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In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. What are the changes occurring? Do you think these changes are positive or negative?

In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles.
What are the changes occurring?
Do you think these changes are positive or negative?

The structure and roles within families have seen recent changes, and while these shifts can be viewed favorably in the long term, they presently appear predominantly negative, as I'll discuss in this essay.

Family sizes are becoming smaller, moving away from the traditional nuclear model of two parents with at least one child toward an increase in childless families. This shift is largely influenced by the increased accessibility of contraception, significantly reducing family sizes. Additionally, the conventional gender-based roles within families are becoming less distinct. More men are taking on caring responsibilities and aspiring to be homemakers, while mothers, in turn, may take on greater financial responsibilities due to fewer constraints on their ability to work.

Choosing a child-free lifestyle over adhering strictly to the traditional nuclear family allows couples more quality time together and preserves their disposable income, no longer drained by childcare expenses. Furthermore, redefined gender roles positively impact couples. As one partner takes on homemaking duties and childcare, the other gains the freedom to pursue varied careers or higher education based on their interests and abilities.

In summary, the shift towards smaller family sizes and the evolving gender roles within families represent positive developments, allowing couples the freedom to allocate their time and resources while fostering understanding and support between partners.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Family sizes are becoming smaller" -> "Family sizes are diminishing"
    Explanation: Replacing "becoming smaller" with "diminishing" introduces a more formal and precise term, aligning better with academic style.

  2. "moving away from the traditional nuclear model" -> "deviating from the traditional nuclear model"
    Explanation: The phrase "moving away" can be replaced with "deviating" for a more formal expression, emphasizing the departure from the traditional model.

  3. "increase in childless families" -> "rise in childless households"
    Explanation: "Increase in" can be replaced with "rise in" to convey the idea more formally. Additionally, "childless families" can be refined to "childless households" for greater accuracy.

  4. "largely influenced by the increased accessibility of contraception" -> "largely influenced by enhanced contraceptive accessibility"
    Explanation: Substituting "increased accessibility of contraception" with "enhanced contraceptive accessibility" maintains clarity while using more formal language.

  5. "significantly reducing family sizes" -> "substantially decreasing family sizes"
    Explanation: Replacing "significantly reducing" with "substantially decreasing" enhances the precision of the statement, adhering to a more formal tone.

  6. "aspiring to be homemakers" -> "aspiring to assume homemaking roles"
    Explanation: The phrase "aspiring to be homemakers" can be refined to "aspiring to assume homemaking roles" for a more formal and specific expression.

  7. "may take on greater financial responsibilities due to fewer constraints" -> "may assume increased financial responsibilities due to reduced constraints"
    Explanation: Substituting "greater" with "increased" and "fewer" with "reduced" contributes to a more formal and nuanced description.

  8. "Choosing a child-free lifestyle" -> "Opting for a child-free lifestyle"
    Explanation: Replacing "Choosing" with "Opting for" provides a more formal and precise beginning to the sentence.

  9. "no longer drained by childcare expenses" -> "no longer depleted by childcare expenditures"
    Explanation: Replacing "drained" with "depleted" and "expenses" with "expenditures" maintains formality and improves specificity.

  10. "pursue varied careers or higher education based on their interests and abilities" -> "pursue diverse careers or advanced education aligned with their interests and abilities"
    Explanation: Enhancing the phrase to "pursue diverse careers or advanced education" adds formality and clarity to the statement, avoiding potential ambiguity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0 – UNDER WORD

  1. Quoted text: "The structure and roles within families have seen recent changes, and while these shifts can be viewed favorably in the long term, they presently appear predominantly negative, as I’ll discuss in this essay."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting a precise position on whether the changes in family structure and roles are positive or negative. It is essential to clearly state your opinion in the introduction to guide the reader. Consider rephrasing to explicitly mention your stance, for example, "In this essay, I will argue that although these shifts may have long-term benefits, the current implications appear largely negative."
    • Improved example: "In this essay, I will argue that although these shifts may have long-term benefits, the current implications appear largely negative. The structure and roles within families have seen recent changes."
  2. Quoted text: "Family sizes are becoming smaller, moving away from the traditional nuclear model of two parents with at least one child toward an increase in childless families."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The idea of smaller family sizes is presented, but the explanation lacks depth and development. Elaborate on the reasons behind this trend and provide specific examples or personal experiences to support your argument. For instance, you could discuss how couples nowadays prefer smaller families for better work-life balance or economic reasons.
    • Improved example: "The trend towards smaller family sizes is influenced by various factors. Modern couples often prefer this arrangement for better work-life balance, allowing them to allocate more time to personal pursuits and career advancement. For example, a recent survey showed that…"
  3. Quoted text: "Furthermore, redefined gender roles positively impact couples. As one partner takes on homemaking duties and childcare, the other gains the freedom to pursue varied careers or higher education based on their interests and abilities."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While the point on redefined gender roles is addressed, the idea lacks sufficient development. Provide more detailed examples or reasons to illustrate how these evolving roles positively impact couples. Discuss specific instances or share personal experiences to enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
    • Improved example: "The redefined gender roles within families offer tangible benefits for couples. For instance, when one partner takes on homemaking duties and childcare responsibilities, it enables the other partner to pursue diverse career opportunities or higher education. This not only fosters personal growth but also strengthens the overall partnership."

Overall, the essay would benefit from a more explicit stance in the introduction and deeper development of ideas with specific examples or personal experiences to support the arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. The introduction introduces the topic and the essay’s stance. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the changes in family structure and roles, providing a smooth flow of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is evident, although there is some underuse in connecting certain ideas. The essay successfully presents a clear central topic within each paragraph, contributing to overall coherence.

How to Improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider incorporating more varied cohesive devices throughout the essay to strengthen the connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that transitions between paragraphs are consistently smooth to maintain a cohesive flow. Be cautious not to underuse cohesive devices, especially when connecting complex or contrasting ideas. Overall, maintaining the current logical organization while refining the use of cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey ideas with some flexibility and precision. It effectively uses less common lexical items and exhibits awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, and some sentences could benefit from more varied expressions.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource, consider incorporating a broader range of vocabulary consistently throughout the essay. Be cautious of word choice and collocation errors, ensuring that the selected words fit seamlessly in the context. Additionally, strive for more diversity in sentence structures to further showcase your lexical prowess.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammatical structures, showcasing a wide range of sentence constructions with only very occasional errors. The essay consistently employs complex structures, contributing to the overall coherence and fluency of the writing. The majority of sentences are error-free, and any mistakes that do occur are minor and can be categorized as ‘slips.’ The essay effectively uses punctuation and grammar to convey ideas with clarity.

How to improve: To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the author could consider incorporating a more diverse set of vocabulary and expressions. While the essay is well-structured and articulate, incorporating advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions can contribute to an even richer linguistic presentation. Additionally, maintaining this level of accuracy throughout the essay will ensure a more consistent demonstration of language proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

The family structure and roles have undergone recent changes, and while these shifts may have long-term benefits, they currently seem predominantly negative, as I’ll discuss in this essay.

Family sizes are diminishing, deviating from the traditional nuclear model of two parents with at least one child, and there’s a rise in childless households. This change is largely influenced by enhanced contraceptive accessibility, substantially decreasing family sizes. Moreover, the conventional gender-based roles within families are becoming less distinct. More men are aspiring to assume homemaking roles and take on caring responsibilities, while mothers may assume increased financial responsibilities due to reduced constraints on their ability to work.

Opting for a child-free lifestyle over adhering strictly to the traditional nuclear family allows couples more quality time together and preserves their disposable income, no longer depleted by childcare expenses. Furthermore, redefined gender roles positively impact couples. As one partner takes on homemaking duties and childcare, the other gains the freedom to pursue diverse careers or advanced education aligned with their interests and abilities.

In summary, the shift towards smaller family sizes and the evolving gender roles within families represents positive developments, allowing couples the freedom to allocate their time and resources while fostering understanding and support between partners.

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