In recent years, there has been a decline in the number of young people choosing to read for pleasure what are the reasons behind this, and what impacts it brings to our educational development?

In the past few years, there has been a drop in the quantity of young people deciding to read for enjoyment. What are the common-sense behind it, and which influence it bring to our development of education?
It is a common belief that reading books is relatively trivial in modern times, its reasons are that individuals are depend on the progressive technology equipment and consider it a way of life. Take the example of educating, which considered a difficult problem for students, instead of use reference book, people always go to youtube to find learning tips. It is a good thing but too much of it negatively affects the logical thinking ability. It is evident that nowadays people are extremely busy with work and study, so they hardly have enough time for reading for entertainment. Statistics have shown that the time spent reading books or using audiobook apps is only a quarter of people's free time, the rest is spent time watching tiktok, facebook or instagram, and this number will continue to increase.
For these reason, every year thousands of bookstores have to close down because of losses. The issue can be resolved by online books business. Not reading regularly will also lead to a loss of deep concentration. This leads to students only reading superficially and then choosing the answers when taking tests that have a reading comprehension section. Even students in class can hardly concentrate on reading and understanding a few pages of a book. For instance, when comparing a student who reads regularly with a student who only uses social media, we always see that the person who reads regularly is mentally relaxed and ready to study.
On the whole, reading is extremely important not only for individuals but also contributes to building a comprehensive educational development environment, because reading is also aiming to become a global citizen, integrating and uniting in areas of life such as politics, education, and law.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"drop in the quantity of young people deciding to read for enjoyment" -> "decline in the number of young people choosing to read for pleasure"
Explanation: "Decline" is more precise and formal than "drop," and "choosing to read for pleasure" is more specific and academically appropriate than "deciding to read for enjoyment."
"common-sense behind it" -> "rationale behind this"
Explanation: "Rationale" is a more formal and precise term than "common-sense," which is colloquial and vague in this context.
"which influence it bring" -> "which influences it brings"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical error; "influences" should be plural to agree with the plural subject "influence."
"reading books is relatively trivial" -> "reading books is considered relatively trivial"
Explanation: Adding "considered" clarifies that the statement is an opinion rather than a fact, aligning with academic style.
"individuals are depend on the progressive technology equipment" -> "individuals rely on the progressive technological equipment"
Explanation: "Rely" is the correct verb for dependence, and "technological" is the correct adjective form.
"consider it a way of life" -> "regard it as a lifestyle"
Explanation: "Regard it as a lifestyle" is more formal and precise than "consider it a way of life."
"educating, which considered a difficult problem" -> "education, which is considered a challenging issue"
Explanation: "Education" should be the subject, and "is considered" corrects the verb tense. "Challenging issue" is more formal than "difficult problem."
"instead of use reference book" -> "instead of using reference books"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical error and pluralizes "book" to match the plural context.
"people always go to youtube" -> "people often turn to YouTube"
Explanation: "Turn to" is more formal than "go to," and "YouTube" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.
"too much of it negatively affects" -> "excessive use of it negatively impacts"
Explanation: "Excessive use of it" is more precise and formal, and "impacts" is preferred over "affects" in academic writing.
"Statistics have shown that the time spent reading books or using audiobook apps is only a quarter of people’s free time" -> "Statistics indicate that the time spent reading books or using audiobook apps accounts for only a quarter of people’s free time"
Explanation: "Indicate" is more formal than "have shown," and "accounts for" is more precise than "is."
"the rest is spent time watching tiktok, facebook or instagram" -> "the remainder is spent on watching TikTok, Facebook, or Instagram"
Explanation: "Remainder" is more formal than "rest," and "on" is the correct preposition for activities like watching. Proper nouns should be capitalized.
"For these reason" -> "For these reasons"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical error; "reasons" should be plural to agree with the plural subject.
"Not reading regularly will also lead to a loss of deep concentration" -> "Infrequent reading also leads to a loss of deep concentration"
Explanation: "Infrequent reading" is more precise than "Not reading regularly," and "leads" is more direct than "will also lead."
"reading is extremely important not only for individuals but also contributes to building a comprehensive educational development environment" -> "reading is crucial not only for individuals but also contributes to the development of a comprehensive educational environment"
Explanation: "Crucial" is more formal than "extremely important," and "the development of a comprehensive educational environment" is more precise and formal.
"reading is also aiming to become a global citizen" -> "reading also aims to foster global citizenship"
Explanation: "Aims to foster" is more precise and formal than "is aiming to become," and "foster global citizenship" is a more accurate and formal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the reasons for the decline in reading among young people and the impacts on educational development. The author notes that reliance on technology and social media detracts from reading time, which is a relevant point. However, the explanation of the reasons could be more nuanced, as it primarily focuses on technology without considering other factors such as changes in leisure activities or educational systems. The impacts on educational development are mentioned but could be elaborated further, particularly in terms of specific educational outcomes.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay could include a broader range of reasons for the decline in reading, such as societal shifts in values or the availability of alternative entertainment. Additionally, providing more specific examples of how this decline affects educational outcomes—like critical thinking skills or vocabulary development—would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the decline in reading is detrimental to educational development. However, the phrasing and structure sometimes obscure this stance. For example, the phrase "it is a good thing but too much of it negatively affects the logical thinking ability" could confuse readers about the author’s position on technology’s role in education.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer and more consistent position, the author should use more definitive language and avoid ambiguous phrases. Structuring the essay with clear topic sentences that directly state the main point of each paragraph would also help reinforce the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas about the decline in reading and its impacts, such as the influence of social media and the effect on concentration. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the mention of statistics about reading time is a good start, but the essay lacks detailed analysis or specific data to substantiate these claims. The example comparing students who read regularly with those who do not is relevant but could be expanded with more detail or specific studies.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the author should include more detailed examples and evidence, such as studies or statistics that support their claims. Additionally, each point should be clearly linked back to the main argument to enhance coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the decline of reading and its educational implications. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as the discussion of online book businesses, which could be seen as a tangent rather than a direct response to the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main ideas before writing to ensure that all content is aligned with the task requirements. Avoiding off-topic discussions will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from deeper analysis, clearer structure, and more precise language to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the decline in reading among young people and its implications for educational development. However, the organization of ideas could be improved. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the topic but lacks a strong thesis statement that clearly outlines the main points to be discussed. The second paragraph discusses reasons for the decline, but the transition to the impacts on education is somewhat abrupt. The ideas are generally relevant and connected, but the flow could be enhanced by a more structured approach.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the reasons and impacts you will discuss. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea. Additionally, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," or "In contrast," to clarify the relationship between points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure could be more effective. The first paragraph serves as an introduction, while the second and third paragraphs discuss reasons and impacts, respectively. However, the second paragraph is quite lengthy and covers multiple ideas without clear separation, which can confuse the reader. The final paragraph attempts to summarize the importance of reading but lacks a strong concluding statement.
- How to improve: Break down longer paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones. For example, consider separating the reasons for the decline in reading into two distinct paragraphs: one for technological influences and another for time constraints. Additionally, ensure that the concluding paragraph summarizes the main points clearly and reinforces the thesis, providing a sense of closure to the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for instance" and "on the whole," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clear connections, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the transition from discussing the decline in reading to its impact on educational development could benefit from clearer linking phrases.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Consequently," and "As a result." This will help clarify the relationships between your ideas. Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one, using cohesive devices to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve greater coherence and cohesion, which will contribute to a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "decline," "enjoyment," "logical thinking ability," and "comprehensive educational development." However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. For instance, phrases like "reading for enjoyment" and "the time spent reading books" are used multiple times without variation, which limits the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "reading for enjoyment," alternatives like "leisure reading" or "reading for pleasure" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to education and technology, such as "digital literacy" or "cognitive development," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices in the essay are imprecise or incorrect. For example, the phrase "common-sense behind it" should be "the common reasons behind it." Additionally, "influence it bring" should be corrected to "influence it brings." These errors can confuse the reader and detract from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on ensuring that vocabulary is used correctly in context. This can be achieved by reviewing grammar rules and practicing sentence structure. For instance, the writer could revise sentences to ensure subject-verb agreement and proper use of phrases. Engaging in exercises that focus on collocations and idiomatic expressions can also help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "depend" (should be "dependent"), "educating" (should be "education"), "tiktok" (should be "TikTok"), and "for these reason" (should be "for this reason"). Such mistakes can undermine the professionalism of the writing and may distract the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should consider implementing a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools before finalizing the draft. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them regularly can be beneficial. Engaging in vocabulary-building exercises that include spelling practice can also help reinforce correct spelling.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary use, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can elevate their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it largely relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, sentences like "It is a common belief that reading books is relatively trivial in modern times" and "For these reason, every year thousands of bookstores have to close down because of losses" show basic sentence forms. There are attempts at more complex structures, such as "instead of use reference book, people always go to youtube to find learning tips," but these often contain errors that detract from their effectiveness.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "It is evident that nowadays people are extremely busy with work and study," the writer could use a structure like "Although people are extremely busy with work and study, it is evident that they still need to prioritize reading for pleasure." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied sentence openings can also help diversify sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, "what are the common-sense behind it" should be "what is the common sense behind it," and "which influence it bring to our development of education?" should be "which influences it brings to our educational development?" Additionally, punctuation errors such as missing commas and run-on sentences hinder readability. For instance, "Statistics have shown that the time spent reading books or using audiobook apps is only a quarter of people’s free time, the rest is spent time watching tiktok, facebook or instagram, and this number will continue to increase" could be improved with clearer punctuation and structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and proper noun usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct these issues. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Reading more complex texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, improving the variety of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice and targeted feedback will aid in achieving these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the past few years, there has been a drop in the number of young people deciding to read for enjoyment. What is the rationale behind this, and what influences does it bring to our educational development?

It is a common belief that reading books is relatively trivial in modern times. The reasons for this are that individuals rely on progressive technological equipment and regard it as a lifestyle. Take the example of education, which is considered a challenging issue for students. Instead of using reference books, people often turn to YouTube to find learning tips. This can be beneficial, but excessive use of it negatively impacts logical thinking ability. It is evident that nowadays people are extremely busy with work and study, so they hardly have enough time for reading for entertainment. Statistics indicate that the time spent reading books or using audiobook apps accounts for only a quarter of people’s free time; the remainder is spent watching TikTok, Facebook, or Instagram, and this number will continue to increase.

For these reasons, every year thousands of bookstores have to close down due to losses. The issue can be somewhat resolved by online book businesses. Infrequent reading also leads to a loss of deep concentration. This results in students only reading superficially and then guessing the answers when taking tests that have a reading comprehension section. Even students in class can hardly concentrate on reading and understanding a few pages of a book. For instance, when comparing a student who reads regularly with a student who only uses social media, we often see that the person who reads regularly is mentally relaxed and ready to study.

On the whole, reading is extremely important not only for individuals but also contributes to the development of a comprehensive educational environment, as reading also aims to foster global citizenship, integrating and uniting various areas of life such as politics, education, and law.