fbpx

In some cities, public parks and open spaces are changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do you think the benefits outweigh the disadvantages?

In some cities, public parks and open spaces are changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do you think the benefits outweigh the disadvantages?

The practice of transforming public parks and open spaces into gardens for residents to cultivate plants is being implemented in some areas. In my view, while acknowledging the advantages of this approach to some extent, it carries more disadvantages for several reasons discussed in the following paragraphs.

To begin with, it is reasonable to argue that repurposing public parks and open spaces for gardens has some benefits. The primary rationale is that it enables residents to cultivate their own food, fostering local food production and self-sustainability. This reduces dependence on commercially produced goods, lowers the carbon footprint related to transportation, and promotes a more environmentally friendly lifestyle. Additionally, this change enhances citizens' mental health, as gardening is known to have therapeutic benefits, contributing to improved mental well-being. Consequently, it provides a serene and fulfilling recreational activity that can alleviate stress, anxiety, and depression among participants.

However, despite these arguments, there are more compelling reasons to believe that this approach has a host of drawbacks. Primarily, it may lead to the loss of recreational space, reducing the availability of areas for other activities like sports, picnics, and relaxation. Consequently, this could be a disadvantage for those who value these recreational spaces. Another concern is that the conversion of public spaces into community gardens may incur initial expenses for infrastructure and ongoing maintenance. Without proper funding and community support, these spaces may become neglected over time.

In conclusion, while this change has benefits for the community, there are more significant downsides that need to be recognized.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "being implemented" -> "being enacted"
    Explanation: Replacing "being implemented" with "being enacted" maintains formality and avoids using a passive construction. "Enacted" suggests a deliberate and purposeful action, fitting for the context of establishing gardens in public spaces.

  2. "while acknowledging" -> "while conceding"
    Explanation: Substituting "while acknowledging" with "while conceding" introduces a more nuanced and formal expression. "Conceding" aligns with a more scholarly tone, acknowledging opposing viewpoints in a sophisticated manner.

  3. "carry more disadvantages" -> "pose more disadvantages"
    Explanation: Replacing "carry more disadvantages" with "pose more disadvantages" offers a more precise and formal phrase. "Pose" indicates the presentation or existence of drawbacks in a manner that suits an academic context.

  4. "To begin with" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: "To begin with" is slightly informal for an academic context. "Firstly" serves as a more formal transition phrase, indicating the initiation of a sequence of arguments.

  5. "The primary rationale" -> "The main rationale"
    Explanation: "Primary" is a bit less formal than "main" in this context. "Main" emphasizes the principal reason without losing clarity or sophistication.

  6. "citizens’ mental health" -> "residents’ mental well-being"
    Explanation: "Residents’ mental well-being" is a slightly more formal and encompassing term compared to "citizens’ mental health," maintaining clarity while enhancing formality.

  7. "Consequently" -> "As a result"
    Explanation: While "consequently" is not incorrect, "As a result" offers a more direct and academically appropriate transition in the context of cause and effect.

  8. "may lead to" -> "could result in"
    Explanation: "Could result in" is a more formal construction compared to "may lead to," offering a slightly stronger tone of potential consequences.

  9. "disadvantage for those" -> "disadvantageous for individuals"
    Explanation: "Disadvantageous for individuals" conveys a more formal and specific reference to the impact on people, enhancing precision and formality.

  10. "Another concern is that" -> "Furthermore, there is the concern that"
    Explanation: "Another concern is that" could be rephrased to "Furthermore, there is the concern that" for a more formal and structured presentation of subsequent points.

  11. "Without proper funding" -> "Inadequate funding"
    Explanation: "Inadequate funding" is a more direct and formal term compared to "Without proper funding," enhancing the clarity and formality of the sentence.

  12. "there are more significant downsides" -> "there are more substantial drawbacks"
    Explanation: "More substantial drawbacks" provides a slightly more formal and specific term compared to "more significant downsides," maintaining the gravity of the identified issues while aligning with academic language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "The practice of transforming public parks and open spaces into gardens for residents to cultivate plants is being implemented in some areas. In my view, while acknowledging the advantages of this approach to some extent, it carries more disadvantages for several reasons discussed in the following paragraphs."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction lacks a clear and specific thesis statement that indicates the writer’s stance on whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. It would be more effective to explicitly state the writer’s position in the introduction to guide the reader. For example, you could rephrase it as: "In my opinion, the disadvantages of converting public parks into gardens outweigh the benefits due to reasons discussed below."
    • Improved example: "In my opinion, the disadvantages of converting public parks into gardens outweigh the benefits due to reasons discussed below."
  2. Quoted text: "To begin with, it is reasonable to argue that repurposing public parks and open spaces for gardens has some benefits. The primary rationale is that it enables residents to cultivate their own food, fostering local food production and self-sustainability. This reduces dependence on commercially produced goods, lowers the carbon footprint related to transportation, and promotes a more environmentally friendly lifestyle. Additionally, this change enhances citizens’ mental health, as gardening is known to have therapeutic benefits, contributing to improved mental well-being. Consequently, it provides a serene and fulfilling recreational activity that can alleviate stress, anxiety, and depression among participants."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The paragraph presents a well-developed argument in favor of converting public spaces into gardens. However, it tends to overgeneralize the benefits without providing specific examples or elaborating on how these benefits outweigh the disadvantages. To strengthen this section, you should offer concrete examples or experiences to support the mentioned benefits and explain why they are significant. For instance, you could include a personal experience or a specific case study that illustrates the positive impact on mental health.
    • Improved example: "To begin with, repurposing public parks into gardens offers tangible benefits. For instance, cultivating one’s food fosters a sense of community and self-sustainability. In my own experience, participating in a community garden not only reduced my reliance on commercially produced goods but also created a supportive neighborhood environment."
  3. Quoted text: "However, despite these arguments, there are more compelling reasons to believe that this approach has a host of drawbacks. Primarily, it may lead to the loss of recreational space, reducing the availability of areas for other activities like sports, picnics, and relaxation. Consequently, this could be a disadvantage for those who value these recreational spaces. Another concern is that the conversion of public spaces into community gardens may incur initial expenses for infrastructure and ongoing maintenance. Without proper funding and community support, these spaces may become neglected over time."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This paragraph effectively presents the disadvantages but lacks specific examples or details to strengthen the argument. To improve, provide concrete examples or scenarios that illustrate how the loss of recreational space or lack of funding for maintenance negatively impacts the community. This will add depth to your argument and make it more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "However, these drawbacks are not merely theoretical. For instance, in my hometown, the conversion of a central park into a community garden led to a significant decrease in available space for sports and picnics. The community struggled to secure funding, resulting in the neglected state of the garden and its subsequent impact on the overall neighborhood aesthetics."

Overall, while your essay addresses the task and maintains a clear position, it would benefit from providing more specific examples and experiences to enhance the depth of your arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information with clear progression throughout. Each paragraph has a central topic, contributing to the overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, though there are instances of slight underuse. The essay effectively presents both the advantages and disadvantages of transforming public spaces into gardens, contributing to a balanced discussion. Paragraphing is sufficiently managed and appropriate.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider incorporating more varied cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between ideas. Ensure that the use of referencing within and between sentences is consistent and precise. Additionally, pay attention to avoiding repetition, as it may impact the overall fluency of the essay. Overall, maintaining this level of organization while refining the use of cohesive devices will further elevate the essay’s coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. There is effective use of less common lexical items, showcasing an awareness of style and collocation. The essay presents a balanced argument with clear points and supporting details.

How to improve: To move towards a higher band score, consider incorporating a more extensive range of sophisticated vocabulary and refining the accuracy of word choice and collocation. Pay attention to occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation to enhance overall lexical control.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation throughout. It effectively uses a variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a sense of fluency and coherence. There are frequent error-free sentences, and the errors that do occur are minor and do not significantly impede communication. The writer successfully employs a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, showcasing a commendable level of control over grammar and punctuation.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, the writer could incorporate a few more sophisticated structures and expressions. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate the rare minor errors would contribute to an even higher level of precision. It would be beneficial to maintain consistency in using complex sentence structures and ensure they are error-free. Overall, continued attention to detail and complexity in sentence construction will contribute to a more refined use of language.

Bài sửa mẫu

The practice of turning public parks and open spaces into gardens for residents to grow plants is being enacted in some areas. In my view, while conceding the advantages of this approach to some extent, it poses more disadvantages for several reasons discussed in the following paragraphs.

Firstly, it is reasonable to argue that repurposing public parks and open spaces for gardens has some benefits. The main rationale is that it enables residents to cultivate their own food, fostering local food production and self-sustainability. This reduces dependence on commercially produced goods, lowers the carbon footprint related to transportation, and promotes a more environmentally friendly lifestyle. Additionally, this change enhances residents’ mental well-being, as gardening is known to have therapeutic benefits, contributing to improved mental well-being. As a result, it provides a serene and fulfilling recreational activity that can alleviate stress, anxiety, and depression among participants.

However, despite these arguments, there are more substantial drawbacks to consider. Primarily, it may lead to the loss of recreational space, reducing the availability of areas for other activities like sports, picnics, and relaxation. Consequently, this could result in a disadvantage for those who value these recreational spaces. Furthermore, there is the concern that the conversion of public spaces into community gardens may incur initial expenses for infrastructure and ongoing maintenance. Without adequate funding and community support, these spaces may become neglected over time.

Inadequate funding and lack of community support could result in the neglect of these spaces, making them disadvantageous for individuals. In conclusion, while this change has benefits for the community, there are more significant downsides that need to be recognized.

Bài viết liên quan

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

119K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

149K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

299K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

159K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

199K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

399K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

VIP

499K/th

  • Everthing in Premium

  • Hand Writing Image Recognition

  • Better Accuracy with GPT-4

  • Early Access to New features

    - Speaking Feedback

  • Customization

    We help with minor customizations to get it working just right.

  • Support Development of New Features

    • Speaking Practice
    • Classroom Management (e.g., Google Class Room)
    • Reading Practice
    • Listening Practice