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In recent times, there has been a rise in the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports. What are the reasons of doping for athletes? What measures should be taken to combat this issue?

In recent times, there has been a rise in the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports.
What are the reasons of doping for athletes?
What measures should be taken to combat this issue?

In sports, the utilization of drugs to enhance performance has become a contemporary phenomenon. In this essay, I will examine the reasons of this trend as well as suggest some feasible solutions to tackle this issue.
To commence, with the reasons firstly, in order to maintain the seeding sometimes they are pushed to rely on drugs to improve their stamina. For example, the increase in stamina takes time and immense practice which is not achievable in a short time. But the tournament expects them to perform in a short time. Secondly, they shoulder the responsibility of representing their nation and this, in turn, is high stress to perform in a short time. There are always limitations when it comes to humans. Therefore, to overcome the physical and mental shortcomings in themselves they always are pushed to choose paths like drugs.
To mitigate this issue, firstly, governments should collaborate with sports’ associations to formulate Some legislations and rules with excessive penalties on athletes that ingest drugs. In other words, if a player was tested positive, he would be banned from representing his national team for life. Secondly, every country would lunch an anti-doping campaign by the participation of sports’ role models. To illustrate, Egypt would do a partnership with Mohammed Salah to promote the serious repercussions of steroids. Accordingly, many sportspersons will positively respond to this alert and avoid any illegal substances intake.
In conclusion, the aim of obtaining more trophies and recovering shorter periods are the main reason that sportspersons resort to taking prohibited medicines. However, this phenomenon can be controlled by having extreme penalties and launching anti-steroid campaigns.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "utilization" -> "use"
    Explanation: "Utilization" is a bit formal and less commonly used in everyday language. "Use" is a more direct and natural term for discussing the application of drugs in sports, maintaining clarity without losing academic formality.

  2. "feasible" -> "viable"
    Explanation: While "feasible" is not incorrect, "viable" adds a touch of specificity and sophistication to suggest workable solutions in a formal context.

  3. "commence" -> "begin"
    Explanation: "Commence" is a more formal synonym for "begin," but "begin" maintains formality while being more commonly used and straightforward.

  4. "maintain the seeding" -> "preserve their ranking"
    Explanation: "Maintain the seeding" could be unclear to some readers. "Preserve their ranking" is a clearer phrase conveying the idea that athletes use drugs to keep their position in tournaments.

  5. "immense practice" -> "extensive practice"
    Explanation: While "immense" is acceptable, "extensive" better fits the context, describing the amount of practice required for enhancing stamina, aligning well with academic writing.

  6. "they shoulder the responsibility" -> "they bear the responsibility"
    Explanation: "Shoulder" might sound a bit casual. "Bear" is more formal and appropriate in this context.

  7. "always are pushed" -> "are consistently compelled"
    Explanation: "Always are pushed" could be rephrased for a more formal tone. "Consistently compelled" maintains formality and clarity in academic writing.

  8. "limitation when it comes to humans" -> "human limitations"
    Explanation: Simplifying "limitation when it comes to humans" to "human limitations" retains clarity and conciseness without losing the intended meaning.

  9. "paths like drugs" -> "resorting to substances such as drugs"
    Explanation: For academic precision, "paths like drugs" could be refined to explicitly mention "resorting to substances such as drugs," which is more formal and specific.

  10. "Some legislations" -> "Legislation"
    Explanation: "Some legislations" lacks specificity. "Legislation" is a singular, formal term referring to laws, suitable for academic writing.

  11. "with excessive penalties on athletes that ingest drugs" -> "imposing severe penalties on athletes who use drugs"
    Explanation: Replacing "with excessive penalties on athletes that ingest drugs" with "imposing severe penalties on athletes who use drugs" offers clearer and more direct phrasing.

  12. "lunch an anti-doping campaign" -> "launch an anti-doping campaign"
    Explanation: "Lunch" is a typographical error; it should be "launch" for the correct verb, maintaining formality in academic writing.

  13. "repercussions of steroids" -> "consequences of steroid use"
    Explanation: "Repercussions of steroids" can be slightly ambiguous. "Consequences of steroid use" provides a clearer and more formal expression.

  14. "Accordingly, many sportspersons will positively respond to this alert" -> "Consequently, many athletes will heed this warning"
    Explanation: "Positively respond to this alert" is a bit informal. "Heed this warning" is a more formal way to express a response in academic writing.

  15. "recovering shorter periods" -> "shortened recovery periods"
    Explanation: "Recovering shorter periods" is awkward. "Shortened recovery periods" is a more concise and appropriate phrase in formal writing.

These alterations improve the essay’s academic tone and clarity while maintaining the intended message.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both parts of the question. It discusses the reasons for doping and proposes measures to combat the issue. However, the analysis of reasons is somewhat limited, focusing mainly on the pressure to perform and the desire for quick results.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could delve into a more comprehensive exploration of the reasons for doping. This might include discussing the influence of competition, the role of coaches, or societal expectations. A broader examination would provide a more nuanced understanding of the issue.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a reasonably clear position, advocating for extreme penalties and anti-steroid campaigns to control doping. However, the clarity could be improved by explicitly stating this stance in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, make the thesis statement more explicit in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. This will reinforce the essay’s position and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas are presented, but the development is somewhat superficial. The essay briefly mentions reasons for doping and proposes measures, but it lacks depth and detailed exploration. Additionally, examples are limited.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, provide more detailed explanations of each point, incorporating specific examples and evidence. This will not only enhance the overall argument but also demonstrate a more profound understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but may benefit from more focus on the reasons for doping. The discussion on combating the issue is well-aligned with the prompt.
    • How to improve: Ensure that the reasons for doping are thoroughly explored without veering into unrelated areas. This will result in a more cohesive and focused response.

In summary, while the essay adequately addresses the prompt, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of position, development of ideas, and maintaining focus on the topic. Expanding on the reasons for doping and providing more detailed examples will contribute to a more comprehensive and cohesive essay. Additionally, reinforcing the thesis statement and maintaining a clear stance throughout will enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction clearly states the intention to explore reasons for doping and propose solutions. The body paragraphs present reasons in a sequential manner, discussing stamina improvement first and then the pressure of representing one’s nation. The conclusion summarizes the key points effectively.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining the transition between paragraphs. For instance, using transition sentences could help guide the reader from one idea to the next more smoothly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but the structure could be more refined. Each paragraph generally addresses a distinct point, but there is room for improvement in the coherence within paragraphs. For example, the first body paragraph could be more focused on stamina improvement.
    • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. In the body paragraphs, maintain a consistent focus on the specific aspect of doping being discussed. This would contribute to a more organized and cohesive structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as linking words ("firstly," "secondly," "in conclusion") and pronouns ("this," "they"). However, there is a need for a more varied and sophisticated use of cohesive devices to improve overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore"), synonyms, and transitional phrases. This can help create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall cohesion of the essay.

Overall, the essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices would contribute to a more refined and cohesive piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It uses some varied expressions, such as "contemporary phenomenon," "maintain the seeding," and "mitigate this issue." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further, especially in the development of specific ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance your vocabulary, consider incorporating more specialized terms related to sports and doping. Instead of using general terms like "short time," you could use alternatives like "limited time frame" or "compressed schedule" to add nuance. Additionally, explore synonyms and related terms to express ideas more precisely.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay shows some precision in vocabulary usage, but there are instances where words or phrases could be more accurate. For instance, the phrase "maintain the seeding" may benefit from a clearer explanation or a more suitable term. Additionally, some expressions, such as "every country would lunch an anti-doping campaign," might be imprecise.
    • How to improve: Strive for greater precision by selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. For example, instead of "maintain the seeding," consider specifying whether it refers to a player’s ranking or performance level. Regarding the phrase "lunch an anti-doping campaign," correct the typo and consider using "launch" for a more accurate representation of initiating a campaign.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits noticeable spelling errors, such as "legislations" (should be "legislation"), "lunch" (should be "launch"), and "sportspersons" (should be "sportspeople" or "athletes"). These errors affect the overall accuracy of the essay.
    • How to improve: Focus on improving spelling accuracy by proofreading your work carefully. Utilize spell-check tools and pay close attention to commonly misspelled words. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using language learning apps to enhance your spelling skills. Remember to review and correct errors before finalizing your writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of lexical resource, refining vocabulary diversity, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used, enhancing the overall readability. For instance, the essay starts with a complex sentence, "In sports, the utilization of drugs to enhance performance has become a contemporary phenomenon," showcasing a variety in sentence structures.
    • How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s language, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as using relative clauses or inverted sentence structures. This will elevate the sophistication of your writing.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "they shoulder the responsibility" is accurate, but some minor errors like "every country would lunch an anti-doping campaign" should be addressed.
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tenses. In the example provided, the correct form is "launch" instead of "lunch." Additionally, revise sentence structures to ensure clarity and correctness.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: The punctuation is generally accurate, with appropriate use of commas and periods. However, there are instances where sentence structures are overly complex, leading to potential confusion. For example, the sentence "To commence, with the reasons firstly, in order to maintain the seeding sometimes they are pushed to rely on drugs to improve their stamina" could benefit from clearer punctuation.
    • How to improve: Simplify complex sentences to enhance clarity. Break down longer sentences into shorter ones, ensuring that each idea is expressed clearly. Additionally, pay attention to the correct use of commas in complex sentences to avoid confusion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a good range of sentence structures. To improve, focus on refining sentence structures for added complexity, addressing minor grammatical errors, and ensuring punctuation clarity in more intricate sentences. This will contribute to an even more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the realm of sports, the use of performance-enhancing drugs has emerged as a contemporary trend. This essay aims to delve into the reasons behind this phenomenon and propose practical solutions to address the issue.

To begin with the reasons, athletes often find themselves resorting to substances such as drugs to enhance their performance. The pressure to maintain their ranking prompts them to seek quick solutions for improving stamina. Achieving an increase in stamina requires extensive practice, which is often unattainable within the constraints of a short time frame set by tournaments. Additionally, athletes bear the responsibility of representing their nation, leading to high stress and expectations to perform within tight deadlines. Recognizing the inherent human limitations, they may turn to substances like drugs to overcome physical and mental shortcomings.

To counter this issue, it is crucial for governments to collaborate with sports associations and enact legislation with severe penalties for athletes caught using drugs. Imposing life bans on players who test positive sends a strong message and preserves the integrity of national representation. Furthermore, launching anti-doping campaigns in collaboration with sports role models can significantly contribute to raising awareness. For instance, partnerships with renowned athletes like Mohamed Salah can effectively communicate the consequences of steroid use.

In conclusion, the pursuit of more trophies and the desire for shortened recovery periods drive athletes to consider prohibited substances. Nevertheless, this phenomenon can be curtailed through the implementation of stringent penalties and the initiation of impactful anti-steroid campaigns. By addressing the root causes and promoting ethical practices, the sports community can collectively work towards preserving the essence of fair competition.

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