In some countries, crime rates are increasing. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done about it?

In recent years, some countries’s crime rates are increasing and have no evidence that shows they are going to slow down. Although there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of this issue, solutions can be taken to mitigate these potential problems.

There are a number of reasons that lead to this trend. The most important reason is that crime rate has a correlation with population. Once a country’s population goes up, the crime rate of that country will follow it. Another reason belongs to the government’s responsibility. In some countries, the government’s policy is not strict enough to prevent the level of crime. Even when the policy is established, it is hard for the authorities to apply it immediately in real life. Last but not least, education also plays an important role in this problem. It can be seen that in developing countries whose education is not completed and sometimes underestimated by the majority, children are not taught in a good environment; therefore they can easily do guilty things without awareness.

However, there are several actions that could be taken to solve the problems mentioned above. Firstly, it is necessary for the government to control the population growth of the country. If there are less people, there will also be less crime. Secondly, they also need to establish strict policy and develop various forms of punishment depending on the level of crime in order to warn the criminals and prevent them from reoffending. Finally, educational quality needs to be improved and subjects related to human behaviors and etiquettes such as ethics, national culture, to name but a few should be emphasised.

In conclusion, various measures can be implemented to tackle the problems that are certain to raise as the increasing of crime rate.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"some countries’s" -> "some countries"
Explanation: The possessive form "countries’s" is incorrect. The correct form is simply "countries" when referring to the plural noun without possession.
"have no evidence that shows they are going to slow down" -> "lack evidence indicating a slowdown"
Explanation: The phrase "lack evidence indicating a slowdown" is more precise and formal, avoiding the informal construction "going to slow down."
"solutions can be taken" -> "measures can be implemented"
Explanation: "Measures can be implemented" is a more formal and precise term than "solutions can be taken," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"crime rate has a correlation with population" -> "crime rates are correlated with population growth"
Explanation: "Crime rates are correlated with population growth" is more specific and academically appropriate, clarifying the relationship between the variables.
"Once a country’s population goes up, the crime rate of that country will follow it" -> "As a country’s population increases, its crime rate tends to rise"
Explanation: "As a country’s population increases, its crime rate tends to rise" is a more natural and precise way to express causality, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "follow it."
"Another reason belongs to the government’s responsibility" -> "Another factor is the government’s responsibility"
Explanation: "Another factor is the government’s responsibility" is clearer and more direct, avoiding the awkward construction "belongs to."
"the government’s policy is not strict enough" -> "the government’s policies are insufficiently stringent"
Explanation: "The government’s policies are insufficiently stringent" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the colloquial "not strict enough."
"it is hard for the authorities to apply it immediately in real life" -> "it is challenging for authorities to implement these policies promptly"
Explanation: "It is challenging for authorities to implement these policies promptly" is more formal and precise, replacing the informal "hard" and "immediately in real life."
"children are not taught in a good environment" -> "children are not educated in a conducive environment"
Explanation: "Children are not educated in a conducive environment" uses more precise academic language and avoids the vague "good."
"do guilty things" -> "engage in criminal behavior"
Explanation: "Engage in criminal behavior" is a more formal and appropriate term than the colloquial "do guilty things."
"there will also be less crime" -> "crime rates will decrease"
Explanation: "Crime rates will decrease" is a more precise and formal way to express the expected outcome.
"establish strict policy and develop various forms of punishment" -> "enact stringent policies and develop diverse forms of punishment"
Explanation: "Enact stringent policies and develop diverse forms of punishment" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the awkward "establish strict policy."
"to name but a few" -> "to mention a few"
Explanation: "To mention a few" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "to name but a few," which is somewhat informal.
"the increasing of crime rate" -> "the increasing crime rate"
Explanation: "The increasing crime rate" is grammatically correct and more direct, avoiding the awkward construction "the increasing of."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying causes of increasing crime rates and suggesting solutions. The causes mentioned include population growth, insufficient government policies, and inadequate education. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of these causes, as well as a clearer connection between the causes and the proposed solutions. For example, while population growth is mentioned as a cause, the essay does not elaborate on how controlling population growth could effectively reduce crime rates.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each cause is directly linked to specific solutions. For instance, if population growth is cited as a cause, the essay could discuss how population control measures could be implemented and their potential impact on crime rates. Additionally, providing examples or statistics to support claims would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position regarding the causes and solutions to crime rates. However, the phrase "there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of this issue" in the introduction is vague and does not clearly state the writer’s stance on the severity of the problem. The conclusion also lacks a definitive statement about the writer’s position on the effectiveness of the proposed solutions.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and conclusion. A strong thesis statement that outlines the main points of the essay would help guide the reader. Additionally, reinforcing the position throughout the essay by consistently linking back to the main argument would enhance coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the causes of crime and potential solutions, but the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, the mention of government policy lacks specific examples of what those policies could be or how they have failed in the past. Similarly, the discussion on education is broad and could be more effectively supported with examples of successful educational programs or initiatives that have reduced crime rates.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, data, or case studies. This could involve discussing successful crime reduction strategies from other countries or providing statistics that illustrate the relationship between education and crime rates.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes and solutions to increasing crime rates. However, some statements, such as "there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of this issue," introduce ambiguity and could distract from the main focus. Additionally, the phrase "to tackle the problems that are certain to raise" in the conclusion is unclear and could be interpreted as off-topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should avoid vague statements that do not directly contribute to the argument. Each paragraph should clearly relate back to the main question, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the key points without introducing new ideas or ambiguities.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from deeper exploration of the causes and solutions, clearer articulation of the writer’s position, and more robust support for the ideas presented.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. The flow of ideas is generally logical; for instance, the transition from discussing causes to solutions is smooth. However, there are moments where the connection between ideas could be clearer. For example, the link between population growth and crime rates is mentioned, but the explanation lacks depth and could benefit from further elaboration to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each point is fully developed before moving on to the next. Using explicit linking phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Consequently" can help clarify the relationships between ideas. Additionally, providing examples or data to support claims would strengthen the logical flow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with separate sections for causes and solutions. Each paragraph has a clear focus, which aids readability. However, the introduction could be more clearly defined as a separate paragraph, and the conclusion, while present, could be more distinct and reflective of the main points discussed in the essay.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly marked as separate paragraphs. Each body paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. This will enhance clarity and help the reader follow the argument more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Finally," to indicate the order of points. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where transitions between sentences could be smoother. For example, the phrase "Another reason belongs to the government’s responsibility" could be better connected to the previous point about population growth.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This includes not only sequencing devices but also contrastive phrases (e.g., "On the other hand") and causal phrases (e.g., "As a result"). Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used appropriately and naturally within the context will improve the overall flow of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion of their essay, potentially raising their band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "correlation," "mitigate," and "emphasised." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "crime rate" and "government’s policy." The use of "guilty things" is vague and lacks sophistication, which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "crime rate," alternatives like "criminal activity levels" or "incidence of crime" could be utilized. Additionally, expanding the vocabulary related to government policies and educational reforms would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, "some countries’s crime rates" should be "some countries’ crime rates" to reflect proper possessive form. The phrase "do guilty things" is awkward and lacks clarity; a more precise expression would be "engage in criminal behavior."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary choices and ensuring they fit the context. For example, replacing "guilty things" with "criminal acts" or "offenses" would enhance clarity. Furthermore, proofreading for grammatical accuracy, such as possessive forms, will improve overall precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "countries’s" instead of "countries’" and "emphasised," which is correct in British English but should be consistent with the overall spelling style used in the essay. The phrase "the increasing of crime rate" is awkwardly constructed and could be misinterpreted, although it is not a spelling error per se.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice proofreading their work carefully, possibly reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining consistency in spelling conventions (e.g., British vs. American English) will also help. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words can further improve spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "In recent years" and "Last but not least" adds some variety to the sentence openings. However, the essay tends to rely on similar structures, particularly in the way reasons and solutions are presented. Phrases like "Another reason belongs to" and "it can be seen that" are somewhat formulaic and could be diversified further.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that combine multiple clauses effectively. For example, instead of saying "Another reason belongs to the government’s responsibility," the writer could say, "Another significant factor contributing to rising crime rates is the government’s failure to enforce strict policies." Additionally, varying the use of introductory phrases and employing more transitional phrases could improve the flow and complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, the phrase "some countries’s crime rates" should be corrected to "some countries’ crime rates" to properly indicate the possessive form. Additionally, the sentence "there will also be less crime" could be improved to "there would also be less crime" for better conditional accuracy. Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "to name but a few" in the list of subjects related to education.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with possessive forms and verb tenses. Practicing the correct use of conditional sentences and ensuring subject-verb agreement will also help. For punctuation, the writer should familiarize themselves with the rules regarding commas in complex sentences and lists to enhance readability. Reading more academic texts can also provide insights into proper grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, some countries’ crime rates are increasing, and there is a lack of evidence indicating a slowdown. Although there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of this issue, solutions can be taken to mitigate these potential problems.

There are a number of reasons that lead to this trend. The most important reason is that the crime rate is correlated with population growth. As a country’s population increases, its crime rate tends to rise. Another factor is the government’s responsibility. In some countries, the government’s policies are insufficiently stringent to prevent the level of crime. Even when the policy is established, it is challenging for authorities to implement these policies promptly in real life. Last but not least, education also plays an important role in this problem. It can be seen that in developing countries, where education is often incomplete and sometimes underestimated by the majority, children are not educated in a conducive environment; therefore, they can easily engage in criminal behavior without awareness.

However, there are several actions that could be taken to solve the problems mentioned above. Firstly, it is necessary for the government to control the country’s population growth. If there are fewer people, there will also be less crime. Secondly, they also need to enact stringent policies and develop diverse forms of punishment depending on the level of crime in order to warn criminals and prevent them from reoffending. Finally, educational quality needs to be improved, and subjects related to human behaviors and etiquette, such as ethics and national culture, to mention a few, should be emphasized.

In conclusion, various measures can be implemented to tackle the problems that are certain to arise as the crime rate increases.