In numerous nations, there is a growing trend for individuals to frequently discuss financial matters, such as their earnings or expenditures, in everyday conversation. What are the reasons behind this phenomenon? Is it advantageous or detrimental?

In numerous nations, there is a growing trend for individuals to frequently discuss financial matters, such as their earnings or expenditures, in everyday conversation.

What are the reasons behind this phenomenon?

Is it advantageous or detrimental?

In this day and age, people seem more open to mentioning their amount of income and expenses with others in daily conversation. In this essay, I will clarify the reasons leading to this phenomenon before evaluating whether it is beneficial or detrimental.
To begin with, there are several reasons behind the tendency of sharing personal salaries and spending among people. In the current fast-paced world, life is becoming more and more challenging, putting a burden on each person to cover their entire living cost. Since the stagnant inflation has increased dramatically in many nations after the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic, this induces directly the rising prices of goods, various services, and necessities. Thus, it is evident that a range of dialogues frequently focus on financial matters and some feasible solutions to expend more wisely.
In terms of the positive side, this trend can be beneficial in some specific ways. The first one is that by discussing income and expenditure openly with other individuals, people can have a chance to accumulate more knowledge relating to the financial management skill and make greater decisions about spending money. They may learn from others’s experiences and receive necessary advice about saving money optimumly, such as setting an efficiently detailed spending plan in the long or short term or deposing money in a back account, reducing the risk of falling into debt. In contrast, despite the prominent merits of this trend, there are still some drawbacks to it. A group of individuals regard sharing salary and spending as a way to show off their luxurious life, which means they embrace arduously to boast their social status and gain self through others’s compliments. Therefore, people’s mental well-being can easily be influenced as they tend to compare themselves with those people and likely be stressed and depressed when realizing that they are not as rich as others.
In conclusion, the rising trend of talking about revenue and expenditure stems from the increasing living cost. In my perspective, this phenomenon causes more disadvantages for most people due to the comparison between the poor and the rich.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In this day and age" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "In this day and age" is a somewhat colloquial expression. "Currently" is more concise and maintains an academic tone.

2. "people seem more open to mentioning" -> "individuals are increasingly inclined to disclose"
   Explanation: "Individuals are increasingly inclined to disclose" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better than "people seem more open to mentioning."

3. "clarify the reasons leading to this phenomenon" -> "explore the factors contributing to this phenomenon"
   Explanation: "Explore the factors contributing to" is more specific and academically appropriate than "clarify the reasons leading to."

4. "putting a burden on each person" -> "placing a burden on each individual"
   Explanation: "Placing a burden on each individual" is more formal and precise than "putting a burden on each person."

5. "induces directly the rising prices" -> "directly induces rising prices"
   Explanation: The phrase "induces directly the rising prices" is grammatically incorrect. "Directly induces rising prices" corrects the grammatical structure.

6. "a range of dialogues frequently focus on" -> "a variety of conversations frequently focus on"
   Explanation: "A variety of conversations" is more specific and formal than "a range of dialogues."

7. "expend more wisely" -> "spend more wisely"
   Explanation: "Spend" is the correct verb to use in this context, replacing the less common "expend."

8. "The first one is that" -> "The first point is that"
   Explanation: "The first point is that" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "The first one is that."

9. "people can have a chance to accumulate more knowledge relating to" -> "individuals can gain more knowledge about"
   Explanation: "Individuals can gain more knowledge about" is more direct and formal than "people can have a chance to accumulate more knowledge relating to."

10. "others’s experiences" -> "others’ experiences"
    Explanation: "Others’ experiences" is the correct possessive form, replacing the incorrect "others’s."

11. "saving money optimumly" -> "saving money optimally"
    Explanation: "Optimally" is the correct adverb form for "optimum," aligning with formal language standards.

12. "deposing money in a back account" -> "depositing money in a bank account"
    Explanation: "Depositing money in a bank account" corrects the verb and noun usage, making it grammatically correct and contextually appropriate.

13. "embracing arduously to boast their social status" -> "striving arduously to boast their social status"
    Explanation: "Striving" is the correct verb to use in this context, replacing the incorrect "embracing."

14. "gain self through others’s compliments" -> "gain self-esteem through others’ compliments"
    Explanation: "Gain self-esteem" is the correct phrase, replacing the awkward and incorrect "gain self."

15. "people’s mental well-being can easily be influenced" -> "individuals’ mental well-being can readily be influenced"
    Explanation: "Individuals’ mental well-being" is more formal and precise than "people’s," and "readily" is a more formal synonym for "easily."

16. "the poor and the rich" -> "those with lower and higher incomes"
    Explanation: "Those with lower and higher incomes" is a more precise and formal way to refer to socioeconomic groups than "the poor and the rich."

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the trend of discussing financial matters and evaluating its advantages and disadvantages. The reasons provided, such as the impact of inflation and the challenges of living costs, are relevant and well-articulated. However, the response could benefit from a more explicit connection between the reasons and the trend itself. For instance, while the essay mentions inflation, it could elaborate on how this specifically drives conversations about finances.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each reason is directly linked to the trend of discussing finances. Adding specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the reasons and the evaluation of advantages and disadvantages would improve clarity.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the trend is more detrimental than advantageous, particularly in the conclusion. However, the argument could be more consistently reinforced throughout the body paragraphs. For example, while the positive aspects of discussing finances are mentioned, they are not as thoroughly developed or linked back to the main argument about the overall detriment of the trend.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should consistently refer back to their stance in each paragraph. This can be achieved by framing each point in relation to whether it supports or contradicts the main argument. Using transitional phrases that reiterate the position can also help maintain focus.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the reasons for the trend and its implications. However, some ideas, particularly the benefits of discussing finances, are not fully extended or supported with concrete examples. For instance, while the essay mentions learning from others’ experiences, it lacks specific scenarios or examples that illustrate this point.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the benefits and drawbacks discussed. This could involve hypothetical situations or real-life examples that demonstrate how financial discussions can lead to better financial management or social comparison.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for and implications of discussing financial matters. However, there are moments where the discussion could be tightened. For instance, the mention of "boasting social status" could be more directly tied to the overall theme of financial discussions rather than being a somewhat tangential point.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. This can be achieved by regularly revisiting the main question and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to answering it. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements that stray from the topic will help keep the essay concise and relevant.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the clarity of connections between ideas, providing specific examples, and maintaining a consistent position will elevate the response further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intent. The body paragraphs are organized to first discuss the reasons for the trend and then evaluate its advantages and disadvantages. However, the transition between discussing the reasons and the evaluation could be smoother. For instance, the shift from the reasons to the benefits could benefit from a clearer linking sentence that explicitly connects the two ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that signal shifts in focus. For example, after discussing the reasons, you could introduce the benefits with a phrase like, "Having established the reasons for this trend, it is also important to consider its potential benefits." This would help the reader follow your argument more easily.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the discussion. The first paragraph addresses the reasons, the second discusses the benefits, and the third outlines the drawbacks. However, the paragraph discussing the benefits could be more clearly divided into two distinct sections: one focusing on the positive aspects and another on the negative aspects.
  • How to improve: Consider ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the paragraph discussing the benefits could start with a sentence like, "There are several advantages to discussing financial matters openly," followed by a separate paragraph that begins with, "Conversely, there are notable disadvantages to this trend." This would enhance clarity and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "in terms of," and "in conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the text. However, there is a reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "this trend" is used multiple times without variation, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the essay.
  • How to improve: To diversify your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "this trend," you could use "this phenomenon" or "this behavior." Additionally, incorporating more complex cohesive devices, such as "furthermore," "on the other hand," or "as a result," can enhance the sophistication of your writing and improve the overall flow.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "financial management," "living cost," and "stagnant inflation." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "income and expenditure" and "financial matters," which could benefit from synonyms or varied expressions. For instance, using "earnings" instead of "income" or "expenses" could enhance lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of vocabulary related to finance and social discussions. Utilizing synonyms and related terms can help avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "financial matters," alternatives like "monetary issues" or "economic discussions" could be employed.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "deposing money in a back account" is incorrect; the intended term is likely "depositing money in a bank account." Additionally, "saving money optimumly" is awkward; "optimally" would be the correct form.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on ensuring that vocabulary is not only varied but also used correctly. Reviewing vocabulary for grammatical accuracy and context is crucial. Engaging with resources like thesauruses or vocabulary lists specific to financial discussions can help refine word choice.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "others’s" (should be "others’") and "back account" (should be "bank account"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling common financial terms and reviewing frequently misspelled words can build confidence and reduce errors in future writing.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and improving spelling accuracy—the writer can enhance their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "In this day and age, people seem more open to mentioning their amount of income and expenses with others in daily conversation" showcases a complex structure with an introductory phrase. Additionally, the phrase "the stagnant inflation has increased dramatically in many nations after the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic" effectively combines multiple ideas into a single sentence. However, there are instances where sentence variety could be improved, such as the repeated use of "there are" at the beginning of sentences, which can make the writing feel formulaic.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more varied introductory phrases, such as "One reason for this trend is…" or "Moreover, it is important to note that…". Additionally, incorporating more relative clauses and participial phrases could enhance the complexity of the writing. For example, instead of saying "the first one is that by discussing income and expenditure openly," you could say, "One significant benefit arises from the open discussion of income and expenditure, which allows individuals to…"

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "others’s experiences" should be corrected to "others’ experiences" to ensure proper use of the possessive form. Additionally, the phrase "reducing the risk of falling into debt" could be more clearly articulated, as it seems to lack a subject. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which means they embrace arduously to boast their social status."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on common possessive forms and ensure that subjects are clearly stated in sentences. Review the rules for possessives to avoid confusion, and consider revising sentences for clarity. For punctuation, practice identifying where additional commas might help clarify complex ideas. For instance, revising "a way to show off their luxurious life, which means they embrace arduously to boast their social status" to "a way to show off their luxurious life; this means they embrace the need to boast about their social status" could enhance readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, individuals are increasingly inclined to disclose their income and expenditures in everyday conversations. In this essay, I will explore the factors contributing to this phenomenon before evaluating whether it is advantageous or detrimental.

To begin with, there are several reasons behind the tendency to share personal salaries and spending among people. Currently, life is becoming more challenging, placing a burden on each individual to cover their living costs. Since stagnant inflation has dramatically increased in many nations following the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic, this directly induces rising prices of goods, various services, and necessities. Thus, it is evident that a variety of conversations frequently focus on financial matters and some feasible solutions to spend more wisely.

In terms of the positive aspects, this trend can be beneficial in specific ways. The first point is that by discussing income and expenditure openly with others, individuals can gain more knowledge about financial management skills and make better decisions regarding their spending. They may learn from others’ experiences and receive valuable advice about saving money optimally, such as setting an efficiently detailed spending plan for the long or short term or depositing money in a bank account, which reduces the risk of falling into debt.

In contrast, despite the prominent merits of this trend, there are still drawbacks to consider. Some individuals regard sharing salary and spending as a means to showcase their luxurious lifestyles, striving arduously to boast their social status and gain self-esteem through others’ compliments. Consequently, individuals’ mental well-being can readily be influenced, as they tend to compare themselves with those who appear more affluent, leading to stress and feelings of inadequacy.

In conclusion, the rising trend of discussing revenue and expenditure stems from the increasing living costs. In my perspective, this phenomenon tends to cause more disadvantages for most people due to the comparisons made between those with lower and higher incomes.