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In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends.
Why has this change occurred?
Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

Nowadays, young people have less time gathering with their families than with their friends. This is often due to the choices of studying or working at a distance from their homes. However, I believe parents should not insist on frequent returns home since such frequent movements can sometimes be challenging.

Young people often choose to relocate to large cities, tempted by promising career opportunities and quality education. However, this decision may inadvertently distance them from their close-knit communities. Given that study or work extends beyond 1 or 2 hours a day, 3 days a week, it dominates their schedules. Consequently, there's little opportunity to return. For example, in some countries, working policies lack favor towards employees days off. Some of them might come from the farthest north of the country, and work at the opposite side. However, the work schedule may allow only one free day a week; even they come from another direction, there is no extra day-off for them. As a result, the demanding work schedule forces young adults to spend more time with colleagues than their families.

Nevertheless, parents should not compel their children to return home periodically, considering the challenges they might face. This is especially true for international students with the challenges of expensive travel and daunting journeys, making each trip more daunting than expected. For instance, Vietnamese families are always looking forward to their youngsters return home on Lunar New Year, but those studying abroad, such as in the US, face many obstacles. Each trip back to Vietnam, they have to pay more than a thousand dollars for a one-way ticket, spend at least 2 days traveling, and take a long time for preparation. Consequently, the prospect of Lunar New Year or holiday reunions cannot always be guaranteed.

In conclusion, better conditions in career and study have led an array of young adults to leave their hometowns in recent years. While living away from home, parents always hope that their children will return at some point during the year. However, this is not always easy, as traveling back home can be challenging for someone living abroad, even if it's just once a year.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Nowadays" -> "In contemporary times"
    Explanation: Replacing the colloquial "Nowadays" with "In contemporary times" aligns with a more formal and academic tone, providing a sophisticated introduction to the topic.

  2. "less time gathering with their families" -> "less time spent in familial gatherings"
    Explanation: The substitution of "gathering with their families" with "spent in familial gatherings" maintains the meaning while elevating the formality of the expression.

  3. "This is often due to the choices of studying or working at a distance from their homes." -> "This is frequently attributed to the decision to pursue education or employment at a considerable distance from their residences."
    Explanation: The revision replaces the casual "choices of studying or working" with a more formal "decision to pursue education or employment" and enhances clarity by specifying "considerable distance."

  4. "However, I believe" -> "Nevertheless, it is my contention"
    Explanation: Substituting "However, I believe" with "Nevertheless, it is my contention" imparts a more formal and assertive tone to the author’s viewpoint.

  5. "tempted by promising career opportunities and quality education" -> "drawn by enticing career prospects and high-quality education"
    Explanation: The replacement of "tempted by promising" with "drawn by enticing" and "career opportunities and quality education" with "career prospects and high-quality education" adds nuance and formality to the statement.

  6. "this decision may inadvertently distance them" -> "this choice may unintentionally create a gap"
    Explanation: Substituting "decision" with "choice" and "inadvertently distance them" with "unintentionally create a gap" maintains the precision of language and enhances formality.

  7. "Given that study or work extends beyond 1 or 2 hours a day, 3 days a week" -> "Considering that their academic or professional commitments often exceed 1 or 2 hours daily, spanning three days a week"
    Explanation: The revised sentence introduces a more formal structure and replaces "study or work" with "academic or professional commitments" for specificity.

  8. "it dominates their schedules" -> "it occupies a significant portion of their schedules"
    Explanation: The substitution of "dominates" with "occupies a significant portion" conveys the same idea in a more refined manner.

  9. "there’s little opportunity to return" -> "there is limited opportunity for a return"
    Explanation: Changing "there’s little opportunity to return" to "there is limited opportunity for a return" enhances formality without sacrificing clarity.

  10. "working policies lack favor towards employees days off" -> "employment policies may not favor granting regular days off to employees"
    Explanation: The replacement of "working policies lack favor towards employees days off" with "employment policies may not favor granting regular days off to employees" improves precision and formality.

  11. "come from the farthest north of the country" -> "originate from the northernmost regions of the country"
    Explanation: The substitution of "come from the farthest north of the country" with "originate from the northernmost regions of the country" adds precision and formality to the description.

  12. "the demanding work schedule" -> "the rigorous demands of their work schedules"
    Explanation: Changing "the demanding work schedule" to "the rigorous demands of their work schedules" maintains clarity while employing a more formal and precise expression.

  13. "Nevertheless, parents should not compel their children" -> "However, parents should refrain from coercing their children"
    Explanation: The replacement of "Nevertheless" with "However" and "compel" with "refrain from coercing" contributes to a more formal and assertive tone.

  14. "challenges they might face" -> "challenges they may encounter"
    Explanation: Substituting "challenges they might face" with "challenges they may encounter" provides a more definite and formal expression.

  15. "making each trip more daunting than expected" -> "rendering each journey more formidable than anticipated"
    Explanation: The substitution of "making each trip more daunting than expected" with "rendering each journey more formidable than anticipated" enhances formality and vocabulary choice.

  16. "prospect of Lunar New Year or holiday reunions" -> "prospect of Lunar New Year or festive reunions"
    Explanation: The replacement of "holiday reunions" with "festive reunions" adds specificity and formality to the expression.

  17. "an array of young adults" -> "a multitude of young adults"
    Explanation: Substituting "an array of young adults" with "a multitude of young adults" provides a more varied and formal expression.

  18. "While living away from home" -> "During their residence away from home"
    Explanation: The change from "While living away from home" to "During their residence away from home" introduces a more formal and precise construction.

  19. "hope that their children will return" -> "hope for the eventual return of their children"
    Explanation: Replacing "hope that their children will return" with "hope for the eventual return of their children" maintains formality and adds nuance to the expression.

  20. "traveling back home" -> "journeying back home"
    Explanation: The substitution of "traveling back home" with "journeying back home" introduces a more formal and sophisticated term without sacrificing clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Nowadays, young people have less time gathering with their families than with their friends. This is often due to the choices of studying or working at a distance from their homes. However, I believe parents should not insist on frequent returns home since such frequent movements can sometimes be challenging."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction successfully establishes the context of the changing dynamics between young adults, their families, and friends. However, your position on the topic is somewhat vague. It is crucial to clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the idea that parents should force their children to spend more time at home. A clearer stance would enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
    • Improved example: "In the contemporary era, the trend among young individuals is to spend more time with friends than with their families due to factors like studying or working away from home. Despite this, I firmly believe that parents should refrain from compelling frequent returns home, as such obligations can pose challenges."
  2. Quoted text: "Young people often choose to relocate to large cities, tempted by promising career opportunities and quality education. However, this decision may inadvertently distance them from their close-knit communities."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your explanation of why young people spend less time with their families is well-articulated, considering career opportunities and education. However, the essay could benefit from a more in-depth exploration of this idea. Provide specific examples or personal experiences to support your claims, making your argument more convincing and relatable.
    • Improved example: "The allure of promising career prospects and quality education often leads young individuals to relocate to larger cities. For instance, a friend of mine moved to a metropolitan area for a job opportunity that significantly advanced his career. This shift inadvertently distanced him from his close-knit community back home."
  3. Quoted text: "Nevertheless, parents should not compel their children to return home periodically, considering the challenges they might face."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This statement lacks clarity as to why parents shouldn’t compel their children to return home. It would be beneficial to elaborate on the challenges you are referring to, providing concrete examples or personal anecdotes. This will strengthen your argument and enhance the depth of idea development.
    • Improved example: "However, compelling children to return home periodically may not be practical, considering the financial and logistical challenges they might face. For instance, international students often encounter significant obstacles, such as the high cost of travel and the demanding nature of their academic commitments."

Overall, the essay presents a clear position and addresses the task, but it would benefit from a more explicit stance in the introduction and a deeper exploration of ideas with specific examples to support the arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic. The use of cohesive devices is varied and generally appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The writer skillfully manages paragraphing, with each paragraph presenting a clear central topic.

There is a coherent development of the argument, particularly in discussing the reasons for young adults spending less time with their families and the challenges they face in returning home. The essay effectively uses examples, such as the working policies and the struggles faced by international students during travel.

However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be strengthened for smoother transitions. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more explicit referencing within and between sentences to enhance the overall cohesion further.

How to improve:

  1. Work on providing clearer references within sentences to ensure a smoother flow of ideas.
  2. Consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance overall coherence.
  3. Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are seamless, reinforcing the logical progression of ideas.
  4. While the paragraphing is generally effective, a more explicit link between paragraphs could strengthen cohesion.

Overall, the essay is well-organized and logically structured, but small refinements in the use of cohesive devices and referencing could elevate its coherence to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonably good range of vocabulary throughout, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. There’s an attempt to use less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The writer employs varied vocabulary related to studying, working, and familial relationships, showcasing a decent command of language. However, occasional errors in word choice and word formation are present, slightly hindering the overall fluency and accuracy.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, focus on refining the accuracy of word choices and collocations. Review sentence structures to ensure precise and appropriate usage of less common vocabulary items. Additionally, strive for greater consistency in spelling and word formation to elevate the overall sophistication and fluency of expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
This essay demonstrates a good use of a variety of complex sentence structures throughout the text. There is an attempt to employ a mix of simple and complex sentences, contributing to the overall coherence and fluency of the essay. The majority of the sentences are error-free, showcasing a generally good control of grammar and punctuation. While there are occasional errors and minor issues with punctuation, they do not significantly impede understanding or communication.

The essay effectively discusses the reasons why young adults spend less time with their families and more with friends, presenting relevant examples and logical reasoning. There is a coherent progression of ideas, and the writer shows an ability to express thoughts using a wide range of vocabulary and structures, enhancing the overall quality of the essay.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy further, the writer could focus on refining the punctuation, ensuring consistency in the use of commas, semicolons, and other punctuation marks. Additionally, some sentence structures could be revised for more clarity and precision. Reviewing and polishing these aspects would elevate the essay’s grammatical accuracy even more, potentially reaching a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, the youth tends to spend less time with their families and more time with friends. This shift is often influenced by the choices they make regarding their education or work, which may require them to be away from their homes. Nevertheless, I opine that parents shouldn’t insist on frequent homecomings, as such regular movements can pose challenges.

Young individuals often opt to relocate to bustling cities attracted by promising career prospects and quality education. However, this decision may unintentionally distance them from their tight-knit communities. With studies or work demanding more than a few hours daily, several days a week, their schedules become dominated by these commitments. Consequently, there arises limited opportunity to return home. For example, in some countries, employment policies may not be favorable for frequent days off. Individuals may come from the farthest reaches of the country and work on the opposite side. Despite this, their work schedule may only permit one free day a week, making it challenging for them to return home. The demanding work schedule ultimately compels young adults to spend more time with colleagues than their families.

However, parents should refrain from pressuring their children to return home regularly, considering the potential challenges they might encounter. This is particularly relevant for international students who face the hurdles of expensive travel and arduous journeys, making each trip more formidable than anticipated. For instance, Vietnamese families eagerly anticipate the return of their youngsters during Lunar New Year, but those studying abroad, such as in the US, confront numerous obstacles. Each trip back to Vietnam entails spending over a thousand dollars for a one-way ticket, dedicating at least 2 days to travel, and requiring extensive preparation. Consequently, the prospect of Lunar New Year or holiday reunions cannot always be guaranteed.

In conclusion, improved career and educational opportunities have prompted many young adults to leave their hometowns in recent years. While living away from home, parents hold the hope that their children will return at some point during the year. However, this isn’t always feasible, as traveling back home can be challenging for those living abroad, even if it’s just once a year.

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