In some cities, public parks and open spaces are changed into gardens where citizen can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do you think the benefits outweigh the disadvantages?

In some places, public parks and open spaces are replaced into gardens where local residents can grow their fruit themselves and vegetables. I believe that the advantages, particularly in terms of changing open spaces and public parks to gardens, far outweigh the disadvantages.
Admittedly, the relentless pursuit of changing parks and open spaces into garden can pose a challenge to the limited space of entertaining for the citizen because all of the park and open spaces area are replaced into gardening spaces . When children in the city want to play in the park or the open spaces they would be no space for them to relief their own wants , Old people will not have the space to go for a walk in the park or open spaces for citizen.Further more, the changes may lead to thieves problems because the garden will be opened for every citizen who want to plant their own fruits or vegetables .
Nevertheless, I believe that the long-term advantages of replacing the public parks and open spaces into large garden outweigh the aforementioned problems on of them is the citizen will have the chances to grow their own vegetables and fruit and they will no exactly if the consumables that they grow will be safe or not because the citizen will use their own hand to take care and fertilize the dirt which the plant live on. Moreover, the citizen will have the chance to start the business by selling organic fruits and vegetables that they grow for other citizen by that each of citizen will have the opportunities to consume organic plant-based bites.
In conclusion, while there are benefits associated with changing the park and open spaces into garden, it long term benefits in terms of growing their own fruits and vegetables and start the business with organic plant are significantly greater.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In some places, public parks and open spaces are replaced into gardens" -> "In certain regions, public parks and open spaces are converted into gardens"
Explanation: "Are replaced into" is awkward and incorrect. "Are converted into" is the correct phrase for describing the transformation of one thing into another, and "certain regions" is more precise than "some places."
"I believe that the advantages, particularly in terms of changing open spaces and public parks to gardens, far outweigh the disadvantages." -> "I contend that the advantages, particularly in terms of converting open spaces and public parks into gardens, significantly outweigh the disadvantages."
Explanation: "I believe" is somewhat informal for academic writing; "I contend" is more assertive and formal. "Far outweigh" is also somewhat informal; "significantly outweigh" is more precise and formal.
"the relentless pursuit of changing parks and open spaces into garden" -> "the persistent effort to convert parks and open spaces into gardens"
Explanation: "Relentless pursuit" is overly dramatic and informal. "Persistent effort" is more measured and appropriate for academic writing.
"the limited space of entertaining for the citizen" -> "the limited recreational space for citizens"
Explanation: "The limited space of entertaining for the citizen" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "The limited recreational space for citizens" corrects these issues and uses more formal language.
"all of the park and open spaces area are replaced into gardening spaces" -> "all parks and open spaces are converted into gardening areas"
Explanation: "Area" should be pluralized to "areas" for consistency, and "replaced into" is incorrect; "converted into" is the correct verb phrase.
"they would be no space for them to relief their own wants" -> "they would have no space to fulfill their desires"
Explanation: "Would be no space for them to relief their own wants" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Would have no space to fulfill their desires" corrects these issues and uses more formal vocabulary.
"Old people will not have the space to go for a walk in the park or open spaces for citizen." -> "Elderly individuals will lack access to parks and open spaces for recreational activities."
Explanation: "Old people" is informal and imprecise; "Elderly individuals" is more respectful and formal. "Will not have the space to go for a walk" is awkward; "will lack access to" is more direct and formal.
"the changes may lead to thieves problems" -> "these changes may lead to theft issues"
Explanation: "Thieves problems" is incorrect and unclear. "Theft issues" is the correct term and is more precise.
"the garden will be opened for every citizen who want to plant their own fruits or vegetables" -> "these gardens will be accessible to all citizens who wish to cultivate their own fruits and vegetables"
Explanation: "Will be opened" is informal; "will be accessible" is more formal. "Want" should be "wish" for grammatical correctness, and "fruits or vegetables" should be "fruits and vegetables" for grammatical consistency.
"they will no exactly if the consumables that they grow will be safe or not" -> "they will not know whether the produce they grow is safe or not"
Explanation: "Will no exactly" is grammatically incorrect. "Will not know whether" corrects this and uses more formal vocabulary.
"start the business by selling organic fruits and vegetables that they grow for other citizen" -> "initiate a business by selling organic produce to fellow citizens"
Explanation: "Start the business" is informal; "initiate a business" is more formal. "For other citizen" is awkward and incorrect; "to fellow citizens" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"it long term benefits in terms of growing their own fruits and vegetables and start the business with organic plant are significantly greater" -> "the long-term benefits of growing their own fruits and vegetables and starting a business with organic produce are significantly greater"
Explanation: "It long term benefits" is grammatically incorrect. "The long-term benefits of" corrects this and clarifies the subject. "Start the business with organic plant" should be "starting a business with organic produce" for grammatical correctness and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of converting public parks into gardens. The writer acknowledges the potential drawbacks, such as the loss of recreational space for children and the elderly, as well as the risk of theft. However, the focus is predominantly on the benefits, which are articulated through the ability for citizens to grow their own food and the potential for entrepreneurship. The response effectively answers the question by weighing the pros against the cons.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide more specific examples or data to support the claims made about the disadvantages. Additionally, a clearer structure that explicitly lists the advantages and disadvantages could improve clarity and ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of converting parks into gardens at the beginning and maintains this stance throughout the essay. However, there are moments where the phrasing becomes convoluted, which may obscure the position slightly. For instance, the phrase "the long-term advantages of replacing the public parks and open spaces into large garden outweigh the aforementioned problems" could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should aim for more straightforward language and avoid overly complex sentence structures. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion more explicitly could reinforce the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the ability to grow safe food and the opportunity for entrepreneurship. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the essay mentions the safety of homegrown food, it does not elaborate on why this is significant or how it compares to store-bought alternatives. The mention of entrepreneurship is also brief and lacks depth.
- How to improve: To strengthen this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate more on each point made. Providing specific examples, such as statistics on health benefits from homegrown food or success stories of urban gardening initiatives, would enhance the support for the ideas presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the conversion of parks into gardens. However, there are instances where the phrasing becomes unclear, such as "there would be no space for them to relief their own wants," which could lead to confusion about the intended meaning. Additionally, some sentences are overly long and convoluted, which can detract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should strive for concise sentences that directly relate to the topic. Breaking down complex ideas into simpler components can help ensure that the reader remains engaged and understands the main points being made.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, improvements in clarity, depth of support, and structure could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear opinion that the advantages of converting public parks into gardens outweigh the disadvantages. However, the organization of ideas could be improved. For instance, the introduction states the main argument but lacks a clear outline of the points that will be discussed. The body paragraphs present both sides but could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas. For example, the transition from discussing the disadvantages to the advantages is abrupt, which disrupts the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using a more structured approach. Start with a brief outline of the points to be discussed in the introduction. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly indicate the main idea. Additionally, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs by using linking phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," to guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness could be improved. The first body paragraph discusses disadvantages but is overly long and contains multiple ideas that could be separated into distinct paragraphs. The second body paragraph addresses advantages but lacks a clear focus, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Aim for clearer paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. For instance, separate the discussion of disadvantages into two paragraphs: one focusing on the lack of recreational space for children and the elderly, and another on potential security issues. This will help maintain clarity and allow for deeper exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "nevertheless" and "moreover," but their use is somewhat limited and occasionally repetitive. For example, the phrase "citizen" is used multiple times without variation, which can detract from the overall cohesiveness of the text. Additionally, some sentences are lengthy and complex, making it harder for readers to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or rephrasing to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "citizen," you could use "residents" or "community members." Additionally, break down complex sentences into simpler ones to enhance clarity. Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices, such as "for instance," "as a result," and "in contrast," to improve the flow of ideas and strengthen connections between sentences.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "public parks," "open spaces," "gardens," and "citizens." However, the repetition of certain phrases (e.g., "open spaces" and "citizen") suggests a limited lexical variety. The use of "relentless pursuit" is a strong phrase, but it is not consistently matched by other varied vocabulary throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "citizen," you could use "community members," "residents," or "locals." Additionally, explore different ways to express "public parks" and "open spaces," such as "recreational areas" or "green spaces."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "replaced into gardens," which should be "replaced with gardens." The phrase "the citizen will have the chances" is awkward; it would be more precise to say "citizens will have the opportunity." The term "thieves problems" is also unclear and could be better articulated as "the potential for theft."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Review phrases for clarity and correctness. For example, instead of "relief their own wants," consider "fulfill their recreational needs." Additionally, ensure that verbs and prepositions are used correctly to maintain clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "further more" (should be "furthermore"), "the chances to grow their own vegetables and fruit" (should be "fruits"), and "the plant live on" (should be "the plants live on"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice writing and proofreading your work. Utilize tools like spell checkers, and consider reading your essay aloud to catch errors. Additionally, create a list of commonly misspelled words and review them regularly to reinforce correct spelling.

By addressing these areas, you can enhance your lexical resource and potentially improve your overall score in the IELTS writing task.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("I believe that the advantages…") and compound sentences ("Nevertheless, I believe that the long-term advantages…"). However, the range is limited, with several sentences following a similar structure, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "public parks and open spaces are replaced into gardens" is used multiple times with minimal variation. The use of clauses is also somewhat basic, as seen in "when children in the city want to play in the park."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses or varied conjunctions. For example, instead of repeatedly stating "public parks and open spaces are replaced into gardens," you could use phrases like "the transformation of public parks into gardens not only provides fresh produce but also alters the landscape of the community." Additionally, using a mix of active and passive voice can add variety, such as "Gardens are created by citizens who wish to grow their own food."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "replaced into gardens" should be "converted into gardens," and "the citizen will have the chances" should be "citizens will have the chance." There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences ("When children in the city want to play in the park or the open spaces, they would be no space for them to relief their own wants"). Additionally, the phrase "thieves problems" is awkward and unclear.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and correct word forms. For instance, "citizen" should be pluralized to "citizens" when referring to people in general. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction can help. For punctuation, ensure that commas are used correctly to separate clauses and items in a list. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify areas where punctuation is needed for clarity. Lastly, consider revising awkward phrases for clarity, such as changing "thieves problems" to "the potential for theft."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In some places, public parks and open spaces are converted into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruits and vegetables. I contend that the advantages, particularly in terms of transforming open spaces and public parks into gardens, significantly outweigh the disadvantages.

Admittedly, the persistent effort to convert parks and open spaces into gardens can pose a challenge to the limited recreational space for citizens. If all parks and open spaces are converted into gardening areas, children in the city would have no space to fulfill their desires to play. Additionally, elderly individuals will lack access to parks and open spaces for recreational activities. Furthermore, these changes may lead to theft issues, as the gardens will be accessible to all citizens who wish to cultivate their own fruits and vegetables.

Nevertheless, I believe that the long-term benefits of replacing public parks and open spaces with gardens outweigh the aforementioned problems. One significant advantage is that citizens will have the opportunity to grow their own fruits and vegetables. They will know exactly whether the produce they grow is safe, as they will personally care for and fertilize the soil in which their plants thrive. Moreover, citizens will have the chance to initiate a business by selling organic produce to fellow residents, providing everyone with the opportunity to consume organic, plant-based foods.

In conclusion, while there are challenges associated with converting parks and open spaces into gardens, the long-term benefits of growing their own fruits and vegetables and starting a business with organic produce are significantly greater.