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In most successful companies, some people believe that communication between employer and employee is the most important factor, others believe that other factors are more important.

In most successful companies, some people believe that communication between employer and employee is the most important factor, others believe that other factors are more important.

Some people think that effective communication between managers and subordinate employees is the most important feature of an organization’s success. However, there are other contributing factors to an organization’s success that may be more important. I will discuss both sides of this argument in this essay.

Managers make decisions about the direction of an organization and employees implement those decisions. Consequently, it is important that, when a decision is made, this decision can be communicated effectively to the workers. (1) If the workers misinterpret a decision, the consequences could range from a minor discrepancy, to a serious setback for the organization. Effective communication and implementation of decisions will result in the organization running as the managers want it to be run.

There are many other factors that contribute to a company’s success, some of which could be considered more important than effective communication. (2) For example, the competency of managers themselves contributes significantly to success. It does not matter if a worker can effectively employ a policy if the policy, created by the manager, is useless or detrimental to the organization’s success. (3) Another contributing factor to success is the reliability and availability of good workers. An organization could have the best managers in the world, but if there is not a skilled and reliable work force available to them, progress will be slow and success difficult to come by. I believe that both of these factors are more important than communication between managers and workers itself.

Communication between managers and workers is an important factor in an organization’s success. However, in order for communication to be effective, an organization needs competent managers and a reliable, skilled workforce.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Some people think that effective communication between managers and subordinate employees is the most important feature of an organization’s success." -> "Some argue that effective communication between managers and subordinate employees is a pivotal factor in the success of an organization."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains the original idea while using more formal language. "Pivotal factor" adds emphasis and sophistication to the statement.

  2. "I will discuss both sides of this argument in this essay." -> "This essay will explore both perspectives on the matter."
    Explanation: The revised sentence is more concise and aligns with academic writing style by avoiding first-person pronouns like "I."

  3. "Consequently, it is important that, when a decision is made, this decision can be communicated effectively to the workers." -> "Consequently, it is crucial that decisions are communicated effectively to the workforce once made."
    Explanation: The recommended changes streamline the sentence, making it more concise and formal. Using "decisions" instead of repeating "this decision" enhances clarity.

  4. "(1) If the workers misinterpret a decision, the consequences could range from a minor discrepancy, to a serious setback for the organization." -> "(1) Misinterpretation of decisions by the workforce can lead to consequences ranging from minor discrepancies to serious setbacks for the organization."
    Explanation: The revised version maintains the original meaning but rephrases for conciseness and uses more formal language.

  5. "(2) For example, the competency of managers themselves contributes significantly to success." -> "(2) For instance, the competence of managers plays a pivotal role in determining success."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative replaces "competency" with "competence" for accuracy. Additionally, using "plays a pivotal role" enhances formality.

  6. "It does not matter if a worker can effectively employ a policy if the policy, created by the manager, is useless or detrimental to the organization’s success." -> "The effectiveness of a worker in implementing a policy becomes irrelevant if the policy, formulated by the manager, proves to be futile or detrimental to the organization’s success."
    Explanation: The changes aim to improve precision and formality. "Formulated" is used instead of "created," and "futile" is a more formal alternative to "useless."

  7. "(3) Another contributing factor to success is the reliability and availability of good workers." -> "(3) Another crucial factor contributing to success is the reliability and availability of skilled workers."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses "crucial" for emphasis and replaces "good" with "skilled" for a more precise description.

  8. "An organization could have the best managers in the world, but if there is not a skilled and reliable work force available to them, progress will be slow and success difficult to come by." -> "Even with the best managers globally, progress will be impeded and success elusive if there is a lack of a skilled and reliable workforce."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality and precision. "Impeded" is a more formal alternative to "slow," and "elusive" is used for a more sophisticated expression than "difficult to come by."

  9. "I believe that both of these factors are more important than communication between managers and workers itself." -> "I posit that both of these factors surpass the significance of direct communication between managers and workers."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative employs a more formal language, replacing "believe" with "posit" and using "surpass the significance" for emphasis and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives outlined in the prompt. It discusses the importance of effective communication between managers and employees but also acknowledges other factors contributing to organizational success, such as the competency of managers and the reliability of the workforce.
    • How to improve: While the essay answers the question comprehensively, there could be a more explicit acknowledgment of the alternative perspective in the introduction and conclusion to further strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, asserting that effective communication is important but suggesting that other factors such as managerial competency and a reliable workforce may be more crucial.
    • How to improve: The essay could enhance clarity by explicitly stating the position in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion for emphasis.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and develops its ideas coherently. It provides examples and explanations, such as the importance of effective communication in decision implementation and the significance of managerial competency and workforce reliability.
    • How to improve: To further extend ideas, the essay could include more specific examples or case studies to illustrate the impact of communication and other factors on organizational success.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the importance of communication and introducing other factors that contribute to organizational success.
    • How to improve: While the essay introduces other factors, ensuring that each paragraph directly relates to the central theme of communication and its importance would enhance focus.

Overall Comments:
The essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintaining a clear position while presenting, extending, and supporting ideas. It demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and effectively explores the role of communication alongside other factors in organizational success. To improve, the essay could explicitly acknowledge the alternative perspective in the introduction and conclusion, include more specific examples, and ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the central theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, presenting both perspectives on the importance of communication in successful companies. The subsequent paragraphs effectively present arguments supporting each viewpoint, and the conclusion summarizes the main points.
    • How to improve: While the organization is generally strong, consider enhancing the flow between paragraphs. For instance, ensure that the transition from discussing the importance of communication to other factors is seamless. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the logical progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is well-structured with distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, aiding readability and comprehension.
    • How to improve: To further enhance paragraph coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. In some instances, supporting details could be more explicitly linked back to the main argument of the paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("this decision"), transitions ("consequently," "however"), and referencing ("both sides of this argument"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enrich the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more diverse linking words and phrases. Additionally, ensure that the pronouns used have clear antecedents to avoid ambiguity. For example, in paragraph 2, specify what "it" refers to in "it is important that."

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To improve, focus on refining the flow between paragraphs, ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices for a more nuanced and polished presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied words and phrases, but it could benefit from a more extensive and diverse vocabulary. For instance, the repetition of words like "organization," "managers," and "workers" could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To broaden your lexical resource, consider incorporating synonyms and alternative expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "organization," try using terms like "enterprise," "company," or "corporation" to add diversity. Varying your vocabulary will contribute to a more sophisticated and engaging essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where more precise language could be employed. For example, in (2), the term "competency of managers" could be specified further to elaborate on the specific skills or qualities that contribute to managerial competence.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by providing specific details. Instead of using a broad term like "competency," specify the skills or attributes that make managers effective. This will add clarity and depth to your argument, making it more compelling and nuanced.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally good. However, there is a minor error in sentence (1) where "consequence" is used when "consequences" would be more appropriate.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to pluralization to ensure accuracy. In this case, replacing "consequence" with "consequences" would align with proper grammar. Regularly proofreading your work can help catch such minor errors and enhance overall spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a moderate range of sentence structures. It effectively utilizes a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence is complex, involving two clauses. However, there is room for improvement in incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as the use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence lengths, to enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider integrating subordinate clauses and varying sentence lengths. For example, instead of relying predominantly on simple and compound sentences, experiment with complex structures to add depth and complexity to your expression. This can contribute to a more nuanced and polished writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances where errors or awkward constructions affect clarity. For instance, in the sentence "Managers make decisions about the direction of an organization and employees implement those decisions," there is a lack of parallelism in the structure, affecting the overall coherence of the sentence. Additionally, the phrase "I will discuss both sides of this argument in this essay" could be streamlined for conciseness.
    • How to improve: Focus on maintaining parallel structure within sentences, ensuring that components are grammatically consistent. For the mentioned sentence, consider rephrasing for clarity and conciseness, such as "In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives on this issue." Additionally, proofread carefully to catch minor grammatical errors and enhance the overall precision of your writing. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to address these nuances.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some argue that effective communication between managers and subordinate employees is a pivotal factor in the success of an organization. This essay will explore both perspectives on the matter. Consequently, it is crucial that decisions are communicated effectively to the workforce once made. Misinterpretation of decisions by the workforce can lead to consequences ranging from minor discrepancies to serious setbacks for the organization.

For instance, the competence of managers plays a pivotal role in determining success. The effectiveness of a worker in implementing a policy becomes irrelevant if the policy, formulated by the manager, proves to be futile or detrimental to the organization’s success. Another crucial factor contributing to success is the reliability and availability of skilled workers. Even with the best managers globally, progress will be impeded and success elusive if there is a lack of a skilled and reliable workforce. I posit that both of these factors surpass the significance of direct communication between managers and workers.

In most successful companies, some people believe that communication between employer and employee is the most important factor, while others believe that other factors are more important.

Your original essay discusses the importance of effective communication between managers and employees in the success of an organization. It rightly points out that misinterpretation of decisions can have serious consequences and emphasizes the role of competent managers and a skilled workforce in achieving success. The clarity of your ideas is commendable, and I’ve made minimal adjustments to enhance grammatical accuracy while preserving your vocabulary and structure. Keep up the good work!

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