In most science courses at university, there are significantly more male students than female students. What is the reason for this? What could be done to balance out the numbers?

In a majority of science classes at college, it can be seen that male students account for a larger number than female students. I believe there are several solutions for this urgent problem.

To begin with, a demand for choosing suitable subjects for students nowadays is changing day by day. In order to increase the quality of teaching for the younger generation, the Ministry of Education makes some changes in curriculum to suit students’ ability. Additionally, students can also decide an ideal group of subjects to learn in the future. Unlike males, females choose their curriculums depending on their talents and less challenging as science. Another issue is the preferences between two genders. Learning science in university is a great challenge not only due to its difficulty to pass the entrance exam to attend reputable places, but also its opportunities to earn a high salary. Because of these reasons, female students usually choose other options for their future and the number of males studying science outweighs them.

As can be seen, giving suggestions to students is the most appropriate way to solve this problem. By doing this, the government should encourage the youth to learn science, especially females by raising money to modernize the facilities in high-quality universities. Moreover, teachers should use some latest teaching methods and combine games to entertain and also make a big effort for their students.

In conclusion, science plays a crucial role in life and its contribution is also meaningful. Many researches, projects relating to science can boost the economy and reputation for a country. Afterwards, the solutions to balance the numbers of students studying science should be noticed more in the future.

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Errors and Improvements:

"it can be seen that" -> "it is evident that"
Explanation: "it is evident that" maintains a formal tone and clarity, avoiding the colloquialism of "it can be seen that."
"I believe there are several solutions for this urgent problem." -> "Various solutions exist for addressing this pressing issue."
Explanation: "Various solutions exist for addressing this pressing issue" offers a more formal and assertive statement, avoiding the personal tone of "I believe."
"To begin with" -> "First and foremost"
Explanation: "First and foremost" is a more sophisticated transition phrase, aligning better with academic writing standards.
"a demand for choosing suitable subjects" -> "the need to select appropriate subjects"
Explanation: "the need to select appropriate subjects" is a clearer and more formal expression than "a demand for choosing suitable subjects."
"makes some changes" -> "implements changes"
Explanation: "implements changes" is a stronger and more precise verb choice, enhancing the formality of the sentence.
"in curriculum" -> "to the curriculum"
Explanation: "to the curriculum" provides a more accurate preposition, improving the sentence’s clarity.
"an ideal group of subjects to learn" -> "an optimal set of subjects to pursue"
Explanation: "an optimal set of subjects to pursue" is more formal and conveys the idea of selecting subjects for study more effectively.
"Unlike males, females choose their curriculums depending on their talents and less challenging as science." -> "In contrast to males, females often select curricula based on their talents, often avoiding challenging disciplines like science."
Explanation: The revised sentence offers clearer parallelism and removes ambiguity. Also, it replaces "less challenging as science" with "avoiding challenging disciplines like science" for clarity and formality.
"between two genders" -> "between the genders"
Explanation: "the genders" is more inclusive and formal than "two genders."
"a great challenge" -> "a significant challenge"
Explanation: "a significant challenge" enhances the formality and emphasizes the seriousness of the challenge.
"not only due to its difficulty to pass the entrance exam" -> "not solely due to the difficulty of passing the entrance exam"
Explanation: "not solely due to the difficulty of passing the entrance exam" provides a clearer structure and formalizes the language.
"to attend reputable places" -> "to gain admission to prestigious institutions"
Explanation: "to gain admission to prestigious institutions" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquialism of "reputable places."
"its opportunities to earn a high salary" -> "the potential for high earning opportunities"
Explanation: "the potential for high earning opportunities" offers a more formal and precise expression.
"Because of these reasons" -> "For these reasons"
Explanation: "For these reasons" is a more concise and formal expression.
"choose other options for their future" -> "pursue alternative career paths"
Explanation: "pursue alternative career paths" is more formal and specific than "choose other options for their future."
"outweighs them" -> "outnumbers them"
Explanation: "outnumbers them" is a more precise and formal alternative to "outweighs them."
"As can be seen" -> "As evidenced"
Explanation: "As evidenced" is a more formal and concise phrase.
"giving suggestions to students" -> "providing guidance to students"
Explanation: "providing guidance to students" is a more formal and precise expression.
"encourage the youth to learn science" -> "promote scientific literacy among young people"
Explanation: "promote scientific literacy among young people" is more formal and specific than "encourage the youth to learn science."
"raising money to modernize the facilities" -> "allocating funds to upgrade facilities"
Explanation: "allocating funds to upgrade facilities" is more formal and direct than "raising money to modernize the facilities."
"latest teaching methods" -> "cutting-edge teaching methods"
Explanation: "cutting-edge teaching methods" is a more formal and descriptive phrase.
"make a big effort" -> "exert significant effort"
Explanation: "exert significant effort" is a more formal and precise alternative to "make a big effort."
"In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
Explanation: "To conclude" is a more succinct and formal phrase for concluding an essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing reasons for the gender disparity in science courses and proposing potential solutions to balance the numbers. It acknowledges changing curricula, differing preferences between genders, and suggests interventions such as government encouragement and improved facilities.
- How to improve: While the essay touches upon various factors contributing to the gender gap, it could benefit from more specific examples or statistical evidence to bolster its arguments. Additionally, a deeper exploration of the societal or cultural influences affecting students’ subject choices could enhance the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, advocating for interventions to address the gender disparity in science courses. It consistently presents suggestions aimed at encouraging more female participation in science.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly supports the central thesis, avoiding any ambiguity or contradictory statements. Emphasize the proposed solutions to the gender gap more prominently to reinforce the essay’s position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding curriculum changes, gender preferences, and government interventions, but they are somewhat underdeveloped. It briefly discusses these concepts without providing extensive elaboration or supporting evidence.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, incorporate specific examples, case studies, or research findings to illustrate the points made. Additionally, expand upon the potential outcomes or effectiveness of the proposed solutions to provide a more comprehensive analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the gender disparity in science courses and proposing measures to rectify it. However, some points could be more directly related to the prompt, such as discussing specific barriers faced by female students in pursuing science.
- How to improve: To ensure closer adherence to the topic, maintain a stronger focus on the factors contributing to the gender gap and their implications for addressing it. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from the central theme of the essay. Additionally, provide more specific recommendations tailored to overcoming the identified barriers for female students in science.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed analysis, supporting evidence, and staying closely aligned with the topic. By incorporating these enhancements, the essay could achieve a higher band score for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a logical organization, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between discussing curriculum changes and gender preferences could be more seamless. Additionally, the conclusion feels abrupt and could be expanded to summarize the main points more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider creating stronger transitions between ideas. Ensure that each paragraph builds upon the previous one, leading the reader through a cohesive argument. In the conclusion, summarize the key points discussed in the body paragraphs to provide a satisfying closure to the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs adequately to separate different ideas, but the structure within the paragraphs could be improved. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear segmentation, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument seamlessly. For instance, the second paragraph discusses both curriculum changes and gender preferences without clear separation.
- How to improve: Focus on structuring each paragraph around a single main idea. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point, and then provide supporting details and examples. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a limited range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (e.g., "to begin with," "moreover") and pronouns (e.g., "these reasons"). While these devices contribute to coherence to some extent, their usage could be more varied and sophisticated. Additionally, the essay lacks cohesive devices within paragraphs to connect ideas more effectively.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices, including transitional phrases (e.g., "on the contrary," "furthermore"), pronoun references (e.g., "this issue," "such solutions"), and parallel structures (e.g., "not only… but also"). Within paragraphs, use cohesive devices such as pronouns and transitional expressions to establish clear connections between sentences and ideas, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, covering various aspects of the prompt. For instance, synonyms like "majority" and "larger number" are used instead of repetition, enhancing lexical diversity. However, some phrases lack specificity and could be improved by utilizing more precise vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive for more nuanced and specific vocabulary choices. Instead of generic terms like "urgent problem," consider using specific terms that reflect the issue, such as "gender disparity" or "gender imbalance." Additionally, incorporating domain-specific terminology related to education and gender studies can enrich the vocabulary further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally communicates ideas effectively, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "giving suggestions to students" could be refined to "providing guidance to students" for clarity and precision. Furthermore, some expressions lack conciseness and could benefit from more precise wording.
- How to improve: Aim for precision in vocabulary by selecting words that accurately convey the intended meaning. Consider the context carefully and choose terms that precisely reflect the ideas being communicated. Additionally, strive for clarity and conciseness in expression to avoid ambiguity and ensure effective communication of ideas.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains an acceptable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are occasional errors present, such as "curriculums" (should be "curricula") and "not only due to its difficulty to pass" (awkward phrasing). These errors slightly detract from the overall coherence and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider employing proofreading techniques such as spell checkers and thorough manual review. Additionally, pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and ensure consistency in spelling throughout the essay. Proofreading multiple times with breaks in between each session can also help catch overlooked errors and improve overall spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, "In a majority of science classes at college, it can be seen that male students account for a larger number than female students" (complex sentence) and "Unlike males, females choose their curriculums depending on their talents and less challenging as science" (compound sentence). These structures help convey ideas with clarity and complexity.
- How to improve: To further enhance variety, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures and using a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, therefore, however) to connect ideas and paragraphs. This will add sophistication and coherence to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses correct grammar and punctuation. However, there are areas where improvements can be made. For instance, "To begin with, a demand for choosing suitable subjects for students nowadays is changing day by day" could be rephrased for clearer grammar, such as "To begin with, the demand for choosing suitable subjects for students is changing daily."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement (e.g., "a larger number than female students" should be "a larger number than female students do"), verb tenses, and article usage (e.g., "the youth" instead of "youth"). Review punctuation, ensuring correct usage of commas (e.g., "by raising money to modernize the facilities in high-quality universities" might benefit from a comma after "money"). Aim for consistency and accuracy in all instances.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and a solid range of sentence structures. With attention to refining these areas, the clarity and coherence of the essay could be improved, potentially leading to an even higher score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In most university science courses, there is a notable disparity between male and female enrollment, with a higher proportion of male students than females. Various solutions exist for addressing this pressing issue.

First and foremost, the need to select appropriate subjects for students is evolving rapidly. Implementing changes to the curriculum to better cater to students’ abilities is crucial. Additionally, encouraging students to opt for an optimal set of subjects to pursue in the future is essential. In contrast to males, females often select curricula based on their talents, often avoiding challenging disciplines like science. This preference between the genders poses a significant challenge, not solely due to the difficulty of passing entrance exams to gain admission to prestigious institutions but also due to the potential for high earning opportunities in scientific fields. For these reasons, females tend to pursue alternative career paths, and as evidenced, the number of males studying science outweighs them.

To address this issue, providing guidance to students is vital. Governments should promote scientific literacy among young people by allocating funds to upgrade facilities in universities. Moreover, educators should utilize cutting-edge teaching methods and exert significant effort to engage their students effectively.

To conclude, science plays a crucial role in society, contributing significantly to economic growth and national prestige. Therefore, efforts to balance the numbers of students studying science should be a priority moving forward.