In recent years, technological advancements have significantly changed the way people interact. Point out the advantages and disadvantages of this trend in your paragraph?

Over the past decades, advances in technology have greatly influenced virtually every aspect of humans’ life, especially communication. Although the digital revolution has many positive effects on people’s interaction, this also has some adverse impacts. In this essay, I will point out both two effects.

On the one hand, these developments can be extremely positive. Firstly, technology enables people to maintain their relationships regardless of geological distances. Thanks to cutting-edge tools such as smartphones or laptops, users can easily get access to a variety of social networks which offer many utilities ranging from message to video call. By harnessing high-developed technological tools, family members living far away can cement their relationships with each other either at work or home. Facebook, for example, catches many users’ attention by offering text messaging, voice and video calls, and group chats, making it easy to communicate irrespective of their locations. Besides strengthening family bonds, online interactions can assist people in making new friends who have hobbies or backgrounds in common. With the assistance of technology, people from various nationalities and communities are provided many chances to enlarge their friend circle through many social platforms.

However, advancements in technology may have undesirable consequences in case of over-reliance. To begin with, this can lead to a preference for online over face-to-face interaction. Some people may pay almost attention to developing their relationships on the Internet but neglect their real-world one, which can pose a threat to family bonds and friends. According to Teen Base Vietnam, it is reported that a majority of young people would prefer to make friends online than mix with their peers in the real world which is considered to be a poor substitute for real relationships.

In conclusion, technology has significantly enhanced the way people interact with each other since it provides a multitude of utilities but this can be a communication hindrance if overused.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Over the past decades" -> "Over the past decades"
Explanation: The phrase "Over the past decades" is grammatically correct and commonly used in academic writing. No change is necessary here for clarity or formality.
"virtually every aspect of humans’ life" -> "virtually every aspect of human life"
Explanation: The possessive form "humans’" is unnecessary and can be simplified to "human" for clarity and grammatical correctness.
"this also has some adverse impacts" -> "this also has some adverse effects"
Explanation: "Impacts" is less commonly used in formal writing to describe the consequences of an action; "effects" is the more appropriate term in this context.
"both two effects" -> "both of these effects"
Explanation: "Both two" is grammatically incorrect. "Both of these effects" corrects the grammatical error and maintains formal tone.
"extremely positive" -> "highly beneficial"
Explanation: "Extremely positive" is somewhat informal and vague. "Highly beneficial" is more precise and formal.
"geological distances" -> "geographical distances"
Explanation: "Geological" refers to the study of the Earth’s physical structure and processes, whereas "geographical" refers to the study of the Earth’s surface features and their relationships. The correct term is "geographical."
"get access to a variety of social networks" -> "access a variety of social networks"
Explanation: Removing "get" simplifies the phrase and aligns better with formal academic style.
"many utilities ranging from message to video call" -> "a range of utilities, including messaging and video calls"
Explanation: "Many utilities ranging from message to video call" is awkward and informal. "A range of utilities, including messaging and video calls" is clearer and more formal.
"high-developed technological tools" -> "highly developed technological tools"
Explanation: "High-developed" is not a standard term. "Highly developed" is the correct adverbial form.
"catches many users’ attention" -> "attracts many users"
Explanation: "Catches" is informal and less precise. "Attracts" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"irrespective of their locations" -> "regardless of their locations"
Explanation: "Irrespective" is less commonly used in American English, whereas "regardless" is more widely accepted and understood.
"enlarge their friend circle" -> "expand their social circle"
Explanation: "Enlarge their friend circle" is informal and slightly awkward. "Expand their social circle" is more precise and formal.
"over-reliance" -> "overreliance"
Explanation: "Over-reliance" is grammatically correct, but "overreliance" is the preferred form in formal writing.
"pay almost attention" -> "pay little attention"
Explanation: "Pay almost attention" is grammatically incorrect. "Pay little attention" is the correct phrase.
"mix with their peers" -> "interact with their peers"
Explanation: "Mix with" is informal and vague. "Interact with" is more specific and appropriate for formal writing.
"which is considered to be a poor substitute for real relationships" -> "which is considered a poor substitute for real relationships"
Explanation: Removing "to be" simplifies the sentence structure and enhances the formality of the statement.
"communication hindrance" -> "communication barrier"
Explanation: "Hindrance" is less commonly used in this context; "barrier" is the standard term for describing obstacles in communication.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of technological advancements in communication, which is a key requirement of the prompt. The writer effectively identifies positive aspects, such as maintaining long-distance relationships and making new friends, and contrasts these with negative aspects, such as the preference for online interactions over face-to-face communication. However, the phrase "point out both two effects" is somewhat awkward and could be clearer. Additionally, while the essay mentions both sides, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the disadvantages, as they are less developed than the advantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each side is given equal weight. This could involve elaborating more on the disadvantages, perhaps by providing additional examples or discussing the implications of over-reliance on technology in more depth.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that acknowledges both the positive and negative impacts of technology on communication. The introduction sets the stage for this balanced view, and the conclusion reiterates the dual nature of technology’s effects. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer and more cohesive position, the writer could use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay. For instance, explicitly stating how the advantages lead to the disadvantages could create a more logical flow. Additionally, reinforcing the thesis throughout the body paragraphs would help maintain focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the advantages of technology, such as maintaining relationships and forming new friendships. These ideas are supported with examples, such as the mention of Facebook and its features. However, the support for the disadvantages is less robust; while there is a reference to a statistic from Teen Base Vietnam, it lacks further elaboration or examples that could strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made, especially for the disadvantages. Including specific scenarios or studies that illustrate the negative impacts of technology on communication would enhance the overall argument and provide a more comprehensive view.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on how technology has changed communication. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For instance, the mention of "many utilities" in the introduction is vague and could be more specific to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain a stronger focus on the topic, the writer should avoid vague language and ensure that each point directly relates back to the prompt. Clear definitions of terms like "utilities" or more specific examples of technological tools would help keep the discussion relevant and engaging.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, clarity of position, and specificity of examples. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the intention to discuss both advantages and disadvantages. The body paragraphs are organized into two distinct sections: one focusing on the positive impacts of technology on communication, and the other addressing the negative consequences. This logical organization helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that signal a shift in focus, such as "On the contrary," or "Conversely," at the beginning of the second body paragraph. Additionally, summarizing the main point of the first paragraph before transitioning to the second could help reinforce the connection between the two sections.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by examples. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of technology, while the second addresses its drawbacks. However, the introduction could be more clearly defined as a separate paragraph, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points without introducing new ideas.
- How to improve: Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly delineated as separate paragraphs. In the conclusion, instead of introducing the idea of technology being a "communication hindrance," which is a new concept, reiterate the main points discussed in the body paragraphs. This will reinforce the essay’s coherence and provide a more satisfying closure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "However," and "Besides," which help in linking ideas within and between paragraphs. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "In addition," "Moreover," "On the other hand," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one; for example, when discussing the negative impact of technology, explicitly connect it back to the positive aspects mentioned earlier to create a more cohesive argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions could further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "technological advancements," "geological distances," and "cutting-edge tools." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice. For example, the phrase "many positive effects" could be enhanced by using synonyms such as "numerous" or "various." Additionally, the term "utilities" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with more specific vocabulary such as "features" or "functions."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more specific terms throughout the essay. Keeping a thesaurus handy while writing can help in finding alternative expressions. Practicing with vocabulary exercises that focus on synonyms and antonyms can also broaden lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "geological distances" is likely a typographical error and should be "geographical distances." Additionally, the expression "high-developed technological tools" is awkward; "highly developed" would be more precise. The phrase "assist people in making new friends" could be improved to "facilitate the formation of new friendships," which conveys the idea more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should pay closer attention to word forms and collocations. Reading more academic texts can help familiarize the writer with precise vocabulary usage. Additionally, revising sentences to ensure that word choices accurately reflect the intended meaning will enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "geological" is incorrect in this context and should be "geographical." The phrase "almost attention" is awkward and may have been intended to mean "pay too much attention." These errors indicate a need for more careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Engaging in regular writing practice and seeking feedback from peers can help identify and correct spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of technological advancements in communication, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Although the digital revolution has many positive effects on people’s interaction, this also has some adverse impacts" effectively showcases the writer’s ability to convey contrasting ideas. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which helps maintain reader engagement. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "technology" or "these developments," which could limit the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "technology," the writer could use phrases like "In addition to," "Moreover," or "Another significant aspect is." Additionally, varying the placement of subordinate clauses can create more dynamic sentence constructions.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "geological distances" should be corrected to "geographical distances." Furthermore, the use of punctuation is mostly effective, although there are some areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as in the phrase "which can pose a threat to family bonds and friends," where a comma before "and" would clarify that both family bonds and friendships are at risk.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay for common errors, particularly in word choice and punctuation. Focusing on the correct use of terms (e.g., "geographical" instead of "geological") is essential. Additionally, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences can help clarify meaning and improve the overall flow of the writing. Engaging in exercises that focus on punctuation rules and common grammatical pitfalls could also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay showcases a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the noted areas for improvement will further enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Over the past decades, advances in technology have greatly influenced virtually every aspect of human life, especially communication. Although the digital revolution has many positive effects on people’s interactions, this also has some adverse impacts. In this essay, I will point out both of these effects.

On the one hand, these developments can be extremely positive. Firstly, technology enables people to maintain their relationships regardless of geographical distances. Thanks to highly developed tools such as smartphones or laptops, users can easily access a variety of social networks that offer many utilities ranging from messaging to video calls. By harnessing these technological tools, family members living far away can cement their relationships with each other, whether at work or home. Facebook, for example, attracts many users’ attention by offering text messaging, voice and video calls, and group chats, making it easy to communicate regardless of their locations. Besides strengthening family bonds, online interactions can assist people in making new friends who have hobbies or backgrounds in common. With the assistance of technology, people from various nationalities and communities are provided with many chances to expand their social circle through various social platforms.

However, advancements in technology may have undesirable consequences in the case of overreliance. To begin with, this can lead to a preference for online over face-to-face interaction. Some people may pay little attention to developing their relationships in the real world and instead focus on the Internet, which can pose a threat to family bonds and friendships. According to Teen Base Vietnam, it is reported that a majority of young people would prefer to make friends online than mix with their peers in the real world, which is considered a poor substitute for real relationships.

In conclusion, technology has significantly enhanced the way people interact with each other since it provides a multitude of utilities, but this can create a communication barrier if overused.