In most successful companies, some people think that communication between employers and workers is the most important factor, other people say that other factors are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In recent years, some hold a school of thought that argues that people communicating with each other in the company is the most significant panacea to accelerating successful of companies, while the opposite viewpoint argues other factors are more crucial in comparison to communication. From my standpoint, i completely concur that both of them are conducive to the sustainable enhancement of each enterprise environment. In the following graph, i will discuss both of views, before giving several ideas in my favor of perspective
Primarily, it is imperative to acknowledge that, it is almost a universal phenomenon these days that employees take advantage of communication as a means of transmitting information, irrespective of whether senior leader or low-level staff. It is no denying that, the development of technology in today's world is more beneficial to people in simplifying their ability to pass information, notably in the enterprise. For example, in order to announce to employees the essential tasks of the day, the leaders would need to have a notification to whole employees by the online group or face-to-face comes down to circumstances. Furthermore, if employees expect to exchange view with the senior leaders in companies or present their new idea about a project, they would need to have a direct express to them.
On the other hand, there are several arguments against the statement that many factors in the workplace are more vital than communication. It is crucial to consider is that, some factors such as the culture of company, employee training and, enterprise philosophy is are non-negotiable. For example, by grasping the culture of company, workers can simply to adapt to the times, the operation of the organization. Besides culture, training is also a pivotal way for enterprises, this largely due to the enhancement of each person will contributor to success of company.
in short, i fully support that communication is extremely crucial in the organization, however, were to coordinate significant number of factors, the companies would reach the zenith of success, Eventually, each of us should have further consideration before reaching the final decisions which is vital for the development of the companies
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"successful of companies" -> "success of companies"
Explanation: Replacing "successful of companies" with "success of companies" corrects the grammatical error and provides a more accurate expression of the intended meaning.
"i completely concur" -> "I wholeheartedly agree"
Explanation: Substituting "i completely concur" with "I wholeheartedly agree" maintains formality and introduces a more sophisticated way to express agreement.
"the following graph" -> "the following paragraphs"
Explanation: Changing "the following graph" to "the following paragraphs" ensures coherence and accuracy, as the essay doesn’t seem to include a graph.
"Primarily, it is imperative to acknowledge that" -> "First and foremost, it is essential to recognize that"
Explanation: The suggested alternative enhances formality by replacing "Primarily, it is imperative to acknowledge that" with "First and foremost, it is essential to recognize that."
"no denying that" -> "undeniable"
Explanation: Replacing "no denying that" with "undeniable" streamlines the expression, making it more concise while maintaining formality.
"comes down to circumstances" -> "depends on the situation"
Explanation: Substituting "comes down to circumstances" with "depends on the situation" provides a more precise and academically appropriate phrase.
"exchange view" -> "exchange views"
Explanation: Correcting the plural form by changing "exchange view" to "exchange views" ensures grammatical accuracy.
"several arguments against the statement" -> "several arguments against this proposition"
Explanation: Replacing "several arguments against the statement" with "several arguments against this proposition" provides clarity and specificity regarding what is being argued against.
"such as the culture of company" -> "such as company culture"
Explanation: Rearranging the words to "such as company culture" improves the flow and adheres to a more standard phrasing.
"largely due to the enhancement of each person will contributor to success of company" -> "largely because the improvement of each individual contributes to the success of the company"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to "largely because the improvement of each individual contributes to the success of the company" results in a clearer and more grammatically correct expression.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views on the importance of communication in successful companies and provides the writer’s opinion. However, the introduction is somewhat unclear, and the thesis statement could be more explicitly stated.
- How to improve: Begin with a clear and concise introduction that directly addresses both perspectives. Provide a more explicit thesis statement outlining your position on the importance of communication.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer expresses a clear stance supporting the significance of communication in organizations. However, there are instances where the language is ambiguous or unclear, leading to potential confusion.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph reinforces the writer’s position clearly and avoids language that might be interpreted differently. Use specific examples to illustrate and support your stance consistently.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks in-depth development and support. The examples provided are somewhat vague and could benefit from more elaboration and specific details.
- How to improve: Include more detailed and relevant examples to bolster your points. Elaborate on each idea, providing a deeper analysis to strengthen your argument. Avoid generalizations and strive for specificity.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay touches on the importance of communication, it tends to deviate at times, especially in the second paragraph. The discussion on company culture and training, while relevant, could be more tightly connected to the main theme.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph maintains a strong connection to the central theme of communication in successful companies. If discussing related factors, clearly demonstrate their relevance to the overall argument.
In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the topic but would benefit from improvements in clarity, depth of analysis, and maintaining focus. Strengthening the introduction, providing clearer examples, and refining the connection between ideas would enhance the overall cohesiveness and effectiveness of the essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a basic level of logical organization. The introduction provides an overview, and there is an attempt to present both views. However, the flow of ideas is hindered by unclear transitions and occasional redundancy. For instance, the phrase "it is imperative to acknowledge that" could be simplified for clearer communication.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on smoother transitions between ideas. Avoid unnecessary phrases that may confuse the reader. A clear structure with a concise expression of ideas will improve coherence.
- Detailed explanation: Paragraphs are used, but their structure lacks clarity. The essay would benefit from a more distinct separation of ideas. For example, the shift from discussing communication technology to cultural aspects is abrupt, affecting the overall coherence.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme. The transition between paragraphs should be smoother, guiding the reader through the logical progression of ideas. Consider grouping related points together for better coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "on the other hand." However, the variety and effectiveness of these devices could be improved for a more sophisticated presentation.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively. For instance, use synonyms or pronouns to avoid repetitive language. Additionally, consider employing more advanced cohesive devices like parallel structure or linking words to strengthen connections between sentences and paragraphs.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in the logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to a more polished and coherent essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary. However, there are instances where word choices seem repetitive or imprecise. For instance, the frequent use of "crucial," "vital," and "significant" could be diversified to enhance the richness of the language. Additionally, some phrases lack specificity, making the vocabulary less impactful. For example, in the phrase "conducive to the sustainable enhancement," a more precise term for enhancement could be employed to convey a clearer meaning.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim for greater diversity in vocabulary. This can be achieved by exploring synonyms and choosing words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Additionally, incorporating specific terminology related to business and communication would elevate the lexical richness of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary imprecisely. For instance, the phrase "the most significant panacea to accelerating successful of companies" is grammatically unclear, and the word "panacea" may not be the most fitting choice. Precision is essential in conveying ideas effectively, and there are instances where more specific terms could replace general ones for greater clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, it is recommended to select words that precisely match the intended meaning. Avoid overly complex terms if a simpler word can convey the message more clearly. Proofreading for grammatical clarity and coherence would also contribute to more precise vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits various spelling errors, such as "successful of companies," "comes down to circumstances," and "contributor to success of company." These errors affect the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to common spelling mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools and seeking feedback from peers can also contribute to enhanced spelling accuracy. Developing a habit of reviewing written work before submission will help identify and correct spelling errors.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. There is a frequent use of simple sentences, and complex structures are underutilized. For instance, the essay tends to start sentences with subject pronouns repetitively, leading to a lack of variety. The sentence structure lacks complexity, hindering the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Utilize introductory phrases, subordinate clauses, and transitional words to create a more varied and engaging writing style. For example, instead of consistently starting sentences with subject pronouns, experiment with different sentence beginnings to add depth and nuance.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical and punctuation errors, affecting the overall accuracy. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "people communicating" should be "people communicate." Additionally, there are inconsistencies in tense usage, like "i will discuss" should be "I will discuss," and numerous punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To address grammatical issues, carefully review subject-verb agreement, tenses, and punctuation rules. Proofread the essay to identify and rectify errors. Utilize tools like grammar checkers to assist in catching overlooked mistakes. Focus on consistent verb forms and accurate punctuation to enhance the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.
Overall, while the essay presents a clear stance and attempts to address the prompt, improving sentence structure variety and rectifying grammatical errors would elevate the writing to a more sophisticated and cohesive level.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent years, there is a belief that effective communication within a company is the key factor in accelerating the success of companies. Conversely, others argue that various factors surpass communication in importance. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly agree that both communication and other factors play pivotal roles in fostering a sustainable and thriving work environment. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both viewpoints before presenting my supporting ideas.
First and foremost, it is essential to recognize that communication has become a universal phenomenon in the modern workplace. Employees, regardless of their position, utilize communication as a means of sharing information. The undeniable influence of technology has significantly facilitated the transmission of information within enterprises. For instance, leaders can efficiently convey essential daily tasks to all employees through online groups or face-to-face interactions, depending on the situation. Moreover, direct communication channels enable employees to exchange views with senior leaders, presenting new ideas or concerns about projects.
On the other hand, there are several arguments against the notion that communication is the most critical factor in the workplace. It is crucial to consider factors such as company culture, employee training, and enterprise philosophy, which are non-negotiable. Understanding and adapting to the company’s culture, for example, is indispensable for employees to align with the organization’s operations. Employee training is equally pivotal, as the improvement of each individual largely contributes to the success of the company.
In conclusion, while I fully support the idea that communication is extremely crucial in organizational success, it is important to recognize that, when coordinating a significant number of factors, companies can reach the zenith of success. Ultimately, a comprehensive approach that takes into account various elements is vital for the development of companies. Each of us should carefully consider all aspects before making decisions that impact the company’s growth.