvements:

"there were more family members" -> "families consisted of more members"
Explanation: "There were more family members" is grammatically correct but lacks sophistication. "Families consisted of more members" is a more formal and precise expression suitable for academic writing.
"In my opinion" -> Omit
Explanation: In academic writing, it’s generally understood that the essay represents the author’s opinion, so explicit phrases like "In my opinion" are unnecessary and can be omitted for brevity and clarity.
"Firstly" -> "First and foremost"
Explanation: "Firstly" is not incorrect, but "First and foremost" adds a touch of formality and emphasizes the importance of the point being made.
"they tend to quarrel with one another" -> "they often engage in disputes"
Explanation: "Tend to quarrel" is somewhat informal. "Engage in disputes" maintains the meaning while enhancing the formality of the expression.
"As a result, this helped them" -> "Consequently, this aided in"
Explanation: "As a result, this helped them" is somewhat redundant and informal. "Consequently, this aided in" provides a smoother transition and a more academic tone.
"Secondly" -> "Secondly,"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "Secondly" improves punctuation consistency and readability.
"they would become/ grow more independent" -> "they would develop greater independence"
Explanation: "Become/grow more independent" is a bit colloquial. "Develop greater independence" is more precise and formal.
"the atmosphere of the family with many members was happier" -> "the atmosphere in larger families was more jovial"
Explanation: "Atmosphere of the family with many members was happier" is somewhat awkward. "The atmosphere in larger families was more jovial" maintains the meaning while improving clarity and formality.
"On the other hand, I think a lot of the disadvantages were financial." -> "Conversely, many of the disadvantages were financial in nature."
Explanation: "On the other hand" is a bit informal for academic writing. "Conversely" is a more formal transition. "I think a lot of" can be replaced with "many of" for conciseness.
"This meant that parents had to work more to earn money." -> "This necessitated parents to increase their workload to earn sufficient income."
Explanation: "Had to work more" is a bit simplistic. "Necessitated parents to increase their workload" is more formal and precise.
"they could not ensure that children had good mental health" -> "they were unable to ensure the children’s mental well-being"
Explanation: "Could not ensure that children had good mental health" is somewhat informal. "Unable to ensure the children’s mental well-being" is more formal and specific.
"Moreover, lack of care led to generation gap which probably destroyed family love." -> "Furthermore, neglect resulted in a generation gap, potentially undermining familial bonds."
Explanation: "Lack of care" is somewhat vague. "Neglect" is a more precise term. "Which probably destroyed family love" is too speculative and informal. "Potentially undermining familial bonds" is a more neutral and formal expression.
"In conclusion, I believed that" -> "In conclusion, I maintain that"
Explanation: "Believed that" is less assertive than "maintain that" in academic writing, which requires a confident stance.
"The advantages include" -> "These advantages encompass"
Explanation: "The advantages include" is straightforward but can be enhanced for a more formal tone. "These advantages encompass" adds a touch of sophistication.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of being part of a large family in the past. It acknowledges that there were more family members due to having more children and presents a clear stance on the issue.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, provide deeper analysis and examples for both advantages and disadvantages. Additionally, explicitly restate the question in the introduction to ensure clarity and alignment with the task.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that there were more advantages than disadvantages to being part of a large family in the past. Each paragraph reinforces this stance with supporting arguments.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence clearly stating the perspective and directly relates it to the overarching position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas related to the benefits and drawbacks of large families, providing examples and explanations to support each point. It extends ideas by discussing the implications of these advantages and disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance depth, incorporate more varied and detailed examples to illustrate each point. Additionally, extend the discussion by considering counterarguments and addressing them to strengthen the overall argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of being part of a large family in the past. However, there are minor instances where the focus slightly deviates, such as discussing financial implications without directly tying them to the topic.
- How to improve: Ensure that every point made directly relates to the topic at hand. Avoid tangents and maintain a laser focus on addressing the specific aspects of the prompt to maximize coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear stance, there is room for improvement in providing deeper analysis, reinforcing clarity, enhancing depth of discussion, and ensuring strict adherence to the topic throughout. By implementing these suggestions, the essay could further elevate its coherence, cohesion, and persuasiveness, potentially achieving an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization, with clear introduction, body, and conclusion sections. Each paragraph focuses on either advantages or disadvantages, providing a clear structure. However, there are instances where the flow could be improved. For example, transitioning between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transition phrases or sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs. For instance, phrases like "On the other hand" or "However" can aid in signaling shifts between discussing advantages and disadvantages, improving the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph addresses a specific point, such as advantages or disadvantages, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay. However, the structure within paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Then, provide supporting details and examples to develop the idea cohesively. Additionally, use transitions within paragraphs to smoothly connect sentences and maintain the reader’s focus.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates cohesive devices such as "firstly," "secondly," and "finally" to sequence ideas within paragraphs. These devices contribute to coherence by guiding the reader through the essay’s structure. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices, and some transitions could be more sophisticated.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "conversely," or "therefore," to establish relationships between ideas. This will enhance the fluency and cohesion of the essay, providing a smoother reading experience for the examiner.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some variation in word choice throughout. Examples such as "quarrel" and "defend themselves" contribute to showcasing a decent breadth of vocabulary. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more diverse and sophisticated to enhance clarity and expressiveness. For instance, the repetition of phrases like "more children" and "large families" could be substituted with synonyms or alternative expressions to enrich the text.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. Additionally, aim for more varied sentence structures to showcase versatility in language usage. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "more children," consider alternatives like "additional offspring," "a greater number of offspring," or "expanded family size."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. However, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be more precise to avoid ambiguity or improve clarity. For instance, the phrase "helped their parents with housework" could be more specific, specifying the type of chores undertaken, such as "assisting with cooking, cleaning, and other household tasks."
- How to improve: Aim for specificity in vocabulary usage to ensure precise communication of ideas. Rather than using general terms, employ more descriptive language to convey exact meanings. Consult a thesaurus to identify precise synonyms or terms that align more closely with the intended message. Additionally, proofread the essay to identify areas where vocabulary could be refined for greater precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates satisfactory spelling accuracy, with few noticeable errors detracting from overall comprehension. However, there are a couple of instances where spelling errors occur, such as "quarrel" being misspelled as "quarell." These errors, while infrequent, could be mitigated through careful proofreading and editing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, allocate sufficient time for proofreading and revision to identify and correct errors before submission. Utilize spell-checking tools and dictionaries to verify the spelling of unfamiliar words or those prone to error. Additionally, practice spelling commonly misspelled words to reinforce correct usage and enhance overall proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good attempt at utilizing a variety of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, there are straightforward sentences like "In my opinion, there were more advantages than disadvantages," alongside more complex ones such as "Moreover, sometimes they tend to quarrel with one another, which taught them how to defend themselves by expressing their opinions and reasoning."
- How to improve: To further enhance sentence variety and effectiveness, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as using subordinate clauses or varying the placement of phrases within sentences. This can add sophistication and clarity to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, "Therefore, they would become/ grow more independent and knew how to take care of their personal lives" could be revised for smoother flow and correct tense usage ("become/grow more independent and learn how to take care of their personal lives"). Additionally, there are punctuation issues such as missing commas before conjunctions in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, focus on revising sentences for clarity and correctness. Pay attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and proper use of commas. Proofreading your work carefully can help identify and correct these errors.

Overall, your essay demonstrates a good command of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy, which aligns well with a Band Score of 7. To enhance your writing further, continue practicing incorporating diverse sentence structures and refining your grammar and punctuation skills. This will contribute to even greater clarity and precision in your essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In many regions worldwide, families consisted of more members in the past due to having more children. First and foremost, I contend that there were indeed more advantages than disadvantages to being part of a large family during that time.

Firstly, the presence of siblings and extended relatives provided children with ample opportunities for social interaction and learning. They often engage in disputes, which, in turn, helped them develop crucial skills in communication and teamwork. Consequently, this aided in enhancing their critical thinking and problem-solving abilities.

Secondly, as children assisted their parents with household chores like cooking, dishwashing, and cleaning, they would develop greater independence and responsibility. This hands-on experience enabled them to manage their personal lives effectively.

Additionally, the atmosphere in larger families was more jovial, particularly during festive occasions like family reunions during Tet holidays. Such gatherings fostered a sense of unity and created lasting memories for all family members.

Conversely, many of the disadvantages were financial in nature. This necessitated parents to increase their workload to earn sufficient income to support their children’s education and other needs. Consequently, they were unable to ensure the children’s mental well-being as they struggled to balance work and family responsibilities. Furthermore, neglect resulted in a generation gap, potentially undermining familial bonds.

In conclusion, I maintain that the advantages of being part of a large family in the past outweighed the disadvantages. These advantages encompass learning valuable social skills, fostering independence, and contributing to a more joyful family environment.