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In other to be successful in sports, some people think that you should be physically strong .However, the others think that mental health is more important

In other to be successful in sports, some people think that you should be physically strong .However, the others think that mental health is more important

Opinions vary on whether mental or physical strength plays an important role in achieving success in sports. While I acknowledge the logic behind the former, I am still in favour of the latter.
Those who attribute athletes' success to mental strength may have some convincing arguments. They may well argue that there are certain strategy sports in which participants are likely to take full advantage of their mental power to make decisions carefully and effectively. Evidence for this can be seen in chess where mental ability not only enables participants to focus but also anticipates the other’s movements, thereby adapting effectively. This line of reasoning also be strengthened by the benefits mental prowess brings about in physically demanding sports. For instance, coaches are required in football and basketball because they can devise complex strategies and favourable arrangements, all of which rely heavily on mental strength. Without such strategies, athletes solely depend on physical prowess, therefore diminishing their chances of success
However, I still strongly argue that physical abilities are key to success for several reasons, including endurance and acceleration. Regarding the former, many sports are designed to showcase the physical attributes of participants, and therefore, it comes as no surprise that physical ability is the major determiner of success, thereby leading to the ever-increasing number of athletes prioritizing such workouts. Football, for example, is physically demanding because players with a high level of endurance can keep up their stamina and effectiveness, which in turn has better performance and increased chance of success. As a result, these players may opt for physical exercises such as weightlifting and powerlifting, rather than mental ones. The second reason is that certain sports necessitate the capacity to speed up, which can be exemplified by swimming and marathons. These sports demand high physical power since a minor difference in fitness could make a difference in the final result.
In conclusion, It is understandable why some people hold the belief that mental abilities are more important. Nevertheless, I still strongly believe in the importance of being physically strong in becoming successful.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Opinions vary" -> "Opinions differ"
    Explanation: "Differ" is a more precise and formal term than "vary" in academic writing, emphasizing the distinct perspectives without the colloquial connotation of "vary."

  2. "I am still in favour of" -> "I remain in support of"
    Explanation: "Remain in support of" is more formal and academically appropriate than "still in favour of," which can sound informal and slightly conversational.

  3. "They may well argue" -> "They may argue"
    Explanation: Removing "may well" simplifies the phrase and maintains a more formal tone, as "may well" can imply a degree of uncertainty that is not necessary in this context.

  4. "certain strategy sports" -> "certain strategic sports"
    Explanation: "Strategic" is the correct adjective form to describe sports that require strategy, enhancing the grammatical accuracy and formality of the sentence.

  5. "Evidence for this can be seen in" -> "This is evident in"
    Explanation: "This is evident in" is a more concise and formal way to introduce evidence, avoiding the less formal "can be seen in."

  6. "This line of reasoning also be strengthened" -> "This line of reasoning is also strengthened"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb tense from "be" to "is" aligns with the subject-verb agreement and improves grammatical correctness.

  7. "benefits mental prowess brings about" -> "benefits that mental prowess brings"
    Explanation: Adding "that" clarifies the relationship between the benefits and mental prowess, enhancing the sentence structure and readability.

  8. "solely depend on physical prowess" -> "solely rely on physical prowess"
    Explanation: "Rely" is more precise in this context, as it specifically indicates dependence on something for support or trust, which is more appropriate than "depend," which can imply a broader range of meanings.

  9. "Therefore diminishing their chances of success" -> "Therefore, diminishing their chances of success"
    Explanation: Adding a comma after "Therefore" improves the sentence’s readability and flow by separating the main clause from the dependent clause.

  10. "Regarding the former" -> "Regarding endurance"
    Explanation: "Regarding endurance" directly specifies the topic, avoiding the vague and less formal "the former," which can be confusing in this context.

  11. "it comes as no surprise" -> "it is unsurprising"
    Explanation: "It is unsurprising" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express that something is expected or predictable.

  12. "physical exercises such as weightlifting and powerlifting" -> "physical exercises, such as weightlifting and powerlifting"
    Explanation: Adding a comma after "exercises" improves the list structure and readability, aligning with formal writing standards.

  13. "necessitate the capacity to speed up" -> "require the ability to accelerate"
    Explanation: "Require the ability to accelerate" is more precise and formal, replacing the less specific "necessitate the capacity to speed up."

  14. "a minor difference in fitness could make a difference" -> "even a small difference in fitness can significantly impact"
    Explanation: "Can significantly impact" is more precise and formal than "could make a difference," and "even a small difference" emphasizes the potential effect more effectively.

  15. "It is understandable why some people hold the belief" -> "It is understandable that some individuals hold the belief"
    Explanation: "That" is grammatically necessary to introduce the subordinate clause, and "individuals" is a more formal term than "people" in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both perspectives on the importance of physical and mental strength in sports. The introduction clearly outlines the two viewpoints, and the body paragraphs provide arguments supporting both sides. The writer acknowledges the role of mental strength in strategic sports like chess and the importance of mental strategies in physically demanding sports, which demonstrates a balanced approach. However, the essay could have benefited from a more explicit mention of the opposing viewpoint in the conclusion to reinforce the discussion.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer could include a brief summary of the opposing viewpoint in the conclusion, emphasizing that while mental strength is acknowledged, the focus remains on physical strength. This would enhance the overall balance and completeness of the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position favoring physical strength throughout the essay. Phrases like "I still strongly argue that physical abilities are key to success" and "I still strongly believe in the importance of being physically strong" reinforce this stance. The arguments presented are consistent and logically structured, supporting the thesis effectively.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect back to the main argument after discussing the opposing viewpoint. For example, reiterating the importance of physical strength after discussing mental strategies would help to maintain focus on the primary argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of physical strength. The examples of endurance in football and speed in swimming are relevant and effectively illustrate the arguments made. The mention of specific sports adds depth to the analysis. However, the discussion of mental strength could be more developed; while it introduces the concept, it lacks the same level of detailed support as the arguments for physical strength.
    • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer could provide additional examples or statistics related to mental strength in sports. For instance, discussing how mental resilience impacts performance in high-pressure situations could strengthen the argument for mental strength, thereby providing a more balanced view.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing the roles of both physical and mental strength in sports. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, and the examples provided are relevant to the discussion. There are no significant deviations from the topic, which is commendable.
    • How to improve: To ensure continued focus on the topic, the writer should avoid introducing overly complex ideas that may distract from the main argument. Simplifying some of the explanations and maintaining a clear connection to the prompt in each paragraph will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the topic.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some minor adjustments in the areas of balance and development of ideas, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the debate between mental and physical strength. The body paragraphs are organized to first present the arguments for mental strength, followed by a counter-argument emphasizing physical strength. This logical progression helps the reader follow the writer’s line of reasoning. However, the transition between the arguments could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing mental strength to physical strength feels somewhat abrupt.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that signal shifts in focus, such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," at the beginning of the paragraph discussing physical strength. Additionally, summarizing the key points of the previous argument before transitioning could reinforce the connection between ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses mental strength, while the second focuses on physical strength. However, the conclusion could be more distinct from the body paragraphs, as it currently feels somewhat integrated into the last body paragraph.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion is clearly marked as a separate paragraph. This can be achieved by starting it on a new line and possibly using a phrase like "In conclusion" to signal the end of the discussion. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, which can help maintain clarity.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "for instance," and "therefore," which help connect ideas and clarify relationships between them. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "This line of reasoning also be strengthened" is awkwardly constructed and could benefit from clearer phrasing.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "consequently." Additionally, ensure grammatical accuracy in the use of these devices; for instance, "This line of reasoning can also be strengthened" would be a more appropriate formulation. Practicing the use of different cohesive devices in various contexts can also help enhance overall coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments in a coherent manner. By focusing on improving transitions, clearly delineating paragraphs, and expanding the range of cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "mental prowess," "physical attributes," and "endurance." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "physical abilities are key to success" could be enhanced with synonyms or more specific terms related to sports performance.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate more varied expressions and synonyms. For instance, instead of repeating "physical" and "mental," they could use terms like "physiological" or "cognitive." Additionally, using idiomatic expressions or collocations relevant to sports could further enrich the vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "therefore diminishing their chances of success" is somewhat vague; it could be clearer about how physical prowess directly impacts success in sports. Additionally, the term "strategy sports" is not commonly used and could confuse readers.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that terms are commonly understood and accurately convey their intended meaning. Clarifying phrases like "diminishing their chances of success" could be achieved by specifying how physical prowess contributes to success in measurable ways. Replacing "strategy sports" with "strategic sports" or "cognitive sports" would also enhance clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "In other to be successful" (which should be "In order to be successful") and "the others think" (which could be more clearly stated as "others think"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common phrases and their correct spellings can prevent such mistakes in the future.

Overall, while the essay displays a competent use of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "While I acknowledge the logic behind the former, I am still in favour of the latter" and "This line of reasoning also be strengthened by the benefits mental prowess brings about in physically demanding sports" showcase the writer’s ability to use subordinating clauses effectively. Additionally, the use of transitional phrases such as "For instance" and "As a result" enhances the flow of ideas. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the others think that mental health is more important," which could be more fluidly expressed.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and conditional clauses. For example, using phrases like "Should one prioritize mental strength, they might overlook…" or "If physical strength is deemed essential, one must consider…" could enhance the complexity of the arguments. Additionally, ensuring that all sentences are grammatically correct and fluid will improve overall readability.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "In other to be successful in sports" should be corrected to "In order to be successful in sports." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma after "In conclusion," which should read "In conclusion, it is understandable…" These errors, while not significantly detracting from the overall clarity, do affect the precision of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work for common errors, particularly in phrases that are frequently misused. Practicing the correct usage of introductory phrases and ensuring that commas are appropriately placed will also contribute to clearer writing. Engaging in exercises that focus on complex sentence construction and punctuation rules could further solidify these skills.

Overall, the essay reflects a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By addressing the minor errors and diversifying sentence structures, the writer can work towards achieving an even higher level of proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions vary on whether mental or physical strength plays an important role in achieving success in sports. While I acknowledge the logic behind the former, I remain in support of the latter.

Those who attribute athletes’ success to mental strength may have some convincing arguments. They may well argue that there are certain strategic sports in which participants are likely to take full advantage of their mental power to make decisions carefully and effectively. Evidence for this can be seen in chess, where mental ability not only enables participants to focus but also allows them to anticipate the other’s movements, thereby adapting effectively. This line of reasoning is also strengthened by the benefits that mental prowess brings in physically demanding sports. For instance, coaches are required in football and basketball because they can devise complex strategies and favourable arrangements, all of which rely heavily on mental strength. Without such strategies, athletes solely rely on physical prowess, therefore diminishing their chances of success.

However, I still strongly argue that physical abilities are key to success for several reasons, including endurance and acceleration. Regarding the former, many sports are designed to showcase the physical attributes of participants, and therefore, it is unsurprising that physical ability is the major determiner of success, leading to the ever-increasing number of athletes prioritizing such workouts. Football, for example, is physically demanding because players with a high level of endurance can maintain their stamina and effectiveness, which in turn leads to better performance and an increased chance of success. As a result, these players may opt for physical exercises, such as weightlifting and powerlifting, rather than mental ones. The second reason is that certain sports necessitate the capacity to accelerate, which can be exemplified by swimming and marathons. These sports demand high physical power since even a small difference in fitness can significantly impact the final result.

In conclusion, it is understandable that some individuals hold the belief that mental abilities are more important. Nevertheless, I still strongly believe in the importance of being physically strong in achieving success.

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