In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this?
The increasing juvenile crimes rates present serious concerns for the community and the governments, contributing significantly to the recent upward trend of crimes. From my perspective, this complex challenge can be caused by combined components involving mainly familial situations and socio-economic factors. Additionally, an effective approach has to encompass both preventive measures and early interventions.
Clearly, minor crimes / juvenile delinquency the delinquency in minors frequently is due to familial conditions that are largely influenced by socio- economic factors. The lack of supervision and positive role models is a common element leading to juvenile crimes. A consistent absence of parents cannot ensure an adequate nurturing environment and moral education for the youth who don’t have sufficient ability to tell wrong from right. Furthermore, without consistent supervision, these youths are exposed to all sorts of contents on mass media which presents significant risks for them who are most likely breaking the law unknowingly. Equally important, crimes often happen in the sectors with the high poverty levels. The youth living in unprivileged neighborhoods resort to committing crimes such as robbery, burglary or drug traffic, while thinking these criminal activities are the only solutions to get through poverty. Most of the time, the juvenile crimes are due to the lack of knowledge and ability to foresee the consequences of these acts.
Given the main reasons for juvenile crimes, mitigating this matter should focus on two important aspects such as preventive measures and early intervention. Although the offenders are minors themselves, the preventive initiatives concern mainly their family and schools. These include education and awareness programs for them to acknowledge the importance of healthy interaction between parents and their children, as well as the benefits from the education in schools about social behavior. Recreation programs such as extra-curricular activities on music, dance, sports and painting, have to be organized by parents, schools and communities and designed to fit with the personalities and interests of young people. These initiatives have been proved to be effective in keeping young people’s minds healthy and occupied. The preventive measures take actions before committing crimes, whereas early interventions occur after the release of minor offenders, allowing to prevent re-offending cases. These consist of implementing age-specific programs related to education and vocational training, as well as social support and guidance organizations in order to arrange shelter, income or work for young offenders after serving their sentences. Since the root causes of juvenile crime involve social and familial factors, the approach has to focus on these sectors to effectively tackle the problem.
In conclusion, the increase in juvenile crimes has to be one of the government’s priorities, because of its harmful impact on the future crime rates in the countries. The causes are related to familial, social economic factors, then admittedly, the most effective measures should include the efforts from family, schools and communities.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"juvenile crimes rates" -> "juvenile crime rates"
Explanation: Using the singular form "juvenile crime rates" is more precise and conforms to standard usage in academic writing.
"contributing significantly to the recent upward trend of crimes" -> "contributing significantly to the recent upward trend in crime"
Explanation: The revised phrase "contributing significantly to the recent upward trend in crime" is grammatically accurate and maintains a formal tone by using the singular form "crime."
"From my perspective" -> "In my view"
Explanation: Replacing the informal "From my perspective" with the more formal "In my view" establishes a more academic tone.
"complex challenge" -> "complex issue"
Explanation: "Complex issue" is a more neutral and formal term than "complex challenge," aligning better with academic language.
"combined components" -> "various factors"
Explanation: The term "various factors" is more precise and formal than "combined components."
"mainly familial situations" -> "primarily family circumstances"
Explanation: "Primarily family circumstances" is a more formal and accurate expression compared to "mainly familial situations."
"preventive measures and early interventions" -> "preventive measures and interventions at an early stage"
Explanation: The revised phrase maintains clarity while expressing the idea more formally.
"minor crimes / juvenile delinquency the delinquency in minors frequently is due to familial conditions" -> "Juvenile delinquency is often a result of familial conditions leading to minor crimes."
Explanation: The revised sentence improves clarity and removes redundancy, expressing the idea more concisely.
"Equally important" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: Replacing "Equally important" with "Moreover" enhances the transitional flow and maintains formality.
"unprivileged neighborhoods" -> "underprivileged neighborhoods"
Explanation: "Underprivileged neighborhoods" is the correct term, conveying the intended meaning more accurately.
"Most of the time" -> "Frequently"
Explanation: "Frequently" is a more formal alternative to "Most of the time," aligning with academic style.
"juvenile crimes" -> "juvenile offenses"
Explanation: "Juvenile offenses" is a more precise and formal term compared to "juvenile crimes."
"Given the main reasons for juvenile crimes" -> "Considering the primary factors contributing to juvenile offenses"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and precise, providing a clear introduction to the subsequent discussion.
"Although the offenders are minors themselves" -> "While the offenders are minors"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more concise and maintains a formal tone.
"education in schools about social behavior" -> "education in schools on social behavior"
Explanation: The preposition "on" is more appropriate in this context, adhering to formal language conventions.
"have to be organized by parents, schools and communities" -> "should be organized by parents, schools, and communities"
Explanation: The use of "should" is more formal and aligns with academic writing conventions.
"initiatives have been proved to be effective" -> "initiatives have proven to be effective"
Explanation: "Proven to be effective" is a more concise and formal expression.
"the preventive measures take actions before committing crimes" -> "preventive measures are implemented before crimes are committed"
Explanation: The revised phrase improves clarity and adheres to formal language standards.
"allowing to prevent re-offending cases" -> "helping to prevent reoffending"
Explanation: The phrase "helping to prevent reoffending" is more concise and maintains a formal tone.
"because of its harmful impact on the future crime rates in the countries" -> "due to its detrimental impact on future crime rates in the countries"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and provides a clearer expression of the cause-and-effect relationship.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does a commendable job addressing all aspects of the prompt. It discusses the reasons behind juvenile crimes, attributing them to familial and socio-economic factors, and suggests comprehensive solutions involving preventive measures and early interventions. Relevant sections such as the influence of family and socio-economic factors, lack of supervision, and the need for preventive and early intervention measures are effectively covered.
- How to improve: To enhance completeness, ensure that every paragraph directly connects to the prompt. While the essay is comprehensive, reinforcing the linkage between each point and the question can further strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, asserting that juvenile crimes are linked to familial and socio-economic factors. Examples such as the lack of positive role models, exposure to media, and the impact of poverty are well-delineated. The conclusion reaffirms the importance of addressing these issues through government priorities.
- How to improve: Continue to strengthen the connection between the thesis statement and each paragraph. Explicitly restate the main position at the beginning of the conclusion to reinforce the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. Examples like the lack of parental supervision, exposure to mass media, and poverty as a catalyst for crimes are elaborated upon. The suggestions for preventive measures and early interventions are logically developed.
- How to improve: Consider providing additional real-world examples or case studies to further illustrate the presented ideas. This can enhance the depth of analysis and add more weight to the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on familial and socio-economic factors contributing to juvenile crimes and proposing preventive and intervention measures. However, some sentences could be more concise to avoid slight deviations.
- How to improve: Streamline sentences for clarity and conciseness. Ensure that each sentence directly contributes to the main argument, avoiding minor tangents that, while related, may slightly divert attention.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, maintains a clear and consistent position, effectively presents and supports ideas, and generally stays on topic. To improve, strengthen the explicit linkage between each paragraph and the prompt, reinforce the main position in the conclusion, consider providing additional examples, and streamline sentences for conciseness.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically. It introduces the problem and its causes in a coherent manner, discussing familial and socio-economic factors. The inclusion of preventive measures and early interventions provides a structured approach. However, there are instances where the flow is disrupted, such as the abrupt transition from discussing familial factors to preventive measures.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a smooth transition between ideas. Introduce preventive measures with a smoother segue, possibly by summarizing familial factors and linking them directly to proposed solutions.
- Detailed explanation: Paragraphing is used effectively for the most part. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect, maintaining a clear structure. However, the transition between the paragraphs discussing familial factors and preventive measures could be improved for better coherence.
- How to improve: Consider a more explicit transition sentence between the paragraphs to guide the reader smoothly from one topic to the next. This will strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a reasonable range of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (‘clearly,’ ‘additionally,’ ‘equally important,’ ‘in conclusion’). However, some transitions are abrupt, impacting the overall flow.
- How to improve: Focus on using cohesive devices more effectively to create seamless connections between ideas. Consider using a wider variety of transitional phrases to enhance the coherence of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of these devices to ensure a smooth flow between paragraphs.
In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a generally logical organization and effective paragraphing, attention to the transitions between ideas is crucial for improving coherence and cohesion. By refining the connection between familial factors and preventive measures and employing a wider array of cohesive devices, the overall coherence of the essay can be enhanced.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably varied vocabulary, with a range of words used to convey ideas. For instance, it includes terms like "juvenile delinquency," "socio-economic factors," "nurturing environment," and "recreation programs." However, there is room for improvement as certain phrases are repeated, such as the frequent use of "preventive measures" and "early interventions." Adding synonyms and exploring alternative expressions would enhance the richness of vocabulary.
How to improve: To further enhance your lexical resource, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring alternative expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "preventive measures," you could use phrases like "precautionary actions" or "deterrent strategies." This will not only diversify your vocabulary but also make your writing more engaging.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where words could be chosen more precisely. For example, the phrase "youth who don’t have sufficient ability to tell wrong from right" could be refined to "youth who lack the discernment to differentiate between right and wrong." Precision in vocabulary enhances clarity and the overall impact of your message.
How to improve: Aim for more precise word choices to convey your ideas clearly and accurately. Consider consulting a thesaurus to find more nuanced expressions. For instance, replace general terms like "significant risks" with specific ones like "potential dangers" or "hazards." This will add depth to your language and improve the overall precision of your writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a good level of spelling accuracy, but there are a few instances where errors occur. For instance, "unprivileged" should be "underprivileged," and "recreation programs" should be "recreational programs." While these are minor issues, attention to such details is crucial for maintaining a polished and professional presentation.
How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work carefully. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools, and pay attention to commonly misspelled words. Additionally, expand your vocabulary by reading extensively, as exposure to correctly spelled words in context can reinforce proper spelling habits.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fair variety of sentence structures, although there are areas where sentence complexity and diversity could be enhanced. The author employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, the overuse of simple sentences hampers the essay’s flow and impact. For instance, there’s a reliance on repetitive sentence structures, such as "X leads to Y" or "The causes are related to A, then B."
- How to improve: To diversify structures, consider integrating more complex sentence types, like compound-complex sentences or sentences with varied introductory clauses. Varying sentence lengths and structures will enhance the essay’s readability and sophistication. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas cohesively and avoid repetitive structures.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates reasonable grammatical accuracy, but there are several instances of errors throughout. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the delinquency in minors frequently is due"), improper word usage ("most likely breaking the law unknowingly"), and awkward phrasing ("these consist of implementing age-specific programs").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on revising sentence structures for clarity and correctness. Pay attention to subject-verb agreements, verb tenses, and word choice. Proofreading carefully and utilizing grammar checkers can help identify and rectify these issues. Additionally, practicing sentence construction and grammatical rules will refine accuracy.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally adequate, but there are noticeable errors, particularly with commas and sentence-ending punctuation. Commas are inconsistently used, sometimes leading to run-on sentences or comma splices ("Furthermore, without consistent supervision, these youths are exposed…"). Additionally, there are occasional missing or misplaced punctuation marks that affect the clarity of the text.
- How to improve: Focus on mastering comma usage for clarity and to separate ideas properly. Ensure correct usage of commas in compound sentences, after introductory phrases, and to set off non-essential information. Practice utilizing punctuation marks such as semicolons, colons, and dashes to enhance sentence structure and readability.
Overall, to improve the essay’s Grammatical Range and Accuracy score, the writer should concentrate on diversifying sentence structures, refining grammatical accuracy by addressing subject-verb agreements and word choice, and mastering punctuation rules for clearer expression of ideas. Additionally, revising and proofreading meticulously will significantly enhance the quality of the written work.
Bài sửa mẫu
The escalating rates of juvenile crime pose significant concerns for both communities and governments, contributing notably to the recent surge in criminal activities. In my view, this intricate challenge is primarily rooted in familial situations and socio-economic factors. Additionally, addressing this issue effectively requires a comprehensive approach encompassing preventive measures and early interventions.
Juvenile delinquency, often a result of familial conditions influenced by socio-economic factors, is frequently observed in minors. The absence of adequate supervision and positive role models is a common factor leading to such crimes. When parents are consistently unavailable, a nurturing environment and moral education become compromised for youths, who may struggle to discern right from wrong. Moreover, the lack of supervision exposes these young individuals to various media content, posing significant risks as they may unwittingly break the law. Equally crucial is the fact that crimes often occur in areas with high poverty levels. Youths in underprivileged neighborhoods may resort to criminal activities like robbery, burglary, or drug trafficking, viewing these actions as their only means to escape poverty. Often, juvenile crimes stem from a lack of knowledge and an inability to foresee the consequences of their actions.
Considering the primary factors contributing to juvenile offenses, addressing this issue should emphasize two key aspects: preventive measures and early intervention. While the offenders are minors, preventive initiatives primarily involve their families and schools. These initiatives include educational and awareness programs to highlight the importance of healthy parent-child interactions and the benefits of social behavior education in schools. Additionally, extracurricular activities such as music, dance, sports, and painting should be organized collaboratively by parents, schools, and communities, tailored to the personalities and interests of young individuals. These initiatives have proven effective in maintaining the mental well-being and engagement of young minds. Preventive measures take action before crimes are committed, while early interventions occur post-release of minor offenders, aiming to prevent reoffending. These interventions involve age-specific programs related to education and vocational training, as well as the provision of social support and guidance organizations to arrange shelter, income, or work for young offenders after serving their sentences. Since the root causes of juvenile crime involve social and familial factors, the approach must concentrate on these sectors to effectively address the problem.
In conclusion, the surge in juvenile crimes must be a government priority due to its detrimental impact on future crime rates in the country. The causes are intertwined with familial and socio-economic factors, making it imperative for effective measures to involve collaborative efforts from families, schools, and communities.