In recent years, there has been a rise in the popularity of second-hand clothing amongst the younger generation. Why is this happening? Do you think it’s a positive or negative development?
In recent years, buying used clothes has become popular among youngsters. This is because many adolescents try to be like famous people, and I think it is a positive development because teenagers can save money for other useful things.
Many adolescents buy used clothes because they want to be like famous people. That is to say that they need different outfits for any occasion and that is expensive. That is because they cannot cope with the financial burden of buying new clothes from stores, such as Prada or Gucci. As a result, many youngsters buy second-hand clothes. For example, in the United States, many teenagers buy used Gucci products in order to wear them and be like their idols.
I think it is a positive development because teenagers who buy used shirts or pants can save money for other useful things, such as a computer or a car. That is to say that, if these adolescents have a computer, they could use it for the school or even to work in computer related jobs. For example, many teenagers can work as a freelancer in many jobs that do not require high skills to do it, such as making presentations or translating works from other language and as a result earn money and save it.
In conclusion, many adolescents are buying used clothes because they want to be like their idols, and I think it is a positive development because they can use the money they do not spend in useful things.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"youngsters" -> "adolescents"
Explanation: While "youngsters" is not inherently incorrect, "adolescents" is a more formal and precise term often used in academic writing, aligning better with the essay’s context discussing teenagers and their behavior.
"I think" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "I think" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "In my opinion" maintains the author’s viewpoint but in a more formal and suitable manner.
"That is because" -> "This is due to"
Explanation: "That is because" can sound repetitive and less formal. "This is due to" provides a more polished transition and maintains a formal tone.
"cannot cope with" -> "cannot manage"
Explanation: "Cope with" is slightly informal for academic writing. "Cannot manage" maintains formality while expressing the idea of handling the financial burden.
"shirts or pants" -> "garments or attire"
Explanation: "Shirts or pants" can be replaced with more formal synonyms like "garments or attire," which enhance the sophistication of the language used.
"in order to wear them" -> "to emulate them"
Explanation: "In order to wear them" is somewhat redundant. "To emulate them" succinctly expresses the idea of wanting to imitate their idols.
"save money for other useful things" -> "allocate funds to other beneficial purposes"
Explanation: This replacement enhances formality and precision, avoiding the casual tone of "save money for other useful things" in favor of a more sophisticated expression.
"computer related jobs" -> "jobs in the field of computing"
Explanation: "Computer related jobs" can be refined to "jobs in the field of computing," which sounds more formal and specific.
"many teenagers can work as a freelancer" -> "numerous adolescents can freelance"
Explanation: The suggested change simplifies the sentence structure without losing its academic formality, offering a more direct and concise expression.
"do not require high skills to do it" -> "do not demand extensive expertise"
Explanation: The replacement utilizes a more formal phrasing, enhancing the academic tone by avoiding casual language like "do not require high skills to do it."
"making presentations or translating works" -> "creating presentations or translating texts"
Explanation: The alteration provides a more precise and refined description by using "creating presentations" and "translating texts" instead of the more casual "making presentations" and "translating works."
"money they do not spend in useful things" -> "funds not expended on necessary items"
Explanation: This replacement introduces a more formal and nuanced way to express the idea of money saved for essential purposes, aligning better with academic tone and style.
Overall, these alterations aim to maintain formality and precision in the vocabulary while enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "In recent years, buying used clothes has become popular among youngsters. This is because many adolescents try to be like famous people, and I think it is a positive development because teenagers can save money for other useful things."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction establishes the topic and the writer’s position but lacks a clear roadmap for the essay. Consider providing a brief overview of the main points you will discuss, enhancing the essay’s structure for better coherence.
- Improved example: "In recent years, the trend of purchasing second-hand clothing has gained traction among young people. This surge can be attributed to adolescents aspiring to emulate celebrities. In this essay, I will delve into the reasons behind this phenomenon and argue that, despite its financial benefits, there are broader positive implications for the younger generation."
Quoted text: "Many adolescents buy used clothes because they want to be like famous people. That is to say that they need different outfits for any occasion and that is expensive. That is because they cannot cope with the financial burden of buying new clothes from stores, such as Prada or Gucci. As a result, many youngsters buy second-hand clothes. For example, in the United States, many teenagers buy used Gucci products in order to wear them and be like their idols."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The explanation of why youngsters buy second-hand clothes is clear, but the development could be more nuanced. Consider providing additional reasons or expanding on the impact of this emulation on their financial well-being.
- Improved example: "Many adolescents are drawn to used clothing due to their desire to emulate famous personalities, necessitating a diverse wardrobe for various occasions. The financial strain of purchasing new, branded clothes, such as those from Prada or Gucci, is a significant deterrent. Consequently, a growing number of young individuals opt for second-hand alternatives. For instance, teenagers in the United States often acquire pre-owned Gucci products to mirror the style of their idols, showcasing the influence of celebrity culture on consumer behavior."
Quoted text: "I think it is a positive development because teenagers who buy used shirts or pants can save money for other useful things, such as a computer or a car. That is to say that, if these adolescents have a computer, they could use it for the school or even to work in computer-related jobs. For example, many teenagers can work as a freelancer in many jobs that do not require high skills to do it, such as making presentations or translating works from other languages, and as a result, earn money and save it."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea of saving money for other purposes is well-presented. However, the development can be more robust by exploring alternative ways in which this financial prudence positively impacts teenagers’ lives.
- Improved example: "I posit that this shift towards purchasing second-hand clothes is indeed positive for teenagers as it enables them to allocate funds for other essential items like computers or cars. Having access to a computer, for instance, opens avenues for educational advancement and even employment in computer-related fields. Many teenagers can engage in freelancing opportunities, undertaking tasks such as creating presentations or translating content from various languages. This not only helps them acquire valuable skills but also allows them to earn and save money for future endeavors."
Overall, while the essay addresses the task, some ideas could be more fully developed to enhance the depth of the response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents a generally coherent and logically organized response. The introduction introduces the topic, and each paragraph contains a clear central idea. There is a progression of ideas, particularly evident in the second paragraph where the financial burden of buying new clothes is discussed. The use of examples, such as buying used Gucci products, adds clarity and support to the points made.
Cohesion within and between sentences is effective, although there are instances of repetitive language use, such as "that is to say." Additionally, the essay lacks variety in cohesive devices, with a tendency to rely on repetitive expressions. Paragraphing is generally logical, but there are instances where the structure could be improved for better coherence.
Referencing is clear within paragraphs, contributing to the overall cohesion. However, there is room for improvement in the use of a more varied range of cohesive devices and a more nuanced approach to paragraphing.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, vary the use of cohesive devices, avoiding repetition. Consider alternative expressions for linking ideas. Ensure that paragraphing is consistently logical, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. Aim for a more sophisticated structure, incorporating a range of sentence structures and transitions for smoother connectivity.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. The writer uses some less common vocabulary (e.g., "financial burden," "freelancer") but with occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation (e.g., "cope with the financial burden" could be more precisely expressed). There are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Guuci" instead of "Gucci." However, these errors do not impede communication.
The essay successfully communicates the main points, discussing the reasons behind the popularity of second-hand clothing among young people and expressing a positive view on this trend. The use of examples, such as mentioning teenagers buying used Gucci products, adds some specificity to the argument. The essay lacks a more varied and sophisticated range of vocabulary, and the expression could benefit from more precise language and a greater variety of sentence structures.
How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more precision. This could involve incorporating more varied synonyms, choosing words that more accurately convey the intended meaning, and refining collocations. Additionally, attention to spelling and word formation is crucial. Proofreading for errors like "Guuci" will contribute to a more polished and professional presentation. Finally, diversifying sentence structures and incorporating complex sentence forms can further elevate the essay’s overall lexical sophistication.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation, but they rarely reduce communication. The writer attempts to use a variety of structures, and while there are some inaccuracies, they don’t significantly impede understanding. The essay shows an understanding of the topic and presents relevant examples to support the points made.
How to improve: To move to a higher band, work on refining the use of complex sentence structures and aim for more accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Pay attention to sentence clarity and coherence, ensuring that ideas are expressed with precision. Additionally, expand on the reasons and examples provided to strengthen the overall argument.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent times, there has been a growing trend among young people to opt for second-hand clothing. This phenomenon can be attributed to the aspiration of adolescents to emulate famous personalities. From my perspective, this shift is positive as it enables teenagers to allocate their funds for more practical purposes.
The inclination of many adolescents to purchase pre-owned clothing stems from their desire to emulate celebrities. The need for diverse outfits for various occasions is often accompanied by a hefty price tag, especially when considering brands like Prada or Gucci. The financial strain of acquiring new apparel from such high-end stores prompts many youngsters to explore the option of second-hand clothes. For instance, in the United States, numerous teenagers choose to invest in used Gucci products to align themselves with the fashion choices of their idols.
I view this trend positively because teenagers, by opting for used shirts or pants, can channel their savings towards other valuable investments, such as a computer or a car. This strategic financial approach allows adolescents to make prudent choices that extend beyond their wardrobe. For instance, owning a computer opens up opportunities for academic pursuits or even part-time employment in computer-related fields. Many teenagers can engage in freelance work that doesn’t demand advanced skills, like creating presentations or translating content from different languages. Consequently, they can earn money and build a savings pool for future endeavors.
To sum up, the surge in the purchase of second-hand clothes by adolescents is driven by their aspiration to emulate influential figures. This trend, in my opinion, is a positive development as it empowers teenagers to redirect their funds towards more meaningful and lasting investments.